Title: His Violent Delight by Sserpensssortia
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Fanfiction
Fandom: Harry Potter book series by J. K. Rowling
Mature: Y (blood, death, depression, discrimination, dubious consent, explicit sexual content, loss of a loved one, smoking, strong profanity, torture, underage drinking, violence)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 39/40
Digging deeper: 98/100
Final thoughts: pending

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

First impressions: 39/40

Title: 10/10
Well, if this title doesn't scream "dark romance," I don't know what does. And it seems very appropriate for a story where Tom Riddle is the male love interest, because, well, he becomes Voldemort, so I can't imagine a relationship with him could be nonviolent.

Story description: 10/10
It's so ridiculously rare for me to give full points in this section, but here you go. I can't find a single typo or grammatical error. You've struck the perfect balance of giving a potential reader enough information to pique their interest while also leaving enough out to further rouse their curiosity, and your word choice and sentence structure add to the strong hook as well. Great job here.

Cover: 10/10
This is a really professional-looking cover. All the imagery blends well, with layers of meaning hidden in every detail, and the addition of reds to the dark grays and neutral tans compliments the title by bringing blood to mind. The font style, size, placement, and color are all perfect, too. I can't even complain about the subtitle at the top being too small to read. Gorgeous cover.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 9/10
I appreciate the disclaimer with content warnings and the clear statement that Tom Riddle's behavior is not okay. Unfortunately, it's far too common for dark romance authors to romanticize toxic relationships, so stating you aren't doing that is a relief.

Character aesthetics aren't my thing, but yours are really unique and well put together. You're not revealing too much information right away, just giving the reader a general idea of the characters' personalities and adding a touch of excitement with all the familiar last names, and the combination of images and text is very effective at setting the tone. As is your poetry, both at the beginning of the aesthetics page, and again right before the first chapter. The metaphorical language evokes dark, foreboding emotions, along with the pain Amelia will endure for loving Tom Riddle, further preparing the reader for what's to come.

And the first chapter takes us into a deep dive of Tom Riddle himself. He's a frightening character from the start, twisted by a painful past into a vengeful man who is all the more dangerous for his ability to display a perfect exterior that hides his monstrous intentions and lulls everybody into a false sense of security. I wouldn't say he's necessarily a relatable character, although I'm sure there are people who can relate to his circumstances, but he's realistic and believable, which makes it easier to understand his mindset. Your descriptions are fantastic, and I can't find a single grammatical error, just one missing period. This promises to be an immersive, well-written story.

*****

Digging deeper: 98/100

Cover & title: 10/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 5/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 18/20
Very clean writing, grammatically speaking. Errors are rare and inconsistent, so I'm chalking them up to you just overlooking them during proofreading. I dropped inline comments where I found them, and I'll continue doing that as I read.

As for your writing voice, I love it. You have a clear, mature style that's perfect for a dark story like this, and as I thought would be the case from reading the first chapter, it's a very immersive story. The descriptive elements enhance the plot but don't overpower it, and the way you get into your characters' heads is fantastic. And Amelia and Tom sound different. It's very subtle, and I couldn't say exactly why, but I can tell when I start reading a chapter whose perspective it is without needing the annoying headings authors often rely on to state what should be obvious. I dropped a comment after Voldemort's chapter about this, but he sounds the same as Tom in the past as he does as Voldemort in the future. That's huge for character development and continuity.

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Perfect. Starting the story with a present tense chapter from Tom's perspective and then switching into past tense from Amelia's perspective in the next chapter created a prologue-like feel to that first chapter, and it worked. I've seen many cases of people trying to do this and failing. The prologue has to flow into the first chapter somehow, even if the author uses different tenses or perspectives, and if it doesn't, there's immediate confusion and disjointedness, jarring a new reader and negatively impacting the reading experience. But that's not a problem here.

You're really good at incorporating background information into the narrative instead of dropping it in huge information dumps that break up the story, so the narrative never feels like it's dragging, which often happens when people use those info dumps. At the same time, you're not rushing through the backstory to get to the next plot point, so the pace never feels too fast, either. It's just right. A perfect balance between detail and storyline.

The way you've altered canon to create this dark version of the world where Harry Potter died and Voldemort won feels like it could be part of the original books. It doesn't feel artificial or forced. Your appropriation of canon characters and commitment to the world and its magical details creates a smooth transition from the story we know to your what-if scenario.

Characterization: 20/20
I've already said you get the reader into the characters' heads immediately. This is definitely a character-driven story, although there hasn't been too much dialogue yet. You're building the characters with their thoughts first. But the amount of dialogue is increasing with every chapter, and it's very natural, further enhancing the picture I'm developing for each character.

Amelia is a determined, stoic girl who refuses to deal with painful emotions, instead stuffing them down so she can push through and keep a clear head for the fight. She's careful to display a strong persona to others, one they can rely on when all hope seems lost, and when the pain is too much to bear, she hides and isolates herself so nobody can see her cry. She's quick on her feet and a highly skilled witch, and that, combined with her cold exterior, earns her the admiration of Voldemort in the present. It's easy to see how her interactions with Tom in the past will shake her to her core, potentially exposing her weaknesses and cutting her heart to shreds.

As for Tom/Voldemort, he's only had two chapters so far. The first chapter as Tom introduces the reader to his background and explains why he's become a twisted, ambitious monster, and his ability to don an almost perfect mask of a charming student to further his goals is flat-out frightening. As I said before, the next chapter with him as Voldemort in the present picks up right where that first chapter left off, flowing seamlessly into a man who has reached his goals and still feels lacking. His observations of Amelia during their fight build her character more, and the strange events that ensue are unsettling enough to make him doubt himself, a rare feeling for the powerful dark wizard.

All other characters are distinct and faithful to canon, if applicable, or natural additions to this altered storyline, if original. I haven't followed Harry Potter past the original books and movies, so I don't know if the characters in the 1940s are yours or canon, but they all fit. Without me knowing, I would say they're all supposed to be in this story, original or otherwise. I like the way you brought Dumbledore in as an ally for Amelia, and the introduction to House Slytherin with friendly, nice students was a refreshing change from the stereotypical framing of all Slytherins as bad guys. And contrasting Tom with those students immediately shows his mask isn't as perfect as he thinks.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
Yep. Harry Potter fanfiction, and while there's no sign of the romance within the narrative beyond the poem, there's foreshadowing from Dumbledore's conversation with Amelia, so I'd say this fits nicely into the subgenre of dark romance as well.

Originality: 20/20
This is such a unique Harry Potter fanfiction. I've never encountered anything like it. And I feel like I say that a lot, because the world of Harry Potter is so expansive that there are limitless opportunities for new storylines and characters, but yours deviates so completely from the original storyline that I feel like it's the most unique I've read so far. And you own it with descriptive detail that creates an immersive experience in the familiar yet new world you've created, making it stand out even more from other fanfictions. I'm really interested to see where this story goes.

*****

Final thoughts: pending