Chapter CLXXIV: Restless and Hungry
Let me tell you another secret of the trade
It feels like sinking when I'm standing in one place
So I look to the future and I book another flight
When everything feels heavy, I've learned to travel light
But I want to be here, truly be here
To watch the ones that I love bloom
And I want to make room
To love them through and through and through
And through the slow and barren seasons too
I feel hope
Deep in my bones
Tomorrow will be beautiful
And I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready
Restless and hungry
I'm ready for whatever comes next
"Seven"
Sleeping At Last
~
LUCY:
The twins were making me nervous. More and more, they whispered behind their hands to each other. More and more, I'd catch one or both of them staring at me. More and more, they'd get mail at breakfast and hurry from the Great Hall together. More and more, when they were actually in the mood to talk to anyone other than each other, they asked me questions.
"Moody's your legal guardian now, right?"
"How exactly do you control that magic you do with your hands?"
"What's the wildest accidental magic you did as a kid?"
"Any plans for the summer?"
They were relentless. I answered their questions and asked plenty of my own. They never answered mine. They'd just smirk or smile or some combination of the two and ruffle my hair or kiss my cheek before telling me not to worry and to trust the process. I had no idea what they meant by any of it, so I had no choice but to shrug and sigh and watch as they hurried off to talk about Merlin-knows-what, just the two of them again.
I was really convinced that they were planning a massive prank for their birthday and wanted my help, but when the morning of their birthday arrived and they hadn't said anything, I realized — with no small amount of dread — that they must have had something else in mind.
I could tell that I was not the only person expecting the twins to put on a performance for their birthday. It seemed the whole school was on edge when I made my way down to the Great Hall. Their seats were empty, but to my surprise, someone had already placed two packages in the spots where they always sat. I glanced at the tags on each and realized it was Henry's handwriting, and, surely enough, he was trying rather hard not to grin when I glanced over at the Hufflepuff table. That was interesting.
Henry caught my eye, and a wad of parchment the size of my fist soared through the air. I snatched it out of the air easily and cocked my head at him in confusion.
"Open it," he mouthed, "trust me."
When I did so, a handful of ear plugs dropped into my palm. The parchment simply read Pass these out to the people around you and plug your ears. You'll be glad you did, I reckon.
I glanced at Henry again. "What?"
He merely grinned, nodded at my hand, and resumed his conversation with Martin and Emily.
"What're those, Lu?" Harry asked.
"Henry says we need these," I replied, glancing somewhat apprehensively at the packages on either side of me. "I don't know what he has planned, but I think we ought to trust him."
Only a couple of seconds after we'd all plugged our ears, the twins arrived. Everyone in the Great Hall turned to look at them, but they weren't bearing any obvious Fanged Frisbees or Dungbombs or anything else of the sort so conversation resumed again.
I opened my mouth to wish the twins happy birthday as soon as they sat down on either side of me, but before I got the chance, the packages on the table suddenly burst open.
"I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU'D GET THE FIRST LAUGH TODAY—" Henry's voice shouted from Fred's box.
"—BUT I SINCERELY HOPE I'VE BEATEN YOU TO IT!" George's box continued.
"AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOUR FRIENDS TURN EIGHTEEN—"
"—AND IT'S YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY AT SCHOOL—"
"—SO I FIGURED I'D TRY PRANKING THE PRANKSTERS—"
"—FOR ONCE, SO—"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the boxes finished in unison.
The boxes launched themselves off the table and hovered over each twin's head. Then, they exploded. All of a sudden, both boys were covered from head to toe in yellow and black glitter, and a couple of small fireworks went off around us.
I cast a worried glance up at the staff table, worried Umbridge would do something horrible, but to my surprise, she hadn't come down to the Great Hall yet. It was then that I let myself join in the uproarious laughter.
The twins practically hurdled the Gryffindor table to get to Henry. He was cracking up even when they tackled him in an attempt to rub as much glitter off as possible, and as I glanced around the Great Hall, everyone else seemed equally amused.
I tugged the ear plugs out of my ears and grinned at everyone else as they did the same. "Well, that was a brilliant start to the day."
Ron nodded, eyes wide. "Pranking the pranksters. That was awfully bold of Henry."
"He was really excited about it," Neville said. "I happened to be in their common room when he successfully applied the Howler charms to the Walkmans."
"Oh, so that's how he did it!" I pulled George's box closer to inspect it. Sure enough, there was a Walkman in there, along with a note promising that there was actual music on the device, not just more of Henry yelling. "Henry's brilliant, honestly. Very creative with his application of charms. I can see why he and the twins have grown so close, the twins being the charms geniuses they are." I sighed. "Something tells me this day is only beginning."
I was certainly correct, but not because the twins had a prank planned. To everyone's surprise, the twins didn't do anything wild during the school day, other than leaving the glitter on their robes instead of making an effort to remove it. That night in the common room, we really gave post-victory Quidditch parties a run for their money in terms of how much fun everyone had.
Henry, obviously, was invited — it was the poor soul's first Gryffindor party. I don't know if he was more surprised by the twins' many product demonstrations, the massive Exploding Snap tournament in the middle of the room, the fireworks going off above our heads periodically, or the fact that Harry and Ron were playing chess while I watched and Hermione studied, the four of us somewhat shielded from the chaos by a silencing charm.
His face contorted in confusion when he crossed the barrier. "I suppose that explains why you've been so unfazed by the explosions every couple of minutes."
"It helps everyone concentrate," I explained with a shrug. The real reason for it was that the full moon was four nights away, but Henry obviously didn't need to know that. "I promise we actually participate in parties."
"I'm sure you do," he said, lowering himself to the ground next to me and taking a swig of butterbeer, "but I can't blame you for, ah, needing a bit of a break from the action. Merlin, this is insane. In a good way, of course, everyone's having a lot of fun. I haven't seen so many people having so much fun in a long time. Leave it to the twins, I suppose."
I nodded. "They have a way. You were brilliant this morning, by the way. I hope you're prepared for revenge now, though. They'll come for you."
"I hope they do," he replied. "I'd like to see them try. Should make our last couple months here a bit more interesting."
"To say the least! You were lucky Umbridge wasn't in the Great Hall when the boxes activated."
Henry grinned. "Lucky?"
"Er, yeah, lucky. Merlin knows what would have happened if she'd seen it all. Reckon she would have been in a right state."
"Lucky?" he asked again, grin widening.
I was struggling to keep up with him, but fortunately, Harry wasn't. "What did you do?" he inquired as he glanced up from the chess board.
"I might have asked Peeves to keep her occupied until the last five minutes of breakfast," Henry replied. He chuckled. "It would seem that the twins have spoken highly enough of me to Peeves for him to want to help me cause a bit of mischief."
Harry grinned. "Brilliant."
"Oh Merlin, twin incoming," I muttered.
George barreled through the silencing charm, grinning from ear to ear. "Hey, Henry, we need a volunteer for this next product demonstration. Interested?"
"Er, sure, but wouldn't Lucy be better equipped for that? She knows more than I do."
"I love the girl, but I think you're the perfect person for this, Mr. Furls," he replied as he hauled Henry to his feet and started dragging him away. As soon as Henry's back was turned, George tossed a small wrapped candy behind his back.
Harry grabbed it and passed it to me. "You look like you need a reinforcement."
I nodded and popped the hypothermia candy into my mouth. It had the most powerful minty punch I'd ever tasted, to the point where I could feel it travel all the way down my throat. A bit of the creeping fever subsided instantly, but I knew it would be about an hour before the magic reached a sort of equilibrium and I was a normal temperature again.
I still wasn't entirely sure how exactly the hypothermia candy worked, but I did know it was one of the most complicated inventions the twins had ever managed to create. Never before had there been any type of magic strong enough to keep the monster at bay, but somehow, the hypothermia candy managed to win if I consumed enough of it. It made my stomach hurt and my head spin and my heart race, as the magic in the candy pushed back against the lycanthrope magic, but it was worth it to not have my face noticeably flushed. It dulled my senses a bit, too, which made my magic weaker and my reactions slower, but that was another welcome change because it made everything a bit less overwhelming.
I spaced out watching the chess game, to the point where Harry had to lay a gentle hand on my knee to get my attention.
"You alright?" he asked.
I nodded, blinking hard to try to force away the fog. "Bit tired."
"I know. I'll head to bed too, if you don't want it to look suspicious."
"I can study in the dormitory," Hermione piped up. "I was just about to head up there myself. C'mon, Lucy, let's go."
"Night," I mumbled to Ron and Harry as I followed Hermione to the dormitory. Once the door was closed behind us, I sighed. "Thanks for coming with me. You're sure you don't mind reading up here?"
"Are you kidding? Even with the silencing charms, it's chaos down there! The flashes were incredibly distracting, but I was afraid of looking like a stick in the mud if I left by myself before it was socially acceptable."
I grabbed my pajamas and headed off toward the shower. I turned around just before I reached the bathroom door. "You're a good friend, you know that?"
"I do my best," she replied without looking up from her book.
"I mean it," I insisted. "You were the first friend to know the truth about me and you've been helpful ever since. I don't know what I'd do without you."
At this, she glanced up, smiling a bit, maybe even beginning to turn red. "I do my best," she said again. "Now go on and shower so you can head off to bed. I think the candy's turning you a bit loopy."
"No, it's not," I protested, though I did turn around and do as she suggested, practically sleepwalking through the rest of my nightly routine before finally collapsing into bed.
It felt like I'd only been asleep for a couple of seconds when the door creaked open and soft running footsteps approached my bed. I lunged for my wand and nonverbally lit the tip of it, but the intruder was just Ginny, her face tear-streaked and pale in the wandlight.
"What's wrong?" I asked in a whisper.
She didn't answer. "Can I stay here tonight?"
"Of course." I extinguished my wand and laid it back on my nightstand, moving over so Ginny could crawl in bed next to me. She immediately buried her face against me, shaking with silent sobs. Tired though I was, I found the strength to stroke her hair to try to comfort her. "What's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare that I set the basilisk on you," she choked out. "He told me to. I didn't want to, and I was arguing with him, but you came along and it — you..."
"'M alright. Just a dream."
"Don't leave me."
"I won't, Gin, why would I?"
"I don't know, just — just don't."
A number of thoughts crossed my mind. I recalled all of the similar conversations I'd been having with Harry since Cedric had died. It was a hard promise to make, a harder one to keep, yet it was all anyone ever wanted to hear from the people they loved.
I pulled Ginny closer. "I won't. Not by choice."
She sniffled and moved closer. My answer that wasn't really an answer had to be enough for that night.
~
The night of the full moon was cloudy, but faint moonbeams still pierced through the clouds and made their way through tree covers and windows alike.
The horse and the wolf were playing with Grawp, whose massive face was twisted into a gleeful expression. He was coming to appreciate his new friends, and though he had not yet connected that the wolf was the girl with the brown hair who came to visit him sometimes and the horse was a human girl, he was beginning to get along well with his new friends whether they had four legs or two.
The twins in the tower were up to their noses in piles of books. It was the one night a month they could research freely with the guarantee that Lucy wouldn't wise up to what they were doing, so they were taking full advantage of it. Fred was reading a book about the Trace, and George was reading a book from Professor McGonagall on the risks and rewards of becoming an Animagus. Both projects were complete secrets to nearly everyone, Lucy especially.
Ron and Hermione were on their rounds, patrolling the castle for anything or anyone not where they were supposed to be. Hermione kept tripping over her shoes in her exhaustion, and Ron kept catching her. Both were worried for the girls in the forest, but they had a job to do and they had to try to do it as best as they could. The last thing they needed was to attract even more disapproval from Umbridge.
Harry couldn't sleep. He was sitting in Lucy's favorite window seat, staring at the white glow in the clouds behind which he knew the full moon was hiding its ugly face. He hadn't always thought the full moon was ugly. As a child, he'd found it quite lovely, really, but ever since he had learned what it could do to people — what it did every month to the girl he loved — he found himself cursing the moon.
A silent prayer pulsed through the group that night. Please be safe. Please be safe. Please be safe. Please be safe.
~
Friday night marked the most exciting part of the Patronus Charm lessons for Dumbledore's Army. Everyone would be trying to cast theirs for the first time.
I had been dreading it, to the point where Harry offered to help me come up with an excuse not to be there if I didn't want to go. I continued to insist, however, that I would be fine, that we'd learned the Patronus Charm together so it only made sense to teach it together until everyone there could conjure one.
We went earlier than usual that night so we could each give it a shot. Harry fired his Patronus off without difficulty, and the stag strutted around the room before vanishing into the air.
He looked at me with a small smile. "Your turn. You can do it, I know you can."
"I've done it before," I said in a voice that trembled ever so slightly. "I can do it again." I closed my eyes and steadied myself with a deep breath as I lifted my wand. The sandy shores of Lake Tahoe beneath me, the sky painted by the setting sun above me. The smell of sugar and smoke in the air. The gentle rush of the waves and the soft crackle of the fire. My brother was my brother, I didn't know otherwise. Everything was right. "Expecto patronum!"
When I opened my eyes, nothing emerged.
I sighed. "That one always worked, but... I figured this would happen."
"Try again," Harry said patiently. "There's got to be one that works."
I closed my eyes and searched the past for new happy memories.
Cedric surprising me the night before the Quidditch World Cup by coming home early. "Expecto patronum!" Nothing.
Winning the match against Hufflepuff in February. "Expecto patronum!" Nothing.
I even tried the memory of Cedric saving me from the Black Lake. It wasn't happy, necessarily, and yet, it was. But still, nothing.
"I can't, Harry," I whispered, forcing away the tears trying to surface.
"Not yet," he amended.
I shrugged. "Maybe." I sniffled hard to keep the tears as far away as I could and cleared my throat. "Anyway, tonight should be fun. Reckon anyone will get it on the first try?"
"I'm not sure. Do you have anyone in mind?"
"If I were a betting person, I'd put my Galleons on the Weasley twins," I said with a small smile. "I bet they'll have it by the end of the night, if not on the first try."
Once everyone arrived, Harry and I reviewed the basics of the Patronus Charm before setting everyone loose to begin practicing. I hurried around the room with the brightest smile I could possibly manage, determined to make sure I was so busy and so helpful nobody would ask me to demonstrate with my own Patronus. That would have been even more devastating and embarrassing than being unable to do it in front of Harry.
After about ten minutes, one loud voice could be heard over everyone's attempts at "Expecto patronum!"
"YES!" Fred roared. "Wait, what the bloody hell is that?"
Everyone's heads snapped in his direction. The creature running around Fred had four legs and a spotted coat with the face of a bear, but it was far smaller than any bear would be and I didn't think any bear species had spots.
"That's a hyena!" Hermione gasped. "They live in Africa!"
I rushed over to the nearest bookshelf and yanked a copy of The Patronus Meanings Manual free. "'Often given a bad reputation, hyenas are cunning hunters and scavengers that know what they have to do to survive in the animal kingdom. They live and hunt in packs and are very social animals. They often communicate with those in their clans by making a variety of noises, including the "laughter" they are so famous for. Hyenas are loyal, creative, and fierce. If your Patronus is a hyena, Dementors won't stand a chance!'"
"Wicked," Fred replied with a grin. "C'mon, Georgie, conjure yours so my Patronus isn't lonely!"
George screwed up his face in concentration. "Expecto patronum!"
Rather than a hyena, however, like we were all expecting, a large dog erupted from the tip of his wand.
"Oh, you've got to be bloody joking!" George exclaimed with a laugh. "This is well and truly dragon dung. Of all the ruddy creatures in the world—"
"I hate Rottweilers," Harry muttered in a voice only I could hear, coming over to help me flip to the right page. "Menaces when they want to be."
I lifted the book and read aloud, "'The Rottweiler is a calm yet confident dog that allows its environment to influence it. People with this Patronus are hard workers and protectors. With a Rottweiler Patronus, you will always be protected from Dementors.' Brilliant job, you two! Let's see who else can conjure theirs tonight!"
With that, everyone returned to practice with renewed vigor. I made my way over to George, the laughter building within me until I simply couldn't hold it back anymore.
"George Weasley, I cannot believe your Patronus is a dog!"
He grinned ruefully as it chased Fred's hyena around. "Yeah, neither can I. Far less threatening when he's all blue and shimmery, though, and I do like the sound of always being protected from Dementors."
"Fair enough." I clapped him on the shoulder. "Still, rotten luck. HA! Get it? Rott-en?"
"Oh, shove off, Diggory," George muttered, shoving my head good-naturedly as Fred laughed.
I was about to ask what memories they had used when another triumphant shout arose.
It was Ginny, who was absolutely beaming at the horse trotting around her.
"Yes, Ginny!" I called as I rushed over. "Bloody brilliant!"
She smiled knowingly at me. Her Patronus was the exact same as her Animagus form.
I flipped through the pages until I found what I needed.
"Alright, this says, 'White horses, be it mares or stallions, have come to represent warriors on the side of good in folklore and literature. White horses are also rare, making this a near one-of-a-kind Patronus for a truly special witch or wizard.' Sounds about right to me!"
Before anyone could comment further, there was a soft gasp nearby from Luna, who had a hare Patronus circling her head.
"That's great, Luna!" I exclaimed. "Let's see... hare... hare..."
"It's a mountain hare, actually," she said.
"Oh, that would explain it! Thanks! Ah, yes, here it is. 'Though small, a mountain hare is far from useless. A hare Patronus is fast and could easily dart around and between Dementors, distracting them from their target long enough to gain the upper hand. They're known to live in polar climates and mountain ranges, so someone with a mountain hare Patronus wouldn't be a stranger to adversity.'"
Luna smiled serenely and became lost in thought as she watched her Patronus hop around.
That night, no one else was able to cast a corporeal Patronus, though everyone was able to form at least a bit of a shield. Harry and I let everyone know that we would keep working on Patronuses during the next meeting and not to worry if they hadn't been able to produce a corporeal Patronus yet.
"Lu, d'you want to stay and work on yours more?" Harry asked softly once almost everyone had left.
I shook my head. "No, it's alright."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
Harry frowned.
I sighed. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like — that."
"You were able to cast a corporeal Patronus before I could, and now you can't conjure anything at all. Am I not allowed to worry?"
"No, you're not."
It was Harry's turn to sigh.
We were silent for a moment, neither of us looking at the other.
Suddenly, Harry reached over and tugged the book from my hands. He flipped through the pages until he found what he wanted.
"The bear is indicative of someone with a great reserve of patience and inner strength," he read aloud in a soft voice. "Bears do often well in leadership roles, though are more than content alone, happily spending their time in reflection and contemplation. They are confident, stable people that others may gravitate to in trying times for stability and healing. Though their quiet nature and tendency to spend time away from the crowd can lead to others thinking they are stern or anti-social, bears are often friendly and curious, and can surprise even those that know them best with something they didn't think of. Brown bears are known to be the 'warriors' of the bear archetype, standing their ground and facing danger to protect others or do what they believe is right, not backing down no matter the danger."
By the time he finished, my face felt as if it would burn off despite the chill in my bones lingering from the previous night's full moon.
Harry grinned shyly and looked at me. "You're still you, even if you can't conjure your little friend yet. Well, big friend, more like."
"Big friend," I repeated, still flustered. "Right. Er, what about the stag?"
"Let's see. Stag... oh, here. 'The stag is a symbol of strength. A person with this Patronus is characterized for their inclination to heroism and nobility. Usually, people who produce this Patronus are confident in their capabilities and hold pride in their actions and beliefs. The stag's antlers can grow back once they fall off. Because of this characteristic, this animal has been revered in many traditions as a symbol of life regeneration.'"
I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, that fits."
Harry's face was completely red. "Well, good meeting, we ought to head back to the common room now, yeah?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, still laughing. "C'mon, Mr. Heroism and Nobility, this is no time to be shy!"
"Oh, shut up, Miss Patience and Inner Strength."
"You should re-read the stag description, I don't remember 'insufferable git' being part of the job description."
"And I don't recall reading the words 'insomniac prat' in the brown bear description, funny enough." Harry grinned at me, a strangely happy look in his eyes. "Don't worry, Lu. You'll be able to conjure a Patronus soon enough. You just need a memory happy enough to do it."
"Does this mean you're volunteering your services?" I asked, suddenly bold.
"I'll do what I can," he replied. And when we walked out side-by-side, there was a new determination in his step.
Oh, sweet Merlin, I wondered, what have I gotten myself into?
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