Hey hey hey! Time to address some things.

Not sure if you can tell, but I'm sort of trying to avoid having to write detailed depictions of the chunin exams. It's tedious and boring having to stick to all the facts, and I'm sure you all have seen the chunin exams arc many times before so I'll save you the effort of having to read it over again.

My excuse is that Ayame is super preggo and Kakashi is super protective. Ok? Ok.

OH YEAH. And Konohamaru. I've been avoiding him in this story because his heritage/parents are not really explained... Like, for Konohamaru to exist, since Asuma is his uncle, it would mean that Asuma would have had to have another sibling but this is not explained in the manga or anime. So I'll be adding him in as a 'nephew' to Ayame and not really explaining that, because not even the anime explains it. It's a plot-hole, but it's not my plot-hole, so I'm going ahead with it. Gomen.

Enjoyyyy.

~ R

P.S. Sorry for the longer amount of time between updates. I haven't forgotten about this story, I promise!! University is starting up again so things are getting busy. Expect slower updates and please be patient with me. Thanks for the continued support. Much love <3

* * *

I feel a strange sensation in my lower abdomen. Is it a kick? Would the baby even be kicking this early? I decide to sit down for a bit, taking a break from the boxes in the kitchen. Yugao left a while ago, on some sort of urgent summons. I will admit that I don't miss those days—days where, as an ANBU, you're told you can have time off but you end up being summoned anyways.

I sigh, kicking my feet up and letting my head fall back into the couch. I glare down at the bump and massage various spots, trying to feel for a kick. Maybe I imagined it.

My head starts to feel funny so I close my eyes to try and sleep for a while. Kakashi should be getting home soon to take me to see the final rounds. I'm proud of both Naruto and Sasuke for making it this far. And Sakura, Kakashi told me, did her best but ended up in tie with another rookie kunoichi, Ino Yamanaka, both girls unable to move by the end of the match.

I chuckle a little as I recall him telling me about it. He described them as two wild animals, and claimed he'd never seen two girls fight like that before. I had to laugh at him because clearly he's never known female rivalry before. We're vicious creatures when we want to be.

The apartment is quiet when there's nobody here. Not that I'm complaining, this is all I've been wanting since Kakashi asked Yugao to pretty much babysit me. I guess I just wish I were out watching the final round and not stuck inside like this. But Kakashi should be here...

I look at the clock and realize the final rounds started almost an hour ago. Did he forget about me? I groan, pushing myself to my feet and praying that I don't miss my pupils' fights. When I get to the door and into the outdoor hallway, someone comes out of the shadows. It's Yugao, dressed in full ANBU uniform, mask and all.

"Yugao, what are you-"

"Please, get back inside."

"What?"

She grabs my shoulder and leads me back in, closing the door behind her. She keeps her porcelain mask on and stands at the door, staring absently at me.

"Yugao, what's going on?"

She doesn't answer at first. In fact, she doesn't even move. I step forward and take her mask off to see the look on her face. She's terrified and it looks like she's been crying for a long time.

"Yugao..."

"P-please, you should go lie down. I don't want you to stress yourself out. Just, stay calm, okay?" she stutters as she pleads, trying to lead me to the bedroom but I stop her with a hand on her shoulder.

I've gone stone cold, eyes serious and voice firm. "Yugao, tell me what's going on, right now."

"I can't," she remarks, grabbing her porcelain mask and putting it back on. "You need to lie down."

"Says who? Whose orders are these?" I'm on edge, very frustrated that she's not being blunt with me. She lightly grabs my hand but I slap it away, face fuming in anger. "Tell me now."

She hesitates for a moment before letting go of a heavy breath. "Kakashi's."

At this, I push past her and open the door, storming into the outdoor hallway. "He promised he'd let me come see the final rounds... he promised!"

Another ANBU appears in front of me. Now I'm surrounded, Yugao behind and someone else in front. What the hell, Kakashi! This is extensive.

"What the hell is this!" I exclaim. I know I have no chance against these two, not in my... erm, condition. I huff, crossing my arms and turning back to Yugao. Suddenly there's sound of an explosion in the distance and I whip my head, watching as black flames rise high into the sky like a mushroom cloud. Then, there's a purple barrier that goes high into the sky. I turn to Yugao, eyes a flame. "Yugao..."

"Let's go back inside, Ayame. Come on, I'll tell you inside."

I can feel my chest getting heavier as we walk back into the apartment and she closes the door behind us, locking it. I stand in the kitchen, waiting anxiously for her to speak. After a long sigh, she finally does. And I almost wish she didn't.

"It's Lord Hokage."

"W-What?? What about him?"

"He's fighting Orochimaru."

Orochimaru. I've heard that name before... No, I think I completed an investigation on him when I was in ANBU... He's one of the legendary sannin, alongside Tsunade and Jiraiya... Uncle Hiruzen's ex students... But if I recall correctly, he went rogue and joined the Akatsuki many years ago before suddenly disappearing from the face of the planet.

"Yugao..." I mutter, as my legs begin to shake beneath me. They collapse but she catches me before I hit the ground. The tears are already falling down my face. "Uncle Hiruzen..." I mutter, mind racing.

* * *

Kakashi stands beside me at my uncle's funeral, with Asuma on the right alongside Kurenai. The three genin stand to Kakashi's left. I can see Ebisu and Iruka along the front row as well, standing with my nephew. Iruka kneels down and places a shoulder on the weeping child's shoulder. I've never paid Konohamaru much mind until now. I guess it takes losing someone to realize the true value of family. Now, I will pledge to cherish family like it might disappear, because it really might. Life is limited, and you can never foresee if someone might lose theirs unexpectedly.

The tears slide down my cheeks and Kakashi's expression matches mine, though he doesn't cry. Kakashi doesn't cry in public, that's just the way he is. I wonder if he will cry tonight when we get home, or if he'll put up a strong facade because he feels like he needs to be strong for me.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look over to see Tenzo.

Almost the whole village is attending the Hokage's funeral. Everyone is mourning him, but nobody is hurting quite as much as I am.

There are so many things I wanted to say to him. So many things I'd wished we could have done.

We were just starting to get along...

I hold my round stomach and try to ignore the terrible feeling forming, knowing he will never know his grandchild.

Before I know it, the ceremony is over and people have begun to taper out. My mind is just blank—numb—as I continue to stare straight ahead at the picture frame perched on the stone grave.

"Come on," someone whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze. It's Kakashi, and his eyes are full of empathy. "Let's go home."

Time goes slow in the weeks to follow. Kakashi has been sent on back-to-back missions while the village tries to recuperate from Orochimaru's attack and the Hokage's sudden death. Left without a Hokage, the council is working hard to find another one but it's never an easy task.

I choose to stay at home this time, because going out is worse. Going out means pity looks from others. It means people constantly giving me their condolences, even strangers. And it means doing something other than lying in bed, curled up in a tight ball around my jutting stomach.

On the rare occasion Kakashi stops home, it's often only for a night and he's always too exhausted from his missions to spend quality time with me. I don't blame him, these times aren't easy for anyone. He tells me one night that there are rumors of the legendary Tsunade Senju, granddaughter of the first Hokage, stepping up as the Fifth.

"I hope so," I reply as he massages my feet. "The village needs a Hokage, we can't stay vulnerable like this."

"Hm," Kakashi agrees, and I see he's struggling to stay awake. I pull my feet away and order him to go to sleep and be obliges, climbing in beside me and wrapping his strong arms around me. He holds one hand on my jutting stomach while the other arm rests comfortably under my neck. His warm breath tickles the back of my neck until sleep finds us both.

I wake in the morning to Kakashi shifting, trying to remove his arm from under me without waking me. I groan, rolling over so we're face to face.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asks, freeing his arm and caressing my face.

"Mhm, it's okay. Where are you going?" I murmur with a hoarse morning voice. I notice the room is still dark, the sun hasn't even risen yet.

"A mission."

I groan again, leaning forward to kiss his nose. He takes me by the back of the head and nestles me into the space between his chin and neck. "Only three days this time," he says, running his fingers through my knotted hair. "Once Lady Tsunade takes over as Hokage, things will start to calm down again. I promise. Now sleep," he says, pulling back and kissing my forehead before rolling out of bed and quickly changing. He leaves without another word and I roll back over and fall once more into a deep sleep.

When I get up again, I decide once and for all to leave the house and get some fresh air. It can't be good for the baby, staying locked up all the time.

The streets are buzzing with people but I don't see many shinobi around. It's just as Kakashi said, all the shinobi are being utilized in this time of vulnerability and uncertainty. I spot the little black-haired pipsqueak and sneak up on him from behind.

"Sasuke," I say, grabbing his shoulder. He grunts in pain and I remove my hand, watching as he holds his shoulder with his own hand. I narrow my brows, watching the boy carefully as he avoids my eye. "What's that?" I prod at the hem of his shirt, trying to bring the strange, black mark into view.

"What, Kakashi hasn't told you?" he answers with attitude, pulling away from me. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. What is he talking about? "It's a bruise, I'm fine, leave me alone," he mutters, starting to walk away. I run ahead and step in front of him. He grimaces.

"No, he didn't tell me. How'd you get it?" I ask firmly, as I stare at the three-pronged mark. It's surrounded by some sort of sealing jutsu, signifying that it's no bruise... "How did you get the curse mark, Sasuke?" I grumble, a whispered growl. 

Again, the genin avoids my eyes but I persist.

"Orochimaru. During the second round in the Forest of Death."

I narrow my eyes, even more angry at this Orochimaru man. Not only did he kill my uncle but he left a nasty curse mark on my beloved pupil. I swear I will kill that bastard snake some day.

"Does it hurt?" I murmur, approaching him tentatively and reaching to pull his collar away to get a better look at it.

"I said I'm fine!" he exclaims, slapping my wrist. I recoil, staring at the onyx-eyed boy in shock. His eyes are darker than usual, they've lost the little glow they had left. All I see now is hatred and dark desire. I watch as he pounces off, completely disregarding me.

I feel like a failure of a sensei. I couldn't train Sakura enough to get her through to the finals. I can't even get through to my pupil, while he basks in his unending hatred and need for revenge.

I guess a lot has happened since I last spent time with my genin. I can't really help it, in my condition. And with Kakashi worrying about me so much, constantly putting me on bed-rest; I've missed out on so much.

That evening, Sakura appears at my door. She comes in crying, saying she didn't know where else to go. I sit her down while I get her some water, but she's sobbing so hard she can barely talk, let alone drink.

"Shh, take a breath and talk to me," I whisper, rubbing circles on her back. She wipes her tears and looks at me with her large, green eyes.

"It-It's- Sa-Sa-Sasu-ke-kun..." she says through whimpers. I furrow my brows and purse my lips together, tight. 

"What about Sasuke?" I ask, kneeling down and looking up at her, hands on her shoulders. She continues to rub her eyes as she struggles to talk.

"Oh, A-Ayame-Sensei!" She breaks down again and I go grab her a box of tissues. The dude better not have broken this poor girl's heart, I think as I hand her a tissue and she blows her nose into it. Though it wouldn't surprise me, considering the mood he was in earlier.

"You know Sakura, Sasuke is a troubled boy. I'm sure whatever he said, he didn't really mean. He was acting strange even to me earlier. He's gone through a lot, you know..." I say as I try to console the pink-haired girl. She looks up at me from behind the tissue and more water wells in her big, green eyes.

"S-Sensei," she mutters. "Sasuke-kun left, I tried to stop him. He said he had to pursue his goal and left," she tries to hold it together but breaks again and continues to cry over her lost teammate. I take a deep breath and sprint to the bedroom to grab my things. My jonin vest doesn't fit over my stomach anymore but I grab my weapons pouch with my knuckle blades and tie it around my waist. When I get back out to the living area, Sakura looks up at me with terrified eyes. "W-where are you going, Sensei?"

"Stay here," I whisper, walking past her swiftly and leaving the apartment. I make my way to the village gate and start to head out of the village but someone jumps down in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

"Lady Tsunade has already issued a search team," a voice says, and it's none other than Tenzo, all suited up in ANBU uniform. I sigh, furrowing my brows and looking into the dense forests behind him.

"Lady Tsunade is already here?"

"She arrived early, just a few hours ago. She's got a lot on her plate, with Lee in the hospital and Sasuke leaving the village. Just do her this one favor and go home. She doesn't need Kakashi scolding her for letting you escape in this condition."

Tenzo nods his head down to my stomach and I take it in my hand, rubbing it with sad eyes. "I'm a failure, Tenzo. I let him leave like that. I should have done more. I should have made him listen to me and convinced him not to leave."

The ANBU slumps his shoulders slightly, signifying his empathy. Though I can't see my friend's face, I know he feels my pain. Again, he glances down at my large baby bump.

"Don't worry, she sent ANBU after him. Just go and rest."

Go rest. Those are words I am so damn sick of, I wish I could strangle everyone who tells me that. I'm pregnant, not ill. But I nod, knowing I'm definitely not in a condition to take on Tenzo right now, and head back into the apartment.

I set Sakura up on the couch, because it's too late to take her home at this point, before heading to bed myself. I wish there was more that I could do, but I know I need to trust Tenzo and the others. I need to leave this in the ANBU's hands, however hard it may be.

I still feel like Sasuke is my personal responsibility, even though this matter was out of my hands long ago, as soon as Orochimaru became involved. I wish Kakashi were home because I'm not feeling particularly well tonight. My stomach feels funny, like I might throw up, and I wish Kakashi were here to soothe my whirling thoughts. 

I tend to throw up when I am particularly worried and stressed.

In the morning, I make a small breakfast for Sakura but am still feeling off so I skip it. She eats before going home all teary-eyed.

Evening comes and I still haven't heard word from Tenzo or anyone about Sasuke. I can only hope and pray that my pupil is okay, that he comes back in one piece—that he comes back at all.

I know all about Sasuke's need for revenge. I know about the massacre; I was one of the ANBU on the case right after it happened. I had to walk those streets and see all the dead bodies—men, women, and children—who were all slaughtered by one man named Uchiha Itachi. I had to listen as Yugao found a single survivor, Itachi's little brother, and watch as the child grew up with all of it—his entire clan and its horrible fate—weighing on his tiny, lone shoulders.

And now, here I am, watching as that child leaves the village, seeking out that demon of a snake Orochimaru and seeking revenge on his older brother. What a terrible path to be on, and there's nothing I can do to help him. He's beyond my reach now. He's beyond anyone's reach.

I fall into a dreamless sleep that night, hand clutching my belly. Only one thought comes to mind right now. This baby. I need to make sure this baby knows it's loved and never goes down a path like that. 

I need to love this baby with everything I've got.

* * *

I turn on the shower and step in weakly. I've been taking it easy so I don't understand why I've been feeling so weak today. Maybe I am sick, after all. It would explain the stomach pains these last couple of days.

Or maybe it's stress, considering everything that's going on.

Knowing Kakashi will be home soon from his mission, I ignore it for now and try to soothe myself with a hot shower. I hold my belly with one hand as I step in and feel the hot water roll over my body. With the other hand, I use the side of the shower for balance.

Suddenly, there's a wave of pain so bad I cry out. I have to grab hold of the wall with both hands, otherwise I would fall. The wave runs through me again and I grunt, grabbing my belly with one hand and wincing. I hear the front door of the apartment open but the pain is so bad I can't even speak.

When I open my eyes again, there's red. A scream escapes my lips and I watch with blurred vision as the red trails down my leg and into the drain. Falling to the shower floor, I clutch my stomach with both hands and cry out.

"No! No! No!"

There's a knock on the bathroom door and they try to open it but it's locked.

"No-hoh!" The indecipherable wail escapes my lungs in a frenzy as more red runs down the drain. The water continues to fall but all I can do is sit here. Pain fills my entire body, and not just from the earlier waves. A different kind of hurt. Emotional hurt. It feels like my heart has shattered. Like the feeling when your foot misses a step on the stairs, and for one fleeting moment you fall and your heart drops into your stomach momentarily.

But this is more than just a moment. It feels like an eternity. It feels like hell.

"Aya! Open up!" Kakashi yells, voice a panic, before be starts picking at the lock.

I sob, bending my head up so the water from the shower falls in my eyes and travels down my nose and throat creating a burning sensation but paying no mind to it, because the only thing my mind is focused on right now is the terrible color going down the drain, and I can't bare to look at it anymore. 

The color of blood. Pain. Heartache. Death.

"What's wrong-" he starts to say as he pulls the shower curtain back, but his voice cuts out and his breath catches in his throat when he sees it. My head is still hanging back, letting the water fall hot onto my face as I cry out something indecipherable, over and over and over again.

My mind races. It's over. My baby is gone. No, dead. My baby is dead. My baby died before it even got a chance at living.

Kakashi steps into the shower in his clothes, not even bothering to turn it off. He climbs in with me and sits down, pulling me into his arms. I fall, weakly, and he holds me. Maybe it's the water, but I think he cries too. I can see it in his eyes. His hair droops under the weight of the water and drips down onto my face as I bury my head into his vest, sobbing.

Suddenly, I feel selfish for ever thinking of the child as simply my own. Even though it shared the DNA of a different man, Kakashi was still just as invested as I was. I know now that he thought of it as his own child. 

I've lost his child. Oh god, I've just lost his child. What good am I? What have I done?

"I'm sorry..." I mutter, voice hitching terribly in my throat, "I'm so sorry-" He cups my face in both hands, forcing me to look at him. His eyes are wide open, pleading and sad.

"This is not your fault," he whispers, and I can hear the pain in his voice too. I let him hold me for a while and eventually he reaches up and turns the shower off. But we don't move. For a long time, we just sit here, neither of us able to do much more.

Soon I start to shiver, the cold air hitting my bare body. Kakashi takes his jonin vest off and wraps it around me, because we both know we'll be sitting here a while. 

I can't get up, I'm not ready. And he won't get up until I'm ready.

So we just sit in dead silence.