Title: Fairytale by messycupid
Source: Feedback request
Genre: Romcom
Secondary/subgenre(s): Drama
Mature: N (strong profanity)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 31/40
Digging deeper: 80/100
Final thoughts: pending

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*****

First impressions total: 31/40

Title: 10/10
I love a good fairytale. Yes. Immediate yes. :)

Blurb/synopsis: 7/10
There are some grammar errors here, but overall, this is a good blurb. I like the short, sweet version at the top for the people who just click on the cover and glance at it to see if they'll read more, and I like the more fleshed-out version at the bottom. And, of course, the content warning. I always love those. It's so annoying to sit down to read and then find out this isn't something you can enjoy, whether that happens immediately, or a few chapters in.

Although I do enjoy your book. But back to the blurb. ;)

Okay, so, short version at the top. First sentence after the comma, it should be "lots" of food, and then a comma after "food" would be nice, but it's not necessary. Next sentence, things "don't" go as planned, no comma, and it feels repetitive to say "matchmaking interview" and "blind date." You could probably just say "go on a blind date," and cut the rest of the sentence. That's the most important thing here. It tells us her parents are meddling, which implies they have an expectation that a serious relationship will come from this, and it tells us she doesn't know who they're setting her up with. Next sentence, it's more common to say "little did she know," and you don't need the comma after it.

Moving on into the longer blurb, there are a few phrases in the first sentence that you should actually hyphenate: "top-rated," "well-known," and maybe "event-planning," but I'm not confident about that one. In the next sentence, this isn't necessary or anything, but I think it would be a nice touch to add a hyphen before "except men" to emphasize how strongly she feels on that subject. Instead of "aka" in the next sentence, I'd just put a comma after "school," and you don't need the comma after "life."

Next paragraph, you don't need the comma in the first sentence. Instead of "the both" in the next sentence, it should just be "them," and you really don't need that little section between commas there at all. We can already guess something triggers unexpected things to happen. So, I'd just say, "...between them, and she tries..." and continue the rest of the sentence as written. No comma in the next sentence, and I'd just cut "or will she break it" from the next sentence. It's implied that her choice is to go along with this or try to break it up.

Next line, no comma after "ride," although you could put a comma after "surprises," but that's not necessary. And this line is so true. I laugh multiple times throughout every chapter.

Cover: 7/10
I really like this, and I'm not usually a fan of this color scheme. But it works here. The black grass, the silhouette of the dancing couple, the sun (or moon) rising behind them - that's something I really, really like. It could be sunrise, or it could be sunset. I lean toward sunset, but either way. The soft glow of light emanating from the light source is perfect. And using the same yellow of the sun (or moon) for the text is also perfect. The placement, font choice, and text size for the title in the black background of the grass is fabulous.

The problem area for me is the text at the top. Your name should probably be smaller. Not too much smaller, but you want to draw the eye to the title first. And, generally, it does go that way. When I look at this cover, my eyes go to the couple first, then the title, then your name. Just a size or too smaller so it doesn't stand out quite so much, I think. It's an interesting choice to have your screen name below your real name. I don't think I've seen that before. That I would actually recommend bumping up a size or two so it's more visible. The line of text below that, though. I go back and forth about it. I feel like it's too long of a sentence, especially since it's too small to read easily. But if you bump the size up, it will distract too much from everything else. I would say try cutting it completely and see how that looks, but if the space it leaves on the cover feels too empty after you do that, I'd try condensing it down to a shorter sentence and bumping the font size up a notch or two.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 7/10
Disclaimer: In the second paragraph, second sentence, there should be an "and" after the comma. The first sentence of the third paragraph should actually be three sentences, or you could swap the first comma out for a period and the second comma out for a semi-colon. In the third sentence, I think changing that first comma for a semi-colon would work well, too, since the two parts of the sentence are technically complete and can stand alone, but they go really well together. Last sentence, lowercase "images," and swap the comma for an "or."

Dedication: 🙂

Preface: Same issues throughout with comma placements (which is so annoying sometimes, because some things are subjective, and some things aren't), punctuation, verb tense here or there, but I love your honest, relatable tone, and I love that this is based on a true story. It gives girls like me hope.

Aesthetics & Moodboards: This isn't really my thing, but they look nice, and I'm sure people who do aesthetics stuff will appreciate this chapter. I'm just not that artistically talented. But I love the little quotes beneath the images to give a little insight and a little of the characters.

Chapter 1: Here we go. This is where you grabbed me and sucked me in. Amy is so likable and so relatable. Dreaming about a hamburger? Waking up late to a screaming alarm clock? Been there. Okay, not the hamburger, but I have dreamed about food before, and I'm always hitting snooze. Her parents are amazing, and her family life is so light and close and happy and friendly and I love it. Teasing, banter, her mother making her favorite food for breakfast - and even though her brother isn't there with them, the description of him tells me he fits right in with everything. I love her friend Addy, and I love how they're teasing each other about food and work right away. Amy's confidence in her abilities and her distaste for her boss are also funny. Everything is funny. Right down to the little quote at the end of the chapter about eating a brownie.

Same issues with punctuation as before, and there are some tense issues as well, flipping back and forth from past to present tense. It's tricky, because this reads like I'm watching a movie or a TV show. Amy's narrating and adding her own comments while the story is happening. When I saw you'd put the genre as Romcom and the subgenre as Drama for this, I thought, "What is this, a TV show?" And it could be. Your designations were correct. This is so funny, and the grammatical errors don't detract from the humor or the story at all. I really love reading this.

*****

Digging deeper: 80/100

Cover & title: 8/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Blurb: 2/5
This number is low only because of the SPAG errors. Without those, this would be a five.

Grammar & voice: 5/20
This number is only low because of the SPAG errors, but you have such a fun, engaging writing style. I really love it. The errors don't make it unreadable, and the light beat, happy tone is just the thing I need right now. A pick-me-up. This story is a pick-me-up. And I love the little memes at the end of each chapter. "When you're downie, eat a brownie." Absolutely!

Plot & pacing: 10/10
Well, the plot is easy enough to pick up on. Amy's parents are playing matchmaker because they want her to get married. And Amy doesn't want to get married, but she's going along with them while secretly plotting to make this meeting so horrible for the guy that her parents will never meddle in her romantic affairs again. Thus, a romcom is born.

The pacing is perfect. We're getting to see Amy in her normal, day-to-day life, at home with her parents, out and about with her friends, at work, all while the dreaded meeting approaches and Amy plots. This doesn't drag at all, but it takes its time to show us who Amy is and why she just isn't interested in marriage. That would spoil all her fun!

Characterization: 20/20
Amy takes over the story from the very first sentence of the very first paragraph, and it's her show from then on. She's just taking the reader for a ride. She's fun, she's funny, she loves good food, she has close, teasing relationships with her family and her friends, and she's dedicated to her job. Why mess all that up with a guy?

Every other character introduced is also a distinct, memorable person. Her parents have such a cutesy, loving relationship with plenty of down-to-earth teasing. They're not the rigid, strict parents who are forcing their daughter into something she hates. They're the fun parents who place bets on whether their daughter will apologize first after a fight. Yes, they have their traditional ideas that they value, but they've given Amy a lot of leeway to break the mold and be her own person, and it's pretty clear they wouldn't want her tied down by a stick-in-the-mud guy. They just want her to be happy.

And her friends are so fun. Addie and Sophie, fellow foodies and probably partners-in-crime. They work hard, and they play harder. Perfect for a girl like Amy.

Harmony within genre: 15/15
Romcom all the way. This has the makings of a great chick flick.

Originality: 20/20
I love how the best descriptions go toward food. That really shows where Amy's priorities are. We get her physical description in a conversation with Addie, and it feels so natural to learn that info in that way. She describes what matters most to her, so maybe I don't know what she's wearing today, but I know what she's eating. And the descriptive dialogue really stands out. That's what drives the story and really gets us to connect with each character. Well, except for Amy's boss, but Amy wouldn't want us to connect with that witch, would she?

I also love how this is not your standard arranged marriage story. The parents aren't these severe, do-as-I-say-or-I-disown-you types, and I can't believe they'd want Amy matched to just any guy. Although they do tell her they will take any guy—regardless of race, status, age, nationality, career, whatever. Maybe just a touch of desperation there. Maybe. But Amy's too busy dreaming about burgers to even notice such basic details of a man, so...😉

*****

Final thoughts: pending