I love to walk.

And I especially love to walk through the posh streets of Notting Hill.

But as I walk listening to my music all I hear is my father's disgusting words in my head.

And what's even more despicable is he had begged me to not say anything. This man who has always been about doing the right thing above all else asked his daughter to keep the secret of his infidelity from her mother.

I reach into the cool pocket of my rain jacket and then blast the music volume up from my phone in the hopes of drowning that hypocritical, phony of a man from my mind.

Vance Joy's song plays loudly in the drums of my ears and the heavy large raindrops begin to fall. The thoughts of my father are washed from my thoughts as the periodic large drops glaze the lightweight material of my water-proof jacket and the bill of Ollie's ball cap.

'She likes the rain.'

His comment struck me. I knew he knew this. We were the best of friends growing up. We knew everything there was to know about each other as best friends do.

How he knew I liked my cereal soggy.

How I knew his first kiss was to a girl who lived in Cornwall named Sierra when he was twelve.

He also knew I hated my freckles and I was constantly teased and bullied at school.

What happened to us?

I've pondered over this question for so long. Even now, when I smell the crisp scent of wet pine trees near Central Park I think of Ollie and wonder how we drifted so far apart.

It started off so subtly. But by the time I was nineteen and he was eighteen it was like we were no more than strangers. I've gone over the potential catalyst for our fall out again and again in the past but I can never pinpoint it. No fights, no misunderstandings, nothing.

It's like he just quit bothering to be my friend but was too kind to say it.

I realize my loud music has somehow stopped and I hadn't even noticed. Retrieving my phone from my pocket I see I've got three unread text messages and one missed call.

1 missed call OLLIE THOMAS

My heart skips a beat and my brows furrow. I stop dead in my tracks and check over my shoulder to be sure I'm not rear-ended by a fellow walker due to my sudden stop. Then I look back to my phone completely perplexed.

What the heck?

There is no way I'm returning his call.

So, I close out of my missed calls and I open my text message app.

Maggie: meet at BB's for a bite and coffee? We need a game plan for tonight!

Me: I'll be there in an hour. See you there.

I tap to go back to my unread messages and see the next one is from Jeremy and Ollie.

My eyes widen and wonder if he's messing with me.

Instantly, that realization makes my cheeks become hot and I'm feeling sheepish and insecure. Despite my uneasy feelings, I tap his unread message to read.

O: I'm having a get together at my place tonight. It's going to be raining and shit weather for pub crawling so you're more than welcome to stop by.

I gnaw on the inside of my cheek trying to figure out what he is playing at.

I let out a frustrated growl and open Jeremy's message still analyzing Ollie's message and if there could be a sinister under text to it.

J: Hey babe. I miss you. I hope you're doing okay. Here for you as always to talk. Please call me soon.

I thrust the phone back into my pocket and walk swiftly trying to keep my confused and whizzing thoughts controlled.

Inside BB's small quaint cafe I take my seat relaxing into the soft pink chair at a corner table looking to the door for Maggie.

She's always late and I'm always early, so I settle in and sip the hot coffee immediately feeling the warmth fill my veins.

"B, we've got to leave today. Rose is going to kill us if we spend another day here." I can't help but listen in on a couple's conversation at a table close by.

A rather handsome man named 'B' scoffs and rolls his eyes, "Mum can put a cork in it. There's still several places we need to visit before we leave."

The young woman sighs and shakes her head with disapproval. "Fine. You better make it up to me tonight. She's going to blame me from keeping her beloved son from her."

The man's shoulders bounce in a quiet chuckle then he leans forward and speaks quietly, although I can still hear him, "T, you've got no idea what I have in store for you and your fat ass tonight."

Oh my goodness

Why do I keep getting put in the middle of people and their vulgar sex talks?

I stuff my earbuds in and turn my Spotify app on, needing anything on so I don't have to hear about this couple's sex life.

By the time I finish my cup of coffee Maggie struts in carrying shopping bags in each hand.

She plops down in the burnt orange chair across from me with a sigh and an upset pout to her lips. "It's raining."

I take notice of her damp shoulders and the drops of rain collecting in her professionally dyed blonde hair, "Yes, I know."

"It's going to rain all bloody night. I've gone out and bought you several outfits to wear tonight, but this rain has ruined everything."

I crack a smile and place my earbuds into my jacket and find her reaction a tad ridiculous but also genuinely authentic.

I know Maggie is upset because our girl's night has literally been washed down the drain but I also know she's upset because she wants me to have a good time tonight.

"Ollie mentioned after you left that he was throwing a party tonight. How do you feel about going there instead?" Maggie asks.

"Oh, uhh...that means Stewart will be there. I don't know Mags...I don't really like parties, I always feel awkward-"

"No, you made a promise last night. I will not allow you to be some eighty-year-old sitting at home knitting socks for her cats."

I chuckle and shake my head at her reference, but...perhaps she's right? I know I came here for a reason and I thought it was simply to feel the English soil beneath my feet and be surrounded by the places of where my memories were pure and untainted.

But now it's clear I'm here to live. To take that uncomfortable step out of my comfort zone and do something worthwhile.

And right now...that's getting dressed up in an outfit that I'd never wear and drinking a little too much.

You know I couldn't help but throw a Woman and Flame reference in there 🤭

The next chapter will be longer, promise!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas 🎄

CC