Title: Finding My Way Home by EstherYang08
Source: Gardenia: A Review Shop by -Chrysalis_Realm
Genre: General fiction
Subgenre: Wu Xia (Chinese fiction about martial artists in ancient China)
Mature: N (PG-13 level assassination, blood, bullying, butchering animals, child abuse, death, decapitation, discrimination, misogyny, needles, physical abuse, physical assault, politics, prostitution, psychological abuse, racism, sexual references, slavery, violence, war)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 35/40
Digging deeper: 88/100
Final thoughts: Complete
Note: Chapter 27 was the last available chapter as of the publishing of this review.

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*****

First impressions: 35/40

Title: 10/10
I've read several books recently with a theme of finding a place or a sense of belonging recently, and that can make for a really compelling, engaging storyline. So, yes. Love it.

Story description: 9/10
This is a really good blurb. It's grammatically clean; it introduces the three main characters, providing background and motivation for each; it ends every section with a thought-provoking question that drives the hook deeper into a potential reader; and it's the perfect balance of giving away enough information to pique interest while holding back the rest to heighten intrigue. I only have two suggestions/questions here. First, I think you can cut "While" from the beginning of the second sentence in the first paragraph, and second, do you mean "extract revenge" or "exact revenge" in the second paragraph? I would expect "exact," but "extract" works, too. I just wanted to point that out in case that was a mistake.

Cover: 8/10
Okay, first, I love the imagery. I like the reds, golds, and blacks of the background paired with those predatory eyes. The images of the boys feel a little out of place against that background, but I actually think the placement of the title is the cause of that. I'd recommend moving it up to the top of the cover and bumping the font size up a lot. Right now, it's the smallest text on the cover, and it's the last thing to draw my eye. It should be the first or second thing to draw my eye (with the imagery taking second or first). You could also play with different font styles and colors. I'm wondering how a yellow or gold would look. As far as your name, I think that font is fine. The typeface, size, color, and placement all seem appropriate. So, really, it's just the title that needs some work, I think.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
Prologue: Okay, well, this is an action-packed prologue. I love it! Dropping the reader right in the middle of a hectic chase is a great way to grab their attention from the start, and your artful weaving of descriptive detail and information within the action keeps the reader informed without dragging down the pace. The way you slowly divulge the backstory by showing instead of telling is just wonderful. You force the reader to make the connections, which increases their engagement with the story and increases your story's memorability long after they finish the book.

Overall, this is grammatically clean, with your most consistent error involving capitalization when dialogue leads into a dialogue tag. You do it right when the dialogue would normally end in a period, replacing that with a comma and leaving the first letter of the first word of the dialogue tag in lowercase, but you actually need to do that when the dialogue leads into a dialogue tag and ends in an exclamation mark or question mark, too. You don't change the punctuation mark, but just lowercase the first word of the dialogue tag. It's a bit annoying, because spell/grammar checkers may mark that incorrect and say you need to capitalize it, but this is when you can stick your tongue out at the computer and say you're smarter than it is. 😉

I'm not a person who's a big fan of all uppercase letters or double punctuation (?!) to emphasize shouting or screaming, because too much of that can get hard on the eyes, but that's a stylistic choice. I think saying the "crowd burst into a roar" and "he roared" illustrates it enough without all uppercase or double punctuation, but if you want more, you could also add more descriptors into the dialogue tag. Maybe "the crowd broke into a deafening roar," or "he roared in a mixture of disbelief and anger." Adding more verbal descriptors like that can really develop your characters and make the scene come to life.

Also, just a note about "as." It feels weird to me if there are multiple instances of a phrase starting with "as" in the same sentence. For example, the first sentence is this: "A silhouette crashed through the thicket as branches grabbed at the clothing of the shadow as it desperately tried to flee." To me, the sentence almost gets this sing-song rhythm because of the repeated words, so I usually try to reword to get down to one "as." There are a lot of ways you can do this, but one way would be to change "as it desperately tried" to "desperately trying."

There was one random extra space after a set of opening quotation marks, too, but that was obviously just a proofreading miss. Otherwise, you're good, and this prologue practically forces the reader to keep reading, so great job there.

Chapter 1: Another great chapter. Your depiction of Luo Xiao Zhao's horrible situation is well-illustrated, introducing us to his physical abuse, deprivation, and emotional abuse in words that are distant, not emotionally intimate with the situation, but still very good at evoking anger and sympathy for this child. Sometimes, I think a distant, third person approach is more powerful than a first person view. It's telling that we don't even learn his name until he's away from his master, and we learn it from someone who seems to care for the boy, not the boy himself. But Luo Xiao Zhao has not given up yet. He's given up on certain methods of escape, but he knows life shouldn't be this way, and his eyes and ears are open for anything that may offer a shred of hope. I think I can speak for all readers that we universally hope (a) the martial arts expert beats the tar out of Luo Xiao Zhao's master and takes the boy under his wing or (b) Luo Xiao Zhao learns enough to beat the tar out of his master himself. We really just want justice for this boy. Which should include beating the tar out of his master. 😠

The only consistent grammatical error here is the same as it was in the prologue: dialogue tags. Otherwise, this is, again, very clean writing. There is one point where you switch in the middle of a paragraph from using "pail" to a misspelling of "pale," so I'd recommend fixing that, and a similar thing happens with Luo Xiao Zhao's master's name. For about the first half of the chapter, he's "Zheng Xia Ning," but for the second half, he's "Zheng Ning Xia." And at one point, you use the word "by-passers," which is technically correct, but it's more commonly used as "passers-by."

I think Wattpad messed up your paragraph formatting in a couple of places. In the paragraph starting with "I hate him," I'd start a new paragraph after the ellipsis, since there's a passage of time within that ellipsis. There's one sentence I'd recommend swapping out the comma for a semicolon: "He's not just passing by though, he is recruiting people to join his sect!" And down in the definitions (which I love, so thank you for providing these) "its a network of" should be "it's a network of."

When you're showing a character's thoughts, it's important to stick with the same style throughout to make it easier for the reader to know exactly what something is at a glance. You start by showing thoughts just by putting the words in italics in one place, but later, you use italics within double quotation marks. I'd just stick with the plain italics, no quotation marks. And the same dialogue tag rules apply with thoughts, too, so watch the capitalization.

*****

Digging deeper: 88/100

Cover & title: 8/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 4/5
See "First Impressions" feedback. I'm going with "extracted" is a mistake, because I've found a few words in the first five chapters that are swapped for a word of similar spelling.

Grammar & voice: 11/20
As I mentioned in "First Impressions," you have a distant, proper voice, which is very correct and appropriate for this story. You're the omniscient narrator, seeing all, passing judgment on nothing. You give the facts, and you do so in a way that leads the reader to make connections and deductions, which makes them more engaged with the story. I like it.

The biggest point deduction here comes from the chapters in underlined and bold text. I understand why you did that. You want the reader to know at a glance which of the three main characters they're reading about. But that's obvious from the narrative itself, and underlined and bold text is really, really hard to read. The underlined text is the hardest for me, because it hurts my eyes, and I know of other people who have to use a certain screen setting or special glasses to read bold text without hurting their eyes and heads. So, I strongly recommend putting those chapters in normal font. This is a great story, but seeing entire chapters of underlined or bold text will definitely turn people off to it.

Otherwise, your grammar is still pretty solid, with dialogue tags being your consistent issue, along with some close word swaps (like extracted/exacted). With dialogue, I think you know what constitutes a dialogue tag, but I just want to make sure, because there are some mistakes here or there that make me wonder. So, the dialogue tag is an incomplete sentence that directly describes who is speaking and how they're saying it. It actually counts as part of the last sentence of dialogue. This is when you switch to a comma instead of period and make the first word of the dialogue tag lowercase.

"Look at this," he said.
"Look at this?" he repeated.
"Look at this!" he shouted

If the sentence following dialogue is a complete, standalone sentence, it's not a dialogue tag, so it gets treated as a new sentence, with a full stop to end dialogue and an uppercase first letter in the new sentence.

"Look at this." He held the paper out to me.
"Look at this?" I studied the paper curiously.
"Look at this!" He shoved the paper in front of my face.

Dialogue tags can come before dialogue, too, but the sentence right before dialogue is not necessarily a dialogue tag. Same rules as before. If it's an incomplete sentence directly describing who the speaker is and how they're talking, it counts as part of the first sentence of dialogue, so swap the period for a comma. However, you'll still capitalize the first word of dialogue as if it were a new sentence. Otherwise, stick to a period.

He handed me the paper and said, "Look at this."
He handed me the paper. "Look at this."

Also, it's a good idea to keep one speaker's dialogue together. Readers typically expect an A B A format to conversations, with each paragraph alternating speakers, so if there's an A A B format, it gets confusing. It's okay to have a sentence splitting up dialogue within the paragraph. If there's a significant change in the speaker's tone or emotions that make the two sections of dialogue feel very different, though, you can stick a paragraph between them describing the change in the speaker's tone, facial expressions, body language, actions, whatever. That creates an A B A format again, so it's easier for the reader to follow.

Now, there are exceptions, like the Emperor's lengthy monologue. That's fine the way you did it, except you're actually supposed to put opening quotation marks at the start of each paragraph, but only one set of closing quotation marks at the end of the monologue. Don't ask me why.

There was one sentence that was a thought in the first underlined chapter, I believe, where the thought wasn't set apart from the rest of the narrative at all. It was just in the same text format, and I only knew it was a thought because it was in the first person. Going back to what I said in "First Impressions," consistency is key with thoughts. I'd just put that in italics and call it good.

Leaving dialogue for word swaps, the other ones I noticed were (word you used on the left, correct word on the right): throng/thong, pointily/pointedly, engrained/engraved, breath/breathe.

I think there was maybe one incomplete sentence, but that's not a chronic issue, so I'm guessing that was just a proofreading miss and I'm not going to worry about that. There is one sentence, though, where you use slang language that should be written properly. Slang is fine in dialogue, of course, because people talk like that, but especially in a narrative with a formal, correct tone, you'll want to avoid slang. It was this sentence: "An arrow whizzed through the spot he was stood just a moment ago." The slang phrase is "was stood." That should actually be "was standing."

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Perfect pacing. Two chapters for the first character, introducing his current situation in his first chapter and introducing the life-changing event that will catapult him into the main plot in the second; same thing with the second character; and while I've only read one chapter of the third character thus far, I'm guessing you'll follow the same format there. I like the consistency and structure. Not that I'll be upset if you stray from that pattern later, but this is a very structured plot with a lot of patterns (spring, summer, fall, winter; north, south, east west), so it makes sense the actual story would follow some structure or pattern as well.

Your characters drive the plot, which is essential to a good story, and everything about this is original. Yes, I know I've seen the poor slave boy make his escape via an epic quest before, and maybe the illegitimate son who has to prove his worth as the Emperor's son, but I haven't seen an assassin with magical powers of healing that don't work on his dying little sister, and I haven't seen all three get together. Which they haven't yet, but the blurb said they would, so that's what I expect will happen. And the ancient Chinese setting, plus all the intricate details woven throughout the story, ensures that everything is purely yours. The amount of lore you have at the bottom of each chapter, along with your definitions, further proves my point. This is a complex, interesting, engaging plot.

Characterization: 20/20
Yes, yes, and yes. That's for each of the main characters, and I should add additional yeses for the side characters. Luo Xiao Zhao is a boy determined to escape his abusive home and find a better life. Quan Mo Ran is a skilled assassin and a doting big brother, dedicated to taking care of his sister and avenging his family. Shi Han Jun is the one I don't have as much of a handle on yet, since I've only read his first chapter, but he seems like a respectful, obedient son who genuinely cares for the kingdom and its people.

And your side characters all have their quirks and details. Shi Fu Wang's philosophical lessons during his prospective students' entry exam are intriguing. He's clearly a thoughtful person who takes his responsibility as a master very seriously. Quan Rui Ming is a loving little sister who is smarter and more observant than you might think at first glance, and she's funny, too, as her thoughts about Zhang Xie Fei illustrate. Her brother has his own sense of dry humor as well, also illustrated using Zhang Xie Fei (poor guy). The Emperor takes his responsibility seriously, and while he seems very impersonal and distant at first, simply sitting down and playing a game of chess with his son before their discussion shows that he cares for Shi Han Jun, and he enjoys spending time with him.

The best example of how you show and develop deep characters is not any of the above, however. It's a name I jotted down in chapter two: Madam Ming. She is the first person to name Luo Xiao Zhao, which is telling when he lives in a community where nobody will help him escape his abusive master. She saved Luo Xiao Zhao when he was near death, and since then, he has always made a point of buying fish from her, and she has always made a point of saving the best fish for him. It's a very sweet relationship, one that is not expressed through words or physical touch, but by a simple transaction between a boy and an elderly woman. And it's a relationship you described in very few words, too. This is a stellar example of showing instead of telling.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
General Fiction is not a category I see too often, and Wu Xia is a subgenre I've never encountered before, but I'm pretty sure you've nailed it. I have a brief definition in the book info at the top of this review, but as a reminder for readers, Wu Xia is a Chinese fiction genre about martial arts in ancient China. Yep. Done. Check. You're constantly adding details that ground this story in ancient China-hand gestures, body posture, cultural language notes-and I just can't tell you how much I love it.

Originality: 20/20
I think I've pretty much hit everything here in the previous categories. The plot is unique to you. You have tons of lore and world-building going on, and your descriptive detail is fantastic. The characters are interesting and complex, and I really can't wait to get back to reading the rest of the story.

Chapters 6-27:
My previous recommendation about changing all the underlined and bold text to normal font still applies, even with the chapters that have multiple perspective changes. The story is all in third person, and if there is no time skip or scene change, changing the central perspective within the flow of the narrative is perfectly fine without providing a visual identification in the text. Context clues provide everything the reader needs to know about the shift in perspective. I also wanted to add a note that you may want to double-check names, as the wrong character's name shows up here or there, name order gets flipped order every so often, and there's an occasional misspelling as well. There are some other mix-ups, too, like a chapter where Shi Han Jun is referred to as Second Prince for a while (I think it's one of the first chapters with the First Prince). Also, I would love a pronunciation guide, at least for names.

I love how this story has defied all my expectations every time. There are no huge, mind-bending plot twists, but things just don't go the way I think they will. Ever. Unexpected revelations in character development happen all the time, too, and I have to say, I love what you're doing with these characters. The frenemyship between the three main characters has a great dynamic. I actually have a hilarious picture in my mind of a cartoon drawing showing Quan Mo Ran standing in the background, arms crossed over his chest, frowning and rolling his eyes, while in the foreground, Shi Han Fun and Luo Xiao Zhao are in another stupid argument. Honestly, if I had the energy, your notification feed would be full of my in-line comments. Unfortunately, I'm not feeling the greatest as I'm writing this, but know that I love this story and these characters.

*****

Final thoughts:
Ever heard of the Wu Xia genre? I hadn't, either, until I encountered this (severely underrated) book, so let me enlighten you. It's a genre of Chinese fiction about martial arts in ancient China. Intrigued yet? What if I tell you this book also has the feel of an epic fantasy, with three main characters from varied backgrounds starting three different quests and ending up all together when their goals collide? And these are not flat, boring characters. They're young men, all about 18 years old, with complex personalities and vastly different maturity levels and life experiences, which makes for an often hilarious dynamic in otherwise serious situations. Like banter? Got it right here. Well-rounded side characters and a little romance on the side? Yep. But if you still need another reason to read this, how about cultural education? The ancient Chinese setting comes with picturesque details of habitations, clothing, rituals, and language, making for an immersive reading experience. In short, check it out. I think you'll like it.