Title: Hot-Hearted by delulu_alex
Source (1): Feedback request
Genre: Mystery-Thriller
Fandom: BTS
Mature: Y (abuse, alcohol, death, kidnapping, murder, non-explicit sex, physical assault, sexual references, smoking, strong swearing, violence; mentions of rape, sexual assault)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 39/40
Digging deeper: 99/100
Final thoughts: pending

Source (2): ᴬʳᵗⁱˢᵗⁱᶜ ᴱˣᵖʳᵉˢˢⁱᵒⁿˢ ᴬʷᵃʳᵈˢ by janefanfics
Category: Masculine Muse (Jungkook)
Special note (judging): I had four books from this category, and the other judge, itsmecrazY1432, also had four books.
Score: 99/100

Source (3): ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity
Category: Mystery
Special note (judging): I had four books in this category, and the other judges (SSears90, TJDW1989, HavvySnow, and _p1nk_tr4sh_) had four books each.
Score: 99/100

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*****

First impressions total: 39/40

Title: 10/10
Great title. Immediately invokes thoughts of passion and, together with the blurb, gives me the feel of a turbulent romance in a crime show, which I think you're going for, so yes. 🙂

Blurb/synopsis: 10/10
It's really, really for me to not find anything wrong with a blurb, but you've done it. You introduce the characters, the setting, and the plot very neatly, all while using a second-person perspective in a way that feels professional and polished. That might be your biggest feat here. I'm so used to the second-person coming off as clumsy and novice. You lay out just enough to hook the reader, using language that enhances the hot crime novel feel, and you end with a question that finishes up your hook and pushes the reader to start reading immediately. And on top of that, you have content warnings at the bottom! Yay! Gold star. 🙂

Cover: 10/10
This cover is amazing. If I had to be picky, I'd say you could maybe bump the size of the subtitle up a little, and you could cut "by" from in front of your name, but neither of those is necessary. The gray-scale imagery with the pop of bright red for the title is absolutely perfect, and you've also pulled off the wonderful trick of setting white font against a gray and white background, which is such a classy feature. I love the font styles you've chosen, the text placement—that small white cursive over the enormous red "HOT" is fantastic. Can you tell I like this?

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10
Prologue: Ooh, I like it. A little section of dialogue introducing us to Y/n, the police officer, arresting Jungkook, the criminal, and there's already sexual tension in the air from an annoyingly hot and flirty Jungkook. The dialogue flows naturally, and you pack a lot of descriptive physical actions, facial expressions, and tones of voice into the dialogue tags. The only issue I saw was one section of dialogue that should have a comma to close it out and lead into the dialogue tag instead of a period, and you could maybe switch out "in what was sure" to "in what had to be," but this is really, really good. It's short, and it has a strong hook, so it's really easy for a reader to rationalize just going on to the next chapter, even if they're pressed for time.

Author's note: Nice little repeat of the info found in the blurb, for those who skimmed or skipped it.

Characters: Ooh, the whole gang of BTS is here. I'm interested to see how you incorporate them all into the story. (And can I just say that it's so refreshing to not have these short little info chapters riddled with SPAG errors?)

Chapter 1: Um, didn't you tell me English isn't your native language? Would you like to teach some native speakers how to write? 😆

Kidding, not kidding. This is really, really good. Each character is real and distinct from every other character. The little side notes, like Yoongi's cereal dad problems, help to flesh these characters out, and you continue the fantastic dialogue with all the descriptive detail in the dialogue tags. Your forensics details are on point, which tells me you've either watched a lot of crime shows, read a lot of crime books, or done your research. Although I guess watching and reading crime stuff is research, isn't it? The setting in the park is clear and vivid, as is the unfortunate victim, but you didn't turn my weak stomach, which is amazing. Maybe it's not bloody enough yet. I'll let you know if I end up passing out later. (Jk.)

As far as the plot, you've very neatly introduced that, so although Jungkook is MIA in this chapter, we know exactly where Y/N stands with these missing persons cases, and we know exactly how frustrated she, and her teammates, are getting about their inability to catch the criminal and stop the violence. Who knows? Maybe she's desperate enough to ask a criminal to help. Hm...wouldn't that be a thought? ;)

*****

Digging deeper: 99/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Blurb: 5/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 19/20
Very rare and minor SPAG errors, mostly involving commas, which are a pain. There's the occasional word choice issue where what you say is not necessarily incorrect, but it could be said a little differently to sound more natural. But, overall, very clean writing, and I love your writing voice here. You have two distinct tones, one for the Y/N and Yoongi duo's chapters, the other for the Jungkook and Taehyung chapters, and I love both. Y/N tends toward grim and serious, but we have these glimpses of a softer, more familiar friendship that has spanned over several years. Jungkook is smooth, sharp, and hilarious. His chapters are almost comedic, but he and his criminal partner, with whom he also has a longstanding and close friendship, clearly know their stuff. Darn sexy con men.

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Absolutely perfect. This plot isn't just character-driven. It's dialogue-driven, and to me, that's an even more effective, engaging way to pull the reader into the story. You have these two distinct stories running side-by-side, Y/N's case and Jungkook's con, and we all know they'll eventually collide and merge into the same story. You're taking your time to develop each character without dragging the pacing down, and you're doing that through dialogue and action to keep everything moving. Not too slow, not too fast.

Characterization: 20/20
I said it in the "First Impressions" feedback, but each character was distinct from every other character the moment you introduced them. Y/N is a serious, driven woman who has a softer, more maternal side that comes out when she's thinking about her little brother. Yoongi's softer, family man side comes out more frequently than hers, but he has to deal with cleaning up cereal messes daily, so of course that enters his work life. But he's just as serious and driven as Y/N, and they're both excellent at their jobs.

Namjoon, the victim's husband, Hoseok, Doyle—all these side characters have their own quirks and distinctions, so even though they don't get much screen time, I'll recognize them immediately the next time I see them. Your use of metaphors is really good at developing these characters and setting the mood. Namjoon's "expression tightening like a noose." The victim's husband's "shoulders slumping like a marionette with cut strings." "There was still something off, like last week's takeout on Doyle's desk." You pack so much meaning into one little phrase.

And then we get to Jungkook and Taehyung.

Jungkook is obviously a suave lady's man and a great actor/con man, and he carries on a continuous stream of sarcastic, hilarious internal monologue that is so real and so relatable. "One star Yelp review for serving brains. No, cute waitress, two stars." Not an exact quote, but you get the picture. 😆

Taehyung is just as fun and relatable. Sure, he knows French, and he fills in the gaps in Jungkook's criminal repertoire, but that doesn't mean he has to warn his friend that cow's brain is on the menu, especially if he can get a good laugh out of Jungkook's reaction. And betting on who gets the most girls' phone numbers before they reach the bar? Yeah, sure, why not?

I really can't wait until the two duos meet. Y/N and Yoongi versus Jungkook and Taehyung. That promises to be quite entertaining.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
This is definitely a crime story and fits neatly into the category of Mystery/Thriller. We have a body, a stagnant missing persons' case, a driven detective, and, to keep it light, the charming, debonair criminals. Yep. Hitting all the highlights here.

Originality: 20/20
The really great thing about this story is that you don't have to be a BTS fan to enjoy it. That helps, but really, this is a crime story which happens to have BTS in it. It has a great hook, and your use of unique metaphors that set the tone with grim comparisons in the Y/N chapters is outstanding. I listed a few metaphors in the characterization section, but then there are ones about coffee tasting "like regret" in the middle of a scene where Y/N is collecting the fragmented pieces from a botched missing persons' case that has now become a homicide case. Then you use more common metaphors, along with casual, light-hearted words, to set the scene for Jungkook and Taehyung's capers. And you don't have to list the POV at the top of the chapter, because you write the POVs so differently that the readers know at a glance! Ah, so good. Your descriptions hit on sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, and while they may not be the most flowery descriptions, they're vivid, they're clear, and they're very natural. Just, this, it's—I love it. This is the highest total score I've ever given, and you deserve every point. 😁

*****

Final thoughts: pending

*****

Rubric (ᴬʳᵗⁱˢᵗⁱᶜ ᴱˣᵖʳᵉˢˢⁱᵒⁿˢ ᴬʷᵃʳᵈˢ):
Overall Impact (20 points)
- 0-5: Little to no emotional impact; character is forgettable.
- 6-10: Some moments of impact, but overall impression may fade quickly.
- 11-15: Leaves a good impression; character resonates with readers throughout the story.
- 16-20: Strong emotional impact; character lingers in the reader's mind long after reading.
Writing Style and Grammar (20 points)
- 0-5: Poor writing; numerous grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that disrupts readability and comprehension.
- 6-10: Basic writing; some grammatical mistakes and inconsistent style. Limited use of varied sentence structures and vocabulary.
- 11-15: Solid writing; generally free of errors, with good sentence variety and appropriate vocabulary. Style enhances the narrative, though it may not be consistently engaging.
- 16-20: Exceptional writing; flawless grammar and punctuation, with a distinctive voice and style. The use of varied sentence structures and rich vocabulary creates a compelling and immersive reading experience.
Character Development (20 points)
- 0-5: Underdeveloped character; lacks depth and motivation.
- 6-10: Some development; has a few clear traits but feels one-dimensional.
- 11-15: Well-developed character; shows growth and complexity throughout the story.
- 16-20: Exceptionally developed character; multi-faceted with a compelling arc that resonates strongly with readers.
Relatability (20 points)
- 0-5: Character feels completely unrealistic or distant from audience experiences.
- 6-10: Character has some relatable traits, but many elements feel exaggerated or underexplored.
- 11-15: Character relatable in most aspects; readers can identify with struggles and triumphs.
- 16-20: Highly relatable character; readers see themselves in the character, making their journey impactful.
Role in Story (20 points)
- 0-5: Character serves no clear purpose; feels extraneous to the plot.
- 6-10: Character has some role in the story but does not significantly influence the narrative.
- 11-15: Character plays a meaningful role; contributes to plot development and themes.
- 16-20: Integral to the story; drives the plot forward and enriches the overall narrative.
Total: 100 points

*****

Total (ᴬʳᵗⁱˢᵗⁱᶜ ᴱˣᵖʳᵉˢˢⁱᵒⁿˢ ᴬʷᵃʳᵈˢ): 99/100

Overall Impact: 20/20
This guy. He was an immediate favorite of mine just from the prologue, and his character only gets better as the story goes on. He's just so fun and memorable.

Writing Style and Grammar: 19/20
You already know I love your writing style. It's fun, it's engaging, and the tone you employ for Jungkook's chapters differs greatly from the tone you use for Y/N's chapters. His are funny and wild at first, and later, when the two characters collide, he brings his own brand of humor into the suddenly serious setting. Your grammar is excellent, with maybe a mistake per chapter, but that's about it.

Character Development: 20/20
Jungkook's personality is in constant development. He's not just the smart-mouthed con man flirting with Y/N while she arrests him in the prologue (although he is that, and their banter is priceless). His thoughts betray the complexity he hides behind that mask, and while his background is still largely an unknown quantity, it's apparent that he has a troubled past which has urged him to create his fun-loving, smooth criminal persona. He's the villain version of James Bond, a smooth talker gifted in telling people what they want to hear, a master of body language whose smirk is as effective as a gun. But he's not just a bad guy. He has his own code, specializing in so-called victimless crimes and staying far away from violence. I was so proud of him when he thought about doing the right thing in chapter 17. Growth! Now, he just needs to cross the line and actually do the right thing. 😉

Relatability: 20/20
For this, I would encourage everybody to read the Bananalisa chapter. Jungkook has all the right thoughts about modern art, and the comments show just how relatable he is (and how hilarious all the artwork is). But he's that way from the start of the book. No, I can't relate to being a smooth-talking con man, but I can relate to his desire to have fun, and I can definitely relate to his sarcastic bent. You pull the reader into his mind and life from his first appearance in chapter two, and then we're just along for the ride, shaking our heads when he does something stupid, laughing at his quick wit, rolling our eyes when he teases his arresting officer. I cannot emphasize enough how much I love their banter. It's mostly his banter, really, since she's trying to be professional, but I'm sure it's hard when the guy she arrested keeps flirting and calling her "Freckles." 😆

Role in Story: 20/20
Jungkook is a full half of this story. He's the comic relief at the beginning, building up an entire side plot that will probably end up tying into the main plot, as shown by his transition to a serious bent when he gets arrested. I can't wait until he and Y/N partner up. That will be an explosive combination.

*****

Rubric (ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS):
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total score (ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS): 99/100

Title: 5/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Cover: 5/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Blurb: 5/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Plot & storytelling: 15/15
Note: Tweaked from "Digging Deeper" feedback. Absolutely perfect. This plot isn't just character-driven. It's dialogue-driven, and to me, that's an even more effective, engaging way to pull the reader into the story. You start with these two distinct stories running side-by-side, Y/N's case and Jungkook's con, and when they collide and merge into the same story, the transition is so smooth and natural.

Character development: 10/10
Note: Tweaked from "Digging Deeper" feedback.

Each character is distinct from every other character the moment you introduce them. Y/N is a serious, driven woman who has a softer, more maternal side that comes out when she's thinking about her little brother. Yoongi's softer, family man side comes out more frequently than hers, but he has to deal with cleaning up cereal messes daily, so of course that enters his work life. But he's just as serious and driven as Y/N, and they're both excellent at their jobs.

Namjoon, the victim's husband, Hoseok, Doyle—all these side characters have their own quirks and distinctions, so even though they don't get much screen time, I recognize them immediately every time I see them. Your use of metaphors is really good at developing these characters and setting the mood. Namjoon's "expression tightening like a noose." The victim's husband's "shoulders slumping like a marionette with cut strings." "There was still something off, like last week's takeout on Doyle's desk." You pack so much meaning into one little phrase.

And then we get to Jungkook and Taehyung. Well.

Jungkook is obviously a suave lady's man and a great actor/con man, and he carries on a continuous stream of sarcastic, hilarious internal monologue that is so real and so relatable. "One star Yelp review for serving brains. No, cute waitress, two stars." Not an exact quote, but you get the picture. 😆

Taehyung is just as fun and relatable. Sure, he knows French, and he fills in the gaps in Jungkook's criminal repertoire, but that doesn't mean he has to warn his friend that cow's brain is on the menu, especially if he can get a good laugh out of Jungkook's reaction. And betting on who gets the most girls' phone numbers before they reach the bar? Yeah, sure, why not?

I really can't wait until the two duos meet. Like, both complete sets meet. Right now, it's just Y/N versus Jungkook, which is an amazing conglomeration of latent sexual tension, verbal jousting, clashing worldviews, and, overall, an evenly matched fireworks display in the making, and if this is where it starts, I can't wait to see where it goes.

Writing style: 10/10
You have a very clean, crisp writing style. The dates on the upper right-hand corner lend a feel similar to old detective novels, further enhanced by the metaphors you use in the chapters from Y/N's POV. You change POVs effortlessly, employing very distinct tones that match Y/N and Jungkook's personalities to a tee, and I never have to question whose POV I'm reading, even though you don't include headlines indicating POV (which I hate, by the way, because they shouldn't be necessary). And their POVs also change as they interact, reflecting the way a person's thoughts and feelings for another person evolve over time. Texts and thoughts are easily distinguishable from the narrative, and I've already said your dialogue drives the story. The level of descriptive detail you pack into dialogue tags is amazing. That's a skill many people lack. There are no bulky info dumps, either, and this story is made to engage. I generally try not to stop and comment much when I'm judging, just to save time, but I couldn't help myself here.

Grammar: 9/10
Note: Tweaked from "Digging Deeper" feedback.

Very rare and minor SPAG errors, mostly involving commas, which are a pain. There's the occasional word choice issue where what you say is not necessarily incorrect, but it could be said a little differently to sound more natural. But, overall, very clean writing.

Originality & creativity: 10/10
Note: Tweaked from "Digging Deeper" feedback.

The really great thing about this story is that you don't have to be a BTS fan to enjoy it. That helps, but really, this is a crime story which happens to have BTS in it. Your use of unique metaphors that set the tone with grim comparisons in the Y/N chapters is outstanding. I listed a few metaphors in the characterization section, but then there are ones about coffee tasting "like regret" in the middle of a scene where Y/N is collecting the fragmented pieces from a botched missing persons' case that has now become a homicide case. Then you use more common metaphors, along with casual, light-hearted words, to set the scene for Jungkook and Taehyung's capers. Your descriptions hit on sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, and while they may not be the most flowery descriptions, they're vivid, they're clear, and they're very natural.

The paintings. Goodness gracious. I'll just leave it at that, and people will have to read the story to find out what I'm talking about here. 😉

Emotional impact: 10/10
This comes from great character development. I feel Y/N's frustration about the case, her annoyance at her physical attraction to Jungkook, her pain and sadness as she empathizes with the victims. She's a strong woman on the outside with a soft heart on the inside. And it's that way for every character. The dialogue draws me into the story, seeing what they see, feeling what they feel, and while the internal monologue helps to deepen the connection with Y/N and Jungkook, I still get that ability to empathize and relate to other characters, too. (Poor Yoongi. It's tough being a dad when you just want a chance to play bad cop with a snarky suspect.)

Pacing & structure: 5/5
Note: Tweaked from "Digging Deeper" feedback.

The pacing is perfect. You take your time to develop each character without dragging the story down, and you do that through dialogue and action to keep everything moving. Not too slow, not too fast. POV changes can hurt or help the structure and flow of a story, but in your case, they're a foundational aspect of the story structure. And I appreciate you keeping it to one POV per chapter. It gets messy when the POV changes too often.

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall engagement & enjoyment: 10/10
I'm not actually the biggest Mystery fan, although I appreciate a good mystery, and just the hint that a story is heading in a sexually explicit direction is usually a huge turnoff for me, as is the use of swearing, especially the f-word. Fun fact, I rarely vote for chapters that have swearing in them. But I really, really enjoy this story. It's engaging, it's well written, the characters are deep and relatable, the mystery is intriguing and getting more complex as the plot progresses, and this was easy for me to read. Very easy. And I was a little annoyed that it only had 16 published chapters. So, get on that, author! I need more! 😉