Title: Parantap Parashakti: Paving Way For Him by dwarkaratna
Series: Yadav Jyoti (book seven)
Award: ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity
Category: Historical Fiction
Mature: N (bigamy, gambling, loss of a loved one, polyandry, religion, sexual assault, sexual references, trauma, war)
LGBTQIAP+: N

Status: Complete
Special note (judging): I had four books in this category, and the other judges (Karuar and Lunatic_Twilight) had four and three books, respectively.
Result: 77/100

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*****

Rubric:
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total: 77/100

Title: 4/5
I like your explanation in the blurb for what "Parantap Parashakti" means, but you're missing an article in the second part of the title. There should be an "a" or "the" between "Paving" and "Way," depending on your intended meaning. "A" would give the impression of paving one way among many options, while "the" would imply there is only one specific way.

Addendum: Since this is part of a series, I'd recommend finding a way to include that information in your title somehow. That would make it easier for new readers to know this isn't the book they should start with, and it would help ongoing readers who are trying to find the next book in the series.

Cover: 2/5
I like the image and the border, but the title doesn't feel right to me, your name isn't on this cover at all, and there's an "Adobe Spark" thing in the lower right-hand corner that makes me think this is a screenshot of an image that wasn't cropped appropriately. So, that definitely needs to be cropped out, and you really need to add your name somewhere to give yourself credit. As far as the title, the font style and color don't integrate well with the image, so instead of one cohesive piece, it just looks like the text was simply typed over the image. And I've already mentioned the missing article, so the subtitle is grammatically incorrect. I'm not sure what font would work best here, but I think moving the title up to the top of the cover into that open space above the woman's head would look better than having it at the bottom, and then you can play with fonts, styles, and colors to find something that works. That would also create a perfect space for your name at the bottom. Just make sure it's in a font large enough to read but styled and colored in such a way that it doesn't detract from the title and the image.

Blurb: 2/5
There's a significant language barrier here which shows in the awkward phrasing and unclear meaning throughout this blurb. I'll try to parse through the text to help make it clearer, but I don't understand all of it, so there is a chance I've misinterpreted something. However, I feel like I always get a much better understanding of your blurbs once I examine the individual words closely, so hopefully, I'll get everything right.

Here's the first paragraph:

Parantap is one among the many names of Arjun, and his Parashakti is the one who paved way for him through all poles of her life when he wasn't with her, physically. She was none other than Subhadra.

I think "of" would be a better preposition than "among" in the first part of the first sentence. In the second part, you're missing articles before "way" and "poles." In context, I'd say "a" would be the best article before "way." But I'm not sure what to do with that phrase. The definition of "poles" is the most confusing part. That could mean long, thin rods, or it could mean the northern- and southernmost points of the Earth or another sphere (North and South poles). I think you're trying to use the second definition.

Another point of confusion is "through." That makes it sound as if she created a path for him to travel from one point to another in her life, and he could somehow travel that when he was not with her, so the impression is more like he's reading a history book about somebody who's no longer around than he's intimately acquainted with that person.

I think "seasons" would be a better word than "poles," because instead of implying this is about only two specific points in her life which may be quite far apart from each other, "seasons" gives the impression of a continuous journey. The preposition "in" would further enforce the idea that the path she's creating is not just about getting from point A to point B, but it's more about the entire experience. Having "physically" set apart from the rest of the sentence feels odd, and I think integrating it into the previous text would feel more natural. So, this is what I came up with:

Parantap is one of the many names of Arjun, and his Parashakti is the one who paved a way for him in all the seasons of her life, even when he wasn't physically with her. She was none other than Subhadra.

The next paragraph is a single poetic sentence which is very unclear: "Like the bow and arrow in the lotus of this cover her role is also hidden in his life." A lotus is a water lily, so I don't know what that has to do with a bow and arrow, especially since "in" confers the meaning that the bow and arrow are inside the flower. Looking lotus up, the flower means purity, rebirth, and divinity, and in Greek mythology, it was a fruit which created a dreamy forgetfulness and unwillingness to depart. As for "cover," I'm guessing you're using that either in the sense of something that protects or conceals something else, or maybe disguises something else. So, the general gist I'm getting here is that she's a secret divine presence in his life. But I still don't know what a bow and arrow has to do with that.

The next paragraph is another single sentence: "Subhadra who was happily married to Arjun, happily living her marital life got separated from her soulmate for thirteen long years due to mishap." This I understand, but it's jumbled and bulky. Cutting extra words and reordering it would make the meaning clearer: "A mishap interrupted Subhadra and Arjun's happy marriage and separated the soulmates from each other for thirteen long years."

Similarly, I understand the next paragraph, but it's clunky:

She didn't have the scope of dwelling into the sorrow of that separation. She had to shoulder the responsibility of upbringing her son, Abhimanyu. Along with him she had five sons of her co wife to look after, to love them like their parents used to and would have done if they were with them.

In this case, condensing and rewording would help bring the meaning out more. Since I modified the previous paragraph to focus on the couple instead of Subhadra, I'm also starting this off with her name instead of "she" to confirm this part is all about her:

Subhadra couldn't dwell on the sorrow of that separation. She had to shoulder the responsibility of raising her son, Abhimanyu, along with the five sons of her co-wife, loving them as their parents would have.

The next paragraph/sentence is fine, but the following one needs some work: "Will her turmoils won't torment her determination at that tender time?" It should be the singular "turmoil" here, because that's an all-encompassing word for the difficulties she's dealing with, and "won't" makes no sense here, so that just needs to be cut out. I think "during" would work better than "at," because "during" conveys the idea of something happening over a period of time, while "at" is specific to one singular point. That would also work really nicely with the consonance you already have here: "Will her turmoil torment her determination during that tender time?"

The final paragraph/sentence also has some problems: "How will be the scenario of that morning after her sleepless nights of those years of struggle?" I think reordering it and rewording would fix it, but I'm not exactly sure what you mean by the first part of the sentence, so I have several versions here with different meanings:

1. What will the morning look like after years of struggle and sleepless nights?
2. How will the morning come after years of struggle and sleepless nights?
3. When will the morning come after years of struggle and sleepless nights?

So, from what I understand, this blurb is saying Subhadra was a silent, secret, divine presence in Arjun's life, creating a path for him to follow, but after they married, a mishap separated them for thirteen years. During that time, she had to struggle through her sorrow and parent their child and her step-children alone. But that time would eventually end, like a sleepless night, and morning would dawn again.

Addendum: Since this is part of a series, I'd recommend including that information at the bottom of your blurb. That would make it easier for new readers to know this isn't the book they should start with, and it would help ongoing readers who are trying to find the next book in the series.

Plot & storytelling: 14/15
As with Parth Probhodika, you have a very intricate plot here, but the language barrier makes this hard to read. It was easier for me than Parth Probhodika, because this is now the third book of yours which I've read, so I'm getting more familiar with your writing style. I think I got the gist of this one. But this category is about the technicalities of the plot and storytelling technique, and based on my interpretation of the categories, comprehension lands in another category, so I'm not docking any points for that here.

So, this story follows Subhadra during the 13 years when Arjun is exiled because of a stupid gamble, with occasional shifts in perspective to follow him and Draupadi. Subhadra and Arjun's other wives (or maybe his brothers' wives?) campaign against gambling during that time and work on empowering women throughout the kingdom to keep others from experiencing what they've experienced, and while Subhadra misses Arjun greatly, she maintains her calm, steady demeanor to help everybody else stay happy. At the end of the story, Arjun and his brothers come home, and then in the epilogue, they end up fighting a war to take back the kingdom they lost in that same ridiculous gamble.

I've already talked about the flashbacks in my feedback for Parth Probhodika and Forever for You, so I don't really need to go into that in detail here. My opinion hasn't changed on that point. But other than that, the storyline is coherent and consistent, without plot holes or contradictory elements which could cause confusion.

Character development: 9/10
This is an area where you excel. Obviously, since I'm giving you full points here for the third time in a row. I really like your technique of showing the main character through a third-person perspective from the other characters. Of the three books I've read, this one definitely gets the closest and the most intimate with Subhadra's inner thoughts and feelings, but quite a lot is still shown through the eyes of those watching her. She's such a multi-faceted character. She's a wife who misses her husband, a mother who loves her son and naturally expands that love to include Draupadi's sons in her absence, a princess who always has her kingdom's best interests at heart. Responsible. Determined. Steady. She is the rock everybody can rely on after the men in power lose their kingdom and their families in one foolish game of dice.

As for those around her, Kanha is still the same externally playful and internally wise character I remember from Parth Probhodika, and all the wives have a strong sisterhood which bonds them together. When their men fail, they get upset, just as any wife would do, but they refuse to fall into emotional despair. They have responsibilities within their kingdom, and they take their painful experience and channel that into a movement which empowers women and raises awareness about the dangers of gambling.

I feel like Arjun's personality didn't come across very clearly in this story, because he's very much on the sidelines. When the perspective shifts to him, his brothers, and Draupadi, the focus is definitely on Draupadi, in keeping with the theme of wives dealing with the mistakes their husbands make. Emphasizing the healing that has to take place between her and her husbands during this time of exile makes all the characters that much more real.

My only real critique here is that Abhimanyu sounds way too mature when he's three years old. His age isn't specified in most of the story, and of course, he's growing as time passes, but the conversation between him and Subhadra when he's explicitly stated to be three is very complex for a child of that age. For example, he uses the word "reciprocate." A three-year-old would have difficulty pronouncing that word, let alone using it correctly in a sentence.

Writing style: 5/10
I've said before you have a very poetic, beautiful writing style, and it's really a shame the language barrier is such a problem, because that makes it hard to appreciate. Awkward phrasing, even without grammatical errors, makes comprehension difficult. And I've mentioned before the difficulty following conversations when a speaker's dialogue and another person's actions aren't separated, which is still an issue here.

Note: You may notice a difference in my scoring from book to book, and that's because my understanding of the judging criteria has evolved throughout this award. I can't go back and change my previous feedback and scoring, but for the most part, the shift has just been me moving certain pieces to different categories, like moving flashbacks from "Writing Style" to "Plot & Storytelling," so the overall points aren't really different. They're just in different places. I've been trying my best to stick to an overall consistent grading scheme.

Grammar: 3/10
All the grammatical problems I noted in Parth Probhodika and Forever for You are present in this book as well, so I won't go into all of that again. There are some words I think should be hyphenated, like anything with in-law (daughter-in-law, sister-in-law), and some words I think should be combined to make compound words (lifestyle, household), but I believe the rules for both differ depending on your English usage, so I can't say for sure. I found more close misspellings or substitutions of incorrect words, so here are the new word swaps (correct word based on context on the right): cured/cursed, prospective/perspective, aspired/inspired, tit bit/tidbit, chocked/choked, stalking/staking, it's/its, some time/sometime, boarder/border.

Originality & creativity: 10/10
This is another area where you always get full marks. I've now read one other take on the Mahabharata by another author (yes, I finally looked it up to figure out what you both were writing about), and while the overall storyline and the characters are the same, you definitely have a different take on the specifics of personality traits and emotional responses to the events throughout the story. And, in your case, you use poetic language within your descriptions that is distinctly and uniquely yours.

Emotional impact: 10/10
These are the most relatable characters I've encountered in any of the three books by you which I've read and judged. The emphasis on Subhadra and the other wives' responses to their husbands' poor choices and the struggles they endure during the 13 years of separation makes them so real. Yes, Subhadra is a deity (or has some divine attributes, anyway), but she's also a woman who's just trying to keep it together. This is also the best take on that game of dice, because all along, I've been wondering why nobody's talking about how stupid that was, and here we are. Yes, it was stupid, and now, it's triggered the victims to start an anti-gambling movement.

Pacing & structure: 5/5
Not too slow; not too fast. Perfect. All the section dividers and chapter divisions make sense, as does the content in the prologue and epilogue.

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall enjoyment & engagement: 8/10
As usual, you continue the beautiful themes of the importance of family and tradition, all while promoting female empowerment and showing just how strong women can be, and those are such great messages. Yes, the language barrier is still an issue, but I'm getting more familiar and more comfortable with your writing style, and the accessibility of real, relatable characters made this story more engaging for me.

I would like to say that I'm a bit confused about the series' order. Parth Probhodika occurs after the 13 years of exile, doesn't it? So, why does this book, which takes place during those 13 years, come after Parth Probhodika? I guess there's a little overlap at the very end of the story, but it feels very strange to me.