The river of sensory trickles down a stream of rocks and stones, flowing through the nooks of troubled thoughts, and into the ever moving process that never stops, only slows.

From the start, this, thing, was meant to happen between them. The sultry looks, and subtle glances, the soft touch of the hand. They found themselves at a impasse.

It's been about a month since that kiss, and well.

Richie sits in his living room, waiting for Eddie to arrive for another one of their 'guys nights' And sure, yes, Richie feels insanely bad about the sneaking around, the cheating. Shit he's been cheated on as well, he knows the terrible feeling of it, and here he was being an asshole. But at the same time.

Well it's just, after that kiss, they stopped there. Richie at least had the foresight to say, hey! Let's not sleep with each other in the house you and your fiancé share! Because you know, dick move. And, after that, every weekend, Eddie would come and meet up with Richie, and they'd hang out, talk more, flirt more— and sure maybe halfway through the movies they'd watch they'd make out, but it never went farther then that! Boy Scouts honor! He nervously smoked the last of his cigarette's, holding them between his lips, watching the ash flutter away from the end of the cancer stick, and down to his floor. He should clean that- Eddie doesn't like messes—

Richie could control himself, really! Once Eddie got here, he could be responsible, tell Eddie, 'hey man, we should really just try and focus on being friends!' Yeah, that's the right thing to do. He wiped the floor down, proud in his new found conviction.

It just kinda sucks cause the moment Eddie walks in through his door Richie has his tongue down the man's throat before he can even say hello.

It's like a ticking time bomb of excitement rummaging through his nerves, a shotgun blast with a gunpowder barrel packed tight full of nothing but SEX SEX SEX- He presses Eddie up against the back of his sofa, it's clunky and almost knocks Eddie down, but totally worth it. He can faintly smell cologne on the brunette, as he began tilting his head to the side and slotting his fingers into the curve of Eddie's jaw. His skin is soft. He tastes like mint. Eddie returns the favor by tilting his head the other way, deepening the kiss- which essentially is just Richie shoving his tongue deeper inside his mouth. Eddie's lip quivers, but he presses up to Richie with the same vigor. Excitement shoots up Richie's spine and he shivers with contemplative wanting.

This is WRONG. Eddie is engaged!

This isn't some shady bar, with darkened windows and smoke swirling beneath the dim lights, crowds holed up in corners, strangers sliding their mouths over each other's necks and whispering breathless promises of what the rest of the night had to come, after drink after drink after drink- pennies rattling in bottomless pockets, bellies filled with excitement, lust. If Richie slept with a married man he didn't know, that's one thing, a mistake, people make those. But no, he KNOWS Eddie's engaged, he KNOWS Eddie's fiancé personally too.

This was so fucked.

'Yeah no shit dipshit, you say that every damn time you blue balls yourself after one of these fucking debacles. You knew this would happen in just a matter of time— now it's just the matter of. How are ya gonna do it?'

Richie slotted his thigh between Eddie's legs, causing the other man to suddenly gasp. He clutched onto Richie's shoulders like he was the only lifeline in the world. His body was warm, it made his skin pimple with goosebumps at just the feeling of the smooth skin down Eddie's neck. He trailed the tips of his fingers down to the collar of the man's shirt, and slowly began unbuttoning the garment. It was ironed, it smelled fresh and tidy, it was clean. And it just made Richie want to ruin it even more.

Eddie breathed out, his breath caught in the back of his throat, freezing a bit once Richie reached the halfway mark. And for a split second Richie thinks he did something wrong. That was until Eddie's mouth suddenly was attacking his neck. He groaned, soft wet pillowy lips running over his throat and curious teeth nipping at the juncture above his Adam's apple. Richie becomes almost too distracted that he forgets to keep removing Eddie's shirt, until the man snickers at him, "keep going." Eddie encouraged against Richie's skin, his tongue doing devilish things even with a voice like an angel. His voice. His laugh. His smile. Fuck everything about him made Richie melt. He was defenseless to this man, even in the middle of his living room pressed up against the back of a couch.

He could feel Eddie's hands running down his spine, resting at the small of Richie's back and pulling him closer. He was like a nibble musician, playing the melody of Richies soft gasps as a awakened lullaby.

Richie tried to catch his breath, but he was severely turned on- and. And. Well. There was a bulge. Oh. And it wasn't Richie's. It was pretty obvious. He could feel it press against his thigh. And he blushed. RICHIE ACTUALLY BLUSHED, like a fucking 12 year old. Common he's had sex with plenty of guys. So what about feeling Eddie's erection that was so embarrassing?

'Familiar'

He now suddenly wanted to know what they did as teenagers.

Still they never seemed to slow down. With the front door firmly closed behind them, they slowly made their way to Richie's bedroom. They left their shoes in the hall, along with their quiet echoing laughs, or slow kisses down each other's necks. They kissed hard, running their tongues over the roofs of each other's mouths. Richie licked behind Eddie's teeth, maneuvering his tongue in every nook and cranny, making a mental log of what it felt like, he wanted to lick every inch of Eddie Kaspbrak. Taste anything he could sink his teeth into. He bit down at his bottom lip as he pushed Eddie down over to his bed. (One that he specifically had made this morning for... reasons. He wasn't PLANNING on sleeping with Eddie.... but he also wasn't.. not planning.)

He could feel Eddie's hot laboring breath dance over his skin like a mantra of silent promises, and for once his brain shut up. It was quiet, the only thing consuming his thoughts was the beautiful way Eddie trembled under his grip. He ran his hands through Eddie's hair, and leaned over to nip at his earlobe, causing the man to make the best fucking noise Richie is sure he's ever heard in his life.

With Eddie's shirt is wide open, his chest lean and toned, Richie takes this as an opportunity to press his hand against the man's stomach and trails the touch up his chest, placing his hand over his heart. He could feel how hard it was thumping against his chest: excitement or fear? Though with their history, those two things may have melded together overtime.

'NOW HERES THE GAME PLAN RICHARD. You gotta get into his pants! And rock his worl— woah woah woah what is he doing—'

Say it outloud dumbass.

"Woah, Woah, uh what are you doing?" Richie suddenly asked, feeling almost breathless as Eddie reached for Richie's pants and began to unbuckle them. "Uh.. undressing you?" Eddie said like it wasn't rocket science. Well. Richie supposes it wasn't.

'Technically your dick COULD be called a rocke-'

Please shut up brain.

Still. He didn't know why but he was suddenly having stage fright.

"I- I. I uh-"

There's this pause, Eddie stops, and Richie can suddenly hear everything. The uncomfortable rumble of his old beaten down AC unit. The springs in his box frame shifting around under them as Eddie moves back, his eyes locked onto Richie.

"Are you a Virgin?" Eddie asks bluntly, but it was kind, Richie could tell, he could see the subtle knitting between his eyebrows, the slight dip of the corner of his lips, the tentative and patient look in his eyes. The gentle way he asks the question.

"WHAT? No!" Richie answers quickly, all high pitched and almost out of breath, offended Eddie would think that.

"Sorry sorry." Eddie answered back, but he had a cheeky grin on his face. He was.. flushed red, slightly embarrassed. For some reason that calms Richie's nerves just a bit.

"Let's just take it slower." Richie finally finds the courage to say, and Eddie just smiles and nods. Of course, what was Richie so worried about? Eddie was going to take it at whatever pace he needed. Still he was surprised, Eddie was the confident one, he was fearless, and never backed down from a challenge, it was almost as if he was-

"Brave." Richie said, staring at Eddie.

'Click' the cogs begin to slowly turn, they squeak, and whine annoyingly, he just needed the grease them up a bit.

"What?" Eddie asked softly, his head tilting the way it always did..

"You're brave Eds." Richie whispered, shocked.

And Eddie just stared at him like he had two heads. "Don't call me that! And.. Where is this coming from..?" He asked again, voice gentle, wondering why they suddenly stopped pouncing on each other. And normally Richie would too but..

He adds oil to the mechanism that is his brain, each little fucked up, bent and stupid little screw slowly turning, it almost gave him a head splitting headache.. and suddenly, the wheel that hadn't been turning for years, began to move, and a whole new motor shuts on. Memories.

"I remember." Richie added, his voice not completely there, just a whisp in the air.

"What?"

"I remember. I remember when we were kid's Eds."

There is a pause, like Eddie was still trying to get out of that horny daze and actually properly use his brain, for ya know, thinking.

"Like.. everything?"

"I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Look-" he said, pointing down at his wrist, at the tattoo he shared with Mike.

Yes. Mike. That's who that was.

"The lucky seven." Richie said, letting Eddie stare down at the words.

"There's you, me, Beverly, Bill, Mike, uh Ben, and-"

"Stan." Eddie finishes for him, in a voice that's so small, he almost didn't hear it. Richie's eyes slowly move up to meet Eddie's. And he can see it. The wheels turning in his head. He was remembering too.

"Oh my god."

"What?" Richie asked softly, looking at Eddie worried like he might be remembering something embarrassing he did as a kid.

"Oh fuck." Eddie said, eyes bulging open wide and horrified.

"Whaaat?" Richie said again, just more whiney this time.

"I'm engaged to my mom." He blurted out, slapping a hand to his forehead.

Well, this was a lovely conversation to be having while half naked and currently laying in bed with a hot- very engaged man. Richie's pant's fly is wide open, and Eddie's shirt is practically falling to the floor. But of course, Eddie had to bring up his mom.

"Look, I know I said a lot of things about that lady back in the day- but she's not what I would imagine as a subject to bring up in this mood setting-"

"Oh my god." Eddie said, running his hand through his hair. He looked out of it.

"What? I'm sorry! I make jokes when im-"

"No Richie not you!" Eddie said rather annoyed, but Richie had a feeling it really wasn't aimed at him like Eddie said, "it's just. I remember." He said like, years of his lost life was flooding back to him.

And oh yeah. That is what was happening. Literally. Richie was so caught up in the fact that they were about to bang that he didn't even realize how big of a moment this was. He's been trying to remember for so long- for years, he's tortured himself with trying to unlock these memories, it's plagued him for so long and all it took was trying to fuck Eddie!

He should have done this WAY sooner! He needs to tell his therapist all about this!! Well not the trying to have sex with a engaged man part, she wouldn't probably approve. But getting his memories was HUGE. And- Eddie was getting them back too? Which. It's either coincidental, or maybe something triggered it?

"Oh yeah! Shoot this is pretty amazing isn't it." Richie said with a grin, thinking about the losers, and growing up together, their summers, their sleep overs! The lake, high school, riding their bikes down the road, but Eddie.. he just stared at him like he was crazy.

"Amazing? Do you know how much trauma I had? It's all coming back at once." Eddie gripped his hair, staring down at his lap as almost a flood of emotions and thoughts, and pain, hit him. His mother, his father, himself. He shook a bit, and within just a few moments it became worse. "and... oh my god. Pennywise." He said, like it was against the law to even speak that name. A cursed spell that might bring him back if spoken. Eddie trembled even harder, shutting his eyes, curling up on himself a bit.

And Richie. Well he was just sitting there. Maybe he was still in shock but that name was familiar. Pennywise...? Who-

Oh, my. God.

Pennywise. That little clown bastard bitch who tried to murder them as children.

That Pennywise.

The one who ate children, and left their murdered bodies floating in the sewers.

Pennywise.

The one who terrorized them for an entire summer and almost got the entire losers club killed— he. He killed Georgie. He fucking killed Georgie.

Richie's eyes begin to tear up and—

Well... this was Toooooooootally a boner killer.
_________________________

"I can not believe we forgot." Eddie said, sipping his cup of tea. They sat at Richie's dining room table, Chinese take out laid out like a sad, greasy buffet, and they simply were reminiscing over their shared lost childhood.

They had sat there for 3 full hours, making sure everything that one of them had remembered, the other did as well. Just to make sure they weren't crazy. They needed to confirm names, schools, bullies, friend's, experiences. And well, They can't be BOTH imagining up a crazy insane shape shifting murderous clown. He had to be real.

It was awkward, leaving Richie's bed, and pulling their clothes back on, but it was necessary.

It was almost like they were, new people. Well- actually. They were old people, older versions of themselves— not fucking elderly. Aaanyway.
The puzzle pieces were snapping together, and it hit Richie that, he's just been the shell of himself walking around, pretending to be Richie Tozier. But the real Richie, he was left behind in Derry, along with his memories. But now that they were back he- he was the same person.. but different.

Suddenly he felt like himself.

Great he had to go through figuring out he was gay TWICE? Why the fuck did he have to forget he liked dick? Why did Pennywise need to take that little tid bit away? Asshole. And kinda unnecessary.

Eddie was experiencing the same thing. It was all a mix of euphoria and panic. Happy and sad memories all fusing together as one.

It sucked, because now Richie remembers his father. How he treated Richie, the childhood he faced, the depression, the self hate. And he was sure Eddie was just as overwhelmed. So much abuse from his mother. So much fear, Paranoia, conditioning. It would be a lot to take in for ANYONE.

But they were able to find a light in the dark. The losers.

The losers club, and. What they used to be. That too. Them. Richie and Eddie. Two nerds in a pod.

"You forgot me." Eddie said softly, staring down at his drink, and circling his finger around the rim of the cup.

"I did?"

"Yeah. We. We were still together. Like. Boyfriends-" Eddie began, and Richie slowly nodded. Yeah, they were boyfriends. They were IN LOVE. And maybe they still are? But. Myra. He couldn't help but fell slightly guilty. It wasn't her fault she ended up with Eddie. And she was not a bad person. She wasn't nearly as bad as Eddie's mother. She does not deserve to be cheated on.

"I called you one day. And it was like, poof. You didn't know who I was." He finished, and Richie could hear the hurt in his voice, that vibrating strain in his vocal cords.

Instinctively Richie reached out scooping Eddie's hand into his own, feeling the soft pliant skin, "I swear, I would have never of forgotten you on purpose it- it must be some kind of spell or some shit I don't know- I don't remember perfectly. I just- I. I do know one thing for sure, I am so in love with you, SO SO in love, I would have never had forgotten you if it weren't for-"

"Am?" Eddie asked softly, looking at Richie with those peering, curious eyes of his. They looked sad, and lost, like he was still hurt from the years of separation, from the night's he couldn't sleep because all he could do was cry.

"I- uh. No. I meant, I WAS. So in love with you. I really was." Richie corrected, stumbling over his words like a baby dear first learning to walk and desperately trying to fix his mistakes.

"I was in love with you too. So much, that's one of the strongest memories I have." Eddie admitted as well, he sounded so vulnerable and open. And they both sat in silence. It was deafening, awkward maybe? Depressing. Should they be happy they remember everything now? Or sad, because it can't all just, go back to the way it was. They can't start over, can't turn the clock back and gain back all the time they lost.

"Well our attraction for each other REAALLY makes sense now." Richie said trying to lighten the mood, flashing Eddie a crooked smile but somehow it still felt stiff.

They were reunited. Richie and Eddie, together like tomato sauce and spaghetti.

Like cigarettes and Bev.

Or, uh, fuck. Was he crying?

Suddenly, when he looked at the man, it was no longer just someone he was attracted to. It was his first love. It was the same Eddie who yelled at him for hours because he dipped his entire hand in sludge at the junk yard.

The Eddie who carried that little Fannypack, full of crackers, tampons and a fake inhaler.

The one who snuck in through his window at night to lay beside him and pet his hair, coo'ing that even though everything else in his life- in his world was falling apart, that he would also have Eddie, no matter what. He would kiss Richie so softly, so tenderly, so much so Richie couldn't deny how much Eddie loved him back.

It's just now, the Eddie he knows has had years of experiences without him. Without his memories. Without being completely Eddie.
But that's better then nothing right? He was still Eddie.

So why did it feel, not right.

well he supposed they aren't teenagers anymore. And even more so. They no longer belonged to each other.

He tried to not let it hurt as much as it did. But of course, that was just another thing to add to the list of all the things he fails at doing.

He as discreetly as he can wipes the stray tears from his cheeks.

They spend the rest of the night, talking about everything. Their entire childhood. Even the sad parts. Richie learned more things about Eddie then he even knew in their youth, and Eddie learned the same things about Richie. In a way it felt like they were, now and definitely closer. Their own personal little group therapy for broken boys, and messily stitched together men.

They agreed that, there was no way in hell they would stop seeing each other. Even if it was just Platonically, their friendship, and in turn the losers, were far more important then anything else.

They needed to stay in each other's lives, and maybe try and track down the other losers.

So Eddie ended up staying the night. But they never actually slept together. (The 16 year old Richie in his brain is screaming for him to get a piece of that ass.) but he ignored the voice.

Sometimes you can wait. Richie sure knows what that's like, so waiting just a bit more won't make that much of a difference.

Next time. They'll do it right.

——————————————-

They still meet up in private very often, even though they know better then to. They should keep their interactions strictly to public areas. Coffee shops, or at the park. But then again, with their past, with their history, is it really wise to still be in each other's presence at all? Well, it was hard not to. To remember so much about your life, and think about it everyday, you want to be able to go back to normality, to be able to hang out, and feel like kids again.

To be able to talk about it with someone who understands, and probably won't label you crazy for it.

Unfortunately— A lot of what was 'normal' between them as kids was- well, making out.

A lot.

Old habits seem to die hard.

He once again had Eddie pressed up against his bed, and the sheets crinkled up under their weight.

And god it was exhilarating, and terrifying.

This happened way too often, a merry go round of constant— almosts.

Them keep almost sleeping with each other, almost kissing again, almost confessing something they knew better then to.

Under the dark of night, It seems they never learn from their mistakes, but really, they learned that they can never stop making mistakes as long as it is with one another.

And staring into each other's eyes, they take that step. No more lost memories that hide themselves.

So yes it was fucking stupid, irreversibly so, to be kissing Eddie, in the broad of night, not even the excuse of alcohol to blame. Just pent up need.

Eddie's gaze just fans the flames – and Richie walks into them, gladly

"Richie..." Eddie breaths out soft, licking his lips as if to taste the name better.

He hummed deep in his chest in satisfaction. It was riveting getting what he wanted when it came from Eddie. His slow calculated touches were dangerously electrifying. He was complacent with the deep wanton kiss, his skin lighting on molten fire as those devilish lips dipped lower.

He bit his lip, eyes shutting tight and blocking out the flooding moon light, laced with light touches. He shivered, feeling that hot mouth latched onto his neck and kiss his nerves away into a puddle, tricking down into his stomach and spilling over with the drunken craze of decisive effort to calm the excitement.

Eddie has somehow convinced his fiancé that he was on a business trip. The moment he told Richie that, and he knew he would be spending the night, Richie already knew what was going to happen. If he was honest with himself, (which he rarely is) he felt shitty for all of this.

But Eddie belonged to him first, in a world far apart from this. Darry seems unreal, but this man, and their feelings for each other, was the only thing that seemed to exist in their respective realities.

'Just for a day. Let me pretend the world didn't keep on moving without me. Take me back to a time where you were mine and mine alone..'

The duel sensation of Eddie's hands traveling lower as well as his lips, sent goose bumps to prickle over his skin, like the keys of a piano Eddie played with his nerves with nibble fingers. A deep yet soft and quiet moan dared to escaped his lips as he struck a cord. Playing the melody of Richie's pleasure.

But just as quickly the touches and that damn mouth was gone, and he was left fuzzy and disoriented. The saliva left on his skin felt cold to the night air.

This was getting a lot farther then he had first thought, Eddie was being rather bold and, honestly- "that's real hot sport, where did you learn that from, soccer practice?"

Why the fuck did that come out of my mouth now of all times?

Richie really wanted to throw himself off a balcony — flying down to at last kiss the ground below, joining the cement in holy matrimony — 'till the regularly scheduled Thursday morning street-sweeping do they part.

Amen.

"God, why do I like an idiot like you so much." Eddie whispered under his breath. And it relieved Richie, glad he couldn't ruin the mood even if he wanted to, because Eddie was just so amazing.

"Why are you asking me? That sounds like a personal problem."

Eddie smacks his arm, but he's laughing, and in that moment Richie remembered why he fell so madly in love with him when they were boys. His smile alone could melt his bones into a puddle of liquid surrender. God that laugh was so beautiful, he needed to hear it again.

"Richie.." Eddie whispered, gazing down at him with the intensity of a tiger. Richie wills himself to actually pay attention for once in his life. "Yes?"

"Do you, ya know.."

"Consent?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Do you even know what you're consenting to??"

"Ha, Eds, as long as it's with you I'll always be down."

Eddie laughed, sending Richie the most gentle, loving smile Richie thought would have been impossible to experience weeks ago. But here he was, hovering over Eddie, blood simmering beneath his skin, forced through his veins by the ardent racing of his heart. His skin is searing white hot at each point of contact – each anticipated promise of touch.

But, idly Richie remember's the conversation he had during his 'first time' and knew it was important to explain.

So, even though it pained him to pull away from their hot Make-out session, he brought himself to be responsible and explain gay sex.

"Eddie, I need to tell you how—"

"I know-"

"When a man loves a man very muc— wait. Wait, you, you know?"

"You think I haven't watched porn before you dumbass?" Awe he still is so romantic.

"So. You know. Like. We need-"

"Lube, I have that, condoms, I also have that. Richie, did you think I came to your house, with the intent to sleep with you, and DIDNT come prepared?"

For once Richie didn't know what to say, just stared at Eddie, with a shocked look, before it morphed into a big goofy smile.

"So. Uh. How are we going to do this. Do you want me to ya know, prep you?"

Suddenly that confidence Eddie had, disappeared, replaced with a slight repressed fear.

Dirty. Wrong. The ice.

Richie, quickly learning that he needed to slow down, sat up, pulling Eddie up with him, to pet his hair. 'It's unreasonable to ask someone to face such a triggering subject so quickly. His mom made his life hell'

...'I have to think more like Eddie. Well, he is probably swimming in guilt. Not only is an engaged man, but has always been frightened by the idea of dirtiness and well, being gay is synonymous with such concept.'

"Let's take it slow." He begins, kissing the top of Eddie's forehead. It takes a bit of blabbering and calming words to get the tension out of Eddie's shoulders but it works. "Ed's you know, I'd never hurt you right?"

Eddie just smiles, like he always does, looking up and nodding.

Richie reaches out, watching Eddie's reactions and feeling relieved that he didn't flinch at his hand resting on his thigh. Through those lame khaki pants, Richie would much prefer he not be wearing. "Trust me. I know it seems like it will hurt, but a guy I know says it doesn't."

That's some shit advice Tozier.

"Yeah, a guy you know. Really puts me at ease." Eddie shot back weakly. Obviously defeated.

It's quiet, so quiet he can hear his blood pump through his veins, heart thumping against his lungs it almost felt like he couldn't breath.

Richie, however, seemed calm, reaching forward to cup the side of Eddie's face, so delicately, like one would handle artwork. And to him, Eddie was.

"I promise to keep you safe."

Eddie, bless his heart, nodded, even though Richie could obviously see the tension in his muscles. If Richie was a lesser man (which he isn't) he would continue on anyway. But even if he wasn't in love with Eddie, he could never have sex with someone who was scared.

"Or... you could prep me." He added, and there's this slow confused calculated look that appears on at his face as if he's trying to understand what he means by what he said.

It seems to be taking him a while to put two and two together, amused Richie just rolls his eyes, "Ed's I'm saying, do to me what I did to your mom last night. Ya know, fuck me?"

He doesn't know why he phrased it like a question but there's really no going back after that.

He thinks the disbelief on Eddie's face, is strangely beautiful. But there's nothing strange about it, he was always beautiful. The crinkles of his eyes, the quirk of his lip, the way his hair just won't sit right, or how his forehead wrinkles when he thinks.

Richie couldn't even begin to explain how he felt, excited, overwhelmed, scared. His muscles were buzzing under his skin. Years of pent up want, of waiting and anticipation. Yet all at once this calm wave wash over him.

Thank God he sprayed Febreeze all over his apartment and room before Eddie arrived, because it used to smell like wet dreams and the way McDonald's sprite tasted in here. Now it's a pleasant muddy spring.

It took a bit of coercion, but Richie found himself splayed out on the cold fabric of his sheets, they hadn't been washed in quite some time, he just hopes Eddie doesn't notice the stain on the left corner of the bed, (taco Tuesday gets messy)

Richie is the first to move, pulling off his shirt, feeling the weight of Eddie's eyes, mapping each curve and expansion of his skin. Richie admits he has long legs, but as he hooks his fingers into the waist band of his pants, he feels nervous.

'Damn it. I should have landscaped down there.' Too fucking late now.

It was fucking embarrassing, legs spread apart, the hesitant and blushing Eddie between said legs. He had clumsily taken off his shirt, trying to be sexy but more portraying a bumbling dying monkey.

Richie throws his shirt across the room, soon, hesitantly his pants join the flying barrage. Eddie, neatly folds his own button up, before throwing it off the bed as well.

They find themselves at a crossroads, Eddie, dear sweet perfect Eddie, is too petrified to touch Richie 'there', which, fair.

Richie does his best to explain that, he needs to be opened up, properly stretched but Eddie is hesitant. Eddie knows it's important to do, but can't bring himself to do it.

"We don't have to do this you know..." Richie offers, but Eddie wildly shakes his head, the blush spreading down to his neck, "no! No.... I want to I'm just..."

"Shhhh, it's okay. I can, I can just do it myself okay. Just watch and learn Short stack" he sends Eddie a wink, mustering up all the self confidence for the both of them.

He reaches down his body, feeling Eddie's eyes follow the movement of his hand. He runs his fingers over the smooth expansion of his stomach, and Eddie reaches out for a moment, like he wants to touch. Richie just grins, nodding his head, giving Eddie the courage to run his fingers over Richie's shoulders, arms, his chest. All the while Richie shimmies out of his boxers, his cock bouncing free from its constraints. He can feel the heat of the eyes on him, and the soft gasp escaping the back of Eddie's throat.

He's naked, baring himself full to the man he yearns for. And surprisingly can't muster up much embarrassment.

He reaches for the lube Eddie supplied, squirting some in between his fingers and warming up the goo gently.

He hooks his knees on either side of Eddie's hips, and he can see it: the tent in Eddie's slacks, the obvious throbbing. He can feel Eddie's fingers dig into his thighs as he brings his fingers between his legs, tentatively pressing the tip of his index finger in.

His own dick throbs at the attention. Richie has always loved attention, the eyes of an audience, the laughter of friends, but most of all attention from Eddie. And with his fingers inside himself, slowly opening himself up for Eddie to see, feast upon, he is positive this is the most captivating he probably has ever looked. Eddie looked like he wanted to devour him, and it just excited him even more.

Chest flushed and heaving as he pressed in a second, then third, feeling the stretch, as the ring of muscles give way and allow access. He feels around, remembering where his prostate is, but unfortunately never being able to find it by himself in the past. (Maybe it's a myth.)

He can feel Eddie's grip tightens as he watched Richie fuck himself on his own fingers, soft broken breaths or labored huffs leaving his lips in a desperate melody. But what brought him the most pleasure was not the stinging sinful stretch between his legs, but the reactions it garners out of Eddie. His skin has become more flushed pink as he palms the outline of his cock in his slacks. His chest heaves up and down in a lulling pattern, and Richie wants so desperately to bite him there. His chest, stomach, shoulders. Taste his skin, and smell the sweat running down his body.

Suddenly his hips jerks forward and he moans out a slutty slur of curses, "ahh fuck, god— FUck Ed's.." Jesus Christ it felt so good, better then he thought, his head fell back as he groaned. and when he opened his eyes back up.. Richie thinks Eddie looks like his brain might melt out of his ears in that moment.

"Let me do it..." he hears softly from up above him, and he sends Eddie a curious look. "You wanna finger me Ed's?" He asks boldly, making the man above him blush more, but he has this determined look in his eye, "yeah.." he whispers, and well, who is Richie to say no to such a thing?

———————————

In a way. It was better like this.

Richie could see, the fear and defensiveness drip away from Eddie's shoulders. All his life. He was told what to do, how to think, how to act. Controlled, put down. Not given the choice. He faintly remember's Eddie's mother, not how she looked but... her voice, commanding Eddie, taking his freedom, forcing him to be someone he's not. Eddie never had control. But with Richie, he will.

And now between Richie legs, he had all the choice in the world, all the control he never had through out his life. The control, to do what HE wanted to do for once. And the safety to do so. The suffocating weight pulling off his chest, and fluttering down into his stomach, becoming excitement, roaring for his attention.

"It doesn't hurt?" Eddie asks for the 5th time and Richie just rolls his eyes, smiling, "god no, it's the opposite Eds."

Eddie didn't know what this feeling was too well, his fingers slick with lube, pushing in and out of a tight warm heat. It would have been gross, if not for the way Richie's back arched off the bed, how his head fell back into the soft cushion of the pillow beneath him: or how his fingers dug into Eddie's shoulders. But god most of all it was those noises, the way Richie moaned in pleasure, it pleased Eddie to his core.

He remembers the burns, the cigarette scars and the pain Richie faced all his life. To give him pleasure.. that was an honor: Eddie just hoped he wouldn't cry from the happiness. Probably might not be that hot.

"Ah shit-! Ugh—-uoihhh FUCk, yeah oh fuck yeah okay it isn't a myth-"

At this point, Eddie doesn't even try to figure out what comes out of that man's mouth.

Richie was riding out the high of Eddie fingering him, but he felt plenty stretched at this point, and pulled Eddie down into a slow, needy kiss. He runs his tongue over the back of Eddie's teeth, tugging at his lower lip and infiltrating his mouth with his tongue, licking into him with abandon.

"You ready to fuck me?" He asks softly, dragging his lips to Eddie's ear, where he gently bites. "Promise me you won't be gentle okay?" He practically purrs, the arousal  getting to his head and making any shame dissipate from his mind.

But he fucking needs it, needs Eddie inside of him. So he licks his lips, watching Eddie pull off his nerdy little outfit, the stupid polo shirt and khaki's and fuck. Why was his dick pretty too?

Eddie, his eyes glazed over, dick twitching in excitement, moves forward to kiss down Richie's chest, running his fingers delicately over Richie's hip bones, feeling the trembling muscles. "You're so beautiful. I forgot to say so before." He coo's. And Richie's heart jumps in his chest at the compliment.

And he can see it, that soft smile on Eddie's face, there's no regret, no shame, no disgust.

It makes Richie almost want to cry.

'Pussy'

He can see the confidence in Eddie's demeanor, the ability to take control, to make sure everything goes the way you want it, it's empowering. Richie would give it to him without a second thought.

And letting go of responsibility for once. It was just as liberating.

To finally let go, and not worry. To give up that need to have control, because he truly had no control. Over his feelings, over his lust for Eddie, over wether not he was gay. All he had was trust, under the finger tips of that beautiful man's hands, and his weight between his thighs. For once he didn't need to be so in control.

He watches as Eddie tries to slip on a condom, a small snort leaving his throat. "You put it on backwards." He murmured causing Eddie to glare at him and retry. "I know that! I'm- im just.. I'm nervous."

"Don't be nervous, I'm the one taking the dick up the ass."

Eddie didn't seem to find that very funny, quickly reaching down to grab the base of Richie's cock and pump, to get him to shut up. But good god Richie wasn't complaining. His body jerks and his head slams down into the sheets, a hearty groan rising up out of his chest. Fuck fuck fuck-

It took a moment, but Eddie lines himself up with Richie, holding his legs open, and keeping his eyes glued to Richie's. It's slow at first, the first press, but when he begins pushing in, Richie feels the shiver fun up his spine.

This was happening. It was actually happening. Richie could feel the stretch of the head of Eddie's cock pushing in, and fuck it feels way bigger then you'd think.

Eddie involuntarily sucks in a deep breath, body shaking from the- dear god- feeling alone. He's tight- not too tight, but enough to make his head spin. And warm, almost searing hot, he pushes in slowly, not wanted to hurt Richie, but from the way those slutty noises keep persistently falling from his lips, maybe he shouldn't worry as much.

It's slick, addictive, and in the moment Eddie pushes all the way in to the hilt of his dick, he feels almost dizzy. He wants to do this forever. It felt so good it should almost be illegal.

He dares to look down, and fuck, fuck, the way Richie looks, hair a mess, skin all flushed, legs trembling and spread wide open just for Eddie. Just for Eddie. And Jesus the way Richie looks with Eddie's dick all the way inside of him. Jeez.. he's a pervert.

So, instead of dragging this out any longer, he slowly pulls out, and pushes back in, 'don't cum. Don't cum. Don't cum' he chants to himself in his head.

He's.. almost afraid to break Richie. That is, until the man stares up at him with those piercing eyes and glares. "W-what?" Eddie asks, pausing in his movement.

"Fuck me like you mean it Kaspbrak. Don't fucking hold back, and fuc— AHHuhhHaannng-!"

The insistent slapping of their skin rung in his ears; but most of all it was the desperation of their moans and the hard smack of their hips.
Eddie can't get enough of the feeling, and fuck the sight- it's Richie's dick that's mesmerizing. The tip is bright red, throbbing against his stomach, bouncing and swaying with each hard thrust.

He grips Richie's hips and in turn Richie hooks his legs fully around Eddie's waist, locking him into their own personal heaven. Their breathing, labored, Eddie moves down to latch his teeth onto Richie's left nipple and the man almost screams, and Eddie can feel it; the warm, oozing, sticky familiar feeling of cum hitting his stomach.

Richie has never experienced the whole colors bursting behind his eyes thing – and even if he had, this is fucking ultraviolet. The laws of human perception have nothing on the powers of this man inside of him. He chokes, voice gurgling and useless, buried beneath every quaking exhale.

He didn't know how he came so quickly, but butterflies fluttered around his head, and he just let go.

Richie felt drool drip down his chin, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, his chest heaving and his- somehow still hard dick bouncing between them, the cum quickly beginning to cool. Eddie's mouth slid over his chest, capturing the other nipple in his mouth and sucking hard. The way his tongue flicks it between his teeth makes Richie almost want to pass out.

He doesn't know how long it continues, the way Eddie fucks into him makes his entire body buzz and god it's good. It's so fucking good. He grabs Eddie's hand, holding it to his side as Eddie's hips continue to slap forward, making the bed creak annoyingly beneath them.

And when they kiss.

The world ended, and came to life once again. Everything and nothing mattered. No, in that moment time stood still, even just for a moment, just for them: to become one.

And fuck when Eddie came. The noise he made, the slings and arrows of the cursed that trickled out, well, Richie almost busted once more. He could feel the condom filling up with this delicious warmth, and he felt full: whole.

Eddie, the sweetheart that he is, gives Richie a handjob after pulling out and throwing the condom out. It's all okay in the end, even covered in cum Eddie still kisses him. Eddie fetches a towel to clean him up, and Richie in turn lights a cigarette from his side desk.
He takes in a big inhale, a calming and almost euphoric feeling of calm blankets him. But when Eddie returns, Richie sees the way he  cringes at that.

"You don't like cigarettes.. do you?"

"I hate the smell.. and well. We aren't young anymore, the health pro—"

"Okay I'll stop."

"...what?"

Stubbing our the cigarette and chucking the rest of the box into the trash, Richie smiles up at Eddie. "Then I'll stop."

"You know it's not that easy.."

"I know. But Ive got to start somewhere right? I want to be able to kiss you, and not make you cringe."

"You're so dumb."

"I know."

And they just smile, at each other, at the situation, at the happiness in their core.

"You know... we have the rest of the night.."

Richie feels a zap of excitement up his spine when he watched Eddie grab another condom and tear the wrapper open. "Then I suppose we need to make the most of it huh.." licking his lips, Richie nods, gladly spreading his legs once again for the man he once loved.