Title: The Right to Die by avadel
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Science Fiction
Secondary/subgenre(s): Fantasy
Mature: N (blood, bullying, child abandonment, classism, death, discrimination, drug abuse, implied sexual assault, loss of a loved one, murder, slavery, vague sexual references, violence)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Complete
First impressions: 39/40
Digging deeper: 99/100
Final thoughts: Complete

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

First impressions: 39/40

Title: 10/10
This is a really thought-provoking title, and it works great with a Science Fiction story, particularly with Dystopian elements. Love it.

Story description: 10/10
As with every other category, you nailed this one. The only name you mention is M'yu, the main character, so you don't clutter up a potential reader's mind with names that aren't relevant and will only confuse them. You introduce the world and background information in quick sentences with brief details, again avoiding the common pitfall of confusing the reader with too much too soon. The pieces you leave out add mystery and intrigue, and the pieces you leave in rouse curiosity. Ending with one short, snappy, shocking sentence finishes the hook off and yanks the reader toward the "Start reading" button. Great job.

Cover: 10/10
I never really sit down and appreciate a cover until I get to this part of the review. Prior to this, I just knew I liked the cover at a glance. But there is so, so much going on here. The layered imagery within the faded background and black silhouettes incorporates so many details from the story, details a potential reader won't know about, but will appreciate later when they do. The simple color palette of light blue and black is eye-catching and not overwhelming, and the text is all perfectly placed, sized, colored, styled, and, most importantly, it's all legible, too. Fantastic cover.

First chapter: 9/10
I'm counting chapter 0 as the first chapter, because as per your note, it will be the first chapter for the next draft, and it doesn't have a prologue feel to it.

So, this chapter immediately told me why this book won the Ambys. It's so well-written. The characters are realistic, relatable, believable, and even though their world and their struggles are probably different from most readers', they're incredibly sympathetic figures. M'yu gives an immediate Aladdin-street-rat feel, or maybe someone from a Sci Fi version of a Charles Dickens story. He's a complex character, intelligent and driven, kind and vindictive, skilled beyond his years to shoulder the responsibilities he takes so seriously. And the world-building is just amazing. Not only do you have your own world here, but you create your own colloquialisms. That's an extra detail most people don't think about, but it adds so much life.

Grammatical errors are incredibly rare and, when they do occur, they're usually there on purpose, adding to the depth of the story by subtly showing M'yu's uneducated status. There are a couple of places where you slip into the present tense for a verb or two, but it's actually really easy to miss that unless you're looking for it, because the story itself is so immediately immersive that I have to consciously remind myself to step back and search for errors.

I really don't understand why this book doesn't have more views, votes, or comments. It's easily one of the best books I've ever read on Wattpad.

*****

Digging deeper: 99/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 5/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 19/20
True errors continue to be incredibly rare. Most of the ones I saw look more like stylistic choices to flesh out your world more. You have a very clear, engaging, descriptive writing voice, one that paints a picture with a few words and pulls the reader into that painting. A big part of the immersive experience is the colloquialisms you've created that add so much more realism to the story. There are no metaphors comparing things in the story to things in real life. The metaphors compare things in the story to things in the story, and it's all done in a way that's understandable, with rich vocabulary and vivid symbolism.

Plot & pacing: 10/10
M'yu is the plot. He is the driving force behind the story, which makes it that much more engaging. This is a dystopian world where class divisions are strict and abuse of power is expected, a world where M'yu was born, abandoned, raised, and cast out, emerging as one who is determined not to overturn the system, but to break it. He plans carefully, rolls with the punches, pivots on a dime, and never loses his unshakeable intent. So, while the operation he and his gang initiate in the opening chapters does not go to plan, M'yu is quick to alter his methods and stick to the core plan. The pacing is perfect, giving the reader all the details they need to understand the story and keep the plot from getting rushed without flipping to the other end of the spectrum and dragging the pace down.

Characterization: 20/20
I had to describe M'yu in the previous section because he's the main character in a character-driven story, and I felt it wasn't worth it to even try to tease him apart from the plot. And I really didn't scratch the surface. He's a complex character with an even more complicated history, revealed in bits and pieces of memory, thought, dialogue, and narrative, and he's so incredibly engaging. That's pretty obvious just from checking the inline comments. Readers can't help rooting for M'yu on his quest for justice and a better life—a selfless quest for others, not himself.

Every other character is just as intricate and distinct as M'yu. Karsya, his friend with a hard edge, someone who's angrier than M'yu at the system and more than willing to turn that anger to violence. The rest of his gang—children who look up to him, kids who align more closely with Karsya's point of view—all suspicious of everyone and quick to abandon M'yu the moment it seems like he may have abandoned them. Aevryn, the Knight who's smart enough to catch M'yu in a trap and realize the potential the boy has, although what potential and for what purpose is yet unclear. M'yu's mother, a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart who takes in abandoned children and gives them a home.

This is a rich story full of characters for everybody. Nameless, faceless characters are extremely rare, and every detail is important.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
This is a perfect blend of Science Fiction and Fantasy. Your description of the witchcandy's effect on M'yu is fantastic, adding the magic to an otherwise tech-heavy narrative, and the dystopian elements scream science fiction.

Originality: 20/20
There's no debate in this category. Everything about this story is original and unique to you. You've obviously taken a lot of time to build this world and these characters, and your descriptive elements are amazing. Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste; all are represented here in vivid vocabulary that makes comparisons nobody would think of but everybody understands. The line about M'yu breaking through that window is a stellar example of this: "The knife's tip connected with the glass, and M'yu's body hit right behind, turning a chip into a spiderweb that shattered around him."

I think that line speaks for itself. And again, I really don't understand why this book doesn't have more views. It's way too good to remain in obscurity.

*****

Final thoughts: 

"Up with the innocent, down with the powerful." This is the mantra for M'yu and the gang of child street thieves he leads in the Gloam. He's just a teenager, but he's already lived through more pain and misery than anybody ever should, and so have most of the other Gloamers. They wallow in poverty while the Caps live the high life on the mountain above them, and M'yu is determined to break the system. He has a plan. And when that plan goes awry, he's quick to adjust. An arrest turns into a golden opportunity when a Cap adopts him, and suddenly, he's among the rich, closer than ever to the central linkcard system he needs to hack if he wants to overturn the balance of power. Because he can't go back now. His friends think he's sold out, and he can't trust the Cap who adopted him. The only way out is straight through the system. There isn't another way. Or...is there?