Title: Multiverse by KimIcy_03
Source: Review request
Genre: Short Story

Subgenres: Fanfiction (Tomorrow x Tomorrow), Thriller, Crime, Supernatural, Romance
Mature: Y (explicit sexual content [none yet], strong profanity)
LGBTQIAP+: LG (open to writing bxb and gxg stories [none yet])
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 35/40

Digging deeper: pending
Final thoughts: pending

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This is my first time tackling a collection of one-shots, and I wasn't sure how to handle that, but there's only one story so far. So, this is basically a normal review. And that means I can put off coming up with a solution for future one shot collections and short story anthologies. Yay for procrastination! 😉

*****

First impressions: 35/40

Title: 10/10
This is a pretty good title for a collection of one-shots and short stories. Much better than mine (which is just One Shots). Note to self: come up with a better title... 😅

Story description: 9/10
This is a different kind of blurb, because you're not selling a specific story to hook readers. You're introducing a collection of stories. So, for that purpose, I think your blurb is good. The people who are reading it are probably going to be people who read your other books, and they're your target audience, too, so coming up with a gripping blurb that pulls in new readers isn't really the intent here.

I have a few editing suggestions, although you don't have to use perfect grammar here, since this is an informal introduction. In the first sentence of the second paragraph, there's an accent over "a" that shouldn't be there, and formatting each item in the list the same way would flow better. So, your first item is "writing," which means the next one should be "reading books," and the last one should be "watching dramas." Also, separating those items with commas instead of multiple uses of "or" would be a good idea (although you should keep the last "or" to show the end of the list). Then, in the first sentence of the second paragraph, I'd change that comma to a semicolon or a period, and in the second sentence, there should be "are" after "them."

Cover: 8/10
I like this cover. The blues are soothing but also a little eerie/space-y/science fiction-y (like all my new words?), which works with a title like Multiverse, and the images all blend together really well. The title is perfect, too. My only complaint about this is the subtitle and your name. They're a bit too small. I'd recommend bumping those up a few sizes so they're easily visible from your title page, but otherwise, this is great.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
Disclaimer: I always appreciate content and trigger warnings, and your list of disclaimers is informative and somewhat amusing. I've considered offering requests, but I'm a little nervous to do it...

Ghost of You (Prologue): In the second paragraph, where Y/N's glare interrupts the man's dialogue, the identity of the speaker is a little confusing. Since you mention Y/N first, it sounds like she's the speaker, but then, based on context clues and the dialogue tag following the next segment of dialogue, it turns out the man is the speaker. So, I'd recommend moving the line starting with "Y/N turns towards" to another paragraph, which separates her actions from his dialogue. Then, start a new paragraph with his next segment of dialogue. And I'd carry that suggestion on through the rest of the book. Keep dialogue/actions of one person with that person and separate from the next section of dialogue/action, so it's easier to tell who is saying and doing what.

Also, "he" following that last bit of dialogue should be lowercase, and the same thing with "she finishes" in the next paragraph. Since the dialogue is leading into the dialogue tag, which is an incomplete sentence on its own, the dialogue tag actually counts as part of the last sentence of dialogue. So, don't capitalize it, because it's technically in the middle of a sentence, not starting a new one.

Using slang like "gotta" and "ain't" is fine in dialogue, but typically, you should spell the words out within the narrative, where you're using proper language. So, I'd use "got to" and "isn't/aren't" (whichever is appropriate).

I think the commas might need some tweaking as well. In general, you have a tendency to overuse commas (which is funny, because when I read the first chapter of Anpanman, I said you tend to under-use commas), and there are places where you should probably swap a comma for a semicolon.

Commas are such a pain. 😔

I'd probably swap the em dash for a colon, since what follows is a description of "the task at hand." Later, I think you mean "he is her type" instead of "she is his type," since it seems pretty clear she's his type. When Y/N is chewing Kai out to keep him at a distance, it should be "lazing" instead of "lazying."

I'm curious to see how part one reads, because this prologue reads like a full chapter. It's quite long, and it doesn't feel like it's setting the basis for the rest of the story. It feels like it's part of the rest of the story. But I like it. The contrast between Y/N's cold exterior and inner fangirl is amusing, and Kai's immediate crush on her is cute. I literally chuckled at his bandmates' reaction to him calling from Y/N's phone. And while I understand why she rejects him, I feel sorry for Kai, and I hope the rest of the story is about them getting (back?) together.

Ghost of You (Part 1): I understand why you use the tilde after "Ah" to show Jisoo drawing the sound out, but I think it would be better to say that. You could do something like this: "Ah," Jisoo starts, stretching the syllable out, "they're fine."

Right after that phone call, things get confusing, because the actions of person B follow the dialogue of person A in the same paragraph. I know I already talked about separating speakers/actions, but this is a good example of a place where doing that would really improve the reader's comprehension of the conversation. The "her" pronouns added to the mix threw me for a loop while I tried to figure out who was saying what and which character was what gender.

There's a place where you added the "s" to the wrong word: "smiles fall" should be "smile falls." And when Y/N is driving, "stirring wheel" should be "steering wheel."

Yeah, I would definitely change this to part 2 and the prologue to part 1. This is a direct continuation of the story started in the previous chapter, and with no time gap or summarizing to set the prologue off from the story, it's really just the first chapter.

But, anyway, I like the story. Kai was the first domino to fall in the series of men developing crushes on Y/N, and his reactions to the men around her—and to her, of course—are quite amusing. I loved when he just blurted out a request for a date with her right in the middle of a meeting, and I loved how you described his bandmates silencing him and forcing him out of the room. Y/N is much harder to read, since she has a general crush on all the members, but it seems like she's a little more attracted to Kai than the others. Their day of forced proximity promises to be fun.

*****

Digging deeper: pending