Dear Diary,

I wrote down, staring at the new fancy notepad I got from the supermarket few days after the pep talk with my mom.

Who still has this? I have so many things to say but I'll put them into writing 'cause yu'know I have no best friend to tell...just putting it out there. Truth be told, I miss her so much...but the anger, rage, hurt and pain I feel rn, I could kill her with a turning stick. I'm lonely and.......and......it hurts so much...

I stopped writing when the tears dropped on the ink. I still couldn't fathom why it had to be my best friend. I loved her like a sister...she knew everything about me...I mean who does that, right? I said out loud to the diary I named MY NEW BESTIE, IZZY, then closed it and laid down, facing the ceiling. I wanted the misery to end...I had a week left in my leave and I wasn't ready to start work in the same office with Samantha.

My phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it was my boss. I waited for a while... basically to dance to my ringtone 🎶Maybe IDK by Jon Bellion and to clear my throat properly.

'Hello sir,' I said smiling on my end.

'Hey Phoenix. How are you?'

'Good. Enjoying my vacation as a matter of fact. Don't want it to end....the truth.'

He laughed...I missed his laugh so much and his eyes and every other thing about him that wasn't black. Hey! I'm not being racist...stop giving me the eyes.

'Well, it's gotta end eventually. I had to check up on you...make sure you haven't fallen from the face of the earth.'

'I appreciate it sir. I'll be back to resume on Monday. Thank you.'

The call ended I needed that. My phone rang again and I checked the caller ID. It was an unknown number so I reluctantly picked.

'Hello!' I stood still....my heart racing like I ran with a sports car. I recognized that voice, even in my dreams.

'What do you want Eric?' I asked him, being serious. He still had that hold on me cause I hadn't forgotten the good times, just that he shared them with Sam too.

'I miss you Becky...so much,' he said. I couldn't detect if he was serious or playing on my pain. I became mean... basically to drive my point that he is history, also show him I've moved on even if it was a big lie.

'How can you miss someone you cheated on...with my bestfriend? I'm trying to move on and forget you...make it easy for me, please Eric.'

'Wait, what? Your best friend? Becky, you've got this all wrong,' he voiced out but I was too pained to listen so I cut him short.

'You've got the wrong number Eric...maybe you should call Sam,' I said, my eyes clouded with tears, 'Thank you for calling.'

'Wait, Becky....' I ended the call and faced the mirror, holding my chest don't you let them tears fall Becky....you're stronger than this...you are a strong woman, own it I said to myself, hitting my chest lightly and trying to be calm. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

'Let it out darling,' my mom said. I turned and looked at her. 'I don't want to mom... it'll hurt too much, ' I said, putting my head on her laps, while she rubbed my shoulder.

'Let it go...cry as much as you want. I won't stop you.'

At that I bursted, screaming my heart out at the top of my voice 'it hurts so much mom....too much. I didn't deserve that...he took me for granted...all I did was love him, even when I had the chance to cheat, I didn't cause I loved him...he didn't have to do that to me.

My mom kept patting my shoulder. 'I know baby...let it out...till it's all gone.'

It took at least 30 minutes for me to tone down...I had a pool of tears and mucus from my nose all bundled in a spot. My eyes hurt and my voice changed. I heard my mom tell my sister to get a clean face towel from the rack with warm water to the room.

She raised my head. 'Your eyes are so red and your face is a mess. It's time to rise from the rock bottom you have placed yourself. It's time I see the Rebecca I birthed. You did great sweetheart. I'm so proud of you.'

'I love you mom,' I whispered.

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Author's note

Thank you for reading. It's the same thing I'll say...vote, comment and suggest sugar.

You know what to do. Beep me if you want to chat. I'm not a shrink but I can advise your crazy ass back to reality.

Lemme copy my friend Eddy622... she's always saying when she'll update next...I miss your comments darling. Please read and give me those suggestions. One love.

Next update : when key letters meet blank page. 🤣🤣🤣

Words: didn't count...

It's always....

With love ♥️

Joy Akpan 😊