I might be the first person to die of embarrassment. Maybe just to top it all off my tombstone can read 'Here lies Muriel Reazpoe, died because of overwhelming embarrassment' .

I had thought we were on the same page? I mean, I took his boxers off and he climbed on top of me pressing himself between my legs so hard my underwear was dipping inside. All I did was remove my underwear and he did the rest.

I guess he's been extremely vocal about what he's planning on doing and asks when we try something new...now I'm feeling embarrassed as well as guilty.

I had been so lost in the moment and didn't think to ask or warn him? I mean, I'm not used to giving a play-by- play of doing these sorts of things.

With Jeremy he'd ask then I'd lay there until he was done. No communication about what body part is going where or what he wants to touch next, because it was all straightforward. There was no experimenting with touching different parts or anything. When he asked for sex it was already known the type and how long it would take. It was easy and straightforward. All I did was open my legs and stare at the ceiling while Jeremy did the rest.

Everything is so different with Ollie. And I mean everything. Starting with the way he touches me. How its rough but also soft and sweet to how he likes to talk everything through and make sure I'm one hundred percent comfortable with it. I suppose I shouldn't expect anything less from him because he is such a great person and very attentive to others but I didn't think that would cross over to the bedroom...but then again, I never really thought much about the type of lover he is.

Okay, maybe I thought about it once in a while. I remember thinking about it all the time when I had planned on giving my virginity away. But by then we had already grown apart and all the questions I wanted to ask never were...

I was thankful but upset he stayed in my room last night. If he had left and slept in his own bed I would have surely been found dead by morning. I think I might have actually found a way to leave, because I wouldn't have been able to face him in the morning.

By the time the morning sun breaks through my bedroom window, I've been awake for what seems like hours. I'm not even sure if I fell asleep last night. My body aches with sleep deprivation, but my worried mind is wide awake.

I climb from bed and use the toilet as well as brush my hair and teeth. As the suds build around my mouth I give a once over to my body. The sight of little bruises around my thighs in the shape of finger prints makes my heart leap and run filling my body with instant heat. I spit into the sink and crane my neck seeing the marks on my neck, all the evidence of yesterday's activities peppering my neck and shoulder.

I suck half of my lower lip into my mouth and feel my cheeks burn, satisfaction building in my gut from the sight of what it looks like to be with him.

Weird, and slightly perverse I know but the woman parts of me are hardening and melting all at once.

Shit, I really need to put some clothes on.

I leave the bathroom and silently remove some grey flutter shorts and plain white camisole top. I cover my shoulders with an oversized grey cardigan and fix my glasses to my face before leaving Ollie sleeping in my bed to make some coffee downstairs.

The coffee I brew fills the old house with the smell of comfort. I jump up onto the kitchen island holding my hot mug to my chest and breath in the warm smell of morning.

The views outside are exceptional and vivid with the bright morning sun highlighting all the colors.

But not as exceptional as the one walking into the kitchen making that attentive spot between my legs flutter.

"Mooooorning." Ollie says dressed only in the boxers that are sitting so low on hips it makes swallowing my coffee a chore. I watch him out of the corner of my eye fill a tea kettle and put it on the stove top. While it heats he shuffles to the cabinet and grabs a tea cup and a tea bag from a decorative container on the counter.

He's built enough to easily watch his muscles moving just under the skin, however he doesn't have giant absurd muscles that always freak me out. Everything is chiseled just right a far cry from how he was a bean pole growing up. There were many years where it was very clear I weighed more than he did, but now that is so not the case. And thank god for that.

"So, Murry, when shall we discuss last nights little snafu?"

"We really don't have to." I breathe out holding my coffee closer to my chest, if I could hide behind the mug I would.

"Not talking about it is going to be worse than talking about it." He turns leaning against the counters with his ankles crossed, looking like something I'd like to lick in my naughty dreams.

My skin burns from both my dumpster thoughts and the impending conversation I know he isn't going to drop.

"So let's start with the most important thing. Nothing bad happened last night, something very exciting happened." He grins impishly and the tea kettle screams loudly next to him. He fills his teacup and looks to me expecting me to what? I don't know? Give an opinion?

"Okay?"

He snorts a quiet laugh and takes a sip from the round cup watching me from the rim, making feel very nervous and very...excited down there.

"I'm sure you have thoughts on this?" He prompts taking another sip.

Oh I have plenty of them but they are not meant to be shared. Especially right now with him dressed in nearly nothing with his hair sticking up and messy, he's looking way too eatable at the moment.

"I just misunderstood." I answer hoping this will put an end to the constant humiliation of how inexperienced I am.

I pushed having sex at nineteen to avoid this exact situation right here. To make sure I didn't feel like an idiot in the bedroom, granted I thought this humiliation would have been something Jeremy and I faced together, not Ollie for God's sake.

"No. I misunderstood. If you were anyone else I wouldn't have thought twice, but I'm trying to be considerate without overstepping with what I can and can't do with you."

"It's fine Ollie, we both weren't on the same page. Let's just forget it happened and go back to normal."

His brows furrow and his jaw ticks, "Back to normal? What do you mean?"

"I mean we're leaving tomorrow, and you're going to Italy. Let's just go back to being friends where it's not so confusing all the time."

"I'm going to Italy for a damn week. Hold on, you need to break this down for me Murry. You don't want anything from me beyond this weekend?"

I shift nervously on the counter unsure what the heck I wanted. But with him badgering me like this I want this conversation to be over. "I- I don't know? I-"

Ollie breaks into a loud laugh but his dark brows nose dive, "So basically this was just a fuck-girl weekend for you?"

Fuck-girl weekend? I don't know what that is?

He throws the cup into the sink making me jump by the loud clink, "And you wanted to have sex last night? So you intended to fuck me then go back to being friends who don't even speak on Monday?"

"No, I mean, yeah? I don't know! We can't be fooling around when we get back to London? With your parents, Ty, and Maggie around? And your career-."

"No I get it, Murry. I'm going for a drive. " He walks passed me making my chest ache and everything that's just been said within the last minute.

What the heck just happened?

"Ol-." I say but quickly stop myself when my bare feet plant to the floor. What am I supposed to do? Go after him? We can't do this beyond Cornwall.

We can't continue this....situation or whatever this is when we leave. This was my weekend to do what I wanted, I need to face reality tomorrow. We both need to.

_____________________________________

Murry you are messing up, girl!

I think Ollie will figure something out 😘