(This is to my Ex-Complicated relationship. I know he won't ever read this, he never really had an interest in the songs and poems I wrote about him. This is just personal junk being expressed)

-----

You want me to be open

but you cry every time

Tell me how I hurt you

because I have 

doubts sometimes

Even when you tell me

 that you are mine

but you think the same thing 

So why is not ok for me

but it's ok for you

to have those kinda thoughts 

in your mind?

I told you that I'm hurt

I told you I'm broken

I told you I'm still healing

You told me that was ok

You told me you wouldn't leave

You told me you wouldn't lie to me

But you did

You left

You lied

And it wasn't ok

You told me all these things

you didn't believe

You set me up

You said if

I told you

I wasn't ready

That you would

respect me

But respect

to me

And respect

to you

Are two

different things

it seems

Cause every time 

I told you no

You told me that 

I was hurting you

You said I was cruel 

for my honesty

What did you want from me?

You want me to lie?

You want me to cry?

You want me to hide?

You tell me I'm a liar

And that I don't care

That we are onesided

And I don't do enough

But I'm a romantic

I did and do all the little things

But you don't appreciate anything

If it's not what you think I owe you

Anytime I got the chance

I made time for you

I rode my bike miles

Just to be with you

But you seem to forget

All I do for you

Whenever it's

convenient to

You say it's not fair

to you

How is it not fair?

Do you

Really think it's fair

For you

To treat me the way you do?

Just because you gave away yourself

before you were with me

That doesn't mean I don't love you

if I don't give you my virginity

I have values, and you said it was ok

But I guess you're a good liar, Cause you fooled me

Now we burn down in a fire

That you spent all this time preparing

Right from the beginning

and now you've struck us down with lightning

Lighting ablaze

burning through

Everything hiding behind that

facade you construed

Broke my trust and my heart

But when you left I didn't fall apart

No

And it's not because I didn't love you

Cause I loved you wholeheartedly

It's just as I'm bleeding out

I realize I've been cut free

Thank you for leaving

Cause that's what it took to see

That what we had was nothing

But another fake fantasy

I loved you

But you didn't love me

Why else would you leave

being caught lying to me?

Why else would nothing I do

Really matter to you?

Why else would you blame

everything on me?

Why else would you say

that I never loved you?

My parting words were

I wish you the best

I want you to find

Happiness

I hope you find

what makes you happy

Even if whatever that is

doesn't involve me

If you loved me at all

You wouldn't have 

complained 

about the waiting...

If you were really 

committed 

you'd be fine 

with just me...

You wouldn't see

my values

as a burden...

You wouldn't have 

flooded a fire 

with gasoline...

once upon a time

You made the effort 

to include me

You were pretty good 

at listening

I thought you were 

trustworthy

You were such a 

good friend to me

That was the you 

that I first knew

But you changed 

once I said I liked you

You just kept wanting 

more and more of me

Physical

Intimacy

But now that

we're through

You're free of me

I'm free of you

I hope you find 

happiness 

in the sea

Of plenty of fish 

other than me

I'll be in 

freshwater

Swimming in 

a stream

On whatever 

journey

life is taking me

-----