Title: Unrequited Beginnings by Lanadelreygirl
Series: The Love Maze (book one)
Source: Gardenia: A Review Shop by -Chrysalis_Realm
Genre: Teen Fiction, Young Adult
Subgenres: Romance, Teen Chick Lit
Mature: N (bullying)
LGBTQIAP+: N

Status: Complete
First impressions: 34/40

Digging deeper: 85/100
Final thoughts: Complete

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

First impressions: 34/40

Title: 10/10
A romance story with a rocky start to the relationship? Yes. Count me in! Love this title.

Story description: 8/10
Since there's very limited space in the blurb preview, I'd move the line about this being the first in a series toward the end of the blurb. Or you could cut it out, honestly, since you repeat that detail in the last paragraph.

As far as the content of the blurb itself, I would spell "1st" out, as the abbreviation doesn't feel right in the context of a narrative. Otherwise, there are no grammatical issues until the second sentence of the last paragraph. It gets kind of clunky there, and the tone doesn't quite match the formal, flowing tone you've set previously. I'd probably split that sentence up and reword a bit, starting with putting a period after "feelings" and beginning a new sentence with "Because of this." The bit about "something not-so-good" and "whatnot" feel too informal, so I'd probably cut "not-so-good happens," making that sentence read "something that she never wanted" and then change "to happen" to "happens." Then, I'd put a comma there and continue with "and she learns," ending with "and life." The only other edit I would make is regarding the trailing periods. There should actually be just three—no more; no less. It's called an ellipsis (...).

But this definitely introduces me to what sounds like a cute young romance, so I'm in.

Cover: 8/10
The only major problem I can find with this cover is your name. It's too small to read, and it's barely visible in the white font set against light pink and white flowers. I'd bump the size up a bit and probably shift it to the lower left-hand corner, where it won't distract from the rest of the cover but will still be visible. But, otherwise, I love all the floral details and the woman in a dress walking through a field of flowers, although I think the bright teal in the middle is a bit too bright. If you could tone that down a bit so it doesn't feel so jarring, I think that would be good.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
Author's note: This just reinforces the feeling I have that this will be a really cute romance. I put inline comments with grammatical errors where I found them, as you requested, and I'll try to do that as I read, but since I'm squeezing this review in between judging, I may have to just finish the review and come back to add the inline comments later.

Prologue: This is cute! I like the introduction to Maya's personality, and you show her immediate attraction and nearly immediate nervousness about Rohan really well. Even if he's just teasing, it's easy for that to be misconstrued as bullying, and with Maya's background, that would be off-putting. I also really like how you did the break in the fourth wall at the end. I see people try to do that all the time, but it's not an easy thing to do right, and it usually ends up with past/present verb tense issues. Overall, your grammar is pretty solid, and I put in notes wherever I found any issues. Moving on to the first chapter!

Characters and Their Aesthetics: Never mind. Characters first! 😉 Hm...friend to foe situation? That's one you don't see every day.

Chapter 1: Here we go! And again with the cuteness. There's something so charming about a childhood romance that's all about personal connection and exploration of feelings instead of physical attraction and lust. Again, your grammar is really solid, especially with dialogue, which I love to see. Dialogue is something many people struggle with. But yours sounds natural, and your punctuation and capitalization are on point. The way you introduce the reader to Maya's friend group and advance her friendship with Rohan just a little more feels natural and realistic, too.

My only big critique here is that Maya doesn't sound like a third grader. That would put her and her classmates at about eight years old, I think, and they all sound a bit too mature for that. Now, I'm not good at writing from a child's perspective, so I can't give too many tips beyond shortening sentences and decreasing vocabulary. I'd recommend looking into books about or for children of that age for an idea of what to shoot for. You could probably start by checking out the childrensfiction profile. Otherwise, I love this story so far, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

*****

Digging deeper: 85/100

Cover & title: 8/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 4/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 17/20
Again, your grammar is generally pretty solid, with the most common mistakes being past/present tense issues. You have a very thoughtful, descriptive writing style, emphasizing an exploration of emotions, and as I noted before, Maya and her classmates don't sound like third graders. The tone feels like it matches a little better when she's in seventh grade, and then more so in eighth grade, and that will continue to improve as she ages up to your writing. Looking into books that follow a character as they grow through childhood may be more helpful than just looking up how to write for a certain age, since you're following Maya as she ages.

There are some issues with repetition. For instance, the phrase "As the days turned into weeks and the weeks to months" repeats several times in third grade, making me wonder how much of the school year could possibly remain, but other phrases get repeated, too, sometimes within a couple of paragraphs of each other.

The conversation between Maya and her friends when Rohan and Neha start dating illustrates this pretty well. Her friends say basically the same thing about how you never know what's going on beneath the surface several times, and she asks basically the same question about if they really have feelings for each other several times. Actually, the phrase "brewing beneath the surface" gets used again in that conversation with only a slight word change to make it "simmering beneath the surface."

And that's often how Maya's thoughts and emotional explorations go, too. She keeps going over the growing distance between her and Rohan over and over and over again, with no addition of new information, and no new conclusions reached. Repeating that once or twice is fine, but it's something that is discussed multiple times in the same chapter and the following chapters, and it gets a bit boring.

Plot & pacing: 8/10
I already had the impression this would be a longer story with an extended, less defined plotline than other stories, since you're sort of showing Maya's life as she grows up here. So, getting straight to a huge plot conflict isn't really something this story should do. And it doesn't. It's going like I thought it would, following Maya through childhood, and it's going at a pretty good pace. Things were starting to drag toward the end of third grade because of all the repetition, but then you switched into seventh grade, and the next chapter was eighth grade, so that's not as much of an issue anymore. Although the repetition can still drag things down a bit, but I'll have to wait and see how/if that affects the story from this point forward.

Characterization: 20/20
Maya's character is definitely complex, and you've ensured the reader gets to know her right away with all her analysis of events, thoughts, and feelings. She's probably more thoughtful than I would expect of a child her age (in all life stages thus far), but that's her. People are different. Rohan is the next character we know the most about, and I have to wonder if there's something going on in his home life to instigate his distancing himself from Maya. Although you did a good job of foreshadowing by pointing out his teasing before Maya truly met him for the first time, so when he turns that teasing on her, it's not unexpected. Still, turning from teasing in friendship to hurtful insults is not normal for even people who tend to tease, so there's more to him than meets the eye.

And, while I would like to grab Maya and shake her, telling her to stop crushing on Rohan because the boy dumped her four years ago, and it's way past the time to move on, I recall I was a foolish child once, too, crushing on boys for years, even after they did things to hurt me. Ah, the joys and pains of youth.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
I think you're right on track for Teen Fiction here. Starting before even the pre-teen years was an interesting choice, but it's important background information for high school, which I'm sure is where you're taking this. Romance and ChickLit fit well, too. Not sure about Young Adult, but I guess that depends on how long you follow Maya. If the story continues into her adulthood, that would probably fit, too.

Originality: 13/20
I'd like more sensory descriptions. Your emotional descriptions are great, but descriptions encompassing sight, sound, touch, smell, and taste are all a bit lacking, beyond the initial physical description for Rohan. The world around them isn't much more than a vague black-and-white sketch. Filling that in with more details would add more life to this and help give it more grounding than just Maya's emotional journey.

Chapters 6-end:
First of all—hurrah! I was able to put in the inline feedback as I read! And that's because your grammar is really good. Pat yourself on the back. 😊

Repetition continued to be an issue in eighth grade, because every time her friends teased her into confessing she liked Rohan, it felt like it was the first time she was admitting this. The teasing continued in ninth and tenth grades, of course, but the context and verbiage were different every time, as was her response, so it didn't feel as repetitive. And after ninth grade started, when the events of her school life became more prominent, there was less dwelling on internal thoughts with no change in external activity, and the pace picked up from the action.

Also, I loved how you did the pandemic. Casually inserting details like speaker distortion into conversations with her friends just added so much realism to their interactions. I also loved all their study sessions, especially their chemistry study session. "When you're gone, we're carbon monoxide!" 😆

With the chapter in Rohan's perspective, his dialogue sounds different from Maya, but his thoughts don't. I'd recommend trying to come up with a slightly different writing style for him to make his perspective sound unique to him.

Lastly, I love the wrap-up with the epilogue. Maya has had readers pulling their hair out throughout the story because of poor decisions and an inability to let go and move on, so having her reflect on the past, gain new perspective, and consciously decide to make a change moving forward was great closure for her and for the readers.

I don't know how this series will play out, but I think it would be hilarious for her to come back to India a strong, mature, confident woman, and then have Rohan fall all over himself trying to get her attention while she gives him the cold shoulder he so deserves. 😈

*****

Final thoughts:
Growing up isn't easy. Just ask Maya. She developed her first childhood crush in third grade—and experienced her first rejection. And yet somehow, she can't let Rohan go. The years pass, and her best friends Jen and Riya are right there with her the whole time, navigating puberty, adolescence, homework, and, hardest of all, boys. Well, boy, for Maya. Because she's still stuck on Rohan, who is the master of mixed signals. Even with Jen and Riya keeping Maya grounded, she just can't get past that boy. Even if he hurts her again and again. But that's growing up, isn't it? You live; you learn. And, when it's all said and done, the trio of girls prepares for the next stage of life with their friendship still running strong. And Rohan? Well, he's just the lesson Maya has finally learned in this sweet, heartwarming story that will take you back to all the joys and trials of youth.