I know I shouldn't admit it outloud. But I do.

"Why do you do this? Everytime you think someone is interested in me you act out. You did it with Tally at the bar and you did it with Thylane?" He turns to face me while still remaining at the edge of his bed.

That answer is a simple one, but I can't admit it. It is because I am jealous. It's plain as day to me that I'm jealous of anyone who is the least bit interested in Ollie. Because I know they'd accept him and his life willingly. Meanwhile, his lifestyle terrifies me.

I hadn't realized what my actions would do to everyone else. I simply wanted to get out of there and try to gain some perspective...I also, maybe, was hoping deep down Ollie would come looking for me.

I know it's immature. And I know it's wrong. I know all this, yet I still did it. I don't feel good about myself but I couldn't help it. I wanted the validation that if he was indeed with Thylane he left her and chose to deal with me instead.

I'm so awful. And I hate that I've done this.

In addition to being immature and selfish I'm no closer to figuring out what I want than I was last night. I'm reminded, now that he's in front of me, that I'm incredibly attracted to him. Yet, being with him means living in a fish bowl. And I don't want that.

I do want him but I don't want the attention of being in his life and what that would cause.

Last weekend here at the Thomas Manor showed me enough. One little kiss with Ollie inevitably turns into so much more. I was naive thinking our secret affair would satisfy both of us.

"I didn't act out. I left. I removed myself from the situation-."

"No." He laughs that angry laugh again and turns further to face me, "You left knowing I'd come after you. You just admitted that, Muriel."

His piercing green eyes and quick counters have me panicking. I don't do well with confrontation. I know I've just admitted it, but it still feels as though he's twisting my words around.

"I didn't mean it exactly like-."

"Then what did you mean? Exactly?" He pins me again with his eyes and words. "Because what I see from my point of view is you only want me when someone else does. And then you take your anger out on me when I've only done exactly what you wanted."

"I know, I'm sorry." I say looking down at my fidgeting hands gripping the blankets and twisting them tightly in my lap. "I didn't mean to scare anyone. I am just so confused and needed space. And I know I said I wanted you to follow me but that doesn't mean you should have."

"Murry, this isn't a difficult concept. You are the one who is making this difficult." He says, his voice low and slow. I know he's exhausted, physically and most likely mentally because of me. "Tell me what you want?" He asks again.

I exhale my chest twisting up painfully. I want nothing more than to say 'Yes' to Ollie. But saying yes to Ollie is saying yes to living in a fish bowl.

"I am willing to keep us private. I am willing to do what ever the hell you want to do." He adds making everything sound that much more sweet.

The urge to climb over to him and fall into his arms overwhelms me, but I remain planted where I'm at. If I were to say yes to Ollie I'd only become more addicted to him. And he's only going to grow larger and larger in the spotlight. If I'm afraid of the sort of attention being with him now would garner, who knows what a year from now would do?

I gulp, swallowing the building cry in my stinging throat and shake my head to answer.

He narrows his green eyes and asks quickly, "What does that mean?"

"It means no, Oliver."

He shakes his head, and laughs to himself again, then stands. "Fine. Be a stubborn little shite."

"I'm not being-."

"Get dressed. You're not staying here." He tells me, standing from the bed and goes to his door and opens it, tossing my pants over to me he's swiped from the floor.

"You can't kick me out of here," I say catching them before they land on my face.

"Yes, I can. This is my house." He cocks a dark brow and glares at me from the doorway.

"This isn't your house, Jane said-."

"I don't care what Mum said. And it is my house. I bought it from them. You can take your pretty little arse out of my room and get into the car, you're going back to London whether you like it or not."

"You can't do that!" I yell at him, completely overtaken by my anger at how immature he's being. He's only acting like a spoiled brat because I denied him.

"Mum!" He yells down the hall and this time I'm the one to laugh because he's calling his mommy to tattle on me. "We're leaving, start the car!"

Oh shit.

Ollie charges into the room and I scramble back across the bed on my hands and knees but my ankle is snatched and yanked back hard. I kick at him with my free foot and scream at him, but he catches it and grips it hard. 

"Ollie!" I yell at him, seething he's manhandling me like this. "Stop it!" 

He scoops me easily from the bed to his shoulder and struts out of the room, with my panty-clad rear end out for anyone who has come to Thomas Manor to see, which is horrifying. "Oliver! Put me down right now!" I order hating that my arms are wrapped around his torso to hang onto him.

"Maggie, go get her clothes from my bedroom." He says, forcing my eyes into circles.

"Alright." Maggie snorts a laugh and brushes past us on the stairs heading upstairs, when I twist my head around I see her giggling with her hand covering her mouth at my predicament. 

I protest even more, but Ollie ignores me as he walks through the entire house with me on his shoulder and my nearly bare ass out for the world to see. He steps into the mudroom and I notice my things have already been collected from the bench. "Put me down, now," I growl as he opens the cracked door and steps outside.

"You have no shoes on, what gentleman would force you to walk across gravel without anything on your feet."

I ground my teeth together and crane my neck again to see Maggie jogging with my pants and glasses in hand then shuts and locks the door behind her. I'm planted in the front passenger's seat, and refrain from kicking Ollie's head when he reaches across me and buckles my seat belt. Then he climbs in the back seat behind me.

Jane gives me an apologetic look from the driver's seat, and Maggie climbs in behind her tossing my pants up to me and setting my glasses on the center console near my arm. 

I seeth while I turn my pants right-side out and then jam my feet into them and yank them hard up my legs and button them, all the while the car is so tense the atmosphere could be cut with a knife.

"Would you like your phone, Mur?" Maggie asks holding it out to me from the backseat. I swipe it from her without a thank you and glare out my window as Jane begins driving down the gravel drive. I fix my glasses to my face and cross my arms, clutching my phone in my hand but keep my glare outside my window wanting to yell at everyone in the car.

I had felt guilty for what I put them through. But, all of them just allowed Ollie to embarrass me, and Maggie is still giggling in the back seat.

It's been two hours and the car has been silent the entire ride. The sound of Ollie's quiet snores fills the back and even Maggie has fallen asleep with her head resting on her brother's shoulder. Leaving Jane and me, and my recently turned on cell phone. I flipped the Airplane mode setting off and the second I did my phone became flooded with missed calls and text messages. 

Everyone has tried to reach me, the entire Thomas Clan as well as my family in America. Including unsaved phone numbers, I know as my dad and Jeremy's.

Jane clears her throat, pulling my attention from my phone, and takes a glance over her shoulder at Ollie and Maggie in the backseat, "If you'd only told us where you were going, it wouldn't have blown into this giant thing, Muriel."

I bite the inside of my cheek and nod, "I know. I'm sorry." 

"Of course I forgive you." Jane gives me a light smile and takes my hand in hers while she keeps hold of the steering wheel. "They will too. You know they love you, Darling." 

I nod again and lift my eyes from her hand holding mine to the front windshield. "You've never been one to run from challenges. I reckon you should try to face them." She adds with a smile.

"I don't want to see Dad. He doesn't deserve it." I tell her.

"I'm not talking about Henry." 

My heart does a little skip and I feel the blood rushing to my face and neck causing my skin to redden. Admitting I'm attracted to Ollie is not something I want to discuss with Jane, his mother. This is just as mortifying as being carried out of the house in my underwear. So, I decide to not say anything and begin skimming through my phone to clear all the notifications from the missed calls and text messages. "Ignoring or not facing your feelings will only cause you more grief in the end, Mur. I know my son has made his feelings clear to you and it is your choice to do what you will with them. You never have to worry about us being angry with you or anything like that, you'll always be part of our family, no matter how you feel about Oliver. We want you to be able to talk to us, not disappear in the middle of the night. Even if it is about Ollie."

I give a quick look over my shoulder to be sure they are still sleeping in the back and suck on my bottom lip, "I do have feelings for Ollie. Big feelings, but I want to remain invisible." Saying it out loud feels as if a ten-ton weight has lifted from my shoulders, and once the initial embarrassment wears off I'm able to glance over at Jane who is smiling.

"You know he'd keep you safe. He'd do everything to be sure you weren't hounded and kept your privacy. People in his profession have normal partner's all the time. It's not this impossible concept."

"I know, but he's also so pushy," I say and she giggles next to me, the sweet sound forcing my lips to turn into a smile.

"I suppose that's my fault. He is a spoiled little twit." We both laugh quietly and I begin to wonder if she's right. Do people in the spotlight really have private relationships? I'm sure at one point, it was possible. But now, with social media and phones with cameras everywhere, I'm skeptical if it is even possible. "You should talk with him and be honest with him. Talk with Denise as well, it's her job to keep his affairs in order."

I scroll through the missed calls, ignoring my dad and Jeremy's many calls and select my sister's missed call and tap the call button.

"Mur?" She answers quickly just after the first ring, "You dumb bitch. What the hell?"

"Sorry." I bite onto the side of my lip knowing she's about to tear into me.

______________________________________

Thank God for Jane! Lol

Let me know how you feel about the fight and how Ollie decided to handle it lol I was laughing.

Thanks for reading!
CC