Title: Synonyms For Better by xPurpleStarz
Source: ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity
Category: Comedy

Mature: N (alcohol, sexual innuendo, strong profanity)
LGBTQIAP+: N

Status: Ongoing
Special note (judging): I had four books in this category, and the other judge (YsmeriaGuilro) had four books.
Result: 96/100

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*****

Rubric:
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total: 96/100

Title: 5/5
There's something hopeful and bittersweet about this title, as for me, it implies someone is leaving the "bad" and striving for "better." And that works with a humor book. Laughter is key to happiness, so dropping some level of seriousness while looking for "better" makes sense.

Cover: 5/5
This is one of those "complexity in simplicity" covers. There isn't any clutter at all. A blue background, probably the sky, darker at the top and lighter at the bottom, as if the night is fading and the sun is coming; two hands wearing matching sleeves, linked by a single finger each; a simple, blocky text with a word in cutesy cursive and a little heart in a chat bubble. I love it. Happiness is often about enjoying the moment and the little things, and that's all over this cover.

Blurb: 3/5
I like the content of the blurb, and your grammar is spot on, but I'm not too big a fan of quotes in general, and especially not to start the blurb. The blurb preview is so limited that you need to use that space wisely to hook your readers, and I'm not sure these quotes do that. They're also not particularly funny out of context, at least, for me. Another thing I don't really like is the very informal note at the bottom in text speak. It doesn't fit anything else in this otherwise professional blurb, so it's really jarring and off-putting, and it adds nothing of value to the blurb, so I'd cut that out for sure.

But otherwise, the blurb reinforces the idea of someone leaving the "bad" or the "serious" in search of "better," or maybe getting forced from the old into the new by the new friend group interrupting Cora's studious summer. Throwing a person into a new situation like this could definitely lead to classic miscommunication and misunderstanding typical of hit sitcoms, and adding a touch of romance to a comedy is always fun. So...color me intrigued.

Plot & storytelling: 15/15
I take notes in a file as I read, and I would like to copy verbatim the very first note I took for this book: I knew I was in for good things with that opening line: "I was not in the mood for strawberry gum." YES! 😁👍

Yep. And it only got better from there.

This could be a great chick flick/rom com. It's just so, so good. There's humor interlaced through everything—everything—including the prospect of gum. Cora's background before the story starts is implied and shown through jokes and contemplation as the story progresses, but it's pretty clear that she's usually a shy, awkward homebody, and this summer vacation is an opportunity for her to stretch herself and come out of her shell. Look, I've always been a nerd and a biology nut, but even I didn't study my textbooks over the summer breaks! Cora's Aunt Cheryl gives her the push she needs to take a step out of her comfort zone, and her three new roommates are the perfect instant friends. Like, seriously. Who gets friends that good right away like that? The activities they engage in together are fun and realistic, the banter is amazing—see the entire hot chocolate and whipped cream debate—and when their impromptu hiking trip comes to an end, we know the show must go on, because Cora and Finn haven't even kissed yet!

I called the wedding situation, though. Two people going their separate ways to both attend weddings in Devenshire? What are the chances they're both attending the same wedding at the same time? In this book, pretty darn good!

Character development: 10/10
This book is 100% character driven. Of that, there is no doubt. The story is told in the first person from Cora's perspective (mostly), and her weird thoughts and strange impressions underline and highlight everything. Each character is believable and realistic, and each person is unique from everyone else. And they all change and grow. And that banter, though! Especially between Cora and Finn. I jotted down two of my favorite lines, courtesy of Finn slipping blatant flirtation into playful arguments:

"Well, dang. Anger looks hot on you." 🤣

"Your sarcasm is what keeps the passion running, babe."

Also, the quotes in the blurb now make sense to me, but I don't think they're the best ones to represent this story, anyway, so I still wouldn't include them. They are amusing, but they don't mean anything to anybody who hasn't already read the story.

Writing style: 10/10
Okay, first of all, you've nailed the perfect blend of proper narrative with informal diary-esque tone, if that makes sense. You generally follow the normal rules, but this is comedy. The rules are a lot more bendy. Italicized sighs and <insert such-and-such giggle> actually work here, because this is all coming from Cora's mind, and this is how she thinks. It doesn't read like a stream-of-consciousness thing, for which I am thankful. It has structure. But breaks in the fourth wall happen, along with self-deprecating comments, and the casual nature of this story allows for you to play as an author, so to speak.

Also, can I just say how nice it is to see alternative perspectives that sound like different people? Renzo's perspective sounds different from Cora's, and Finn's perspective is different from both of them. Many people write from alternating character perspectives, but they don't change the writing style to match the personality traits of each character, so the only way to tell the difference is by the name in the heading. Not here. Yes, you put the heading to tell the reader, since it's a one-and-done for both Renzo and Finn (thus far, anyway), but it's pretty obvious just by reading that this ain't Cora anymore. And while I can't say I appreciate Finn's stronger use of language and dirtier mind, that's Finn, and he makes an effort to rein himself in.

Grammar: 8/10
And on top of all that, your grammar is solid! This book is just like my favorite candy bar. A Kit Kat, if you'd like to know. Unrelated to my username, but it works.

Anyway, the most consistent grammatical issue you have arises from the breaks in the fourth wall, and it's verb tense issues. Sometimes, there are slips into the present tense within the narrative—not counting the breaks in the fourth wall—and sometimes, the specific past tense form is incorrect. A verb may end in -ing when it should be in the "had <insert verb>" format, or maybe it should be in the "was <verb-ing>" format.

Otherwise, errors are inconsistent and rare. Hyphenating words that shouldn't be hyphenated (critical-eye), missing words here or there (like "of"), an occasional period to end dialogue when it should be a comma to lead into a dialogue tag, a word that should be plural, but the possessive form is used instead; that kind of thing. I'm pretty sure they're all just little things you missed during proofreading.

Something that could be an issue but isn't so far is multiple speakers in the same paragraph. That can get confusing, so it's generally a good idea for each speaker to get their own paragraph for dialogue and their actions. Like I said, it happens only occasionally, but it hasn't become confusing yet. I would still recommend separating speakers, though, just to prevent any confusion about who is saying and doing what.

Also, you misspelled this word: "schezwan." I say "this word" because when I looked it up to confirm, I found three acceptable spellings for it: sichuan, szechwan, szechuan. "Szechuan" is the one I'm familiar with.

There's one instance of the phrase "the both of us," which is grammatically incorrect, because you don't need "the," but given the informal tone of this story, it may be okay. I'm back and forth about it. I think I'd write it properly, but then again, I've also never used the incorrect phrase or been around people who use it that way in dialogue, so it always stands out to me whenever I see it. It's up to you.

Originality & creativity: 10/10
I think the key to a good comedy story is bizarre metaphors that nobody else would think of. See "batting her eyelashes so rapidly I thought she might take off like a helicopter" (actual story quote). Your word choice, and specifically metaphors, are definitely unique, and while the tale of a shy girl meeting people who help her break out of her shell on a summer vacation isn't unique, you've made this story your own, through and through. It's all in the details.

Also, your descriptive details are really good, too. It would be easy in this kind of story to focus on the humor and leave out imagery describing, for instance, Aunt Cheryl's house when Cora arrives, but you don't. Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste—all are represented here, and all are done very nicely.

Emotional impact: 10/10
Well, the biggest emotion you want to trigger in this category is humor, which you've nailed. But because of the deep connection the reader makes with Cora, we also get to experience her doubts and insecurities, her awkwardness and embarrassment, and we sympathize for this girl who doesn't see herself the way everybody else does. She needs a tall, dark stranger to bring her out of her shell and make flippant remarks about her being hot when she's angry. She's not the boring, disappointingly average person she thinks she is, and this summer is helping her to see that, which is something for the reader to celebrate.

Pacing & structure: 5/5
Yep. All good here. Renzo and Finn's chapters surprised me, but their placement was perfect. They filled in that in-between when the hiking trip ended and the friends were going their separate ways, and they set up the next stage of the story wonderfully.

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10/10
I think you can probably already tell that I loved this story; if not by this feedback, then by all the comments I couldn't help myself from posting. Like I said, I'm not a fan of the f-word popping up in Finn's chapter, but this is otherwise a refreshingly clean read (in terms of amount and level of profanity and level of sexual innuendo [yes, I am the person who was as befuddled by the sub/dom comment as Cora was]), which just highlights to me that the best comedy is clean comedy. I really need you to finish this, though. Please? Pretty please? I need more of Cora's awkwardness and those electric moments with Finn! Also, I can't wait to see her internal combustion when they actually kiss. That will be funny. 😉