Title: Ended : The tale of Heer and Ranjha by Meinmydeluluworld
Source: Gardenia: A Review Shop by -Chrysalis_Realm
Genre: Romance
Mature: N (loss of a loved one)
LGBTQIAP+: N
Status: Ongoing
First impressions: 17/40
Digging deeper: 26/100
Final thoughts: Complete
Note: Chapter five was the last available chapter as of the publishing of this review.

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

First impressions: 17/40

Title: 8/10
This is just pickiness on my part, but you don't need the space before the colon, and I'd prefer capitalizing "Tale," since it's a noun. As far as the content, "Ended" gives me the impression this will be at the end of a relationship that doesn't go the distance, and I'm assuming "Heer" and "Ranjha" are the names of the love interests, so that all works nicely for a Romance story.

Addendum: I was kind of right... 😉

Story description: 2/10
This isn't really a story description. It seems like an excerpt of the story, so it only tells me about one scene, not about the book as a whole. And it also sounds very much like AI-generated content. AI has a very characteristic style and tone which sounds the same in every story and genre, so it may seem pretty, but it doesn't set your story apart at all. It makes it blend in. I much prefer the writing of a person without the use of AI, because it sounds human, and it has personality. Even if you end up making a lot of grammatical mistakes, that's okay. Your voice will still come through, and you can always work on your grammar. And the use of AI-generated content is an automatic disqualification from official Wattpad and Ambassador contests, and many unofficial contests as well.

Use of an editing tool can help with your grammar, but I'd caution against apps like Grammarly, as they push for you to use their rephrasing or refining functions, which do not edit your writing at all. They completely rewrite it and turn it into AI-generated content. The editing tool I use is the free version of ProWritingAid, and that's the one I recommend. It's a browser extension that underlines mistakes or areas you could improve with different colored lines, and then you hover over the underlined content, and it tells you what it thinks is wrong and how it thinks you can fix it. It also gives links to articles with more information, if you're interested in checking those out. There is a rephrasing function, but it's very limited on the free version, something like five sentences a day, so you can use that to give you ideas of what to do, but it's very hard to over-rely on that and rewrite an entire chapter. And you can select your English usage so the tool gives you the right guidance for the rules wherever you live.

Funny thing is, Wattpad just sent out a Creators Newsletter advertising ProWritingAid, which I thought was hilarious. I found it through another writing site, actually, and I am so glad I did. I love it.

Anyway, as far as the actual content of a story description or blurb, that should introduce potential readers to the main character(s), the setting and the plot conflict. You don't want to give away too much, because if you do, then there's no reason for someone to read the story. You want to say just enough to make someone curious, so they start reading. And it's tricky to do that. To be perfectly honest, I don't like to write blurbs. I always struggle with them. I found a chapter on writing story loglines and pitches in justwriteit's 8-Chapter Challenge that has really helped me, so I'll drop the link in the inline comments here. The concept is similar to writing a blurb. → 

Cover: 3/10
It looks like this is a photo with the title of the book and your name typed over it, which is fine, but it needs some spiffing up to get it to look nicer. Also, your name is cut off, and both sets of text are really small. So, I'd recommend using Canva through Wattpad's website to play with this a bit. You can upload this picture, and then just mess around with what Canva has to offer. That's what I did to get comfortable with it, and I'm not a graphics designer or anything, but I can do what I need to most of the time. I think just adding a border would really help make this look like a cover instead of a photo. As far as color, the first one I think of is white, because that will definitely stand out against the dark background, but you can play with colors, too, because sometimes, you'll find a different color you wouldn't have expected that looks really nice.

For your title, there are a lot of text options in Canva, everything from font style to special effects. I think splitting the title into "Ended" on the top and "The Tale of Heer and Ranjha" on the bottom would look nice. Blowing it all up and keeping it centered about the characters' heads would fill in that blank space well, and again, just play with what Canva has to offer as far as fonts, colors, and effects. I think having "Ended" a little bigger than the rest would also look nice. Then, for your name, you could center it at the bottom, or you could keep it in the lower right-hand corner, just so long as it's all visible, and play with fonts, colors, and effects there, too. You don't want your name to be as big and obvious as the title, but you can dress it up without making it too distracting.

I talked about Canva through all of that, but if you're going through the app, Wattpad uses Desygner. I have tried using that before, and if I made myself work with it more, I'd probably get the hang of it, but I like Canva better, which is why that's the only program I talked about. There are other graphics sites and tools as well, but since I'm not a graphics designer, I can only speak to what I know about.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 4/10
I appreciate your disclaimer in the author's note. I'd already guessed English wasn't your first language, which is fine. Props to you for writing in another language! Hopefully, I can help you get a better handle on writing in English through all this. Author's notes don't have to be grammatically perfect or anything, but I'll go through this one to show you some editing things.

In the first line, it looks like you already want to end a sentence with "everyone" and start a new one with "So," but you're missing the ending punctuation. You just need a period or exclamation mark after "everyone," depending on the tone you want to convey. An exclamation mark would be more lighthearted and cheerful, I think. As for the book title, you can set it apart from the normal text any way you'd like, but if you're using quotation marks, they should touch the first and last words quoted. By that I mean, no spaces between the opening quotation marks and the first word, and no spaces between the last word and the closing quotation marks. They should have spaces between them and the outside words, though. And I already mentioned no spaces before a colon.

Your next line is grammatically fine, except you don't need to capitalize "My." If a word isn't a proper noun, which are things like names and places, then it shouldn't be capitalized unless it's the first word of a sentence. So, "English" is a proper noun, and even if it isn't the first word in a sentence, it should be capitalized all the time.

In the next line, you just need a comma after "work." Commas are a pain, and honestly, I don't have a handle on the rules yet, so this is where an editing tool can really come in handy. I'll use ProWritingAid to edit this when I finish, and I guarantee there will be at least one missing or extra comma somewhere in here. (Addendum: None so far...🤞)

For the next line, "wouldn't" should be "didn't." And in the last line, there's a missing space after the first comma. Also, I'd probably cut the first "and" to make "acceptance" part of the list: "love, pain, acceptance, and letting go."

Alright, moving on to the next author's note. I like this explanation. It clarifies for me that Heer and Ranjha are not names of characters in this story, but a reference point for readers to know what kind of story this will be. And I'll go through this again to point out any new issues.

The first line is an incomplete sentence, but you can merge it with the second line to make a complete sentence. Also, "mean" should be "means," and you should capitalize "Romeo and Juliet" and write it like that, the same way you did "Heer and Ranjha." Joining these two sentences is really easy. You just change the first period to a comma, and that's that.

Skipping down to the "They both decided" paragraph, that first comma should be a period to end the sentence. Then, there should be another comma after the second "marriage," and there should be an apostrophe and an "s" added to "Heer" to make it possessive (Heer's family). And again, the comma at the end should be a period. Commas are never ending punctuation marks, except for dialogue leading into dialogue tags, which I'm sure we'll get into later.

In the next paragraph, there should be a comma after "Heer" to set that whole clause "not being able to live without Ranjha" apart. Then in the following line, "cause" as used here is actually a slang shortening of the word "because," so it needs an apostrophe before it to show that ('cause). It's fine here, and it's fine in dialogue as well, because people don't talk with perfect grammar, but within the narrative of a story, it's usually better to use the more proper "because." And in the last line of the chapter, flipping that sentence around a bit would make it clearer: "Hope that solved all the confusion."

Okay, now we're in the first chapter. And I can tell right off the bat this is AI-generated, because it doesn't sound like you from the two author's notes at all, and the grammar is suddenly perfect. I understand feeling like you should use AI because you want your writing to be perfect, and you want people to like it, but as I said before, AI always sounds the same. It's distant, introspective, and uses elaborate descriptions. The characters all sound the same, too, regardless of age, gender, culture, etc. It just doesn't sound human. So, I would recommend rewriting this in your own words, because even if they're not perfect, they're going to sound like you, and your voice is better.

There are actually mistakes in this, though. In the following paragraph, "her" following the dialogue should be capitalized, because that sentence is not a dialogue tag. And I'm putting it in italics just to set it apart from my feedback.

"You know, we promised to stay together for the rest of our lives. Then how could he leave me alone?" her voice broke as she spoke, her words muffled against her best friend's shoulder.

I mentioned commas and dialogue tags earlier, so I'll go over the rules with that now, because dialogue tags are a common problem for everybody, not just non-native English writers. A dialogue tag is an incomplete sentence that describes who is talking and how they're talking. It can't stand on its own unless it's attached to dialogue. You can often identify dialogue tags by common phrases like "he said," "she asked," "they shouted," etc. These actually count as part of the dialogue, so the first word of a dialogue tag should be lowercase (unless it's a proper noun), because it's technically in the middle of a sentence.

Not every sentence following dialogue is a dialogue tag, though. If the sentence can stand on its own without the dialogue, then it's probably not a dialogue tag. Looking for those key phrases can help you see the difference.

If dialogue leading into a dialogue tag ends in a question mark, exclamation mark, ellipsis (...), or dash, you don't need to do anything extra except make sure the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase. If the dialogue ends in a period, however, you change that into a comma.

"He said we'd always be together," she whispered.
"But things change, don't they?" her friend reminded her.
"I don't want things to change!" she shouted.

Those are all examples of dialogue with dialogue tags. Now, for some non-dialogue tag examples.

"He said we'd always be together." She wiped the tears from her face.
"But things change, don't they?" Her friend handed her a tissue.
"I don't want things to change!" She buried her face in her hands.

Getting back into the story, the next section of dialogue has the same problem as before, where "her" should be capitalized, because that isn't a dialogue tag. Further on, when the paramedics arrived, the "m" is missing from "professionalism." There's a similar issue when the phone rings. "Suddenly" is missing the "y."

As for the content of the chapter, it seems like one girl is comforting her friend, who has just gone through a break-up, and then the grieving friend faints and has to go to the hospital. I'm not sure yet which of the girls is the main character, but I think it may be the one who called the paramedics. As for the worrying text message...guess I'll have to read on to figure out what that's all about.

*****

Digging deeper: 26/100

Cover & title: 4/10
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Story description: 1/5
See "First Impressions" feedback.

Grammar & voice: 11/20
The entire story, starting with chapter one, is AI-generated content, so grammar is usually good. There are some issues here or there, which I'll go over below, but I'll just reiterate that I would strongly recommend rewriting this in your own words. The distant, ethereal quality of AI writing means this doesn't feel realistic, and the voice is not unique, because it's the same as any other AI-generated story. It doesn't have the human element that brings life to it. Even if there are grammar errors everywhere, I much prefer reading stories with personality, and AI just doesn't have that.

There's one issue with converting a noun into its possessive form, and since that happened in one of the author's notes, too, I thought I should go over the rules here. If a noun does not end in an "s," you just need to add an apostrophe "s" after the noun to make it possessive: best friend's, Heer's. If the noun already ends in an "s," just add an apostrophe: friends' (plural possessive), voices' (plural possessive).

There's also a place with extra spacing between the opening and closing parentheses and the words within them, and since there have been other punctuation spacing issues, I'll address that, too. Most of the time, there should be a word touching punctuation on the left and a space on the right, just like you see in this paragraph. The exceptions are for opening and closing quotation marks and parentheses. Opening quotation marks and parentheses should have a space on the left and touch the word on the right, as you see in the previous paragraph. Closing quotation marks should touch the ending punctuation mark for dialogue on the left and have a space on the right, also seen above. Closing parentheses should touch the last word on the left and either have a space on the right (like this) or touch the ending punctuation mark on the right, depending on where the parentheses fall within a sentence.

There are a couple of times within the story where there's a line of dialogue that's technically correct, just going by grammar rules, but in context, it doesn't make sense. "My love of life" is one of those. The actual meaning of that phrase as written is a person expressing their love of life in general, but what he's really trying to do is call her "the love of my life."

Elsewhere, he says, "My love, you're looking eternal and the most beautiful thing in the world." How does a person look eternal? Also, the part after the "and" should flow correctly if you put it right after the verb: "...looking the most beautiful thing in the world." And that isn't correct. I'm not exactly sure what the intended meaning is here, but here are a couple of ways to rephrase it: "My love, you will forever be the most beautiful thing in the world," or, "My love, your beauty is timeless." There are many more ways to rephrase that, but it all depends on what meaning you want to convey.

There are also sections of split dialogue, where a person speaks a sentence in one paragraph, and then there's a new paragraph, and they speak again. Sometimes, the dialogue tag gets split from the dialogue this way, too. Remember that commas are not ending punctuation marks, so you can't use them to end a paragraph, and dialogue tags can't stand on their own, either. They have to stay with their dialogue. Also, keeping a single speaker's dialogue together helps to prevent any confusion, because readers expect an A B A B format to dialogue, where A is the first speaker, and B is the second. If an A B B A happens, they may think the second B was said by A.

Here's an example of split dialogue (I'm cutting the extra space between paragraphs to save space here, but the new line shows the new paragraph):

"Sorry," she murmured, the apology sincere as she realized her mistake.
"I'll wait for you next time. Please don't be angry."

Just put it all together in one paragraph:

"Sorry," she murmured, the apology sincere as she realized her mistake. "I'll wait for you next time. Please don't be angry."

And here's an example of separating the dialogue tag from its dialogue:

"I didn't know which colour of churiya you wanted," he replied with a casual shrug,
"So I bought all the churiya they had."

This is also an example of a dialogue tag that's placed in the middle of a sentence of dialogue. If you remove the dialogue tag, this could be all one sentence: "I didn't know which colour of churiya you wanted, so I bought all the churiya they had." When this happens, end the first section of dialogue with a comma, make sure your dialogue tag is lowercase, end your dialogue tag with a comma, and make sure the next section of dialogue is lowercase. You're basically working your dialogue tag around your sentence. So, it should be:

"I didn't know which colour of churiya you wanted," he replied with a casual shrug, "so I bought all the churiya they had."

But that could also be two separate sentences of dialogue: "I didn't know which colour of churiya you wanted. So, I bought all the churiya they had." If that's the case, then treat the dialogue tag just like any other ending dialogue tag.

"I didn't know which colour of churiya you wanted," he replied with a casual shrug. "So, I bought all the churiya they had."

Since we're getting into all the dialogue tag stuff, you can also have a dialogue tag that comes before a sentence, or, when it's the middle of dialogue, it could be attached to the section of dialogue that comes after it. In this case, keep in mind the dialogue doesn't need the dialogue tag. It can stand on its own. So, write it like a normal sentence, with capitalization for the first word of the dialogue. But since the dialogue tag can't stand on its own and it needs the dialogue, end it with a comma instead of a period:

"I didn't know which colour of churiya you wanted." He shrugged casually and continued, "So, I bought all the churiya they had."

Plot & pacing: 1/10
I can't find a plot here. In the opening chapter, one girl is crying about a relationship that ended, and her friend is comforting her. The crying friend faints; the comforting friend calls the paramedics; and then the comforting friend gets a strange text message. Chapter two starts with the comforting friend deciding not to tell the crying friend about the text message...and then things get confusing.

I talked at length in the comments about transitions. Often, you'll start a chapter with something that fits the end of the previous chapter but doesn't fit the rest of the new chapter, which introduces a lot of confusion. Sometimes, that can work, but in every instance I've seen so far in your story, I'd recommend moving that first unrelated bit to the end of the previous chapter, where it fits, and just start the second chapter with the new stuff.

So, the first confusing transition is shifting from the friend deciding about the text message to the friend who fainted. Except she's not in the hospital, and the fainting is never mentioned again. She's sitting at home. So, some time must have passed between the first part of chapter one and the rest of chapter two, but that time isn't disclosed or even referenced vaguely. Then there's a knock at the door, and it's the guy who broke up with her. Except...he didn't break up with her. He just left for two months, and he got back early. And suddenly—well, I'll get into the character stuff in the next section, but suffice it to say the sharp and frequent changes in emotions don't make sense, and the dialogue often contradicts the narrative.

In chapter three, the girlfriend shifts into a memory with her boyfriend. At the end of that chapter, she shifts into another memory, which is picked up in chapter four, and at the end of that chapter, she shifts into another memory, which continues in chapter five. These memories are all showing different scenes in their relationship, but there's no narrative to explain what these memories have to do with the plot. Which is nonexistent. I don't have a clue where this is going, or any indication it's going anywhere. It's like a rabbit hole of memories with no connection to the present.

Using memories in a story is fine, and they can enhance the plot, but I'd recommend putting something between the memories. Some narrative, some explanation, some connection to the present that tells the reader this is pertinent, and it's not just random thoughts she's having. But even before the memories started, there was no plot. The fainting and the text message could easily have been the first conflicts needed to get the plot rolling, but the fainting is never addressed, and the text message has no relevance. Thus far, anyway.

What does his coming back mean? Did she misunderstand him and think he'd left her completely, or had she understood him and just overreacted to the prospect of him being gone for a while? Can they continue their relationship as before, or does she now have problems trusting him? Is he treating her the same way, or is he acting differently? Where is this relationship going? Right now, it seems like you could just end the story with chapter two, because the only real plot conflicts thus far were her fainting and him leaving, and both are resolved. So, the story needs a reason to continue, and I don't see that yet. I think you're trying to convey that through the memories, but again, there needs to be something in the narrative to tell the readers that.

Characterization: 2/20
Characters in AI-generated stories are very unrelatable, because they're just not real. They think like dictionaries. There's a lot of logic and deep emotional exploration, combined with a lot of wisdom, regardless of age, and the result of that is characters too distant and too perfect to be real.

So, that's an issue, but there is also a lot of contradiction within this story. For instance, when he shows up at her door, she's shocked. And then the story says this: "She tried to maintain her playful composure, though her heart was fluttering with happiness." But she didn't have a "playful composure." She didn't have any composure, because that would require her being calm and in control of herself, and a surprised person doesn't have that (unless they're really good at hiding their emotions). Also, "playful composure" isn't a thing, because being "playful" means there's energy and liveliness, but "composure" is being calm and in control.

There's also a part where it says this: "She scolded him gently, hoping he would understand the importance of being more prudent with money." Okay, that sounds fine, except this was her scolding: "Are you crazy? I just asked for one pair, not a whole collection. How many times do I need to tell you not to spend so recklessly?" That isn't gentle. That's accusatory and harsh.

Harmony within genre: 5/15
This does fit within the Romance genre, but part of the criteria I consider in this category is how well the story advances the plot in a way that matches the assigned genre, and since there isn't a plot, I can't really give it a good score for that.

Originality: 2/20
AI-generated content isn't original, and beyond that, there isn't a strong hook for this story at the beginning for many reasons, chief of which is that there is no plot. It's very hard for me to relate and engage with the distant tone, and while there are plenty of adjectives to provide description, they often contradict each other, as I talked about earlier, or they don't actually describe anything, if that makes sense. The words are there, but they're empty filler. And that's also a problem with AI-generated content. It's very good at creating lengthy narratives that don't actually say anything. I'd really love to see what this story was like before you ran it through AI, because I bet there's something really beautiful here, but it's buried under AI.

*****

Final thoughts:
At the end of the published material, the author posted a chapter stating they're going on hiatus, and they don't know how long they'll be gone, but it could be years, or they might never come back. Thus, I don't see the reason for me to write a promotional blurb to attract attention to an unfinished story that may never advance beyond this point.