You can’t forget the past, and you can’t determine the future. All you can do is live in the moment. What about when that moment ends? You may not be able to forget the past, but you are supposed to leave the past behind you. So, is it all that bad to reminisce in the moments that are no longer current?  

I reminisce on the moments I had with you the most.

I guess I was stupid. A teenage love story? Those never last. What made me expect ours to? I have so many questions that you can never answer.

I remember the day we met almost vividly. I was sitting outside on the bleachers, trying to quickly read the assigned chapter before my next class, when you plopped down beside me.

“Wha-” I started to say.

“Shh… just pretend I’m not here.” You hissed, glancing towards something that I couldn't see. I realised my mouth was gaped as I stared at you wide-eyed. I quickly snapped it shut.

“uhh…” I trailed off, completely oblivious to what was going on. You sighed and seemed to relax before turning back to me.

“Sorry about that, I just needed to blend in. The name’s Daniel, and yours?”

“Hiding from someone?” I chuckled. “Call me Jinxx.” I held out my hand. You shook it firmly. I smiled, and an irreplaceable friendship was born. However, I didn’t know that yet.

The next time I saw you was, surprisingly, in detention. I never got detentions, and I will still argue with you that I am no rebel. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to run into Joanne Rosenfeild, and it wasn’t my fault that she had that darn temper and threw a punch… or that I reciprocated; it was self defence! I swear! However I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it a little bit. Just a little bit.

I walked into the detention room with my head down. I don’t really know how you recognized me by just the top of my head, but you did.

“Jinxx!” You said rather loudly. My head snapped up, I hadn’t expected to see you here. You waved me over and I filled the vacant seat beside you. I turned to you in mock anger and exasperation.

“What did you do now?” I raised an eyebrow questioningly. I could already tell that you were mischievous. You raised your hands in surrender.

“Hey, I was just late too many times, excuse me for not being timely.” You sassed out. “What about you little miss rebel?”

I smiled sheepishly. “I may or may not have accidently run into Joanne Rosenfeild.”

“And?”

“And accidentally punched her in the face.”

Your smirk spread so wide across your face I was afraid that your face would break.

“Did you hit true?”

I shrugged. “I think I broke her nose…”

You bit your lip and raised your hand for a high five. I smiled stupidly as our palms met causing a satisfying smack.

The bell rang to signal the start of detention and we were forced to be silent. We spent most of the hour long detention trying not to burst out laughing at our oh-so-middle-school note conversation.

I still have those notes, you know.

When detention was over you walked me home, turns out we lived on the same street just a few houses from each other. We paused on my front porch, not sure how to say goodbye. should we just walk away? shake hands? hug? I’m not sure what we were supposed to do, but you held out your hand, so I went for a shake. Your chuckling confused me.

“No, Jinxx, your phone. Give me your phone.”

My mouth formed an “O” as I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I shook my head at myself as you typed your number into my contacts list. You handed my phone back with a simple half smile. I took it and entered my house, quickly looking out the window to watch you walk away. When you were gone I looked down at my phone, still open to your contact, and burst out laughing.

Danny Boy (Your totes BFF) the contact name read, it was followed by a series of random faces.

After that, our friendship somehow got closer. We were inseparable. My friends could tell I was texting you just by the stupid smile that seemed to take over my face any time your name lit up my cellphone screen.

The school year was soon over, and you were heading to England for a couple of weeks. I was stuck with no late night text conversation or early morning greetings for a total of seventeen days. It felt like torture. Who was I supposed to make philosophical breakthroughs with at 3am? I had no one to help me try and figure out whether it was pegasi or pegasuses, or If a group could be referred to as a glitter? It’s a good thing I had those two weeks though, it taught me how to live without you by my side, I never would have guessed that I would eventually need that skill.

You were back in the US soon enough, however you were still not in the same state for the rest of the summer, you were in Texas while I was at home; and then in the end of the summer you were back home while I was in the great state of Alabama. Our conversation rarely ceased from the moment you stepped foot back on American soil.

That’s probably what I miss the most: the texts. 3am was our time; if I was plagued with way too many thoughts to sleep, I could text you. You’d be there to get me to stop being an idiot and just sleep. I guess that’s why my name in your phone was The Idiotic Insomniac.

All good things have to come to an end though. I seemed to have forgotten that because I thought I would know you forever--that we would be the inseparable best friends for the rest of our lives. I guess I should have known our moment was almost over the day you asked me if you should move. Turns out your parents were contemplating exactly that. Of course I told you no. Capital “N-O”, you should not move. It was barely a month later when it was confirmed that you were in fact moving.

    You started to drift from me, basically avoiding me at school or in our neighborhood. The texts slowed. Soon there was no contact at all. Our confrontation though, was the worst. I texted you one day, after probably weeks of no contact. You were moving in a month. Immediately, you said you didn’t want to talk to me. It had taken me nearly a month to realize I loved you, but it took me barely a second to panic and say it. It took you just as little time to tell me you could never feel the same.

    That was it, quick as a flash we were nothing. Everyday until you left, I saw you in the hallway. It was like a stab to the chest and my knees felt weak, every single time. When you were finally gone it was even more strange, almost like you never existed.

    Your existence was sudden though, when the news reached my ears. The news of your death. Almost a year later. A car crash and you were gone. Really, and truly gone. I was given some of your possessions. I found a journal, and it was full of letters towards me. You hurt me, to protect me. I think that was the most painful thing to find out, that you really did care. I just had to wait for you to die to know that.

    Still I like to thrive in the memories of our little moment.

I understand now why people say to live in the moment, because everything really is just a moment, you blink and everything has changed and suddenly the present is the past. That’s exactly what we were: a moment; and in retrospect we were a great moment.