━━━━  · 。ﾟ☆ .☽ .* ☆ﾟ. ━━━━

(n.) the fear of losing
someone you love

TODAY WAS THE DAY THAT THE ADOLESCENT ICARUS COULD FEEL HIMSELF BEGIN TO GO UNDER.      His back finally hit the water after being suspended in midair and descending at an agonizingly slow pace for so long. His wax wings fully melted, a mess trailing down his back, water began to surround him and pull at him, gripping him and weighing him down. He didn't think it fair to finally be able to find himself in a fairly happy and stable situation only to have the wool pulled over his eyes and the carpet ripped out from beneath his feet. Only he wasn't able to afford to be surprised for the reason that he had brought this upon himself.

    He knew it'd be short-lived, that happiness, but he just wanted to see how long he was going to be able to make it last before it all eventually came to an unfortunate end as it was snuffed out beneath one's foot and crushed into the ground, never to be seen again. And in actuality, it never was. Not a single person knew what went on between the two. Except the stars. The stars knew everything. Every look, every confession, every kiss, every touch. None of it went unnoticed by them. And they thought about telling everyone.

Draco pulled out the note and read it for what must have been the fifth time that day, the midnight black scrawl dancing across the parchment a certain way that could only prove it was Louis's handwriting.

    That note had never left his side. It was always either in his pocket, tucked away as a bookmark, or under his pillow before he went to sleep for good luck. It didn't feel real, the note. It felt like a dream, fabricated. He didn't know how a note could have him this bent out of shape but here he was, crooked, never quite ever upright.

     I love you.

     Louis had said those words to him and sometimes he felt like pinching himself, just to make sure that he was still within the true reality he was in and not some faux one he built in his head. Although if they were standing within the desired reality Draco was always so close to building, they wouldn't be hiding out in the library or the tower so much. They would be walking the halls, making everyone uncomfortable with the loads of public affection they'd be laying on the other and having McGonagall pull them apart and threaten them with detention for "public indecency." He'd savor the kiss Louis would give him before heading off to his next class and he'd stand in the middle of the hallway like an idiot before someone would bump into him and snap him back to reality.

    However, this was reality number one. The real one. The one that was shrouded by darkness and all hope lost and nothing good ever coming towards him in the end, no matter how hard he tried to twist fate and wring it dry. So Draco did the best he could to make it last, to let the light at the end of tunnel shine a little brighter before it went out completely as it sent him back to that room with the darkness coming up through the floor and seeping into the wood, crawling up the walls and swallowing him whole.

    Draco felt around for the note once more, pulling the little piece of paper from his pants pocket and unfolding it, eyes scanning the prose for that string of a phrase that contained those three little words.

Louis was in the Great Hall when it happened that afternoon. 

    He was just getting up from the Ravenclaw table when he saw Draco about to enter the dining hall, stopping at the entrance for a little bit as though he were contemplating his next move. And that was when it happened. And that was when it all began to go downhill.

    Draco started walking, beginning to pick up his pace a little more the closer he got to Louis. Louis didn't have time to react because as soon as Draco's mouth was on his, it was gone. He could see the panic begin to rise in those stormy grey irises of his, alert probably breaching his brain and telling him to abort his mission. He then let go of his face and rushed right out of the dining hall.

    Louis blinked, still feeling the press of lips against his when he felt his feet moving, following the boy and leading him into the bathroom where they first met, all of it beginning to feel like a very strong sense of déjà vu. Except there was no note being passed to him, no one trying to get him to sneak out past bedtime. This time, there was a boy taking a leap and a bound by kissing him in front of a good majority of the school before rushing out of the dining hall as though he were about to vomit.

    Louis found himself standing in the same spot he had once been in five months prior, staring at Draco bent over the sink, dry heaving, panicking. Sinking.

    Draco's head then snapped up and in the mirror, he saw the reflection of who was to blame for sending him into this hell of a spiral, everything that he unwillingly dreamt of was embodied into one single boy who could have Draco begging for his life to be spared if he wanted to. He had that much of an effect on him and Draco knew that. He knew that so damn well. Even if Louis didn't.

    "Hey," Louis said, moving to stand behind Draco, who was already straightening up and turning around to face him. Louis was palming his face, feeling tears beneath the pads of his thumbs as he tried to calm him. "I was coming in to check on you, see if you were doing okay. You know you didn't have to do that. I was fine with it being our little secret because it was ours and ours alone."

    "I was trying something." Draco let himself sink into the palms of Louis's hands, turning slightly to press a kiss. "I. . .I wanted to see if it really wasn't all too good to be true."

    "That's what the note's for," Louis replied simply, going to rest his forehead against Draco's, "even if I'm not there physically, you'll still have me. I'm not going anywhere. I worked too hard to have you, anyway. The least you could do is— "

    The rest of what Louis was about to say was a flame extinguished as Draco firmly pressed his mouth to his in a searing kiss. This one ended up being different from the others. The others had been soft, reassuring. This one, however, had a promise emblazoned into it. Louis could tell in the way they were speaking without actually doing so, his lips being parted by a tongue in the midst of it all. An arm of his wrapped around Draco's neck and pulling him closer, feeling his fingers curl in the hair at the base of his neck.

    Louis pulled away, panting, a blushing mess with a dopey smile on his face. "Well, hello to you, too."

     "That's what I wanted to do," Draco responded, his breathing shallow, as well.

     "Make out with me in front of everyone to the point of near obscenity?" Louis quirked up a brow at him, smirking, his mouth just barely leaving Draco's, words getting lost and mumbled. "But you did scare me, I will admit."

    Draco pulled away then. Not too far to create a rift between the two of them but far enough so he could see Louis's face fully.

    "I know how I always go on about how every bit and moment of this has been real," Louis continued, "but I can't help but get a little sad when I hear you say things like how we'll never last. I know you say how your destiny is set in stone but I can assure you, it isn't. Look at me, look at where you are right now. You just made out with me for Merlin's sake. You had zero qualms about shoving your tongue down my throat. Did you think the stars had that written out for you?"

    The last few sentences to leave Louis's mouth got a blush rising up the back of Draco's neck before he went to rest his forehead on Louis's shoulder in embarrassment. "Shuddup."

    "But I am right," Louis quipped as Draco raised his head.

    "Yeah, as you usually are."

    "You think I'm right about you?"

    Draco shrugged. "Maybe."

    "Oh, you'd be surprised," said a voice that belonged to neither of them. Draco pulled Louis out of the way to see who it was, his arm continuing to rest on the small of his back as the person stepped into the bathroom. It was Harry, his wand at the ready.

    Louis tilted his head at the sight of it, wondering what Harry could need it for in this moment. "What are you talking about?"

    "Go on, tell him," Harry egged Draco on, who was standing stock-still in front of the sink, his grip on it turning his knuckles a ghastly white. "I'm ninety-nine point nine percent sure it was you who did it, anyway."

    "Get out," Draco said to Louis, not bothering to turn his head towards him, which probably would have made Louis feel worse if he were to see Draco's mouth form the words. There was no venom in his tone like there has been before but instead it was filled with some sort of pain that Louis couldn't quite place, or didn't have the heart to.

    Louis creased his eyebrows, the confusion within him beginning to grow. "What? Draco, what is he talking about?"

   "Please." Draco turned to look at him then, tears welling in his eyes as he pled. "Please, just go."

   So many emotions must have crossed Louis's face because it only made Draco crumple more at the sight of him. Louis sighed. "Alright. I'll go. But only because I trust you." He left the bathroom but only stopped a few feet from the door and turned to hide in one of the nooks and crannies to eavesdrop but only because he truly did care.

    "You did it, didn't you?" asked Harry, stepping closer to the pale blond. "You hexed Katie Bell."

    And that was when the first spell hit.

    It was a quick flick of the wand from what Louis could hear and he immediately ducked out of the way just in case any debris was going to come his way. With his heart pounding, his ears ringing, and his head spinning, he didn't have the slightest clue what was going on. He had heard about Katie Bell being hexed by some sort of artifact and having it land her in the hospital wing for some time but he didn't who did it.

     Draco wouldn't lie to him, would he? It seemed like an obvious answer given the track record Draco had, however, over the course of the months they had gotten to know each oher, it made it harder for Louis to believe that Draco would lie to him about something like this. That was what got Louis into trouble most of the time, his somewhat blinding optimism and looking for the good in people, even after they've proven time and time again that they had no light left in them.

    "Sectumsempra!" Harry cried and it was what got Louis out of his head, shaking him from his thoughts as the spell rang out. Louis could hear Draco letting out a gasp before hearing a thump. He got to his feet immediately and went to find him sprawled on the floor, blood seeping through his shirt as he let out tiny little whimpers of pain.

    "Oh my god." The words rushed from Louis's mouth as he got to his knees, not caring for the water that was all over the floor from one of the sinks that had been blasted from Harry and Draco's miniature duel. "Draco? Can you hear me?" He grabbed the hand that was closest to him and squeezed it, hoping for a response. There was an attempt. "Draco, stay with me. Please."

    "I- I didn't know that was going to happen!" Harry stammered, standing still from shock, his feet glued to the floor as he watched on in horror. It wasn't long until Professor Snape appeared, swiftly moving past Harry and moving Louis aside before he began reciting an incantation, paying no mind to Louis who was still holding onto Draco's hand.

    "I don't know how it happened, sir," Louis mumbled as Draco's whines turned to sniffles as he was slowly being patched up, wound by wound. Harry had run out of the bathroom in a fright, leaving the cinnamon-haired boy with the pale blond and the onyx-haired professor. "Is he going to be okay?"

    "He should be fine," Snape drawled on, getting up from his crouching position, "he will have to stay in the hospital wing for a while so they can keep an eye on him as he heals."

    "And will I be able to visit him?"

    "When visiting hours are open. Now go on, get to class."

    When Louis finally let go of Draco's so he could leave, he thought of a word that day. One that could perfectly encapsulate the feeling he was now doused in. Thantophobia. The fear of losing someone you love.

✧˖*° ━━ &&& AUTHOR❜S NOTE

jesus christ i finally managed to finish this chapter ahhh
and it was probably only because i cut this chapter in half and decided to cap it where it is and if i kept going, i never would have been to finish it

n.e. way, tell me what you thought ! what you liked, anything confusing i can help clear up, what made you put your phone down so you could process what you read, all of it ! i love seeing and reading each and every one of your comments !
they mean a lot to me <3