It's bittersweet to think about the damage that we do
'Cause I was going down, but I was doing it with you
Yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made
But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Oh, look what we became

All the things I did
Just so I could call you mine
All the things you did
Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

"favorite crime"
Olivia Rodrigo

~

HARRY:

I had an uncomfortable feeling in a pit of my stomach for the entirety of the day after Valentine's Day. Reliving the night Cedric died had been horrible. Lucy's contribution had made me feel even worse. On top of everything, the way my relationship with Cho seemed to be hanging in the balance was disorienting, and I truthfully just wanted the world to stop for a moment. The day passed in a whirlwind of anxious O.W.L.-level classes, though, meaning I never really got the chance to catch my breath.

At dinner, Cho walked in without looking at me and sat down with her back firmly to the Gryffindor table. I sighed and figured I should mention to the people nearby what I had done in the Three Broomsticks the day before.

Dean's eyes widened. "Can't wait to see what Umbridge thinks of you going public."

"It was the right thing to do, Harry," Neville said.

Seamus offered no comment, but I knew he was listening.

"It must have been... tough... talking about it," Neville continued. "Was it?"

"Yeah, but people have got to know what Voldemort's capable of, haven't they?" I replied.

Neville nodded emphatically. "That's right... and his Death Eaters too... people should know."

"Was Lucy there too?" George asked. "For all of her talk of studying, I didn't see her in the common room when Alicia and I got back yesterday afternoon."

"She was there," I said with a nod. "She talked to Rita Skeeter a bit once practice ended."

"Speaking of, I hope that's sooner than later," Fred commented. He glanced up at the ceiling. "As fun as it is playing in thunderstorms, it would be unfortunate if someone got electrocuted before Saturday."

George shoved one last mouthful of food into his mouth before rising to his feet. "Let's go see if we can convince Angelina to end practice. You're right, electrocution wouldn't help our chances against Hufflepuff."

They disappeared, and Neville and Dean and Seamus left shortly thereafter. Hermione glanced over at the Ravenclaw table and spotted Cho.

"Oh, I forgot to ask you! What happened on your date with Cho? How come you were back so early?"

I bit back a sigh. "Er... well... it was... a complete fiasco, truthfully."

I repeated the story for Hermione. When I'd told Lucy the story, she hadn't made me feel stupid in the slightest. She'd been understanding, and honest in a gentle, almost shy, almost apologetic way. Hermione, however, had no such reservations in her evaluation of the events of the previous day.

She sighed heavily. "Oh, Harry. Well, I'm sorry, but you were a bit tactless."

"Me, tactless? One minute we were getting on fine, next minute she was telling me that Roger Davies asked her out, and how she used to go and snog Cedric in that stupid tea shop!" I burst out. "How was I supposed to feel about that?"

"Well, you see, you shouldn't have told her that you wanted to meet me halfway through your date."

"But — but — you told me to meet you at twelve and to bring her along, how was I supposed to do that without telling her—?"

"You should have told her differently. You should have said it was really annoying, but I'd made you promise to come along to the Three Broomsticks, and you really didn't want to go, you'd much rather spend the whole day with her, but unfortunately you thought you really ought to meet me and would she please, please come along with you, and hopefully you'd be able to get away more quickly? And it might have been a good idea to mention how ugly you think I am too."

"But I don't think you're ugly," I said, thoroughly baffled.

"Harry, you're worse than Ron," she replied with a loud laugh. Her laughter died away when he appeared at the entrance of the Great Hall, covered in mud. Lucy and Ginny were with him as well, equally muddy. "Well, no, you're not worse than Ron. Look — you upset Cho when you said you were going to meet me, so she tried to make you jealous. It was her way of trying to find out how much you liked her."

I shook my head incredulously as the three muddied Quidditch players dropped into their seats. "Is that what she was doing?" I glanced at Lucy. "You didn't mention that."

"Didn't think of it," she replied. "I was more concerned with the way she seems to set you up for failure every time you're together. I mean, surely by now she realizes you don't enjoy talking about my brother, so I don't understand why she keeps bringing him up."

"Right? Exactly." I turned to Hermione. "Wouldn't it have been easier if she'd just asked me whether I liked her better than you, instead of trying to make me jealous, or whatever it was she was doing?"

"Girls don't often ask questions like that," she said with a shrug.

"Well, they should. Then I could've just told her I fancy her, and she wouldn't have had to get herself all worked up again about Cedric dying! I know I'll never be able to compete with him, so I don't know why—"

"I'm not saying what she did was sensible, I'm just trying to make you see how she was feeling at the time," Hermione interrupted.

"You should write a book translating mad things girls do so boys can understand them," Ron said.

I nodded my agreement, sighed, and finished off my goblet of pumpkin juice. I set it down with a thud and drummed my fingers against the table a couple of times before speaking again. "Well, between what you just said and what Lucy told me yesterday, I think I ought to call it off."

Everyone froze, except for Ginny, who began choking on her potatoes to the extent that Lucy had to whack her on the back.

"What?" Ginny managed once she stopped coughing.

"You just said you fancy her," Hermione said, looking at me as if I'd gone mental.

"Well, yes, I do, but—" I glanced at Lucy for support. "That doesn't matter if I don't make her happy, and seeing as she cries every time the two of us are together, I clearly don't."

Ginny looked between Lucy and me a couple of times. "Well... that makes sense to me," she said finally. "Just a bit surprising at first."

"When were you, ah, planning on doing that?" Ron asked.

I shrugged. "Tomorrow, maybe. I don't know. Anyway, how was practice?"

"We all stayed on our brooms this time, which was nice," Ginny said with a pointed look at the other two.

Ron reddened but didn't say anything. Lucy studied him for a moment before turning to me.

"We talked a bit about priorities on the Pitch, and it seemed to help practice go more smoothly," she added. "We aren't sure how Saturday will go, but we've done our best with the crappy hand dealt to us, and, well, losing to Henry would be better than losing to Slytherin or Ravenclaw."

"D'you reckon there'll be scouts at the match?" Ginny asked.

Lucy turned to her and stared for a long moment, a smile toying with the corners of her mouth even though Ginny's face remained completely neutral.

"You know," Lucy said after a moment, "I think there will be. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," she muttered, returning to her potatoes as her face flushed.

After dinner, Ginny and Lucy and Ron all disappeared to shower away the mud, so Hermione and I made our way to the common room to start on our mountains of homework. We had just started when the twins returned and filled in the seats where Ron and Lucy typically landed.

"Are they not back yet?" George asked.

"No, they are, just showering," Hermione replied. "Why are you just now getting back?"

Fred sighed. "We stayed behind to talk to Angelina. She's a bit of a nervous wreck over it all."

"Why?" I asked. "Everything's going well, isn't it?"

"Oh, it is," George said. "Very well. She's just worried it's not going well enough to secure the victory on Saturday."

Hermione peered at the twins over her stack of books. "Has Ron saved a goal yet?"

"Well, he can do it if he doesn't think anyone's watching him, so all we have to do is ask the crowd to turn their backs and talk among themselves every time the Quaffle goes up his end on Saturday," Fred answered. "I know Lucy's spent quite a bit of time talking to him, especially after yesterday's disaster, but he's still..." He jumped up and began pacing back and forth. "You know, Quidditch was about the only thing in this place worth staying for."

"You've got exams coming!" Hermione exclaimed, looking scandalized.

Fred shook his head. "Told you already, we're not fussed about N.E.W.T.s. The Snackboxes are ready to roll, we found out how to get rid of those boils, just a couple of drops of murtlap essence does the trick, Lee put us onto it."

"Does that mean they'll be ready come March? For Lucy?" I asked.

George nodded. "We've just about got the hypothermia one sorted, too. I just hope it works for her, without any, er, complications because of the condition." He glanced out the window. "Merlin, if Zacharias Smith beats us, I might have to kill myself."

"Kill him, more like," Fred muttered.

"We've already hexed him," Lucy said whenshe appeared, sliding into the seat Fred had vacated, "so I suppose that would be a natural progression."

"That's the trouble with Quidditch, it creates all this bad feeling and tension between the Houses," Hermione remarked. When no one replied to her — we were all too busy staring at her in disbelief — she glanced up. "Well, it does! It's only a game, isn't it?"

I shook my head. "Hermione, you're good with feelings and whatnot, but you don't understand about Quidditch."

She huffed and returned to her work. "Maybe not, but at least my happiness doesn't depend on Ron's goalkeeping ability."

"It's not that, not for me anyway," Lucy said as she dipped her quill into her inkwell and began writing. "Flying is as easy for me as breathing. Besides, I've found I enjoy Beater more than Chaser, so I'm looking forward to going out there and proving to everyone that I'm my own person even if I still have Cedric's last name on my back."

"Well, it's your last name too, Cub," George replied.

Lucy didn't falter before nodding, though she didn't look up from her parchment. "I know. Still. Maybe after Saturday, I can be just Lucy, instead of Lucy Diggory. That last name carries more weight now than it ever has before, now that I'm — I'm the last one." She swallowed hard, still not looking up. "I'd rather not be tied down by it. I'd rather just be Lucy for a time."

I reached my foot out under the table and lightly stepped on her toes. She looked up at me for a second, her eyes clouded with tears. An unspoken multitude passed between us in that second, and she looked back down.

"Let's just say, given the chance, I won't hesitate to send a Bludger flying in the direction of Zacharias Smith," Lucy said with a grin. "Beater has its perks, that's for sure."

"Yeah, wait, did you say you prefer Beater to Chaser?" I asked, suddenly remembering that small comment thrown into her mini monologue earlier.

Lucy looked up from her essay again, still grinning. "Yeah, actually, I do. It's great. I've known for years I'm more of a protector than anything. Beater just seems to suit me in a way Chaser never really did."

"Well, you're still a damn good Chaser," Fred said with a somewhat incredulous look. "We all thought you and Ginny'd both play Chaser once Angie and Alicia graduate?"

"I enjoy Beater more than Chaser," Lucy said again. "I'll just practice like hell with Ginny over summer so I'm as good at Beater as I was at Chaser. I stand by what I said, though, I think Beater suits me."

George nodded thoughtfully. "You've certainly taken to it. Ginny too, of course, but especially you."

"I did learn from the best," she replied with a fond smile.

Something about her smile made me wish it had been directed at me and not George. I bowed my head and started working on my essay again to dispel the strange feeling that was creeping into my chest.

~

Friday morning, I found myself awake altogether too early. It had been a sleepless night. I needed to talk to Cho. I just didn't know what to say. I knew that Lucy or Hermione or Ginny or even Ron would be more than willing to help if I asked — they had all seemed surprised by my announcement at dinner, but not particularly disappointed — but I wanted whatever I said to be my own, messy and confusing though it would inevitably be.

Once I saw the sun begin to rise, I crawled out of bed and got ready for the day with hands that trembled ever so slightly. I was sure I'd be the only Gryffindor awake at such an hour, but to my surprise, the common room wasn't empty. Hermione, Lucy, Dean, and Parvati were sitting in a loose circle in front of the fireplace, a couple of textbooks spread out in the middle. Lucy was the first to notice me, and she smiled immediately.

"Hi, Harry. What are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask you the same question," I replied, walking over to the group.

"Oh, just getting a bit of studying in before the day starts." Lucy looked up at me, and something shifted in her expression as I got closer. "I'm rather hungry, though," she said. "I think these three can handle reviewing the piggy bank to guinea pig transfiguration just fine without me."

Dean smiled and nodded. "We can handle it. Go on and eat."

Lucy donned her schoolbag and gestured for me to follow her out of the portrait hole. As soon as we were alone, she turned to me.

"Nervous about talking to Cho?"

I nodded. "I just don't know what to say without sounding like a prick. I can't exactly go, 'Hey, you bringing up your dead boyfriend really depresses the mood and I think dumping you will help us both.'"

Lucy laughed. "I mean, everything you just said is true."

"Well, according to Hermione, girls like a roundabout approach instead of just asking direct questions or getting direct answers," I said with a huff. "Do you really think she mentioned Roger Davies just to make me jealous?"

"It's certainly possible," she said in a slightly strange voice. "Jealousy is a bizarre motivator, but it's somewhat common. I've always thought of it as an incredibly deceptive and unreliable way of getting someone's attention, but there are — er — others who might disagree. I — er — yeah, I don't know, it's likely that she intended to make you jealous, but, well, you kind of missed her point."

"That's a very roundabout way of calling me dumb," I replied teasingly.

Lucy flushed. "No! I wasn't trying to — you're not dumb." She slapped a hand to her forehead. "I was going to try to make a point about how not all girls are like that, but sometimes people act in unusual ways when romance is involved. Trust me, the number of conversations with Lavender about her relationship with Seamus... you're not the only person to fall victim to roundabout means of achieving an obscure end goal, and it's not just girls who speak in riddles sometimes. But, well, that's not important." Lucy shook her head. "Just be honest with her, Harry. You can tell her that you two just had different expectations of the relationship and you realized you can't meet hers so you think it should end."

I nodded slowly. "You're right. I doubt it'll come out quite that eloquent, but I'll give it a shot."

"I would hardly call words from my mouth 'eloquent,'" she muttered. She looked up, froze, grabbed the sleeve of my robe, and pulled me back around the corner. "She's about to walk into the Great Hall. Do you want to catch her now, or try to catch her later?"

I sighed. "I should do it now. Delaying it won't make it any better."

"Just be yourself and be honest and everything will work out," Lucy said earnestly. "I'll wait in the Great Hall for you. Good luck."

With that, she pushed me back out into the corridor. My stomach was turning somersaults, but I knew what I had to do.

"Cho?" I called. "Cho?"

She turned, long black hair whipping behind her, and her friend beside her, Marietta, turned too.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Cho, can we talk for a bit? Er, alone?"

Cho nodded, several emotions flickering across her face in rapid succession. We walked down the corridors in silence until we reached a quiet corner of the castle.

She was standing close. Too close. I backed up a bit and put my hands in my pockets.

"Look, I, er—" I stammered. "I'm sorry Valentine's Day was such a disaster. I was looking forward to it, but I think it's fair to say neither of us was happy with how it turned out."

Cho frowned, bitterness dripping from her tone. "I certainly wasn't. Sorry I got in the way of your date with Hermione."

"It wasn't a—" I reined in my temper with some effort and tried again. "It wasn't a date with Hermione. We—"

"Lucy, then?" she asked, eyes flashing.

I shook my head. "No. Not a date with Lucy either. Both girls were there, but you were my Valentine's date." I exhaled sharply through my nose. "Look, it wasn't a date at all. Hermione set up a meeting with Rita Skeeter so I could tell her my story so that maybe everyone will start to learn the truth about Cedric."

That made her freeze. Her eyes started to well with tears, but I didn't want her to cry again, so I kept going.

"Lucy was there too because she was affected by his death just as much as you were, most likely even more."

"So you can talk to Rita Skeeter and Lucy about it all, but not me?" she asked as the tears started streaming down her face.

I offered a weak shrug. "I'm sorry. I know you just want to talk about him with me, but I just can't — I know you're constantly comparing me to him every time we're together, and I'm sorry, but I can't be Cedric. Trust me, I — I've tried. I just don't make you happy the way he did."

Cho opened and closed her mouth, but no sound came out. The tears started falling harder and harder, but still she said nothing.

"I want to break up," I said finally. "I just want you to be happy, and I know you're not happy with me. You cry every time we're alone together, and if you're expecting me to talk about Cedric, act like Cedric, or be Cedric... I'm sorry, but I just can't do that."

After a couple more agonizing seconds of silence, Cho finally found her voice. "I just — I just — I just miss him so much and no one else understands like you do since you saw him... you know..."

"I know. Trust me, I — I know. I see it sometimes in my nightmares, I see it sometimes while I'm wide awake. I can't go back and change it, and I can't seem to forget it either, but — but I don't necessarily go out of my way to be reminded of it, either, and with you always wanting to talk about it, I... this won't work."

"How does Lucy not remind you of it all?" she asked desperately. "I can't even — I can't even look at her, let alone talk to her. Everything about her reminds me of him."

"Cedric was always more or less just Lucy's brother to me," I replied, "but it sounds like Lucy's only Cedric's sister to you."

Cho blinked as the realization set in.

"It's nothing personal against you, Cho, I promise. I'm not breaking up with you because I hate you or think you're horrible. And I don't blame you for wanting to talk about it with me, and I can't blame you for comparing me to him because it sounds like he really loved you, but I just can't do this."

Cho blinked again, fresh tears coming to her eyes. "Do you love me, Harry?"

I gnawed on my lower lip. "I — I don't think so. I'm sorry. I think you're beautiful and smart and all of that, but I — Cedric loved you in a way I don't think I can. I'm sorry."

"Oh." Cho's breath was coming in sobs and gasps. "I — that — that makes sense."

"I'm sorry," I said again.

She forcefully swiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Me too," she replied icily. "Goodbye, Harry."

With that, Cho turned on her heel and stomped away, leaving me standing alone in the hallway. I watched her go with a mixture of frustration and disappointment and even a bit of relief. I had wanted her for so long, only to find that, well, she hadn't been what I wanted at all. Maybe if she'd never dated Cedric, maybe if she'd had a different friend who would listen to her talking about Cedric so she didn't feel like she had to bring it up with me, maybe if everyone actually believed me and I'd gotten the chance to talk about that night sooner — maybe everything would have been different. But she had dated Cedric, she had felt the need to talk about him with me, and I'd been slandered in the Daily Prophet for months without being given a chance to tell the story until, ironically, the day of our fateful date.

I shook my head slowly, feeling cold and empty yet, again, a bit relieved. I wasn't sure if I'd ever understand the way girls worked, but maybe over time I'd start to learn how to handle it all better, the tears and the jealousy as well as what made girls happy. Girls other than Lucy, anyway — I'd always managed alright with her.

After a couple of minutes, I started making my way to the Great Hall. I was halfway there when Lucy suddenly rounded the corner.

"Cho came back and you didn't," she explained with a shrug before I could even ask why she was there. "Are you alright?"

I nodded. "Fine. It didn't feel good, but... I know it was the right decision."

"I think so too," Lucy said.

"She asked me if I loved her," I said, my head still feeling a bit woolly.

Lucy cocked her head. "What did you say?"

"I said I didn't think so. Was that the right thing to say?"

"Was it true?"

"Yeah. It was."

"Then it was the right thing to say," Lucy assured me. She smiled gently. "I'm proud of you. That was hard, but you did it, and I think it'll be for the best in the long run. Now come on—" She jerked her head backward in the direction of the Great Hall. "—the bacon is cooked to perfection today and Angelina wants us all to eat well before tomorrow."

So I followed her back to the Great Hall, letting her fill the silence with excited chatter about Quidditch, feeling a bit lighter with every step away from the Cho chapter of my story. The next page was blank, but I was ready to fill it with whatever adventure awaited me next.