Title: Hiraeth by _BLACKSPADESZ
Source: ELGANZA, INC. | AWARDS by TheCieloCommunity
Category: Romance
Mature: N (moderate swearing, sexual references)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
Special note (judging): I had 5 books from this category, and the other judges (silksutra, Hopeless_roMINtic, Annonymouscreator) had 5, 5, and 6 books, respectively.
Score: 64/100

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*****

Rubric:
- Title: 5
- Book cover: 5
- Description (blurb): 5
- Plot & storytelling: 15
- Character development: 10
- Writing style: 10
- Grammar: 10
- Originality & creativity: 10
- Emotional impact: 10
- Pacing & structure: 5
- Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5
- Overall enjoyment & engagement: 10
Total: 100

*****

Total: 64/100

Title: 5/5
Yes. Even though I don't know the word, yes. This piques my interest. Anything that makes me look something up is good. 😅

Addendum: And, after reading the first few chapters, I can see why a title meaning (roughly simplified) "homecoming" is appropriate here for a girl who lost her home.

Cover: 3/5
Overall, good, but I have some suggestions regarding the text. First, it doesn't make sense to me to split the title into two lines when it's one word. I would recommend decreasing the font size just slightly to get it all on one line, and then probably bumping it down a little, so it's centered in between the necklace and your name. Next suggestion is with the subtitle. It's too small to read from the title page, although I can read it when I click on your book from your profile and get that bigger image with the pop-up box. I'd recommend bumping it up one or two sizes. And same thing with the credit for the cover designer at the very top, just so their name is visible and they get the credit they deserve. Because otherwise, the images, colors, font style and colors, placement, all great. I don't much like the sticker in the top left-hand corner, but I'm not taking points off for that, because stickers provide useful info and give you the credit you deserve, and you can't help it if they don't exactly match your cover.

Blurb: 3/5
The content of your blurb is good. There are just some grammatical things and phrasing issues throughout that cloud your hook a bit, so I'd recommend cleaning that up. So, in the first paragraph, second sentence, I'd probably say "person in existence" to clarify who she is to Lucas; it should be "businessman," not "business," and "parallel" should be singular. In the next sentence, the first "misunderstanding" should be singular, there should be a comma after "strong," and you're missing "the" before "right people."

There are a few commas missing in the second paragraph. There should be one after "twenties" to finish setting that little phrase apart, and there should be a comma after "fiance," too. In the next sentence, you can cut "it happens that" to reduce clutter and sharpen your meaning. Then, no "the" before "matters" in the next sentence.

Next paragraph about Lucas, same thing with the commas. Add one after "company" to finish setting that little clause apart. "Whom" should be "who." The following bit about why he chose her should really be split into two different ideas: why he decided to choose a woman, and what he requires from the woman he chose. "To get settled and prevent others from sending women to him" is the reason he decided to choose a woman, and the remaining two items are requirements she had to meet for him to choose her.

Next paragraph, instead of "let down," saying "set aside" makes more sense, and clarifying by swapping "it" to "their relationship" would be helpful. "It" is a little too vague, given all the other info we have here in the blurb. And "greater good" is the concept that sacrifices or decisions must be made for the collective good of a large group of people, even though that may not be good for one person, and I don't think that's what you're talking about here, so I'd just cut "greater."

Plot & storytelling: 10/15
Plot elements are good. A loveless relationship, lost to an affair; a weak-willed mother and a cold, distant father; an arranged marriage to a tall, dark, silent stranger; and the mysteries surrounding him unfolding as the story goes on—it's all good. But it's also very bare-bones right now. I know you started this as a justwriteit 8 chapter challenge, and you've marked it as being on hold, so I don't know what your plans are when you come back to it. Continuing it as is until you reach the end, then going back through to edit and flesh it out, is perfectly fine, and so is just starting back at the beginning and editing and fleshing out now before you move on from this point. Whatever you want to do. It feels very first-drafty, because it is, and that's fine, but you have the makings of a really good story here.

Character development: 6/10
This goes back to everything being bare-bones. I can't quite get a handle on Ella yet. Her personality seems to waver too much, and I just don't feel like I know her, like I need more information or something. I think that would just come from exploring her emotions better. You mention her thoughts, but I'm not getting the motivation behind them. And more interactions will help, too. Interactions with Lucas, the male protagonist, are few and far between, so I don't know him at all. There's the moment of electricity in the jewelry store, but after that, nothing. He's distant, and I don't see any progress in the relationship, beyond them both accepting that they'll end up married, and they really don't care.

Her mother is another character I'd like more of, as well. I get her father. He's a cold, distant businessman, and everything's a transaction to him. Emotions mean nothing to him. But it feels like there's more to the story for her mother, especially with her interactions with her daughters, Ella in particular, of course. Yes, she's weak-willed, and she immediately submits to her husband, no matter what, but did she and Ella never have a good relationship? It just feels to me like they did, and exploring that in memories would really help flesh out Ella's character, too.

There are two relationship dynamics that I don't think you intend, but come off very strong right away: Selena and Ella, and Lucas and Brian. It really feels like romantic, physical attraction is going on between those couples. Ella idolizes Selena, and that explains her immediate reaction to meeting Selena, but when Selena is getting her ready for the party, there's a lot of implied sensuality in the description of how she touches Ella and Ella responds to that. Whether that's intentional or not, I don't know, but I thought I'd point it out. I'm guessing it's not supposed to be that way, since, you know, Ella is supposed to fall in love with Lucas. Selena's brother.

The thing with Lucas and Brian happens when Brian arrives at the party, and it all comes from the way Ella describes him. She describes his appearance and calls his behavior flirty—and then he hugs Lucas and starts chatting him up. I'm almost 90% certain you mean nothing romantic by that, and that you're trying to say he's going to flirt with Ella, but it's a feeling I got, and I wanted to let you know.

And, of course, going back to what I said earlier, I need more Ella/Lucas stuff going on here. More hinting, more snide comments. The bit where they both accused the other of checking them out was cute with a hint of spice. More of that.

Side note: The images in the character chapter are difficult to read, especially the ones with white font on a light background, but the text is too small, too. I thought it would be better once I switched from my phone to my computer, but it really wasn't.

Writing style: 8/10
As I said before, you've got good bones here, a good basis for a great story, and it just needs more fleshing out. More attention. Let Selena take it out to dinner. You catch reader interest and raise lots of questions. Now, grab that and run with it.

Grammar: 6/10
Similar stuff to what I mentioned in the blurb, and I also noticed there are times when you use a lot of back-to-back short, choppy sentences. Meeting Lucas in the prologue is a prime example of this. It's not something you do consistently, and varying sentence length and structure is a good thing, but doing too much of one thing gets redundant, so it's something to keep an eye on. There are also times when you use the wrong verb tense, which is another thing to watch. This story is in past tense, so you need to keep it in past tense throughout. Oh, and italics. You use them a lot. They're meant to add emphasis, but if you use them too frequently, they lose their power, so I'd cut back a bit.

Originality & creativity: 5/10
At the moment, this feels like it's been done. I mean, cheating fiancé gets sister pregnant; cheated girl takes advantage of a new arranged marriage to lash out at both of them; distant father; weak mother; new fiancé turns out to be absolutely loaded—all pretty standard stuff. It's when you flesh it out that you make it your own, and, as I said, you have good bones here. When you start coloring in the outlines, that's when your unique picture comes alive.

Emotional impact: 4/10
I don't feel the connection with Ella yet, so it's hard for me to sympathize with her. I mean, I definitely feel the sting of that first chapter, finding out what everybody else has known and hidden from her—that hurts. And I understand her need to lash out, to make herself feel superior in some way. It's just...she gets it over it so quickly. Like, before the day is done quickly. Before she gets out of Lucas' car at the jewelry store quickly. Fleshing out her emotions will make her more realistic and relatable, and it will allow the reader to connect with her more. Maybe I can't empathize with her specific situation, but understanding how it affects her brings her that much closer to the reader and gets them that much more invested in continuing the story.

Pacing & structure: 2/5
Way way way way way too fast. Not only is she engaged to a new man, but everybody knows about it already? Before the day is done? And there's a huge party scheduled for the next day to celebrate it? The visit to the jewelry store, her new wardrobe, the way she seamlessly blends into the glamorous party—it's been 24 hours. She lost her engagement to an affair, found out her sister is pregnant by her ex-fiancé, got engaged to another man, lost her home, moved into a new place, met her idol, changed her entire life, in 24 hours? Spread it out! Let her have an emotional breakdown that night in her new room. Give her some jitters before the party. Maybe she's handling it all perfectly on the outside, but inside, she should be dealing with a lot of confusing, conflicting emotions, and just describing that will slow this right down. It can still all happen in a short time frame, even within 24 hours. But adding the descriptions of other characters, the interactions, the thoughts, the emotions, that's where you're going to hook your readers, put some meat on this story's bones, and slow this down enough that I don't worry she'll be married and the book will be over in less than a week.

Accuracy (if non-fiction): 5/5
Free points. Yay! 🙂

Overall enjoyment & engagement: 7/10
I've said, over and over, that this has all the potential to be a great story. It's in the first stage. I know that. I get that. Everybody's story starts there, and there's nothing wrong with that. And I should probably add that I keep a running list of all the flaws in my stories as I come across them, just to let you know I do this to myself, too.

I like your story. I do. I want to see how Ella and Lucas end up falling for each other, and I'd really, really like to see her get to rub their surprisingly happy, loving relationship in her sister's face. There are quite a few plot holes and inconsistencies that bug me, but they're easy enough to fix. For example, in the prologue, she said her fiancé forgot to pick her up, and in the next chapter, she states she knew he had urgent business to attend to, and that's why he didn't pick her up. Little things like that.

I'd just like more. More details, more descriptions, more interactions, more thoughts - just more of everything, please, especially Ella/Lucas dynamics.