Title: The Vanishing Girls Of Willow Creek by AneesaBadu
Series: Willow Creek (book one)
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Mystery/Thriller
Subgenres: Paranormal, Romance
Mature: Y (abduction, blood, bullying, cult, death, human trafficking, incest, infertility, loss of a loved one, medical depictions, mental health issues, miscarriage, murder, occasional strong profanity, racism, stalking, suicide, mentions of alcohol and drug abuse/use)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 34/40
Digging deeper: 64/100
Final thoughts: pending

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*****

First impressions: 34/40

Title: 10/10
Well, if potential readers don't know what to expect from this book after reading this title, I don't know how else to help them. Mystery, kidnappings, targeting girls—it's all here.

Story description: 7/10
Grammatically, this blurb is very clean and polished. But I think it's too long, and it gives away way too much information. I've read up to chapter nine now, and honestly, this blurb summarizes all of that, so I could almost read the blurb and skip those chapters. I struggle with this balance, too, of not sharing enough information to hook a reader's interest, and then over sharing and ruining at least the first part of the story. It's tricky. In this case, I think you could cut the first, fourth, fifth, and last paragraphs. My reasoning for the first, fourth, and fifth paragraphs is that they give too much information away, removing a lot of the mystery. As for the last paragraph, ending your blurb with thought-provoking questions is a great way to hook your readers, but following that up with more statements dulls the hook.

Another point I'd like to make is that this sounds like AI-generated content. Using AI to help you get some ideas isn't a bad thing, but just be careful to write things in your own words, instead of using AI to do it for you. If this is AI-generated, it's not eligible for entry in any official Wattpad awards, and many unofficial awards wouldn't allow it, either, so be careful about that. If it's not AI, as long as you have a record to prove you typed it yourself (like Microsoft Word or Google Docs history), you're good.

Cover: 10/10
The mixture of black, blue, and white on this cover creates a dark, foreboding feeling with an eerie, ghostly influence. Looking closer, it's just a girl's back, and I don't think she's in motion, but she's picking her skirts up as if she's getting ready to run. Then, there are outlines of trees on either side of her with some possible distortion as something swirls over and around them, creating a really mysterious effect.  The title and your name are clearly visible, and the font style, color, and placement all enhance the imagery instead of detracting from it. Great cover.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 7/10
It's been a while since I first read the beginning of this book, so I went back and reread it to refresh myself, and I have some new thoughts about it. First, I think the characters page runs into the same problem as the blurb—giving away too much information. Instead of giving plot points, just give the basics: Harley's mom; runs a bakery. There are quite a few details in the paragraphs for each character that I haven't even encountered yet in the story, but now, they won't surprise me when I do. And the cornerstone of any mystery novel is mystery, after all.

The prologue is a nice, action-packed, thrilling intro to the story. It's pretty clear the events it's showing occur later in the story, so it's a taste of what to expect. Unfortunately, the characters chapter and blurb dull the effect, though, because instead of a reader making wild guesses about what could be happening with no solid facts to go off of, they have a lot of information to make much more accurate predictions.

Chapter one is really long, and there are multiple points when it switches from specific scenes into summary paragraphs that feel like they belong in a prologue or at the end of a book. These often give away too much information, like Miranda's disappearance, so they remove much of the mystery by telling the reader where the story is going instead of allowing them to discover it on their own. They also often sound like AI-generated content, with a different tone and style to them than Harley's usual teen first-person perspective. It's more formal, very mature, and really introspective.

The beginning of the chapter, in particular, feels like another prologue, and there's some information in this chapter I don't think the reader needs yet, like Miranda. She doesn't appear anywhere in this chapter except the flashback, which is fuzzy in the timeline. This is a small town where everybody knows everybody else, but the supposed first interaction between Harley and Miranda does not sound like an early childhood interaction. It sounds more like early high school or late middle school. I think it would be better to have this flashback happen the first time Harley encounters her in the narrative, when talking about Miranda makes sense.

There's nothing wrong with introducing the town, Harley's friendship with Jonathan, the bakery, and all that, but those things get a lot of screen time. Integrating those details into the narrative instead of giving them full sections would probably help shift the reader's focus to more important details—such as Harley and Jonathan researching disappearances in Willow Creek. Most of that is summarized instead of shown, but that's arguably the most important part of chapter one, far more important than how Harley helped paint and decorate the bakery. But it's buried within the chapter.

There are a few ways you could go about changing things here. One way would be to just dedicate this chapter to introduction material and push the research and letter into the next chapter. Another way would be to cut the extras that aren't pertinent in this chapter, reduce the filler material, and shift the focus to the study session and letter by showing the details of that. I'm sure there are more options (another being to leave it as is, of course), but those are the two I thought of, and I'm not sure which is better. The first way would probably create a double-prologue effect and also have very little hook, but the second way could feel too rushed if it's not done right. I don't think you would have an issue with that, though, because you'd have to cut way too much stuff and basically have zero background information and details to achieve that, and that's not your style.

Grammatically speaking, there are minor errors throughout, most notably slips into the present tense. This story is in the first person perspective from Harley's point of view, and there are bits and pieces here where she breaks the fourth wall with a comment in the present tense. In this story, I don't think that's really appropriate. Those comments are things a person would make from their present perspective as they write a story that happened in the past, but we already know from the prologue that everything in Harley's life is about to change. Are those things she would say once the story ends? Is she still an optimistic, happy girl whose world is the same now as it was then? I doubt it, so those comments don't sit right with me. Slips into the present tense in places that aren't supposed to break the fourth wall also muddle the field, making it harder to tell when the present tense is intentional, and when it's not. So, I think just sticking with the past tense and not having those present tense comments would be best.

But your characters are already complex, relatable, and believable. Your descriptive detail is also good, allowing the reader to see the scenes; your dialogue is usually natural, although it can come across as too mature; and your plot is solid. This has the makings of a really good mystery book. It just has a few kinks to iron out.

*****

Digging deeper: 64/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 3/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 10/20
Minor grammatical issues continue, with slips into the present tense being the most common problem, but that isn't the main concern in this area. Nor are the paragraph formatting issues, which I know you've told me come from Wattpad messing your paragraphs up (been there). The biggest issue is the inconsistent style. For a good example, compare chapters three and four. Chapter three has more grammatical errors, but it has more personality. It sounds more natural, more like a teenager. Harley's thoughts and dialogue match her characterization:

"Oooh, what a gentleman! No, I'm just kidding. Jon's always been super courteous, carrying my things for me, opening doors, and overall just being there."

But in chapter four, the style is entirely different. It's the formal, mature, introspective style and tone that I mentioned in the first part of the review, which is characteristic of AI-generated content. Suddenly, Harley sounds like a 50-year-old woman with the wisdom of a lifetime and the vocabulary of a dictionary. Regardless of the genre, the characters, or the setting, I've found that AI-generated content all sounds the same. It's grammatically correct and full of flowery adjectives, but it erases personality:

"I nodded slowly, my mind racing with questions and doubts. What secrets were hiding behind their facade of normalcy? And could one of them be capable of such a heinous act?"

So, chapter three is significantly better than chapter four, even with its mistakes. It's more engaging, more realistic, more natural, and it just makes for a better read.

Plot & pacing: 6/10
The pacing is inconsistent as well, although it's much better than the first chapter. Basically, filler material characteristic of AI-generated content slows it down, putting heavy emphasis on repetitive summary paragraphs that share too much information too early instead of characters, dialogue, and specific plot points. But then the pace picks up to a better speed in places like chapter three, where there's no filler to drag it down, and the characters take the wheel and drive.

The plot is good, although it would be better to leave more unsaid to maintain the mystery, and there are some plot holes. I've mentioned before about the oddity of Miranda and Harley's first interaction occurring fairly late in childhood in a small town where everybody knows everybody, and the disappearances are a similar problem. It sounds like Harley and Jonathan had never heard of them, even though they've been true crime nuts and amateur detectives since childhood. But as soon as they find out, everybody knows, and it's assumed everybody knows. Jonathan even uses them to intimidate Damon, as if they were common knowledge. Now, that could be him just trying to razz the new kid, but that still doesn't explain how this information has evaded Harley and Jonathan until now—or at least, not caught their attention.

Another (more minor) issue is the part where old newspaper articles call the woods near town "The Forbidden Forest," named after the forest next to Hogwarts in the Harry Potter books. The disappearances have been happening for two centuries, but the Harry Potter books have definitely not been around that long. This is an easy fix, though. All you have to do is note that people started calling it that after the Harry Potter books came out (first one published in 1997, by the way).

Characterization: 10/20
Again, the big issue here is the inconsistency in the characters. Harley is a teenager with possible undiagnosed autism, definite panic attacks, a passion for true crime and a gothic fashion sense. She's still mourning her father's death, and she's close friends with Jonathan, the only kid her age who accepts her for who she is. And that's all stated throughout the story and shown in places, but like I said earlier, there are sections where she's too formal, overly mature, and wise beyond her years.

And that's the same with Jonathan, too. He's the kid whose parents fight all the time, the guy who's best friends with the school's social misfit but has suddenly caught the interest of the popular girls because puberty happened. He very obviously has feelings for Harley, although she has a huge blind spot in that department and can't see it, and he's very protective of her. When he's not too formal, overly mature, and wise beyond his years.

The rest of the characters haven't appeared frequently enough for there to be much inconsistency in their characterizations. Miranda and Kirsty are typical popular girls and bullies. Harley's mom is a hard-working single mom with a big heart. The teachers are strict, but fair. Everybody's pretty standard for their roles at this point, although with a mystery like this, that's sure to change.

Harmony within genre: 10/15
This is definitely a Mystery novel, but it reveals too much information too early, which is especially problematic for this genre. Leaving more unsaid and cutting filler material would heighten the mystery and make everything more tense and thrilling.

Originality: 10/20
The plot and characters are original, and there are parts of the story that are very engaging and immersive, but the inconsistency in style makes for an inconsistent reading experience, and as I've said before, AI-generated content sounds pretty much the same regardless of the story. There are places where the descriptive elements far outweigh the actual narrative, so it's easy to lose the plot while admiring the bakery. Description is good, of course, and there are places where it's superb, but striking a balance is important. Rewriting any sections with too much AI use would fix almost all the issues I've noted—pacing, over-sharing, characterizations, burying the plot—and it would bring your voice out more, which is far superior, I think.

*****

Final thoughts: pending