I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, this part in particular made me so so happy about them :") 

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Nandini

It was nearly half past nine when Inaaya's car stopped at my apartment gates.

"Thanks for the ride." I chirped. She did not have to detour twenty five minutes off the course of her house just to help me out, but after the long day, she had casually asked me how I was going home. Not having any specific plans, I had told her I would figure something out. The next thing I knew, my entire lab was cajoling me through multiple guilt-trips to take up Inaaya's open offer.

"Do you want to park and come inside for a while?"

She twitched her lips in disappointment. "Maybe some other time, love. I'll see you tomorrow. And message me if you are going in alone, I'll come with." With a meek smile, I got down and smiled. Her car reversed out of the colony and onto the main road, and I waved until the vehicle merged into traffic again.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I did not ward off the beam on my features. While I moved through the pedestrian gate, a familiar car invaded the taller, wider ones – it was my brother's. He was at the wheel and Mukti was in the passenger seat, so I raised my hand to garner their attention. Both of their faces strained. Even from a distance, something felt off.

The car disappeared down the underground ramp, unaware of my presence.

I scrunched my eyesbrows. Strange. Regarding that I could meet them in the house and gather my explanations, I headed towards our tower with a light skip in my steps, climbed up the stairs and unlocked the door to our flat. It was at that exact time when the elevator doors pinged.

My neck craned to see Mukti and Abhi walking out.

Pretending to not have caught a glimpse of them earlier, I gleamed, "Hey, where did you guys go?"

Abhi shrugged stiffly behind Mukti, who was rushing in between me and the door. "We went out."

"Together?" The tease, that would have usually been received with some outright protest, or sarcastic retort, fell into silence as neither of the two said anything. Something had gone terribly wrong. "What happened?" I urgently quipped, slipping my hand into hers.

She pulled me into the home, but distantly murmured, "I've just had a long day. I'm going to shower..." It achieved two things. One, it informed me that she will be using the bathroom a while, and two, that she did not want to discuss it with me.

Only one conclusion emerged from it all. "Did you guys fight or something?" I asked Abhi once Mukti was out of sight.

Abhimanyu irritably looked at me, "It's nothing, Nandu. Go do your own thing." I instinctively stepped back at the tone, that he had only once before used on me, on the evening that he stopped hanging out with his SPACE Academy friends and nodded. Just as I resolved that day, I promised myself I would never ask him about it again. 

⭒⭒⭒

3 December 2010

A bunch of keys flew into the air, catching the last rays of the dipping sun before landing with a soft jingle in a large palm. Through tactful negotiations, he managed to pocket it from one of the security guards in the Arts wing. When I had posed to him that he would get into trouble, he just shrugged.

"Tch, you wanted to see how beautiful my Mumbai is na, come with me."

So on the last Friday before pre-boards, we sat on concrete against one of the walls of the school terrace after school ended. The world below felt far away while we were at a place where the weight of familal obligations, societal expectations, and decision for our futures didn't yet exist.

His trouser clad legs were way longer than mine and we sat, extending our knees in front of us in our uniforms. Our fingers were interlocked by his free hand, as my smaller palm nestled in his while the other remained busy in fiddling with those keys. Just boy things, isn't it Babbu?

I had so much I wanted to talk to him about, but the boy was distracted elsewhere only. Sulking internally, but still grateful that he at least found an opportunity to spend some time with me, I looked to the sky.

A spectrum of hues from baby pinks, burnt oranges, and a gorgeous lilac all bled into each other like watercolours, as though the day itself resisted its end in the presence of a young couple that cherished the scenery. More than the city itself, which indeed was aesthetically pleasing at dusk, it was those pastel colours that enhanced the beauty of anything.

Harsh breeze played with the stray strands of my hair from my loosened ponytail, the gathered bunch smacking his face under the gust. "Ow!" He wrenched his torso away while his grip remained tight. It served him right, for paying attention to everything else expect me. I turned to him, his pained face and chuckled, as I shifted my hair to the opposite shoulder.

Finding my amusement rather insulting, Manik gave me a death stare, and then nudged one of his knees to knock mine. I gasped and looked at him. Manik was cocking an eyebrow, his lips pursed as if annoying me, and observing my reactions, was his purpose of life. "Don't blame me, you started it," he defended. Haw! I made a terrible mistake in moving my hair away, I should have kept it there, to slap him endlessly for ignoring me.

I gently countered his attack with my ballet boot, and it softly tapped his shin. "Now we're even," I chirped.

"Oh, no no... you cheated! You started it, now it's my turn."

"Manik!"

Alternatively, the tussle carried along for a while, with me bursting into giggles and yelps as I tried and repeatedly failed to outdo him. Every time I attempted to escape his hold, to save myself, he pulled me back with ease, his strength both infuriating and oddly reassuring against my yielding frame. Yet, he left no stone unturned in tackling me with a sly smirk... which transformed into a little laugh.

Then that too faded into his silence, as I squeaked and squirmed in his hold.

I only returned to normalcy when his lips pressed a soft kiss onto my knuckles, in the hand that held his... stunning me. That simple gesture had my heartbeat racing, before he rubbed the back of my hand gently with his thumb, subduing the effects. His touch was uncharacteristically tender, almost reverent.

"So much affection all of a sudden?" I giggled, my cheeks feeling warm from his attention.

She glowed in the fading light of the golden hour, and I found himself completely absorbed by her – her soft giggles, the way her hair caught the sunlight, and the blazing spark in her eyes as if she was reeling in the best phase of her life. Life was worth experiencing through Nandini Murthy's lens.

He oddly stared at me before dropping our linked hands to his thigh, sending a wave of goosebumps down my body as I stiffened.

I wanted to try to memorise every detail of her skin, of her eyes, her lips and etch it into my memory out of the stark fear that one day... one day that was all she would be in my life. An organ clenched painfully in my chest.

Then he looked into the distance in front of us. "I guess I'm beginning to realise it won't always be the same... for us," he murmured. Behind his voice, there seemed to be a realisation doused with a certain meaning I was incapable of understanding.

My smile faltered, fading away as quickly as the sun on the horizon. I pulled my hand away from his, holding it close to my chest as if to shield myself. "What do you mean?" I fearfully questioned.

"Next year... I'll be in some college, possibly somewhere far..."

"Why far?" My immediate question did not hide the dread in my voice. "Can't you study here itself in Mumbai? There are so many good colleges..."

He sighed, looking away.

I didn't know how exactly to convey to her that living in Mumbai would be difficult. In fact, toxic for me. The longer I lived at home, the more my parents would try to control everything and anything I put my heart to pursue. On one hand, I would be punished by them for living the life I wanted to, and if I caved to their inflictions and didn't pursue my dreams, I would be torturing myself.

"I think – I shouldn't be here, I mean it's too competitive in this city," he said remorsefully. True, but approximately 20 million individuals in Mumbai battled with those same odds. None of them had an unfair advantage over the other. So his excuse hardly made sense. "And I won't even get selected."

"How can you say that before even trying... before the results are even out?" I shook my head in disbelief, about to say something to convince him he was wrong when it occured to me.

He was Manik Malhotra. He got things gifted to him before he even requested them, before he even realised he needed them. Straining, struggling and trying to prove our worth was what we middle-class people did. Fighting the odds.

In the three months I had known him, I was only beginning to feel comfort in my association with Mumbai. A huge portion of credit for that had to go to him, but now he wanted to leave... taking away everything I had begun to get accustomed to. I palpitated.

And if not Mumbai, then where would he go? As is, passing a single day without meeting him was immensely challenging. It terrified me to think how, and if I be able, to be myself ever again if Manik had to leave.

The words churned by my brain painfully left my lips before I even realised, "What – what about me?"

Manik turned to me and cupped my cheek in his palm, tension settling on his forehead and smile lines. "You have the phone, we will keep talking with each other." He said gently, unaware of how his meticulous plans illustrated that he must have thought it through fully before even telling me any of it. "I – I can still come see you and be with you once in a while, hai na?"

He was tenderly stroking my cheeks, but he might as well have pushed a knife through my gut and mercilessly twisted it. Because that was the kind of physical pain I was experiencing by partaking in his conversation.

"How often does your 'once in a while' mean?" I hiccuped, holding back the lump in my throat.

The hands holding me dropped.

"I... I don't know, Nandini..." He said defeatedly. "Besides... you might also leave Mumbai for college, then –" He was just trying to cushion the blow by sharing that I too would have to make such a decision sometime.

"I won't," I snapped sharply.

"You don't know that yet. Your opinion might change in two years."

Instinctively, I sought his fallen hands. "I have my family here, you here, Manik..." Muttering between my brimming tears, I softly pressed them reassuringly, convincing him of my stance... of what I would do... for him. "I have no reason to go anywhere else." My lashes fluttered, alight with admiration for him, and took away the emerging tears with it.

Manik blankly regarded me with a tilt in his head, unsure of what to say given my volatility. "I should not have brought this up today with pre-boards around the corner." He said under his breath, shaking his head, and then looked back at me, seemingly worried. "Let's... let's talk about this later, alright?"

"No, tell me whatever it is that you want to say now. Otherwise, I won't be able to focus on anything..." I wanted to add that I would not be able to see him and calm myself from my own barraging thoughts during the exam season if at all we postponed our talk.

Even then, a rational part of me felt that two days before the exams was not the time to waver or talk about something even emotional.

I couldn't help myself as the tears left my eyes. "Are you... are you breaking up with me, Manik?"

"What? No," His hands cupped my face with a gentleness that contrasted the turmoil between us and he negated those thoughts with a shake. Leaning in, he kissed the tears trailing down my cheeks, each press of his lips a quiet reassurance on my wounded heart. "Of course not baby, come here..." My head found his chest, as his hand smoothed over the side of my face before he planted a soft kiss on my forehead, his deliberate touch soothing me. I clung to his waist, burying myself in his warmth, as though being in his arms meant I could conquer any of the fears clawing at me.

Unbeknownst to her, there sat a thoroughly perplexed boy, who for the first time in my life was weighing out whether being held like that by her was worth chaining myself down for the foreseeable future.  

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4 December 2010

Today marks two months into our relationship. The first thing I did when I rolled out of bed was send him a message wishing him – and us – and then I gleefully went into my bathroom, stashing the phone back where it usually belonged. I had a relaxing hairwash, wore a pink tank top and loose fitting plain indigo palazzo pants with a cute row of pink elephant prints at the hem.

Doing past paper problems was on the agenda for most of the day because my first paper was Mathematics, but if I finished three papers before the evening, I told myself I would go to the playground for a bit... to get some fresh air, and see him if possible.

Chikkamma and Chikkappa, who had initially planned to stay home and be of moral support to us, were informed by some neighbourhood couples that they were going to the Mahalakshmi sea view temple to pray for their children's exams. It was so thoughtful, so my aunt and uncle too decided to share petrol costs – which would be far cheaper than catching a cab there – and instead, get a ride with them and pray on our behalf.

As a stop-gap on the support system, Rishu, my baby brother, had kindly offered to stay back and help me by gesturing that if and when I wanted water, some healthy brain snacks, or Chikkamma's pre-prepared food, I could call out to him. He would promptly make sure to fill my glass or heat a meal and bring it to me.

I had the best baby brother in the world!

But my big brother na, Babbu, complete nuisance he is. First of all, he was only beginning his portions today and his first exam is Chemistry, which demands memorisation. As if such a chill attitude wasn't enough, he had set camp in the living room – my usual exam study spot – and had blasted the TV on in the background while he propped his books in front of him. Apparently it helps him focus when there is something running in the background.

Aiyappa, what kind of a specimen have you made, seriously!

If Chikkamma and Chikkappa were home today na, they would nicely twist his ear and lecture him to learn something good from me...

The rest of the morning and most of the afternoon went too fast, but I finished two full papers and had only three long answer problems on the third to meet my self-assigned goals for the day. Closing my study materials, I went upstairs to change into a T-shirt and sport joggers I could play in – if at all Manik was there.

He wasn't and neither was Abhi, but Navya was with the rest of the group playing badminton and upon seeing me, they all insisted I join them. It was a 5 pointer doubles match between ourselves, swapping opponents and subbing players with the losing team of each match. In short, it was a good way to get some endorphins running in my body after the long day of being cooped up at home.

On my way back home from the playground, Dhruv separated from his group and offered to walk me home. I insisted it was okay, and he insisted otherwise so I smiled. Since the time I had learned about his attacks from Manik, there was a part of me that deeply empathised for the boy, and that elevated my opinion on Manik even further.

It was a different thing for me, a sister, to want to comfort my brother and help him from his pain; but Manik did that for a friend... a friend he had no obligations towards, outside of the bond they shared. Revering in mild respect for my boyfriend, the smile I bore grew wider.

In the beginning stillness of our walk together, I couldn't ignore the absence of Manik's arms around me or the comforting warmth of his hand in mine which usually made such quiet moments safe and peaceful. My palms ached with a strange emptiness, and throbbed for his touch to ward away the uneasiness creeping in. I clenched them into fists. Instead, I was with Dhruv as growing discomfort and awkwardness spread in the air – a stark contrast to the comforting silence I shared with Manik. Suddenly, I missed him more than I could voice out.

"I – uh... I've been... wanting to talk... for a while."

I snapped out of my thoughts to see him softly studying me. "Yeah? Say na what." He looked away, blinking ahead and then sharply turned to his retreating group. Was I perhaps boring him, is that why he wished to join them?

"My note... did you get my note, Nandini?"

"What note?" And then, it dawned on me. "It was you?"

He smiled and rubbed the back of his head uneasily. "Kaafi cheesy ho gaya na? I mean... Too cheesy?"

"Haan, that... as in, no... I don't know." I said, dipping my head low. I had expected it to be someone within my class or within my same year group but Dhruv, it had been Dhruv. What or how did I behave to give him the impression that I...

"It's okay Nandini," he said, as if reading the guilt on my face. "I just... wanted to say what was in my heart. I've been feeling this for a while... from our interactions, and I felt that you did too. But I can understand... if you want time."

I looked up. "Time for what?"

"For accepting me. As more than friends," he said with a grin. I paused in my step, while he took two more and then turned.

That night two weeks ago when Dhruv had gotten attacks at our home, Manik had taken him to Abhi's room... and then upon meeting me, he had grabbed me and asked me something. Yes, he had asked me if he was the only one who had any effect on me. I had not thought much of his grip or his expressions then, I was too overwhelmed by my emotions to think clearly.

"Dhruv, I –" I deeply breathed and bridged the gap as he confusedly gaped at me. "Dhruv, does Manik know?"

He tipped his head forward in a 'huh' motion as his brows drew close. "Why Manik?"

"I meant..." I tapped my face, palming the warmth reaching it at lightning speed. "Uh... your friends in general, and my brother. Have you spoken to Abhi about this?"

His smile came back, and a small breath of relief left his shoulders. "I didn't want to tell him anything before I talked to you." The whole sequence frightened me further; just how deep were these feelings Dhruv was talking about? And how could I... let him down gently? Because there was no way Dhruv – or for that matter anyone else – could stake a claim on my heart.

It was already in someone else's possession.

He stepped forward, tipping my chin gently. "What's wrong, Nandini?" Unbothered by the fact that we were out in the open, and that anyone could see us and complain to my Chikkamma, he had put a finger under my chin.

I swat his hand away instinctively and moved back, putting some obvious space. "I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same –" I said softly.

Nodding in understanding, Dhruv continued to smile. "It's okay, I can wait..."

I stared into his eyes, deeply conflicted by the gravity of I was about to do. Inevitably, I was going to break his heart, but I had no other option. I could not entertain it and give him false hopes, and surely he would understand.

"No, I'm... not in the right frame of mind for anything like this."

With a small frown, he was staring at me, wondering why I had said such a thing. What did a fourteen year old really mean when she said she wasn't in the right frame of mind to give a boy who liked her a chance, unless she meant to mildly hint upon a relationship that had already been consuming her whole.

Before those assumptions were set in stone, I quickly crossed my fingers by my side, and continued to explain, "With Rishu, my parents' death and... I can't think about these kinds of things."

Dhruv merely blinked, trying to understand the correlation. "Listen, I really appreciate you talking to me about this, trust me I am very happy that you confided in me," I added with a meek smile to assure him that I wasn't repulsed or disgusted. He was still a great friend, and he would always be one. In fact, given his similarities with my brother, I was sure to always keep him in my life as a friend.

That smile was evidently misinterpreted as a mixed signal because the next thing he said was, "I can wait for you, Nandini, until you're ready –"

"But I can't, Dhruv." I snapped, and my eyes fell on an aunty who had just exited her house and looked in my direction with narrowing eyes as I seemed to be in a deep conversation with a boy. Aiyappa, why did I have to be stuck in a situation like this, in public, in our neighbourhood? That tone seemed to have pricked him. Lowering my voice once more, I politely said, "Please, don't misunderstand me and my friendship."

His face fell as he looked down.

I felt horrible.

"If there is any way that I can be of help in this matter, please tell me. If you want, I will maintain my distance from you, until..." He looked up at me, close to tears. "I'm... sorry," I said softly, and walked past him, all the way back to my house.

Part of me itched to narrate the whole incident to Manik, because he would somehow make sure Dhruv was okay in all of this. After all, Manik would know how to handle the situation without exposing our relationship; I could rely on him regarding this matter.

The other part of me announced that Dhruv was his best friend. By divulging in his best friend's secret, I would be overstepping a friendship boundary I was not supposed to come between. Friends have always meant more to Manik than anything or anyone else, which meant such news should come out to him from Dhruv's mouth, not mine. 

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Manik

Should I call or should I not call?

Lying on my stomach on the bed with my arm swinging by the edge, I tapped on her contact details again and my finger hovered over the number that I arranged for her.

On the Sunday before pre-boards, I casually said I had wanted to meet with her to discuss something important behind the new construction building near the playground. That had been where I had broken the ground breaking news.

That I wouldn't be recharging her phone that month.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to feed into your endless daydreams about me. Then you'll blame me only for messing up your exams." I had shrewdly uttered, noting her gasp and then crisp frown. The sight had been so endearing.

"Ohhhh, so you think I will be calling you at every instance, for every minor inconvenience in my life."

"Of course, and ek toh you'll distract yourself, upar se you'll distract me also, so no need."

"Fine, don't recharge." She had spat spitefully, and had crossed her arms, tapping her foot. I had wiggled my head from side to side, in agreement with her demand. "And you... you don't bother yourself to call me either."

"Phew! What a relief!" I had faked, before hiding my smile behind a finger.

"Fine!" She had swooped her neck to one side.

I had shrugged playfully, "Fine."

Then she had stomped her feet restlessly, scrunching her face and whining mutely as she had hurried towards her home without even saying 'good luck' to me.

I eyed the stars dancing above the balcony. Perhaps I had taken it too far in my playfulness because it was the next Friday now, the 10th of December, and every day I resisted the same urge. To hear or not to hear her voice.

My screen blared with a different number. I picked it on the first ring and placed it to my ear.

"Haan, bol bhai."

The line was silent for a moment, and then I heard a gush of air, and a sniffle. "It's Nandini." Either she was outside on her balcony or terrace, hushing as she spoke, or crying and sniffling as a result – which was equally likely.

I briskly sat up with a wide smile on my face as I looked back at the stars, thanking them for facilitating the call. Realising I had not responded back to her, I cleared my throat and indifferently uttered, "I thought we agreed on no calls and no distractions until exams."

"Huh, how can you be so heartless like this?" She hissed into the line, sounding quite low and dejected, but definitely not crying. Particularly the word 'heartless' had been thrown in there, definitely not without reason. Madam was incredibly upset about something. 

I swallowed and sharply wondered what I had done that made her wallow, and then realised I had left her with no option to contact me on her own... even if she really wished to.

What if there was an emergency, and she needed something?

What was the point of giving her a phone if she couldn't make a call?

I mentally slapped myself and my stupidity, and softened my voice, "What's wrong, baby?" Everything was indeed okay with her, right? 

"Don't baby me. I should have known from the start, you never really cared for me."

I rose one of my eyebrows at the alarming accusation, my grip tightening on the phone. What the hell?! Sure, I might have taken a joke a little too far but to make such an elaborate statement for such a simple thing...

"Forget it, I should not have even called," she quipped detestfully. 

Wait, wait a second... my eyebrows dropped to a sombre state, registering a certain shift in her mood akin to Mukti's on the days of the month that she...

"Is your period due soon?" I heard a mute gasp on the other end of the line at the casually thrown out question, but no response to it. "What, I'm not asking you to run away with me. Are you nearing your period? It's a simple yes or no question."

Nandini took her own sweet time to do certain calculations, which would subsequently explain certain erratic tendencies of hers, and then drew a sharp breath through her teeth as if realising it. "I... I don't know." She murmured urgently, and then I heard the phone shuffle from one ear to another. "Okay bye."

Before I could get another word in, she cut the call on me.

I frowned, staring at the screen of my phone for a handful of moments. What could I do?

I mean, if she indeed was... as I had suspected, I could ask Mukti about what to get her to make her feel better. Yeah, Mukti was a girl who was going through those things on the regular as well. She could help me. 

And henceforth, I could make sure I kept track of the days Madam was particularly volatile around. There were apps on the market for those things, I could install them. 

But Mukti had not known of any of the new developments in my relationship with Nandini. So that wouldn't be a good idea.

I went to the next best guru – Google. 

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Please, Nandini and her nakhre are soooo relatable to me! Bas, koi sambhaalne wala chahiyee :D

Imagine, koi Manik Malhotra ko apne decisions par second-guess karwa rahi haiii, only Nandini could ;) 

What did you think? Any favourite parts or segments?