Title: The Kingmaker by YouCanCallMeCorn
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Fantasy
Secondary/subgenre(s): Politics
Fandom: Kuroko no Basket manga by Tadatoshi Fujimaki (AU)
Mature: Y (alcohol, amputation, assassination, bigamy, blood, butchering animals, child abuse, classism, colonization, death, decapitation, gore, loss of a loved one, mental health issues, misogyny, murder, non-explicit sexual content, physical abuse, prostitution, racism, rape, sexual abuse, slavery, strong profanity, suicide, violence)
LGBTQIAP+: LG (multiple characters)
Status: Ongoing
First impression: 37/40
Digging deeper: 97/100
Final thoughts: pending

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*****

First impressions: 37/40

Title: 10/10
This is a great title for drawing in fans of stories with royalty, and it's an apt nickname for the main character as well. I don't know why, but for whatever reason, I've always related this title with kingfisher birds, too. Maybe because of the bright colors on the cover? But kingfisher birds also have a reputation for being beautiful but ruthless predators, so that works as well.

Story description: 9/10
The blurb preview, both on the site and the app, has limited character space, so using that space wisely is really important. For that reason, I think I'd shift the list of features to the bottom of the blurb and lead off with the brief summary. As for the summary, the last sentence doesn't feel right to me. "That is" restates something more clearly, but what follows are the terms of Akashi's offer, not a restatement of what he is offering Kuroko.

Getting into the character introductions, I think switching "everyone" to "most" or "everyone else" at the start of Kuroko's paragraph would make more sense, since there's clearly an exception to the rule. In Aomine's paragraph, the sentence "Nobody truly knows why" feels odd to me. Is that referring to his general title as a prince of the southern kingdom, or is it referring specifically to the descriptor "cursed"? I know it's the latter, but there's enough ambiguity that you may want to look at it and consider clarifying.

But otherwise, this is a fantastic blurb. The summary is clear and concise, and you incorporate further detail in stylized character introductions instead of the more traditional narrative story description, increasing the mystique of each character and the allure of the story. Royalty, political intrigue, assassins, romance—this has a really strong hook.

Cover: 9/10
This is a gorgeous cover. The blues and reds create a dark, mysterious vibe, and the subtle details of a heart-shaped throne with a pile of bloody skulls at its base add so much depth and meaning. This cover is as intricate as the story it represents. My only complaint here is the way your name blends too well into the window behind it, so the letters seem to disappear at first glance. I don't know how (or even if) I'd change that. Maybe your name could get bumped up to be more toward the top of the window, or even above it? But on the whole, I love this cover.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10
I always appreciate a disclaimer, and this is definitely a story with some heavy themes and some very, very complex characters—as seen immediately with this introduction to the cruel palace environment. Kuroko's inner discomfort with the new Dancer's treatment is clear, but he knows the rules, and he knows there's nothing he can do to prevent her humiliation. There's a resignation in him, a sense that she will have to learn how to debase herself if she wants to survive here, something it's implied he did a long time ago.

Rereading this first chapter, it feels less polished than the later chapters to me. It's very subtle, but phrases like "When he keeps his eyes open" and "before straightening up and starts performing" feel a bit clumsy. And there's a missing punctuation mark, which I don't know if I missed the first time, or if you noted it for future edits and removed it, so I dropped another comment about it. (And I also saw the comment about a metal detector. What? 😆)

But this is a strong start to the story. Your descriptive details are as poetic and vivid as the three simple lines of poetry you use to start each chapter, and Kuroko is already a realistic, sympathetic character. This hooked me into the story immediately the first time I read it.

*****

Digging deeper: 97/100

Cover & title: 9/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 4/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 19/20
Your grammar is really solid with extremely rare errors, and you have a fluid, poetic voice that's somehow simultaneously intimate and distant. But that goes well with every character's perspective, because they all have to hide or bury the truth of their emotions and thoughts to survive the palace's political intrigue. You have mastered the skill of inserting discordant phrases or veiled hints into the narrative, implying background information that adds depth to the world and the characters. This is a story that requires readers to make deductions based on observation rather than spelling everything out for them in explicit detail, and that makes a much more immersive, engaging reading experience.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to clarify pronouns more often, since there are multiple male characters in most scenes and conversations, and it can occasionally be confusing to figure out who is who. Also, there are some places where I think shifting the sentences following dialogue to new paragraphs may be beneficial, especially if they transition to the actions of someone other than the speaker, or narrative observations of the scene as a whole instead of focusing on the speaker individually. But overall, I love your writing style. It's very polished and professional.

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Perfection. The pace allows you to provide all the detail needed to ground the reader in the world while also keeping the story moving so it never feels stagnant. You've introduced all three main characters by chapter five, although one is just a name and has yet to physically enter the story, and you've settled a primary side character into the narrative as well. The way you weave lore into each scene and always show the reader instead of telling them is pure poetry. I know from reading some comments and our occasional discussions about specifics, like the goddess Kang'e and the Moonleaves, that you've faced some pressure to simplify the story and make it an easier read, but don't do that. This is a high-level story, so it isn't for everyone, and it doesn't need to be. The beauty is in the complexity.

Characterization: 20/20
This story is entirely character-driven, and each new character is realistic, believable, and, once you introduce the reader to their individual perspectives, relatable. They're all sympathetic characters. Tetsuya is a teenage boy, not a man, and yet he has a wealth of hard-earned wisdom well beyond his years. His skill in navigating politics, pleasing his superiors, and controlling every detail of who and what he portrays is second to none. He's mastered facial expressions and body language, along with altering his speech patterns according to who he's speaking with, and although he appears to be a delicate boy, he's an accomplished assassin. And yet he is as human as everybody else, with his own wants and needs, his emotions buried deep within him but still there. His love for his best friend and brother, Ogiwara, is deeper than what many feel for their blood siblings, and his contrasting discomfort and familiarity with Akashi creates a very interesting dynamic between the two boys.

As of chapter five, Akashi is still a largely unknown quantity, another teenage boy mature beyond his years and well-versed in the game of politics and power. Even his apparently kind gestures are suspicious. He is ambitious and ruthless, but also he enjoys teasing Tetsuya and provoking honest reactions from his Eye. While the disconnect between his use of Tetsuya as a tool and his fondness for the younger boy isn't as clear now as it will be later, it's still here, implied beneath his subtle actions and the conversations they share.

And Shigehiro. Oh, Shigehiro. He's so precious and innocent in this harsh environment, refreshingly honest and simply open about his emotions. His external distress at the news of Tetsuya's departure matches the inner thoughts Tetsuya conceals, and it's all too easy for him to overlook Tetsuya's warnings of the danger in his earnest desire to accompany his brother.

And so it goes throughout the story. Every character is deep and complex, and even though readers may not be able to relate personally to the specific circumstances and characteristics of the figures in this story, they can still connect and empathize with them very effectively.

Just a quick note here: You may want to consider adding a note in the disclaimer about naming conventions, because shifting from first to last name usage depending on character perspective can get confusing, especially if a reader isn't familiar with Japanese or Asian customs.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
This isn't a flashy fantasy with obvious magic bursting across every chapter, but it is a fantasy, and the hints at unexplained phenomena and apparently superstitious mythology maintain a thread of the unknown throughout the story.

Originality: 20/20
Yep. Yep yep yep. This is such a creative story, and you've obviously put a ton of work into it. There are no clichés or tropes. Everything is unique to you, even with your incorporation of details from the original manga into the story. And I've already praised your descriptive detail before, but it deserves more attention. This is such a beautiful, poetic story. I noted one line to give an example to others of your distinct writing style: "His fingers skim the smooth surface of his table as if he were petting a cat." So vivid and clear, and a comparison nobody else would think to make.

*****

Final thoughts: pending