six. towards the sun 

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

The journey through ShadowClan's woodland was more delightful than Swiftshadow had ever imagined. For all of his youth, he had feared ShadowClan. He grew up hearing legends about how heartless and vicious those cats were; cats whose souls were covered in shadows. That's why they lived in such dark woods, in order to hide their dark intentions. But the stories had haunted Swiftshadow the most, the ones that chased him like spirits in his nightmares, were stories of the monsters in wars. Brothers turned against brothers, fathers turned against sons. So much blood had been spilled that the woods separating ThunderClan and ShadowClan were stained red for moons. Bones became the roots for trees and life grew upon the deaths of friends and enemies alike.

Swiftshadow was born seeing other Clans as though they were his enemies. He was taught that they were in different worlds, universes away, divided by strings of constellations and millions of specks of stardust. They would only be united in StarClan; until then, until death swooped down to strike like a talon's piercing claws, the Clans would never understand each other.

But maybe the other Clans weren't so far-off after all. In the short time of getting to know Sunstorm, Swiftshadow had come to realize that he wasn't all so different from the cats he had known in his life. His eyes had the same warmth as Pearfeather, he had the polite same manners, and the same curious twitch of his whiskers when he spoke. Sunstorm's eyes crinkled when he laughed, which in turn, made Swiftshadow laugh too, and Sunstorm had an ever so graceful way of moving through ShadowClan's sludge. What been the monsters he once feared now transformed into a childish scare of his imagination: how could anyone say Sunstorm was a monster?

"You know," The glorious golden tom began, cutting off Swiftshadow's turmoiling thoughts, "I've never met a ThunderClan cat who wasn't keen to die for his Clan."

Swiftshadow grinned and cocked his head to the side, "Then you haven't met the right ones."

"Clearly not." Sunstorm shot back, mirroring his friend's smile, the skin beside his eyes crinkling again. The two cats continued forth on their journey, casually strolling through the darkened territory, and relaxed alongside each other. The moment faded comfortably and the smiles fell to lines. A hot breeze whisked past the trees and stroked the cat's fur like a hand would. Sunstorm spoke again, though this time was not as amusing, "Tell it to me again," His face scrunched in confusion, "Mottlestar is exiling you because you've failed to work?

The panging ache returned to Swiftshadow. He could feel it rising, clawing, gnawing deep in his soul: the painful reminder that he was not good enough. The ginger tomcat lowered his head, focusing is eyes on the blurring ground, watching as the swamp rushed past underneath his quickened step. Now that he was free of ThunderClan, he no longer wanted to recall his time there. He would forget as quickly as he left; pretend it was never a part of his life. He mewed softly in response to Sunstorm, not wanting to make much of a comment on it, "Something along those lines."

"Well," Sunstorm's curiosity piqued his eyes. They exotically flashed through Swiftshadow's plain ones, "Why don't you work? You are a warrior, aren't you?"

Despite regarding how troubled Swiftshadow was, he couldn't seem to drop the conversation. It may not have been Sunstorm's first meeting with a ThunderClan cat, though it was his first time meeting one like Swiftshadow. He was hungry to know more.

The ginger feline sighed and kept his head hung low, "Yes, but I was never trained-"

"You were never an apprentice?"

"Correct."

Sunstorm stopped dead in his tracks. The earth seemed to halt with him, the leaves on the trees stopped swaying, time paused, and the rhythmic hum of paws on soft soil was cut short. "But how-"

"It's a long story." Swiftshadow flicked his tail in an attempt to wave off his friend. He continued walking, not wanting to stop and talk about his problems, if he had it his way, he would never stop again. Swiftshadow wanted to keep moving, he wanted to escape.

Sunstorm didn't let it go. He trotted up to his friend's side again and sternly said, "I'd like to hear it."

The ThunderClan cat exhaled a long breath of defeat. Denying Sunstorm would be pointless, and after all of his guidance, it wouldn't be fair to hide. Finally lifting his head and letting his eyes sink into Sunstorm's blazing features, Swiftshadow asked gently, "If I tell you, would you judge me any differently?"

That's how it would normally go: Swiftshadow would give up his strange story, his friends would ridicule him, and then they would no longer be his friends. Only this time seemed worse because Sunstorm wasn't like the friends he had known and lost. Sunstorm wasn't worth losing, Swiftshadow didn't want to lose him.

"Do you think I'm a judgemental tom?" Sunstorm titled his head to the side. He paused once more, his paws chained to the ground, refusing to move or even budge. The wind howled again, filling the rigid silence. Dead leaves drifted down from the tops of very tall trees, swaying back and forth, like a ship on the lake, before landing where they would rest to decay some more.

Swiftshadow swallowed silently. Like the leaves, all of the words had floated away and died on his lips. He didn't know what to say.

After some lengthy time, Sunstorm simply shook his head. He took a couple of steps forward, striding straight for his new, ThunderClan companion. Never taking his eyes away, he closed the heaping gap that once separated them.

Sunstorm's eyes were unlike anything Swiftshadow had ever seen. He hated to admit it: Pearfeather's eyes were no longer like anything special. There was something different about Sunstorm's and Swiftshadow could not place his claw on it. Perhaps it was because Sunstorm was a stranger from another Clan or perhaps it was because Sunstorm made Swiftshadow feel so differently; like he was worth something to stare at. No one, not even his mother, had ever regarded Swiftshadow in such a way.

Sunstorm whispered but his words roared in his friend's ears, "I would never judge or see you any differently than I already do, Swiftshadow."

It was all the comfort he craved, all the right words he had been straining to hear for his entire life. The aching faded and his words sprouted to life, "My mother was known for being a vengeful she-cat when she was hurt," Swiftshadow began to stroll again, Sunstorm following readily along, trailing off of his words in innocent curiosity. "So, when my father betrayed and abandoned her, she did everything she could to get back at him. My mother insinuated a love affair with our previous leader, Oakstar, who also happened to be my father's childhood best friend."

Sunstorm's eyes stretched from surprise. He tried to fight the shocked look that was creeping onto his face, though he was failing.

"But she didn't stop there." Swiftshadow inhaled a ragged breath, as though the memory brought physical pain. "Oakstar really loved her. He saw her as more than just a fling- he wanted to be with her forever." He chuckled slightly, easing the serious moment from his shoulders, "My mother used his foolish devotion to get what she wanted and she did not want me to have a successful life."

The ginger tom's voice quivered as he began to put together the pieces, as though he had this bundled up for his entire life and was only letting it spill out now, "The hate truly changed her. She wanted to rid any reminder of my father from her life, even if it meant hurting her only son. So, she used Oakstar's power to skip to my apprenticeship and Oakstar readily obeyed her. I went from Swiftkit to Swiftshadow, there was never a Swiftpaw."

The golden tom felt heavy with all of this new information sinking in. His pace had slowed and his paws no longer happily trailed on the earth. He frowned as he asked, "That didn't bother you?"

Swiftshadow shrugged, "It did at first but there was nothing I could do. The leader's word is law." Glancing around, he noticed that in a couple of yards before them, the forest opened wide. Gentle sunlight seeped through the thickened branches, beckoning for them to come forward, to start a new life. Hope churned within Swiftshadow's chest and he picked up his pace, "I taught myself basic fighting and hunting tactics. But the thing I never got was the warrior's heart. I'm not brave or herolike, I'm just..." His face scrunched as he hunted down the right words, "I'm just a normal cat."

Sunstorm scoffed, "Mottlestar is a fool not to train you." He felt a peculiar anger race hot beneath his skin. Despite only knowing Swiftshadow for a short amount of time, he was deeply offended. He took the betrayal as though it were his own, "You shouldn't let him do this to you."

The two cats, who were once strangers and now well acquainted, halted on the edge of ShadowClan land. There was a clear-cut line between the two horizons, one earth was covered in leaves and pine needles and the next was an endless, wild, grassy space. The sun shone brighter on the bordering grounds and surprisingly, chaos was fresh. There was no order to the space, no rules, no rights, and no wrongs. Flowers grew where they wished and stretched in all the space they could. Swiftshadow hoped to do the same; he no longer had to care for others. He had himself and the freedom to run.

While looking out to the open land, he spoke, "It's better this way. I can start a new life."

He stepped forward, his paws tickled under the overgrown greenery. Excitement was so pure in his heart that he didn't bother to turn around to address his friend, "Thank you for your guidance and your company, Sunstorm, it was really nice meeting you."

"Swiftshadow- wait."

The ginger tom spun his gaze and he convened upon the distressed face of Sunstorm. His heart shattered in his chest- he had never seen a cat look so sad.

The golden deputy shook his head swiftly, "This doesn't sit right with me-"

"Why not?" Swiftshadow interrupted sharply, annoyance tinging his voice. The whole goal was to leave, to run away, not to get dragged down by yet another cat. As much affection as he had for Sunstorm, nothing was strong enough to chain him back.

But the golden tom persisted. He advanced slightly, reaching out to Swiftshadow with his glossy eyes, "You deserve to have a chance." He meowed deeply, "I can give you another chance to be a warrior."

Swiftshadow rattled his head in return, "What are you saying?"

"Join me." Sunstorm shifted as close and as near to Swiftshadow as he could, though he did not take his paws off the soil of his Clan. He poured his soul into Swiftshadow's eyes, "I can teach you everything- you could become my apprentice, you could join ShadowClan and start a new life here. It's not too late for you." The words spewed pathetically from his tongue, mirroring the begging and aching of his soul, don't let him leave, keep him here. Sunstorm's eyes gave insight into it all; the agony was as clear and as open as the fields which whispered Swiftshadow's name. The ShadowClan cat pressed his nose to Swiftshadow's shoulder and purred a pitiable, "Please."

But Swiftshadow swayed his head and moved away from Sunstorm's tender touch, "No Sunstorm, you know that's not possible." He felt his body ease and his face returned to its friendly nature. The sun in the sky beamed upon their backsides, padding the plot with warmth and hope. Swiftshadow grinned, "We will meet again."

With a long breath, a slow sucking in of everything he had spilled out, Sunstorm rose. He backed off of the ginger tom, releasing the restraints and letting freedom have its way. Sunstorm reflected Swiftshadow's smile and bowed his head politely, "If you ever need anything, Swiftshadow, you know where to find me."

Just like that, in a simple, sharp movement, Swiftshadow twisted around and galloped away until he became a speck of dust amongst the everlasting green meadows.