Title: Indigo Rock by YeetedHam
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Coming of Age
Secondary/subgenre(s): Supernatural
Mature: N (cancer, illicit drug use, moderate profanity, sexual references, underage drinking)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Complete
First impressions: 36/40
Digging deeper: 95/100
Final thoughts: Complete

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*****

First impressions: 36/40

Title: 10/10
This is a simple title that's as mysterious as its namesake in the story. It could work for multiple genres, and it definitely works great here.

Story description: 9/10
Short, sweet, and to the point. Love that. I only have a few suggestions here. First, I'd change "that" in the second sentence to "who," and moving "Indigo Rock" to the end of that sentence would make it stand out more. Second, the last sentence feels off to me. The rest of this blurb is in the present tense, and I think you're trying to say what they knew (or thought they knew) before Indigo Rock is about to change, but the past tense there feels weird. I would say either change it to "know" or something like "thought they knew," but this sentence doesn't feel like enough as its own paragraph, so playing with the wording a bit more than that wouldn't be a bad idea. As it is, this sentence feels more like it belongs with the first paragraph. But ending the first paragraph with "—Indigo Rock" would strengthen your hook, so I wouldn't recommend burying that by adding another sentence right after it. I don't have any specific ideas in mind for alterations, and you may decide it's better to leave it alone, but it's something to look at, anyway.

Cover: 9/10
First, I like the background image. It's simple, like the title, with the addition of the indigo rock within the tree trunk adding elements of mystery and curiosity. I also like the straight-forward font style. It's easy to read, and the oddity of the slight enhancements to the title keeps it from feeling boring or underdone. The white box around "Rock" and the actual rock feels a little strange because it's off-center and not around both words of the title, but that's the point. It's emphasizing the rock, both in word and image. And your name is clearly visible and doesn't detract from the rest of the cover.

The only thing I don't necessarily like is the text at the top. I can see why you want something there, because otherwise, there's a lot of blank space on the top half of the cover, but there's something not quite right about that text for me. I've been sitting here, staring at it, trying to figure out why, and my initial thoughts of changing font or shifting the text elsewhere on the cover don't seem like the right answer. Maybe it's just the left alignment. Everything except "Rock" is centered, and that break in symmetry right in the middle of the cover works well, but the left alignment at the top feels too rigid to me. I'd try centering it and seeing what happens. Maybe that'll do the trick. You could also try moving it to the upper right-hand corner of the cover, so it's placed over the tree, and see what that looks like. But otherwise, I love this cover.

First chapter: 8/10
This is a great first chapter. Your characters are immediately believable and sympathetic, pulling the reader into their lives and their world. The dialogue is natural; your descriptions are fantastic; and you very neatly fill in background information without interrupting the flow of current events. There isn't a lot of room to get all that into a short story, but it's vital to do so if you want the story to be effective, and you have. You communicate the laid back, party atmosphere of high school seniors celebrating before graduation well, and the emotions of not only Jess but also the other kids around her come through loud and clear through body language, facial expressions, and dialogue.

Grammatically, there are a few minor errors I've noted previously, but this is very clean writing. The section dividers give me pause, though. I think the first one is set about three or four paragraphs too early. The rest are fine, but I don't think you necessarily need them. You could just have a short transition paragraph between sections, and that would do the trick without breaking the flow of the story.

*****

Digging deeper: 95/100

Cover & title: 9/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 4/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 18/20
You have a very clear, immersive writing style, and grammatical errors are rare. The biggest critique I can make is paragraph divisions, and I've dropped comments wherever I thought splitting one paragraph up would be a good idea. Otherwise, the voice of the story is Jess' voice. The tone shifts as needed to match her emotional state. It's thoughtful throughout; not too heavy on the grief, although that's definitely there; and the flow between narrative detail, her thoughts, and the dialogue is smooth.

Plot & pacing: 9/10
Perfect. The plot unfolds naturally, without rushing past minor but important details that flesh out the full picture of Cyrus' illness and the effect it's having on Jess and others. It's a character-driven plot, so it's very immersive, and you leave a lot unstated but heavily implied, which makes it all the more impactful when you drop a concise sentence with a hard truth. I especially like how you handled Indigo Rock itself. It's an important piece of the story, but it doesn't take over the story, if that makes sense. Its effects are subtle. The interaction between present and future is also really well-done.

The only critique I have here is the chapter headings within the parts. I'm sure you had a reason for doing it this way, but without knowing what that reason may be, I'm just confused by the mismatch. Why does chapter five occur in part four? Shifting the content to match those headings would be beneficial, I think, along with splitting the prologue and epilogue into their own chapters. As it is currently, there's a double-epilogue effect at the end of part four. The last part of chapter five feels like an epilogue, and then there is an epilogue. Just separating those two sections would probably eliminate that strange feeling.

Characterization: 20/20
From the beginning of the story to the end, the characters are real, relatable, and sympathetic. Jess is a level-headed teenager looking back on her childhood, coming to grips with her brother's illness in the present, and uncertain about the future. She has a strong bond with her twin brother and a firm grasp of reality. There's a confidence about her, too, as shown when she and Reece are walking together in school. She's reached a point in her life where she doesn't care too much about what others may think about her. And although grief hits her hard, she holds onto her brother's words and keeps putting one foot in front of the other, living for him.

Cyrus shares their bond, of course, and he, too, is calm in the face of difficulties. He's positive, but realistic, hence the message in part five. The flashbacks of their childhood show his gift for reassuring Jess and helping her see change as a good thing, and that's something she clings to as she moves into adulthood.

And then there's Reece, the steady hand who used to be friends with the twins when they were younger, and now that they're all on the cusp of becoming adults, he returns to the friendship they shared and picks up right where they left off. With modifications, of course. He becomes Jess' support, somewhat filling the role Cyrus left behind, although nobody can ever truly replace another person.

Jonesy is the last central side character, I suppose you could say, and he's a trip. And often tripping. It's not too much of a surprise that he's the one to start this saga with Indigo Rock, since he clearly has an addictive personality and lives in the here-and-now. He's interested in the future, but he's not too concerned about it. Not until he realizes the effect foresight has on his friends. And then he disappears from the narrative, which leaves me to wonder if he chose Indigo Rock over them in the end.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
I've already talked about the characters becoming adults, which is a central theme in this story, so categorizing it as Coming of Age is definitely appropriate. Your use of the present tense to start and end the story with past tense in between creates the impression of Jess looking back on Indigo Rock and this time in her life. And her tone changes somewhat as time passes. It doesn't become more mature, because she wasn't a child when this story began, but there's a shift from mild impulsiveness and emotional instability to a settled, calm Jess who can reflect on the past and reject Indigo Rock's call to know the future with no regrets.

Originality: 20/20
Well, the plot is definitely unique, and since this is such a character-driven story, it pulls the reader into an immersive reading experience within the first chapter. The descriptive elements aren't overpowering, but carefully placed to enhance the narrative with subtle additions of scenery, character descriptions, sounds, and other assorted details that add up to create a full, vivid picture.

*****

Final thoughts:
Change is hard, and life stops for no one. Jess knows that. She and her twin brother are seniors in high school, about to graduate. College, health issues, relationships—the future is uncertain, but no matter what happens, they can always rely on each other. And there's nothing wrong with clinging to their childhood for just one more day. Hanging out with friends and reminiscing is fun. Tomorrow, they can be responsible adults, but today, why not make one last impulsive teenage decision? After all, there's no truth to that local legend, anyway, so there's no harm in checking it out. It's not like it will change their lives forever. Because there's no way to know the future, and even if you could...would you want to?