TRIGGER WARNING: self harm/suicidal thoughts

ANDY'S POV

I'm angry. I'm angry at myself for not being present for Dr. Riley's apology and I'm angry about how I handled it. I'm angry at Dr. Riley for her carelessness and the way she's treated Emberly. Finally, I'm angry at Emberly. I'm angry at her for forcing me to sedate and restrain her. I'm angry at her for making me love her so much. I can't keep ignoring procedure, which is why I handled the situation the way I did.

I'm currently sitting in the seclusion room. It's been almost two hours since the incident and based off the amount of sedative I gave her, she should be waking up soon. I'm restless, waiting for her eyes to open again. I'm lost in thought when I hear her moan.

"Oh god...my head." She complains quietly.

"Emberly, can you hear me?" I move to stand by her bed.

"Dr. Biersack." She addresses me cooly. Yep. She's still sore about earlier.

"Em listen to me. I had to remain professional, even though I wanted to tear that woman apart for what she said to you. You used extreme violence. You gave me no other choice." I explain.

"I'm sorry." Her voice breaks and I realize she's crying. She stares straight up at the ceiling. "She was right about one thing." Emberly says, more to herself. "I would be better off dead." My heart breaks at her words.

"Emberly, look at me." She does as I tell her. "You are loved. There are so many people here that care about you. You wouldn't be better off dead." She doesn't say anything, resuming her earlier stare at the ceiling. "Can I let you up?" I want to know.

"If you do I'm just going to kill my self." She tells me.

"You don't mean that." I say more forcefully that I mean to.

"Oh yeah? Let me up and we'll see if you're right." She snaps, challenging me.

"Please, Emberly. I don't want to keep you here. But if I can't insure that you aren't going to hurt yourself, you'll have to stay here." My voice breaks.

"Just go away." She whispers. I feel tears spring to my eyes.

"Dr. Purdy and I will be gone tomorrow until 3 pm. We have to attend a conference here in the hospital. I hope that by then you're feeling better. Someone will come check on you every 15 minutes and you'll be allowed to get up and use the bathroom or walk around with a chaperone for 10 minutes every hour." I tell her, wiping at my face. I quickly lean down and kiss her forehead. I walk out of the room to discuss the arrangements with the staff.

EMBERLY'S POV

After Andy leaves, I'm left without any distraction from the thoughts in my head. Dr. Riley's words play on repeat.

How could anyone love you?

You'd be better off dead.

You're just a psycho.

I find myself longing to carve into my body with a razor blade. Anything to regain control over my mind.

As the hours pass, I'm growing more and more suicidal. The demons in my head are screaming with delight every time I think of another way I could kill myself. They seem to particularly enjoy the most painful methods. The tears stopped long ago. I have none left to cry at this point. I'm just numb.

Jinxx appears over me, letting me up to use the bathroom. Then, he sits me down and brings me my dinner tray. I barely eat any of it, listening as he rambles on about how John is in a really bad mood for some reason. I don't even bother responding. Soon he tells me I need to lay back down. I do as I'm told, not bothering to fight. I actually like Jinxx so I don't want to cause any extra trouble for him. He tightens my restraints, telling me that people will continue to check on me throughout the night and that he'll see me in the morning. He leaves, turning off the fluorescent lights leaving me in darkness.

I fall asleep, praying to whoever is listening that I don't wake up.