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And if they made me choose,
I'd choose to love you once more.
[Nizar Qabbani]

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Dear Love,

While writing this letter to you, the first thing that came to my mind was do I really believe in you? Do you even exist? But I looked back upon my kaleidoscope of life and found red, your favourite colour reflected upon various mirrors. Some red blots were minute, too tiny, while others were big but they were present inside other colours - yellow, blue and gold.

I have experienced you at various points in my life. No, it hadn't been with someone. I didn't expect it to be a better half. We have all had people beside the one to love. I knew I had seen the mountains on the misty mornings - they had taken my breath away. Being alive to feel that cold, fresh wind against my face was love to me. I had felt the thrill of skydiving - my heart beating fast while a big smile was painted on my face. At these little instants, I had felt a moment unlike any other and perhaps those were the times you had visited me. I hadn't acknowledged your presence, I admit. But I did feel it, and let me praise you with the words I know; you were love and even for the unloved - you have touched their heart once or twice. And I hope you get loved too.

You were always a misheard and misinterpreted concept, for me at least. You were superficial, people have always had high expectations from you. But once they reached you - the satisfaction and joy was always reflected in their eyes, heard in their words and observed in their actions. You are very powerful, always have been. You could cause battles, you could cease them, you can give life, you can kill. You don't have limits and that endless ocean is something people want to discover.

You didn't have it all planned just like the deep waters, you had it all - the calm, the storm. One had to cross them all to see it, the paradise that awaited them at the end of their struggles. Some crossed them - their eyes never leaving their destination - you. While some sailed back with malignity in their hearts. They threw muck in your calm waters but oh, it was always pure for there were more people than they thought nurturing you - be it Mother Teresa or be it Lancelot and Guinevere or Odysseus and Penelope or just you and me.

Yes Love, I was in love with you - your idea, your concepts, the stories. I loved you but didn't really reckon your existence. People have come and gone, their existence and life did vote in your favor - that you did exist. Somewhere in the heart, but, no, not only in the heart, perhaps everywhere, even in the air. We just have been too apart at times. I have cried for you didn't exist at the times I needed you, in the people I have wanted you. But it wasn't your fault their red wasn't as vast as mine. It wasn't your fault they refused to let you overpower their hearts. I don't blame them, Love. I don't. A while ago it was difficult for me to just capitalize your first letter and accept your existence - for you have reigned with all the vile and vices while having the noble values.

I have seen that too, people destroyed by you. When you diffused in one heart but couldn't find your way through the other. When a heart could do anything under your name. It could live and it could die. It could be the kindest heart you ever met - but knowing me it couldn't be mine. Yes, I was one of those trampled ones. No, I didn't hate you. Who could hate you when you were in every heart including that of the those who loved hate?

Could you? I was just afraid of you. The sacrifices you demanded. How difficult could they be? I thought when I planned on exploring your ocean but there was storm in my path. Why Love? You knew my boat already had holes, why couldn't you help me. I could have drowned, I am grateful I didn't. You saved me, indirectly. It was the people who had reached your paradise and now they were heading back to spread the fruits. I took a bite and felt it all - the different tastes in different fruits they offered. You did come in many forms.

You were wise and vice, but I hadn't noticed the difference. You had always been around me, hadn't you? I am sorry I didn't love you earlier, Love. But I hope we meet in this birth or next - I hope I can find you if not in someone then in me and love you like none other. Perhaps even you will experience, love from the unloved.

A love like none other.

From,
Your lover.

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What is the emotion you love feeling?

Also, thanks for reading x

Love,
Isla.