━━━━  · 。ﾟ☆ .☽ .* ☆ﾟ. ━━━━

(n.) the intensity of looking someone
in the eye, which can feel simultaneously
invasive and vulnerable

IT WAS MOMENTS LIKE THE DAY PRIOR THAT MADE THE ADOLESCENT ICARUS WANT TO SET HIMSELF AFLAME AND MELT HIS WAX WINGS HIMSELF.    Draco knew that Louis wasn't stupid, so for him to do something that was known to carry such great romantic weight so casually as he had done the night prior was just plain cruel.

     Surely, Louis must have known that there was a hint of something going on between the two of them—or Draco was probably reading too far into it, he didn't really know at this point. It was all so convoluted. He could feel it—whatever "it" was—but he didn't want to be the first one to admit anything, out of the plain fear of rejection that would probably come after if he did say it. So he kept his mouth shut and hoped Louis would be able to read between the lines.

    On the other hand, the one that had been tainted by that looming darkness, Draco was beginning to get somewhere with the repairing of the Vanishing Cabinet. Given that it was properly killing everything that went in, it was showing signs of there being some sort of transportation. And with the closer Draco was getting with finally fixing the Cabinet, the closer he was to wreaking havoc on the school. It split his skull, this sort of double life he was leading, with the way the sun was keeping a watchful eye while the moon kept hold of all of his secrets.

    It was also in the way he had held onto Louis that night in the library that made Draco feel a tremendous amount of guilt whenever he came back to the Room of Requirement, knowing that if he'd go any further in repairing the Cabinet, he would sink deeper into that cataclysmic cesspit of darkness that waded around his ankles, never letting him see daylight again. Sure, it had been more of a haphazard hold, all somewhat nonchalant and the like with the occasional squeeze, however, it had been comforting all the same. He didn't know the last time he had felt like that. He could still feel Louis's thumb rubbing into his shoulder, a ghost of his touch still lingering.

Louis found Draco in the bathroom the day of Slughorn's party, holding what seemed to be one of his extra suit jackets, freshly pressed and in that crisp black color of the one he had worn on the train.

     "Oh, this is perfect!" Louis exclaimed, in awe at the clothing.

     "You haven't even tried it on, yet," Draco reminded him before wanting to smack his hand over his mouth at what he said.

     Louis's eyes widened at that. "You're right, I probably should. Good idea." He handed the jacket back to Draco before pulling off his sweater vest, his shirt riding up with it before he pulled his sweater up over his head and his shirt back down (Draco did his best to look away). "You wanna put it on me? I wouldn't want to wrinkle it before the 'big night'."

    Draco stammered, losing his footing and his train of thought at the offer before recovering and pulling the jacket out from under the plastic, helping Louis shrug into it, watching the material fit to him as though it were a second skin.

   "Eh, I clean up pretty nice, don't you think?" Louis smirked, tugging at the jacket, turning around so Draco could see, despite his being able to see Louis perfectly in the mirror.

    "Your tie's crooked, though," Draco pointed out, already moving to fix it, not knowing what could have such a strong pull on him. Then he remembered that he had compared Louis to his own personal moon, having a hold on all of his emotions.

    "Well, growing up fatherless will do that to you, not learning how to tie a tie and all. I asked Professor Lupin to help me one time and he told me to leave it crooked. He said it gave me character."  

      "Lupin?"

     "Yeah. He was sort of like a father figure to me. Shame he had to resign so soon. It was probably for the best, with him being a werewolf."

     Draco's hands stilled for a moment, about to push the knot up to Louis's neck. "You knew he was a werewolf?"

     Louis shrugged. "It wasn't hard to put the pieces together. It was also a big help that I took up a bit of Latin beforehand. Although I would have to say having to write a paper on the several ways to kill a werewolf was not one of Snape's greatest moves."

    Draco went quiet then before shifting the cobalt tie into place, knowing that he's had hands in place there longer than they needed to be.

    "Hey," Louis called softly, palming Draco's face with a soft hand, "you all right?"

    Draco could feel himself subtly leaning into the touch before he snapped himself out of his thoughts and finally pulled his hands away and shoving them into his pockets, leaning away, as well, "Hm? Oh, I'm fine."

    "Are you sure? Seems I almost lost you there for a second." Louis began to shrug himself out of the jacket before carefully putting it back into the plastic, trying not to wrinkle it. "Thank you for letting me borrow this, by the way. You are a lifesaver." He pressed a swift kiss to Draco's cheek, surprising them both. Pulling back, he said, "I'm sorry."

    Draco shook his head, trying to rid himself of the burning feeling that was crawling up his neck. "It's- it's fine. It really wouldn't be any different from the one you landed on me in the library the night before."

     "I'm sorry about that one, too."

     "You already apologized for that one. What are you even sorry for?"

     "It came out of nowhere and you didn't ask for it, so it really wasn't my place to kiss you."

     "Well. . ." Draco trailed, feeling his heart rate pick up in between that desolate ribcage of his as he could feel his mouth beginning to formulate the next few words that were about to fall from his lips, his hands gripping onto the sink with a grasp so ghastly, his knuckles were almost white. "What. . .what if I wanted you to?"

     That was the question that brought on total silence for the both of them, filling in the wordless void for a moment, a tension so thick that it could be cut with a knife. They both stared at the other for a beat before, in a smaller voice all the while hanging his head, Draco repeated, "What if I wanted you to? What would you do then?"

      Louis opened his mouth and then clamped it shut, at a sudden loss for words, racking his brain for something to say, his mind having been a bit bent out of shape after hearing what Draco had said.

  After another moment of silence, he finally replied, "I. . .I guess I'd ask if you'd want me to do it again." He paused then, heartbeat beginning to pick up, ringing in between his ears. "Would you want me to do it again?"

     Draco looked up at him, shrugging, oddly exhausted. He could feel it in his shoulders, that similar weight that sat on his spine. "I don't know. Maybe?"

     Taking a step in Draco's direction, the one to have him standing in front of him, Louis asked, "Would you want me to kiss you?"

     Draco shook his head, leaning himself against the sink because he felt himself starting to shake, sighing afterward. "I. . .I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't. . .mind but the thought of it actually happening. . .scares me."

     Louis looked the Slytherin over, noting how tired he still looked, his heart can't helping but to wither at the sight. "I get it. This is all very new territory for you and it's going to take some time getting used to all of it. It's okay. And. . .if it makes you feel any better. . .I wouldn't mind, either."

     Wordlessly, Louis then pulled him into a hug, feeling a pair of arms around his middle, tightening their grip before relaxing, the same way they had done the night before. 

Slughorn's party was slowly dawning on Louis as he walked through the corridor to the soiree, wringing his hands, Luna by his side.

    "You have nothing to worry about Louis," Luna reassured him, "everyone you know is going to be there."

    "That's not exactly what I'm worried about, Lune," replied Louis, "but thank you. I really appreciate you, you know that?"

    Luna nodded, beaming, her radish earrings swinging. "Then what are you so worried about?"

     "I- I can't quite place it. Just something in me doesn't feel right."

     "Nice jacket," Luna complimented as an attempt to distract Louis from what he was feeling, "where'd you get it?"

    "Uh, a friend leant it to me. Although I do have to be careful with it. Expensive material, this stuff is. How do I look? Dashing, huh?" Louis turned in his uniform shirt for a cleaner one, combining it with a pair of slimmer-fitting pants and navy blue high-top sneakers, constellations on the inside of his shoes—a Big Dipper on the left and an Aquarius on the right.

     Luna gave Louis a once over, smiling at his choice in footwear. "Exceptionally ordinary."

     "Same thing. Coming from you, anyway." Louis noticed a strand of wild blonde hair and tucked it behind Luna's ear before the two entered the party. In the corner sat Draco, feeling as though he were about to vomit as his stomach shot itself into the pits of the nightmare world. He quickly stood, losing his balance as the blood rushed to his head, and jetted off to the third floor.

Draco did his best not to jump to conclusions. He really did. He tried not to compile all of Louis's past actions into a box and mark them off "friendly." He truly did. He wasn't even sure if there were any conclusions to jump to, which would make the way he was feeling even more pathetic. The exhilarating head rush suddenly turned into a migraine, the flying quickly descended into plummeting, and the bone-crushing feeling was absolutely abysmal.

     Louis did say that he had someone else in mind when they had talked that one night, seeing that soft smile at the mention of them, he could practically see the prettiest stars twinkling in the Ravenclaw's eyes as he spoke. His chest had constricted the same way it had done, that familiar serpent coming around and squeezing his ribcage and forbidding him to breathe for some time before finally releasing itself.

    Draco paced in front of the Room of Requirement, too distracted to focus and apparently too distracted to find Filch approaching him.

Louis found himself beginning to feel out of place at the party.

     He didn't know what it was that was causing this feeling to stir in his stomach, but here he was, standing idly by the punch bowl, half-empty cup in hand as he watched Luna converse with Harry before he saw Arlo Peters come up and wrap his arms around Harry from behind, smiling and swaying the boy who lived from side to side as he, too, conversed with Luna. That was when Louis knew.

     Draco wasn't here.

     Louis had gotten so used to his presence over the past three months that standing here without him felt odd, despite the minimal amount of times that he'd seen him. That was when Louis learned that he could no longer allow himself to act so aloof about his feelings for the Slytherin. He had admitted to himself that he liked Draco, however, he never really did act on it, that lingering fear of rejection still having a bit of a hold on him from events past.

    As if Louis had manifested it, he saw Draco being dragged into the party by the arm by Filch, struggling to be released from his grip.

    "Professor Slughorn, sir, I just discovered this boy sneaking around an upstairs corridor, claims to have been invited to the party," Filch reported.

    "Okay, okay! Fine, I was gatecrashing," Draco exclaimed, still struggling to get Filch to let him go. Louis's eyes met his for a moment and he couldn't help but tilt his head at the scene that was playing out before him. He didn't have enough time to register what was going on because Draco was already being led out by Professor Snape. Louis made a flippant excuse about needing to use the restroom before leaving the party and making his way into the darkened hall, curiosity getting the better part of him as it strung him along. His footsteps were quiet, a soft brush against the floor as he walked. And then he heard voices before he went to hide in the shadows.

     "I don't need protection!" Even though it had sounded strangled, Louis could tell that it was Draco speaking. "I was chosen for this! Out of all the others, me!"

     The statement made Louis's eyebrows crease in confusion and he tried his best not to wonder what it could have meant. He may have been dumb enough to walk himself into a lion's den, however, he wasn't stupid to get bitten. He crept away silently, having already heard enough, and made his return to the party.

It wasn't long until the party was soon over and Louis was on his way to the Ravenclaw Tower to call it a night when he realized that he was still wearing Draco's suit jacket. The way that it moved made him increasingly aware of the expensive material. He wasn't sure where Draco could have been at this hour, however, with the way there had been a pull on his gut, he had an idea.

Opening the door to the Astronomy tower, Louis found Draco seated on the ground, his head tilted towards the heavens, the stars and the cosmos, realizing that their places had been reversed for the first time.

     "You're staring," Draco spoke, his voice hoarse as though he had been screaming. Or crying.

     Louis leaned against the doorway, his head resting against the door, smitten with the way they've gotten to know each other. "How'd you know it was me?"

     "Who else would it be?" Draco huffed out a laugh, "You also have this weird presence I can feel whenever you walk into a room that makes you very easy to point out. Or maybe that's just you."

     Louis went to sit in the same position, his knees tucked into his chest and the like, flush against Draco's side. He turned to look at Draco, the grey in his irises as dim as ever, his head tilted heavenward, the mirth that had once danced throughout the vicinity of them now all bled out.

     "I don't think I've ever felt so alone," Draco sniffled, "barring you. You've made it easier." The dead stars falling from his eyes now drying up, his knees brought up to his chest as he and Louis overlooked the rest of Hogwarts. No longer was Draco that juvenile deity that paraded the halls with that intoxicating prideful air that clung to his clothes, but a mortal amongst mortals, the adolescent Icarus's wings fully melted, feathers and wax trailing down his back, pulled from the water before he could fully drown, submersing himself beneath the waves.

     Draco sniffled once more. "You remember when I told you that there were too many stars up there for me to trust and how only trusting you would be worse?" He turned his head to look at Louis, who was already looking back at him, those stars of theirs aligning once more.

     Louis nodded. "I haven't stopped thinking about it since, if you want me to be honest with you."

    "I. . .I think what I meant was that if anything were to happen to you, I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself. If one star were to die out, there'd be billions of other ones that look just like it to take its place. And therein lies the problem: there's absolutely no one like you, Louis. You're practically irreplaceable."

     A moment of silence passed before Louis asked, "You know what I love about Astronomy?"

     Draco questioned the change of topic with a raise of his eyebrows but let Louis continue nonetheless, knowing well enough by now that he was going to take it into a philosophical direction of some sort.

    "What I love about it is that it's kind of a hard subject to fail when you're so in love with the universe and everything it's got to offer you," Louis went on, "especially when there are boys that take the shape of stars who are thought to then later form into black holes when all they are is a supernova waiting to happen."

    Another moment of silence went by and there was a certain look that flashed across Draco's eyes that Louis's never seen before—the steely grey that fortified his irises had gone soft, melding into a molten silver.

    It felt like the two of them were then suspended in time, minutes blurring, Draco's dark, nimbus cloud irises boring into Louis's ocean ones, letting the world around them fall away and fade into oblivion. Opia is what they called it, the intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.

     That was when lightning struck and the rain finally came pouring, intertwining the sky with the sea.

    Draco's mouth was quick to make contact with Louis's as an impulse, capturing his lips in an act of desperation with the overwhelming sense of sorrow that was suddenly overtaking him at what Louis had said, hands grabbing onto his face as he did so, finally letting the boy know. With the realization of what he had done, Draco instantly backed away, blurry eyes widening with shock. But before he could move too far, Louis caught him, his hands gently cupping his face, holding him as though he were going to shatter, wiping tears from his eyes the same he had done.

     Before Louis knew it, he was pulling Draco in until he was close enough so he would be able to kiss him once more, feeling Draco's grasp around his elbow as he did so. He looked at Draco, a question in his eyes. And with a slow nod of Draco's head, the kiss resumed and deepened a bit and Draco could feel his chest constrict the same way it's done numerous times over.

     Louis pulled away, but not far enough to create any sort of distance between the two of them. Their noses brushed once more and he smiled at the action.

     And there it was.

     That smile. The one Draco had seen on Louis at dinner that first night. True happiness. The look of someone who wouldn't have it any other way.

    "You're not alone. You know that, right?" Louis mumbled, resting his forehead against Draco's, "You have the stars, even if there are too many of them for you to trust. And you've got me, even if there's only one."

    Ever so slowly, Louis leaned himself back in, his nose brushing against Draco's, his lips hovering as he waited with baited breath, holding onto the hope that Draco wouldn't back away in surprise this time, that it wasn't a mistake. Draco was reluctant in making the next move, closing his eyes and sealing the distance between them, the certain softness that would only come along after being hardened by the elements beginning to make a reappearance. The kiss was nothing short of a soft press of lips against another, a newness yet something all-too familiar, an oxymoronic feeling of knowing someone for so long and being so willing to learn them inside out all over again.

    Eventually, the pair both pulled away, chests heaving, and hearts syncopated in a twin rhythm. Draco then went to rest his chin on Louis's shoulder and Louis pressed a kiss to his forehead before the two went on to watch the stars that burned and razed over their heads, slowly learning and coming to trust each and every of them. Even the ones that were made to make fools of themselves as they burned out.

The mortal looked over to the half-drowned Icarus as the two of them sat side by side on the shore, watching the tides come in and pull back, water tickling their feet as it did so. The Icarus was soaked to the bone, still shivering as the wind swept across his wet skin, despite the towel that was wrapped around him.

     "I thought I was flying," the adolescent Icarus scoffed, sniffling, tugging the towel closer to his body, his damp hair sticking to his forehead. "I was falling, instead."

     "You were flying," the mortal countered, a small smile pulling at his lips, "just for a moment. And then you started to fall. Got too close to the sun and kissed it."

     "It's essentially the same thing, isn't it? Falling, flying. It's all the same, just in different directions."

     "I suppose it all depends on how you want to see it. You could say you were flying the entire time. Flying into the sun, flying into the sea. It all comes down to perspective."

     "What did you see?" the Icarus turned his head to the mortal, who was already looking at him in return, those crystalline blue irises glimmering as though they were bottled up waves from the sea.

     "I saw someone being able to experience everything all at once. Whether it was flying, falling, or crashing into the sea with a bone-crushing splash, they had done it all in a matter of minutes. It takes a special kind of person to make someone be able to do all of that."

    Hesitantly, the Icarus rested his head on the mortal's shoulder and the mortal pressed a kiss to  the top of his head, offering a piece of his solace before they watched the sun go down into its final resting place.

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑❜𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 .｡.:*

can i get a w in the chat bc even when they admitted that they wanted to kiss each other, they were still dense about it ? also, the amount of times i read over this to make sure it all made sense bc i got lost in it for a bit 🤠

tbh, it's probably not gonna lean into anything official and sappy just yet, we still gotta make sure we're comfortable with where we are (which is sort of comfortable but still !)

feel free to tell me what you thought !! what you liked, what confused you that i can help clear up, what made you want to throw your phone across the room, tell me all of it !!