Evelyn...

•

Aaron woke up with a cat-like stretch, a yawn slipping out of his bitten lips as he sat up from the bed he was in. Which. Was not his.

He pushed his hair out of his eyes. Seriously wondering now if his haircut has been postponed for too long as he looked over to who was lying next to him, still fast asleep and completely naked much to his surprise.

His face went a light shade of pink at the discovery. Quickly tossing the covers back over him as he looked himself over, considering what they were doing-

Not much happened after that.

They were too drunk, and tired. And neither were feeling both at the same time. They both seemed to just knock out after everything else.

They talked all night.

It made Aaron feel warm inside thinking about it. There was a lot they shared. And it was almost- strange how little they did know. But nothing came as a surprise. He wasn't sure he's ever told someone so much before. Ambrose just felt... Easy to confess to. And everything he asked the man, he answered to whatever he wanted.

He gave a muffled snore from where he laid, interrupting his thoughts as Aaron had to stifle his laughter. Slipping out of bed to see if maybe he'd get him something to help with Ambrose's inevitable hangover, plus he wouldn't mind some orange juice himself.

The house was cold, the large glass windows letting in cloudy sunlight as the morning ticks on. Bare feet gently padding across the floor as he crossed to the kitchen busying himself with the clinking of glasses and the promise of juice he made to his parched throat.

Today was a half-day at the highschool anyways. They'd be fine if no one notices they're not there, they tend to get pretty hectic as it is, so Aaron didn't have a doubt they called that annoying substitute back just in case a class had no teacher. And well- Aaron was already well known for wandering off.

He moseyed over to the fridge. Plucking out the carton he shook vigorously before pouring it out into his recently favorited mug. Taking a drink as he plopped onto the couch with a sigh.

The blond smiled to himself. Satisfied with himself one could say. Just thinking about how nice it was to be like this. Maybe as an adult, he'll make enough to get a pretty house like this. Maybe he wouldn't have to. Maybe he could just move in.

For a moment his thoughts stopped. The rouge one that had popped up last making the tips of his ears go red. No need for him to get ahead of himself-

He put down his empty mug, laying back on the couch, the cool air giving him goosebumps as he rubbed at his arms. Not really expecting the heavy hand on his head as he blanked.

Wait... Who's Evelyn?

"You're up early." Ambrose gave a sleepy yawn as he ruffled his hair. Sheet tightly wrapped around his waist as he walked over to where his boyfriend sat. Radiating heat as he leaned against him. Gently massaging his temple as he tried to wake himself up more. His hair a mess, and his eyes still doused with sleep.

"It's nearly 10." Aaron laughed weakly. Snuggling up against him as he suddenly remembered that name. They were just moments away from unconsciousness, Ambrose's eyes were already shut when he said it. Hand tightly gripping his, like he somehow thought Aaron was whoever they were.

"I have a spare toothbrush in the bath if you need it." Ambrose couldn't help but yawn again as he said it. It helped cover up the skip his heart made at the fact that he actually said it.

"O-Oh, thank you, Amby. I'll do that in a minute." Aaron mumbled as he realized he was going to wait a minute after the taste of juice left his mouth.

"Mhmm..." He leaned in closer, gently pulling his arm around him as their heads rest against each other. Both enjoying the comfort and warmth Aaron knew he was going to regret not savoring.

He let it linger a moment longer before he let out a soft, quiet laugh.

"Hey, I just remembered something else from last night... You were talking half asleep so I thought it was a bit weird, but... Who's Evelyn?" He asked, his voice mild and light in case the answer wasn't anything serious to think about. He was almost sure it wasn't.

But Ambrose jumped. He literally jolted against him as he heard the name, like he had pinched him in the side instead of asked a question like the dozens he had no problem answering the night before.

His brows furrowed. Scooting back suddenly to try and catch a glimpse into his now wandering green eyes.

"Ah," He cleared his throat. Clearly avoiding his gaze, in a way that just made Aaron's confusion twist into frustration. "I don't want to talk about that."

He stood up abruptly, the blond's eyes going wide as he turned back around to head to his bedroom, leaving him there with such an unsatisfying answer as if that was the end of things. If you could even call what he said an answer. He bolted up. Following right after him with more than a bit of disbelief written across his freckled face.

"Uhm, why not, if it's embarrassing I won't care?" He tilted his head, trying to grab a hold of his wrist only for him to snatch it back to both of their shock. Ambrose stopping in place. Swallowing hard for a minute before collecting himself.

"We already talked enough. Lets just let this one rest."

"You had no problems talking to me last night just so we don't have to talk anymore now? Knox. What even is that thought." He crossed his arms over his chest. Eyes downcast. "Or is the only time you'll listen to me is when you're drunk?"

"Aaron. Don't." He was using that teacher voice that made the boys throat tighten, suddenly seething at the thought that he thinks that'll make him shut up.

"You can't tell me it's not true if you can't even give me a good reason why you can't share why you called me someone else-" His voice cracked. He wish it didn't but it did as he looked up at him. Wondering suddenly why he felt so... Sad.

Ambrose forced his gaze up to look at his boyfriend, his heart beating uncomfortably fast in a way he hadn't felt in years. He felt like he was going to be sick, like his heart was about to explode as panic seemed to sink into him with sharp teeth. How much time has he spent dealing with these feelings because of this- this-

her

"A-Aaron.. I..." His voice shook as he looked at the hurt across his features. Almost loosing all air as he watched the first few tears slip passed his pale cheeks.

"I-I thought, you wanted m-me to stay." He said softly. Arms wrapped around himself tightly. Oh no. No no no no no-

He opened his mouth to say something. Anything. Something as he reached out to him with a shaking hand. No. No. No-

The words fell out of his mouth as he took a step back. His chest heaved in pain. He could barely mutter it as his throat tightened even further.

He was going to lose him too. Oh no, oh no-

"Am...brose-"

He collapse a bit too suddenly for Aaron to react correctly. If he could, act correctly in a moment like this.

~

He ran a hand gently through his hair. Relief washing over him as he finally managed to calm down still cradling each other as Aaron managed to drag themselves back into bed. He almost called an ambulance, but at least Ambrose managed to shake his head 'no' as he offered in his alarm.

He's seen his friend have a panic attack before. But be never once expected to see this happen to someone like Ambrose, even now as he held him against chest as his breathing began to even out, of all the other times he's let his angry and stoic mask up, this one seemed like he was just left.... The most vulnerable. There was a lot more to learn than he expected. So much more than he could've thought.

His breath fanned across his collarbone. He was still trembling, shaken... And it felt awful to look at him like this. He felt guilty. Like this was his fault somehow. Maybe he shouldn't have pushed so hard to answer something like this... But how was he really supposed to know it would hurt him this badly? He just knew how much it hurts now to know the answer could be... This bad.

He sniffled. Not wanting to cry again as he held onto him tighter. Pressing a kiss to the top of his head as Ambrose let out another broken sob.

"I'm sorry." He said into his skin. Uneven breath hot as he mumbled into Aaron's hold. "I'm so-sorry..."

The blond wasn't sure how to feel about him apologizing to him. It only made the sinking feeling in his stomach well deeper as he clenched his eyes shut. Still running his hands through his hair as he felt the tears run down his boyfriend's cheeks.

They weren't sure how long they spent this way. Quietly holding onto each other like one might slip away if they don't. Well until Ambrose stopped shaking and crying. Till his breath spaced out and his head lifted. Green eyes rimmed red, half-lidded, and filled with the exhaustion that comes with these things.

"Aaron?" He croaked lightly. His voice course and tired.

It took a lot more than he expected to meet those green eyes with his own. Both of them looking at each other with worry so clearly strewn on their faces. Worry for each other.

"Knox..?"

Aaron almost wanted to hit himself for the force of habit. But it made Ambrose snicker that he didn't use his first name. And that itself made him feel like it's already gotten better.

"You don't have to call me that..." He said quietly. His words wavering a bit. "I didn't mean to scare you like that."

His voice still shook. Something clicked in Aaron's head that he wasn't talking about the other thing... Just him.

"It's not your fault...." He wanted to say it was his. But his mind felt jumbled as it is. He wasn't sure if poisoning himself with that thought would be good for either of them.

"It is." His arms wrapped around him tighter as his eyes drifted off. "I-I thought you were going to actually leave... Because of what..."

He swallowed hard. Clearly having trouble with what he wanted to say.

"Because of her."

"You don't have to talk about it Ambrose-"

"I want to."

They paused. Silently looking at each other before Ambrose remembered he wanted to speak. It was so odd seeing him like this.

"She's.... She was.... The girl I was supposed to marry." Ambrose knew he sounded strained as he spoke. But even now, after how long he's managed to spend not thinking about her, he realized it still hurt.

Aaron could almost imagine what happened. His breath hitching at the image in his mind, nothing good. Nothing happy. Nothing that didn't scar him this badly.

He remembered once, how he mentioned a girlfriend in highschool. So briefly. So indescribable light. Neither of them noticed then. But he was now.

"We were such good friends. I knew her since we were little.... O-our parents worked together. And as old fashioned as they are... They set us up with more than a few hopes." He could still hear their squabbling about whatever family business they could pass along when it happened. Too bad it never did. "I didn't think it was... Bad. I thought I loved her. She was the only person I trusted then. But I wasn't..." He took in a heavy breath. "I didn't... I just-"

It hung unspoken between them. Dangling in the air in a haunting way.

His breath grew uneven. Aaron gently running his hand through his hair to try and calm him down. Heart hammering in his chest at what he heard. Throat going dry at this news.

"I told her I couldn't. I told her I liked men and I couldn't. I thought she would understand. We loved each other after all but-" His throat tightened, another sob fighting to get out. He almost felt another panic attack bubble at the surface. But he had Aaron to hold onto. He was grounded. He could talk.

"

She told me she wouldn't leave... But she did. Not before making everything so much worse." The tears streamed down his cheeks again. "S-she told my sister. My parents. They still can't look at me. They weren't much before but they were all I had... Gone."

Gently did he rest his head against his bare chest. Taking in another shuddering breath as Aaron's heart ached. So much making sense so quickly.

"She.... Hurt me... S-so much..." He muttered. "I don't know why... I still..." He couldn't finish. His eyes shut tightly as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Ambrose..." Aaron hadn't realized that he shed tears of his own until he reached up to wipe them away. Both of their wet eyes locked, glimmering with emotion.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you."

Not you too...