One Year Later

April 8, 1979

Nineteen Seventy nine seemed to be the year everything flew by. Days felt like hours. Months felt like days. The world was set on forward at speed. I could barely reason with what day I was on anymore.

It's been two months now since John moved me into a new apartment closer to the Dakota. Things were easier this way. He wouldn't have to take longer trips from mine, back home to Yoko. She started nagging at him for being away for days and returning home only for a few hours, just to change clothes, fuck her then come back to me. I didn't mind he was still physical with her. I know it's wrong but, knowing the intimate value of their relationship was beginning to dampen at stake...it made me one hell of a happy woman.

The summer was just beginning and Julian was coming back from England to see the new place. I always loved seeing him over such a long few months. He always seemed to grow an inch or have a new hairstyle. The way he adjusted back to mine and John's living routine.

I got out of the shower that Sunday morning, putting on some jean shorts and a red top that was a bit revealing. But I didn't care. It suited me well. I dressed Maxwell and brushed my hair, letting it fall over my shoulders. I grabbed my keys to see John walk into the door with some flowers. He handed them to me. I blushed.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Just because. Can't a bloke by his love some flowers?" He backed me up against the wall as I looked up at him.

"Of course he can. Unless he did something wrong." I smirked. He picked me up, making me wrap my legs around his waist and move my arms around his shoulders. "You know, I'm supposed to be off picking up Julian now. Why don't you come with me? After all, it is his birthday."

"That's why I came by. But, I saw these lovely flowers in the shop and well...here they are." He smiled. I giggled and leaned in, kissing him. He set me down and grabbed the keys.

"I'll drive."

I took them back and laughed. "In your dreams Lennon."

..

Julian was waiting outside the gates down in the entrance. He looked bored as he took his sunglasses off. I got out of the car and walked over to him.

"Hi Julian. How was the trip?" I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"Boring and full of bloody pissheads who just snored all night. I 'aven't slept at all."

"Aww poor baby. Come on, you can see the new place and take a nap. Happy Birthday." I kissed his cheek. He blushed and kept walking. I smiled to myself as John helped put his things into the trunk. As we all got into the car, John leaned over and gave me a long kiss. The sound of our lips smacking together, was enough to make Julian lean over and turn up the radio's volume. I loved teasing him.

..

"Wow dad, a bit posh aint it? Not that I'm complainin." Julian said, looking around at the large living room.

"Isn't it lovely? Wait till you see your room." I said grabbing his hand and leading him to the bedroom. He whistled and flung himself on the bed.

"I never thought I'd be happy to see one of these. Whelp, G'night." He smirked, pretending to sleep.

"Cocky just like your father. Go ahead and sleep, nobody will bother you in here. Since it's apart from the other rooms." I said sitting on the edge of the bed. He propped himself up on his elbows and nodded.

"It is my birthday..."

"And?" I turned to him.

"Shouldn't I get a kiss?" He smirked.

"You know, I think spending a little too much time with your father is starting to twist that brain of yours." I crossed my arms. He made a face and pouted. I rolled my eyes and leaned in, pressing my lips against his. He smiled and kissed back. I could tell he'd had practice since he's been away. I pulled back and stood up, stopping by the door.

"Let's not make a habit of it yeah?" I winked and left the room.

..

The day passed like a breeze. Julian finally got out of bed after about six hours of sleep. This was enough time for me and John to run around like headless chickens and buy a cake, buy gifts, and decorate the apartment.

I was on a small ladder, pinning up a Happy Birthday banner while John stood behind me, staring at my butt.

"Enjoying the show Lennon?" I asked, climbing down.

"Yes very." He smirked. I slapped his arm playfully and kissed his cheek. He grabbed a flower and pinned it in my hair. "I always fancied a bird with flowers in her hair."

"Aww John. You're so full of shit." I giggled as he kissed my cheek.

"Aye, Look who's up!" John wrapped his arm around my shoulder as Julian walked into the room sleepily.

"What time is it?" He muttered.

"It's almost six in the evening." I said as Max jumped up and down on the sofa.

"Happy Birfday!!"

I giggled. "It's Birthday baby. We made you a small dinner Jules."

"Great. I can eat about now."

..

Julian looked glum all throughout dinner, throughout our happy birthday singing, throughout the cake eating, even throughout the presents. In which he got a guitar, a new record player, some vinyls and a new coat.

I was sitting on the sofa, stirring my tea and staring out the window as Julian sat out on the balcony, looking up at the starry sky. I sighed.

"He's been out there for two hours now. Just sittin and starin." John sat next to me. I nodded.

"He seemed fine earlier. Why don't you go out and talk to him?" I asked. John nodded and stood up, making his way to the balcony. Maxwell was asleep on the sofa. I decided to take him to bed. I made my way back into the living room, taking my shoes off when John walked into the room.

"He won't talk to me."

"Does he seem alright? Like not ill or anything?"

"No. Just seems distant. Why don't you try? I 'ave to be on my way anyhow."

I nodded and followed him to the front door. "I'll fill you in tomorrow." I held his arm. He nodded.

"I'll see ye tomorrow love." He kissed my cheek and left. I locked the door and grabbed my tea, making my way outside. I sat in the seat next to him.

"Your father tells me you won't talk to him. Will you atleast talk to me?"

He stayed quiet and looked at me. I held his gaze and shook my head.

"If you won't talk to me Julian I don't know what's going on..."

"Do you ever miss Andrew?" He interrupted.

I sat back in my chair. "Yeah. I miss him a lot."

"You don't show it. It didn't take ye much time to move on with dad."

"Your father was there for me. He helped me get through the grief..."

"That's bullshit Lucy. Andrew was a good man. He loved you so much and now that he's gone, ye just use it as an excuse to go cryin to dad and have him all to yourself. That's the only reason he's here. Because he feels sorry for you! That's the only reason I'm here!"

I stayed silent, shocked and taken back by how hostile his voice sounded.

"I dunno I...I just don't know how one person moves on when another dies. How is that even possible?" he shook his head and turned away from me. I felt my eyes tear up as I looked down at my hands.

"I do love him Julian...." I stood up and left the balcony before he could see me cry. Making my way into my bedroom, I closed the door and locked it. Maxwell was curled up on my bed, hugging a teddy bear. I wiped my eyes and broke out a small smile at the sight. I laid in bed, pulling Max into my arms as he pushed the teddy bear to the side and hugged me.

Maxwell was a constant reminder of mine and Andrew's love. He was always there for his little boy. For me. I knew Max remembered his daddy. All that was left was pictures and our memory. I hope when he's older, he can look back and see how much me and his father loved one another.

Tomorrow will be a better day. I told myself. I shut my eyes and let the tears fall. Letting the darkness over take me.

.......