━━━━  · 。ﾟ☆ .☽ .* ☆ﾟ. ━━━━

(n.) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment;
the fleeting rightness of time and place
that creates the opportune atmosphere
for actions, words, or movement

THE NOTE HAD BEEN TAUNTING LOUIS FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS NOW.     As March had turned into April and April led into May, it teased and threatened to burn a hole in his journal and make itself known to the entire student body. It was the note that he had held onto for so many months, had written it many moons ago, back in October.

This note held a secret, a secret that if spilled, it could change the course of their lives for better or for worse—it essentially all heavily depended on the timing. And frankly, Louis didn't want to find out. But he had to, he needed to. The two of them had been going out for so many months now, it would have been nice to know those months hadn't been a total waste. However, there was only one way to find out.

     The school hours felt longer this go round and it wasn't helping Louis's nerves as he tapped his foot up and down, all the while bouncing his leg and distracting every one of his classmates in his Potions class. He didn't know what to do. He hadn't gone that far with anyone ever. He barely even lasted a month with any of them. And at this point in time, he was just hoping that he'd be able to say "I love you", the kind that would eventually lead into hoping to be able to spend the rest of his life with them.

Draco had been feeling weird all day and he couldn't quite pinpoint where the feeling had come from and he didn't know why it had wanted to creep up now.

     It wasn't the existential dread of carrying the secret that was his being put in charge of repairing an ancient piece of furniture that could easily begin the reign of terror that was the next big wizarding war or the way his stomach would lurch and drop every time he realized the way Louis made him feel (that one he had committed to memory). No. It was a warm and fuzzy feeling, warmer than when his body would burn from being buried beneath Louis as they napped on the same couch in the library.

    While Draco did begrudgingly realize that he was in love with the sun himself ("begrudgingly" due to the fact that the closer he was to say "I love you", the farther he'd be from Louis in the end), he didn't know if he wanted to face that dismal ending. There was no way to avoid it because, like his name, that had been set in stone. So with every step, he was closer to walking into the void and one step closer to death.

     Now he was back to being terrified once more, having to loosen his tie for the reason that he felt like he wasn't able to breathe. He was once again entering new territory and he didn't know the best way to react. Of course, he had been told "I love you" by his mother and other family members alike but he was never told the "I love you" that would eventually lead into hoping to be able to spend the rest of his life with them, but that seemed really far at this point in time. And at this point in time, he was just hoping that he'd never have to hear that "I love you" for his own sake.

    But of course, he would have loved to hear it and watch Louis's eyes twinkle (yes, twinkle) as he said it, knowing that it was the same thing as saying, "You'll be okay, we'll be fine".

    And for a moment, he was. And for a second, they were.

Louis was feeling as though he was about to crawl out of his skin with the way he was vibrating, fearing the plate of cheesecake he was holding (a singular slice that he had hidden away during dinner along with two forks) would fall out of his hands if he had continued. He had already set his blanket down on the ground of the Astronomy Tower and it was only a moment before he led Draco into the safe space with his face behind his hands.

    "I know you pointed out how much of a romantic I can be, but I don't think I ever realized it until now," Louis started, slowly removing his hands off of Draco's face, "and I don't know if we'll be together to celebrate your birthday so I figure we'd celebrate it today, a whole month early. It's not much but— " he wasn't able to finish because there was a pair of lips on his, shutting him up effectively.

    "It's great," Draco muttered, smiling, cradling Louis's hand and holding it to his chest before creasing his eyebrows in realization. "We never celebrated your birthday."

    "Your telling me happy birthday was good enough for me. And it's not about me, anymore." It's never been.

    "Well, at least let me share what you brought me." It always has.

     "I was hoping you would because I brought an extra fork. You would've let me have it if it was the last slice at the table, anyway."

    Draco opened his mouth to counter, but then snapped it shut, stumped because it was true. "How'd you even know I liked cheesecake?"

     Louis shrugged. "I don't really know. You just seemed like the type who would enjoy it."

     "Well, I guess you're right."

     "I'm right about a lot of things."

     "I bet you are."

    "You're not going to argue about that?" Louis lifted a curious brow, a little surprised by Draco's silent agreement. He would've figured that he would've had at least a rebuttal of some sort, even if it was a flimsy one.

    "Why argue if it's true?"

    "You're being awfully charming."

    Now it was Draco's turn to raise a brow. "When am I not?"

    Louis nodded as if to say, fair point.

    Draco then tugged at the collar of his shirt, almost fiddling with it for a moment before saying, "I actually want to tell you something."

    Something in Draco's tone made Louis sit up straighter, pulling him out of his relaxed position and making him more attentive because it was a tone he hadn't heard before, and he had heard many, ranging from the hushed voice that caressed his skin in the library to the jokey one he had been listening to just milliseconds before. The one he was hearing right now sounded a bit more serious, and a bit timider, almost like the one when he had found Louis that very first night in the library. Except for this time around, it sounded like he was toying with something, a thought of some sort.

     It had all seemed to have come to a halt when Draco saw Louis toying with a certain page of his journal, thumbing the part of a certain page that had been bookmarked.

    "What has got you constantly writing in there?" Draco couldn't help but ask, veering his train of thought. He had always seen the journal open on Louis's lap or lying about the library whenever they were sleeping but he had never asked what was in it or what was on his mind that would have him writing so much.

    "Well, when you've got a particularly interesting muse to think about, you tend to be able to write quite a lot," Louis answered bashfully, smiling softly.

    "Can. . .can I see?" There was that timid tone of voice making a return.

    With the both of them sitting next to the other, Louis handed his journal over to the newborn mortal, their hands brushing softly as the journal passed between them. Draco flipped it open to where the bookmark rested on the page and began to read, Louis watching him curiously as his eyes scanned the prose. He noticed how the blond's eyebrows began to scrunch together as he took in a sharp breath, his heart rate hitching for just a moment.

    Without asking, Draco began to read the passage aloud. "'With the stars as our witness, they will see us in our truest form. Cloaked in blue-black darkness and blanketed by ocean-deep secrets, they will hear how much. . ." he trailed, trying to get his tongue to formulate the next phrase, as his heart being caught in his throat was making it hard to do so, "how much. . .how much I love you. and that, amor meus, is the darkest and deepest secret of them all.'"

    Draco sat in silence as he stared at the page for a bit, taking notice of the wax seal that bared his family's crest, thumbing at it. And then his eyes fell upon the date. "How long have you had this?" he asked, even though he had already seen that it was marked October, before he wordlessly closed the journal and handed it back, having seen enough already.

    "A. . .a while, actually," Louis admitted, feeling his neck begin to burn, "I remember writing it the night you had asked for space and I think that was the moment I felt myself falling in love with you. I mean, I wouldn't have outright said, 'I love you' then and there but the possibility of saying it is what probably possessed me to write that. So here I am, giving myself that possibility."

    After another moment's pause, Draco asked, his voice barely audible, barely just above a whisper as though saying it any louder would have the heavens come crashing down around them, "You love me?"

    Louis couldn't help but notice the rise of incredulity in Draco's tone as if he couldn't believe that the boy sitting next to him loved him. The boy who had spent so much of his time sitting with him in the dark as Draco picked out constellations in the light freckles that dotted the bridge of his nose, signaling that they were close enough. "I mean," he began to speak, "I think the writing answers that— "

    "There's a difference," Draco interrupted, "anyone could've written that." More silence. However, it wasn't deafening, looking to clog their ears with absolute nothingness. And while it was still heavy, there was hope. "I want to hear you say it." He then turned his head, his stormy grey nimbus clouds rolling over Louis's ocean ones as they've done time and time again.

    "Tell me you love me," he requested quietly, "please." Assure me that our predetermined ending isn't as sealed in concrete as I think it is.

    Gently, Louis intertwined his hand with Draco's, squeezing and sliding his thumb across the back.

    "Say it."

    Louis then let go to cradle Draco's face, caressing his cheek, still not having said it yet. He pressed a kiss to Draco's forehead, feeling Draco's grasp around his elbow before he went on to kiss the tip of his nose, feeling it scrunch as he still had not gotten used to the feeling. He didn't want to get used to it. That meant it got old.

    "Say it," Draco whispered in a huff, somewhat urgently although he wasn't in any rush.

    Louis moved on to press a kiss to Draco's cheek before moving on to the corner of his mouth.

    "Say— "

    Delivering the final blow, Louis finally kissed Draco's mouth, languid and as soft as ever, taking his time in pulling Draco apart and putting him back together again. Pulling away, he whispered, "I love you."

    With the corners of his mouth quirking up into a small smile, Draco asked, "Yeah?"

    Louis nodded, brushing his nose against Draco's before going back in to kiss him. "I'm not telling you this in hopes to hear the same thing in return. I just wanted to let you know. I wanted to make sure you knew."

    "And now I know. But you know what I realized?"

    "Hm?" Louis mumbled, leaning back in to kiss him, unable to stop himself from smiling as he did so.

    "You never told me how heartbreak felt. You told me about everything else—the falling, the flying. But you never told me about what would sometimes come after."

    Louis leaned away, but not too far to create a big enough of a rift between them, a little curious about the turn of conversation. "Why would you want to know about that?"

    "I dunno. I guess it would be a good thing to know down the line. It'd be good to be, you know, prepared."

    "The only thing I want you to know about heartbreak is that I hope you never get the chance to feel it. You know what?" Louis then reached for his journal and tore that certain page from it. He then flipped it to the back where the small envelope lay and took it out before folding the page up and placing it into the envelope. "Take this. And whenever you feel like doubting yourself—although I hope you don't—I want you to read it. Consider this my love letter because I'm lucky enough to love you, amor meus. Which means 'my love', by the way. In Latin, of course."

    The two then sat in silence the rest of the night because there was nothing else to be said. But somewhere up there, far out and into the center of the universe, a little star began to make a fool of itself and begin an Icarus descent of its very own.

✧˖*° ━━ AUTHOR❜S NOTE

i can't give them anything good ever, can i ? i mean, i can, and i did, but angst can't help but shove its way into their vicinity and maybe that's the only thing i've gotten good at writing oops

n.e. way, tell me what you thought ! what you liked, anything confusing i can help clear up, what made you put your phone down so you could process what you read, all of it ! i love seeing and reading each and every one of your comments !
they mean a lot to me <3