━━━━  · 。ﾟ☆ .☽ .* ☆ﾟ. ━━━━

(n.) the heart-wrenching pain of
wanting the affection of
someone unattainable

THE MORTAL HADN'T EXPECTED HIMSELF TO BE FALLING FOR THE ADOLESCENT ICARUS.     With half-melted wings of wax and feathers sticking to his back, he came to be a ruin of burnt down pride and a snuffed out ego.

   Beneath the bright, razing, moon, Louis had seen someone different the other night. He had laid his eyes on a boy who was coming close to being comfortable with who they were stepping into, not the prideful teenager that looked down at his peers, standing on his high pedestal, looking so smug and proud as though he were a statue made of marble. Louis had even thought he caught a hint of a smile gracing Draco's lips before he turned his head to look up at the stars again. There had been a funny feeling tickling his insides and he had done his best to fight the smile that had been sneaking up his face.

    Louis then began to wonder what had brought him to develop a crush on Draco since he had once been so amazed by how blinded by his own privilege Draco had been. However, once Louis had registered the vulnerability Draco was doused in that first night, something within him had changed, those spellbinding north winds sweeping through his ears and calling upon him to step in and help Draco with whatever he had come to him for.

     The common person had his hand outstretched for the fallen prince to take, waiting to see what he would do. The prince, all battered and bruised, had grabbed hold and that was when the two of them had begun walking the line between what would later become a dream or a nightmare.

    As for the prince, he was close to spiraling again and finding himself returning to square one and undoing all the, albeit small, progress he had made, all the time that had been spent with someone who could probably do something better with their time than take pity on someone who had been given everything to them on a silver platter. However, it had been enough to show that with everything they had been given, they still had to ask for a few things.

    Draco was supposed to have gone to Louis in hopes that he would be able to lend an ear, not a hand that could so easily slip in between that ribcage of his and set his heart aflame or tug on the strings that kept it intact. But Louis had done the latter and now with every passing look he gave him, whether it be a small glance with his eyes as he scanned the Great Hall or any sort of gaze that he would only see under the stars, there had been a tug on one of Draco's many heartstrings, ringing out a strange note that he's never heard before, a rather sweet tone that translated to a tune that embodied something almost hopeful.

The breezy and crisp autumn turned into a cold and biting winter as October turned into November and then November later fell under the spell of December. Louis found himself in the Three Broomsticks on a chilly Friday, sipping away at a hot butterbeer that continued to warm his insides as he slowly downed the golden liquid, the foam at the top collecting around his upper lip and creating a faux mustache of milk before he ultimately licked it away. He felt at odds with how he was the only one sitting in one of the booths in the tavern, taking up little room when there was so much space that could have been put to greater use.

    The door to The Three Broomsticks opened and Louis looked up to see who it was, curiosity striking a match and lighting him. Draco was dressed in that sharp suit of his, the one Louis had seen him wearing the day they bumped into one another on the train. Draco's line of sight matched up with his and it felt like the two of them were then suspended in time, the world slowly dissipating around them, and before Draco tore his eyes away, he made a quick motion with his thumb and swiped at the corner of his mouth before walking away and up the stairs. Louis raised an eyebrow before his eyes widened as he registered the milk mustache and wiping it off, a pink rose blooming beneath his cheeks at what just happened.

When Draco closed the door behind him once he reached the top of the stairs, he couldn't quite get the image of Louis and his mustache of milk out of his head. He was on a life-threatening mission and yet there he was, fawning over what truly was a very cute picture of Louis which managed to tug the same heartstring Louis had strummed before, ringing that same sweetly sour note, as though it wasn't quite in tune just yet. Shaking his head, Draco shoved the feeling down and went about his business.

    But it wouldn't be so bad to develop a small, reluctant crush on the boy, would it? The worst that could possibly result in that happening would be Louis not returning his affection. And if that were to happen, it'd be a different kind of hurt. The kind that didn't even physically hurt but left some sort of numbness around you, unable to feel anything else for a while until the numbness began to thaw.

    To have a person have such an effect on someone that they weren't able to recognize what they had been doing to them until they were admitting their feelings to them and then for that to not have any sort of the same sentiment in return sent a shooting pain into Draco's gut. That was when he knew what had to do.

Louis was just about ready to leave The Three Broomsticks and brave the cold that was about to greet him when someone passed him by and gave him a note, closed with a wax seal on the back. Peeling off the seal and putting it away to stick into his journal later, he opened the note to find that it was from Draco, requesting to see him in the library after dinner so he could talk to him. Alone.

    Louis didn't know what it was, but something about the tone of the note sounded different that it sent a certain warmth to his face that was usually reserved for someone who was giving him knowing glances from across the room, expressing some interest in him. That warmth hadn't appeared much but he knew what it had been when it showed up, signifying their rarity. He slid the note into his back pocket before starting on the trek back to the school.

    Dinner was the same as ever that it almost felt like a routine to Louis. He found himself scanning the Slytherin table, same as he's done time and time again, finding Draco sitting in his usual seat this time, and just like clockwork, those stars aligned and Louis sent him a small smile. It wasn't the same from the other night as it had a secretive edge to it, as if it was telling him that he was up to something. Draco shifted in his seat and took a sudden interest in his dinner that sat there half-eaten and Louis couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment in his chest, wet ink blotting over his heart.

    An hour and a half had passed after dinner when Louis was on the couch in the library, the fire in front of him as roaring and bright as ever, light leaking and dancing its way across the pages of the random book he got off the shelf while he waited for Draco. His glasses were once again perched on the bridge of his nose to help him see the words at a clearer level. He was in the midst of pushing them back up his nose when the door to the library creaked open and he looked up to see Draco walking in, wringing his hands as he went.

    Louis sat up, the book still open, glasses still on. "I was wondering where you went."

    At that Draco tensed and Louis was quick to pick up on that, his eyebrows creasing in confusion at the action. "What's wrong?"

    "I think it's best that we stop doing this for a while," Draco spoke, "you and me."

    "Are you breaking up with me?" asked Louis, humoring him, however still a little confused as to what was going on.

    Draco's chest constricted, that serpent coming up and squeezing his ribcage. Even though he could hear the humorous tones behind the question, he couldn't help but think that there was some sort of chance with him.

    "Don't do that," he choked, forcing his throat open after it, too, had closed.

    "Do what?" Louis raised an eyebrow, closing the book and sitting up fully.

    "Get my hopes up." At that, Draco clamped his mouth shut and turned to walk out of the library, as what he had said was meant to be nothing more than a mere thought in passing. Louis was quick in getting up off the couch and taking Draco by the elbow, the same he had always done, his fingers curling around the crook, hesitating to tap it before doing so.

    "Draco, what'd I do? Talk to me. Please. That's what I'm here for. That's why you sought me out."

    Draco slowly tugged his arm out of Louis's grasp and turned around to face him, taking notice of his freckles and how close they were but made no move to step away.

     "What'd I do?" Louis repeated softly. There was something in the way he said it, a tinge of regret in his voice that's never really made itself present before. It sounded odd as it passed through Draco's ears, as though Louis's voice was never supposed to sound like that, to take that dip in timbre and remain there for a few moments before rising again.

    "What makes you think it was you who had anything to do with what I'm talking about?" Draco questioned, starting to wonder if Louis was beginning to get the hint, the hint that Louis had such an effect on him.

    "I mean, that's how it always went with me. Any person I ever got to know better just up and left without any reason." Louis pulled his glasses off and slid them into the pocket of his pants, the ocean in his eyes draining a little more as tears slipped from his eyes. "I don't know if it was anything I said or did but I assumed it had something to do with me."

    There was silence and then, without much thought, Draco reached out his hand to wipe a tear off of Louis's face with his thumb, the same one that had signaled him to wipe the milk off of his upper lip. "It's got nothing to do with you. Something had sprung up and. . .I just didn't want you to worry."

    "Oh," Louis responded simply, subtly leaning into Draco's touch (or Draco must've dreamt that. He wasn't sure), still in a little shock from the previous action. "Then we can still talk, I guess?"

    "It's not that simple, Louis."

    "I get it." Louis nodded, leaning away (so he had leaned into it). "You need space to process all that's happened so far and want to make sure you're okay with where you are. It happens. And when you want to talk about it, you'll know where to find me. You'll always know where to find me." Louis made a move to get past Draco when Draco suddenly grabbed him by the elbow as if it had become a reflex at this point. And it might as well have been with the number of times the pair had been doing it.

    Louis hesitated, wondering if he'd complete the action or just leave it at that. He then felt the slightest hint of a tap on the crook of his elbow before he was finally let go and left to think of a phrase he had learned before that night, a summation of three little words that meant more than what they spoke.

    La douleur exquise.

    Simply put, it was the heart-wrenching pain one felt from wanting someone so unattainable. Or so the two thought.

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 .｡.:*

yeah. . .so i may have lied about this being the fun™‬ part. . .but it's still lowkey mutual pining so there's that

your thoughts are much appreciated !