This has to be a record in terms of productivity, honestly! I have no idea how I am endlessly churning 5000+ words plus updates in a span of 2-3 days. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY LOST MY MIND. OR HEART. OR BOTH. 

WARNING: This might wreck you and resurrect you both at once. 

Why is the end seemingly so far in sight, now that the worst is coming?

⭒

Manik

My conversation with Abhimanyu was cut short by a sudden, jarring thud from somewhere in the house. Both of us turned toward the noise, our bodies tense, and then we instinctively bolted to the source of the sound.

"Rishabh!" Nandini screeched, rushing forward and dropping to her knees just as he collapsed onto the floor. His little frame began to convulse violently. His face was pale and contorted. Nandini's hands hovered over him, trembling as she panicked, unsure what to do.

"What the hell is going on?" A frightened Cabir examined the scene, bothered by the sight. His focus darted between Nandini and the convulsing boy, unable to process what he was seeing.

Abhimanyu hurried to them, his arms sliding under Rishabh's shaking body as he picked him up with surprising steadiness. "I'll take him upstairs," Abhimanyu said firmly, putting an end to anyone else's discomfort for the time-being. After that, he ran up the stairs, exuding a certain composure that kept Nandini's anxieties somewhat at bay.

Nevertheless, she scrambled to her feet, following Abhimanyu as he carried Rishabh, her sobs barely contained. "Rishabh! I'm here! Just hold on, okay?" she cried desperately, brushing tears from her face as they disappeared up the stairs.

Those seizures were too similar to Dhruv's attacks.

At the thought, I scanned the surroundings and spotted Dhruv clutching his head with both hands. He was standing off to the side, with a low groan escaping his lips. My breath caught in my throat. I didn't waste any time on answering the others' questions. My thoughts were a jumbled mess as I stood beside him, carefully cradling his head in my hands and pressing it to the curve of my neck, I patted him.

"It's okay, buddy. I'm here, Manik's here..." I whispered, my voice low and soothing, even though I knew it was little comfort. His body jerked violently against mine, and I could feel his shallow breaths against my skin.

"Manik, what's happening?" Alia's eyes were wide with fear.

"I don't know!" I snapped, struggling to explain the backstory associated with it all at an unfortunate time.

Abhi was running back down to inform us of something when he spotted Dhruv and I, slouched to an edge. He took one look at the scene and seemed to understand instantly. "Manik, take him to my room." he said calmly but in a stern tone.

I nodded wordlessly, carefully gathering Dhruv in my arms and leading him up the stairwell. His convulsions had subsided somehow, but he was not at his full normalcy. For the first time, I realised I did not have my guitar with me during a time of need.

But why of all times did he get it then?

Why had both Dhruv and Rishabh gotten those seizures at the same time?

What started those attacks was the meteor shower several years ago, but that had happened in Mumbai.

How did Rishabh get those same attacks then, if he was in Bangalore that time?

Was there some sort of connection, a trigger point that caused it?

Was it because they had been in the same room together?

The never-ending list of questions that spawned up seemed to have no answers. 

⭒⭒⭒

As I pulled Rishu's blanket towards my lap, where his head lay, my teardrops landed on his forehead. I had not known much about it from the doctors, except that certain neurons in his brain – pain receptors – were triggered in the attack. Though he was fast asleep with his head on one of my thighs, the amount of pain he was going through with every attack... it was gut-wrenching.

I heard my brother's bedroom door open and shut sharply, snapping me out of a downward spiral of thoughts. It must have been Abhimanyu, worrying about Rishu but having decided not to interrupt him.

Shifting my brother's head from my lap to the pillow, I got off Rishabh's bed and swiped my cheeks, reaching the doorknob.

"He's okay now," I said softly, closing my brother's bedroom door from the outside. "He's..." I stopped speaking when I abruptly encountered Manik's ashen face.

What... what was he doing up here?

"Your brother gets attacks?"

"Yeah, it's..." Manik was looking past me, at the landing from where onlookers could be spotted. Before I could explain, his fingers wrapped my wrist and he tugged me towards my brother's bedroom. "Manik, what are you doing?" I hushed, looking behind me, wary of being spotted.

Deciding my brother's room was indeed a bad idea, he drew us into my bedroom and closed the door behind him, locking it.

"Manik..."

He leaned in, closing me between the wall and him, uttering "Shh..." as a finger came over my lips. His index pad barely rested on my skin, but it sent a sharp tingle down to my toes.

His eyes slowly locked onto the same finger, or rather something luscious beneath it, and drawn to the target, he moved forward. Wisps of his hair brushed over my forehead. An organ in my chest erratically celebrated being in such proximity with one of the most handsome boys I had laid eyes on.

Slowly and steadily, he took the solo barrier of a finger away, his breaths running wild over my lips.

I gulped, growing increasingly intimidated by his intense gaze. "Manik, please..."

"This..." He hissed, his fingertips encircled the area surrounding my elbow and he yanked forward, making me dribble into his chest at the impact, "...you... tell me only I do this to you," he muttered huskily under his breath, knocking all air out of my body.

A sudden thrill ran through my veins at his question. That feeling of being utterly safe in his presence took a tangential turn, descending into a mild craze... to be touched by him... by those lips.

I quickly licked my lips either out of nervousness or in an attempt to prep them, or both, and somehow I mustered the courage to ask something along the lines of, "Wh – what happened, Manik?"

He blinked, the intensity behind it vanishing, as he registered our closeness, the dip of my chest beneath his, then his hold on me. As he let go of me hesitantly, I studied his strained features, feeling somewhat disappointed at the loss of contact. Something wasn't right in the way he was looking at everything but me.

"What's going on?" My instinct probed, and through it, a slight fright of being shut down or shut out emerged.

"Why didn't you tell me your brother gets attacks?"

I sighed, not having noticed I was clutching onto the air in my lungs desperately and the composure Manik was feigning drew thin.

"Because it never came up before," I mentioned as a matter of fact, "why are you getting angry about this?"

"I'm not, I'm –" He pressed his temple as his voice rose, and then shutting his eyes, he breathed. It was as if that moment of holding back stoked a different fire altogether because when his eyes fell on me next, he appeared threatening. "You are supposed to discuss these things with me." He snapped.

"Okay Manik, it didn't occur to me, that's all..." I cajoled, letting my hand seek his and gently fiddling with the kada hanging by his wrist. The gesture did not seem to change anything in his countenance. It was always incredibly hard to face him when he was angry, and at that time... not understanding the reasons behind his sudden shift in behaviour... had me wondering what I could even do to put out the flame of rage.

"Don't be angry. It's not like I wanted to hide it from you, na?" My innocence surrounding the matter seemed to bring his annoyance down a peg.

He put his other arm around my frame and pulled me closer, his features not changing. "Fine," he stated grumpily. "Forget that. Is there anything else about you... that I must know?"

"As in how it started?" I murmured, and looked into his eyes deeply. One of his thumbs came close to my waterline, and smeared the hints of my tears, which was when I realised I was on the brink of them. "That's a long story Manik," I was not in the mood to delve into my parents' accident after the kind of night I had just had. "I'll tell you another time, I promise. Not today."

The turbulence that reflected on his face dissipated after he cleared both sides of my waterline. In a voice much gentler than he used only moments ago, Manik gently mumbled to my nose, "I know how that pain feels. Dhruv has them too."

I blinked and looked up. "What?"

"He's in your brother's room, resting."

"Dhruv gets those same attacks?" How... how could that be? Manik was equally confused, which confirmed that he too hadn't known how it was possible. I peeked up at his face from below. "You don't think there could be a link, do you?"

"I don't know yaar," he breathed deeply, his arms dropping by our sides. They formed fists into his pockets as he tiredly stated, "I'm... not sure."

He was so lost... so hurt, almost, that I acted on my impulses and threaded my arms through the gaps near his elbows. My cheek solidly laid on his chest. "It will be okay," I murmured to his heart, closing my eyes against the most beautiful beat.

For a good moment, he had remained stiff... as if studying my clinging frame and wondering my words would indeed come true at some point. Then he snuggled me comfortably close, resting his chin gently over my head.

So safely I was wrapped in his arms. His secure hold was rubbing all the worries – from my brother's attacks, to the long-lasting symptoms of my parents' passing – away.

I had thought I had been unharmed in the accident that destroyed my family, because there was far more danger and pain written in my destiny – one that even death and illness could not compete with. But between his biceps, that were half as large as my face, I was certain no harm would ever come in arm's reach as long as he was with me.

Exploding with happiness, I tightened my grip around him, nearly squeezing him to suffocation, which was reciprocated with the delay of a few seconds.

"What do you want from your life?" Thoughtfully out of nowhere, while still locking me in his embrace, he had asked.

"Hmm?"

He gently drew me apart, brushing my hair away from my temples.

"Your goals, your dreams... what are they, baby?"

Baby...

The nickname made me flush. "Arrey... Is this an interview or what?" I chuckled, and promptly palmed my mouth at a glower that was sure to come my way. "Why... why are you asking these things?"

He detached my arms suddenly.

"Fine, if you want to be so secretive..."

I pulled him back, still hanging around his waist like a mini monkey. "No, I just haven't thought about it." Even if he wished to detach me, which he tried to, I nuzzled my head into his ribs and within milliseconds, he accepted defeat once again.

"What about after you finish 10th? Or 12th, what's your plan? College, career? You must have thought about those."

"I'll think about it when the time comes, I still have two years for those things."

Two years was a long enough time to decide. Besides, didn't Manik have to worry about his college placements before I had to? Until earlier that month, he too didn't have enough clarity on those matters, so it was fine if I didn't when I had time to spare. After I finished my school, he could be my advisor and tell me what and what not to do.

Having heard nothing from him for a while, I lifted my head, piercing my chin into his ribs. "Why? Why are you asking these all of a sudden, Manik?"

"Haan?" He uttered, distractedly, and then cradled my head between his fingers, putting me back into the hug. "Nothing... Bas, aise hi." 

⭒⭒⭒

We were locked in a delightful hug for the longest time.

Having remembered something important, I detached from him and moved towards the charging socket.

"You know Manik, Abhi was asking me about the phone charger and why I needed it. I somehow managed to say something and dodge any questions on that matter but the second I go downstairs, I'm sure he will want to talk to me about it."

In my concern for what and how I would handle my brother, I did not notice the steeling grip within Manik's wrists. However, the discussion gave rise to another topic that had been piquing my curiosity.

"Speaking of phones... what were you doing on yours when you first came over?"

Irritably, Manik admitted, "It's been a while. I'll go down now." He took two steps towards the door, before I held his wrist back.

"But why do you sound upset?"

He twitched, dislodging my hold. "I'm not. I'll see you, yeah?"

Sulking at the closed door, I moved towards the wardrobe where the device had been discreetly stashed away. Reeling under certain waves of delight from the beautiful moments I spent in his arms, I powered on the phone he had gifted me.

The lockscreen flashed with our selfie in our uniforms. Smiling, I unlocked it. Only to be bombarded by threads and threads of notifications. All from Manik.

Curious to know what was in it, I tapped the Messages app, only to be met by huge paragraph long messages.

*I wonder if you even know how gorgeous you look when you mindlessly twirl your hair... clearly looking bored out of your wits and like the perfect specimen to...

No no scratch all that, you're just

AH, you're so beautiful, Nandini...*

I touched my cheek thoughtfully, imbibing the warmth from within as my eyes gleefully scanned his words stacked over one another. Blushing profusely, I plopped myself on the bed over my stomach, and scrolled further up.

*Oh okay, I see how it is. You're showing me how special I am to you by refusing me a cup of chai made by you... cool, that's fine by me, to be honest, I'm sure the chai was average tasting to begin with anyways.

Don't worry, I won't come begging you to make me one cup ever. I don't even like chai.

Black coffee. That's my favourite.

Oh, I'm not telling you for any specific reason. Just thought of sharing a little something about your new boyfriend. If at all, amidst all your gussa, you still remember that is who I am to you...*

Every single message had been crafted for me.

Sent in quick succession, approximately around the time when I had been mentally reprimanding him for not paying any attention to me.

I giggled to myself, slapping my forehead playfully, before continuing to read.

⭒⭒⭒

19 November 2010

Abhimanyu and I had the most unnerving conversation ever today.

Chikkamma and Rishabh had gone to the market along with some neighbours in the afternoon that had spontaneously extended to having street snacks together, so when Abhi and I returned from school, the house had been empty. Thankfully, Chikkamma leaves a spare set of keys with our neighbours so Abhi and I could get in.

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask you for a while now..." Abhi asked, slinging his bag off his shoulder and putting it on the couch. "Did you know how Chikkappa and Chikkamma met?"

"I don't know, I've never asked." I moved towards the bathroom to wash my face, hands and feet. When I came out of my room, changed out of my uniform, I sat on a dining chair facing him where a glass of spiced buttermilk was placed for me. "Why did you ask me that question?"

He was in the kitchen, clenching a lemon with a squeezer over a glass to make himself some lemonade.

"They knew each other from school apparently," he said with his back turned to me.

I was mid-sip when I heard this information, and quickly kept my glass back. Dabbing my lips of any bits of curry leaves, I hummed, preparing to ask, "Who told you this?"

"I asked Chikkappa after their 'second honeymoon' trip." He grinned to his shoulder. "So lucky na? They were each other's first and only relationship." He mused by the taps and filled his glass.

A long pause followed as I smiled to myself, tracing the rim of my glass with a finger. That was Manik for me.

"Do you think it's possible these days to find your life partner in school itself?" He stirred sugar into his lemonade while posing the question. The sound of his spoon clinking against the glass filled the silence.

"I... don't know," I said, grateful that was busy in something else to notice the small smile and blush across my cheeks. "What do you think?"

He didn't answer right away. Instead, he looked down at his drink and turned, leaning his hip against the counter. "It's not worth risking heartbreak at this age. Not until you know that person is right for you in every way. Many people can't find that kind of love in their school days."

Was he the son of the same couple whose daughter believed their gospel of fireflies to shine when there was true love?

"But isn't that conditional?" I quipped, pondering on the implications of such a statement – holding back on an emotion so pure, and deceiving not just the other person but ourselves – I could never imagine doing that. "Offering someone a place in your life only after they have checked all your boxes... that can't be love," I completed. It was not the definition we had grown up with.

He shrugged, taking a sip. "Maybe. But it's safer." He said, somewhat withdrawn with that statement, as if he was playing a part in convincing me of his opinion. "Why would you want to risk giving pieces of yourself to people who might not deserve them?"

As soon as my brother mentioned 'deserve', a whole list of differences between my world and Manik's ran through my mind. He was filthy rich to the point where gifting a smartphone to someone was like buying a chocolate for someone, meanwhile our family was the type to scour 'sale' racks in shops first, before browsing items we came in for. The bonds I had with my uncle and aunt were stronger than the ones he had with his own parents. Added to that were the innumerable parts of Manik I was yet to understand and learn about. I guess, on those lines, our differences overpowered that we could offer one another.

"I'm just saying, that logic seems flawed." I snapped and picked my nearly empty glass and moved towards the sink, not realising how quickly I had downed it in an attempt to escape the remainder of the conversation. By the sinks, as I soaped and rinsed the glass, another thought came to mind in my defense.

"I doubt Chikkamma and Chikkappa knew everything about each other before deciding to be together." At least they trusted each other, even if they didn't have it all figured out from the start. Abhi seemed to have missed that.

As if my remark set something off in him and challenged him in a way, Abhi was at my side in an instant, snatching the glass from my hands and setting it aside. "I guess that was a risk they took that turned in their favour. How many others do you think would be blessed with the same fate?"

"What would you expect me to do then?" I spun while feeling betrayed by myself and really close to tears.

Something in his eyes changed as he addressed me slowly, and gauging an emotion so vulnerable, he staggered back in disbelief before he softly – almost inaudibly – said, "You would discuss it with me... if there is someone – or something new – in your life... Right?"

Why?

So, he could throw it back in my face and question me about all the 'risks' I was taking, and how little I knew about Manik in the 93 days I had known him?

How had what started off as such an endearing conversation about two people in love taken such an ugly turn, pitting two siblings on opposite sides of a belief associated with an emotion so selfless?

Not meeting his eyes, I painfully murmured, "There is nothing to tell," and went up to my room, my heart feeling enormously heavy with every step I ascended.

⭒⭒⭒

23 November 2010

Navya's hostel has six soundproof cubicles designated as study rooms on the ground floor, each one with three to four chairs and a whiteboard. With her back to us, and her dupatta tails flying behind her as the AC blew, she was marking down a load balancing problem from today's homework sheet.

Babbu, if I pass away within this year because of some unexplainable reason, please tell my family that it was free body diagrams that caused my death, haan? I'm seriously sick of these preboard preparatory homeworks.

I lifted my notebook flap, and tapped the screen I had tucked beneath it. 5:43.

Aryamann snapped his fingers and pointed. "Wait wait, how did you get that answer? You haven't even accounted for gravity in the equation, which is the first force you should have drawn! Aise toh marks laana impossible hoga, Navya." He mocked.

Impossible? Let me explain what is impossible: only thirteen minutes had passed since we came to the study room!

No, let me tell you what is even more impossible than that!

Today is Tuesday – now that's not the impossible thing – but Manik hasn't texted me since Saturday. Exam season is coming up, so I thought I would at least get to see him at school yesterday, but no. Mr. Malhotra had been too busy to focus on his education.

So this morning, out of anxiousness, I had probed Abhi in a roundabout way asking if all his friends were doing okay and feeling well, healthwise. Oh, I also missed to mention... Abhi and I are back to talking terms now after 'the' ugly conversation that will now be considered forgotten in the Murthy household until the end of time.

Now that I made that clear, back to what happened today. Terrible mistake it had been to ask my brother anything, because those two simple questions were all it took for him to tilt his head skeptically and casually check my temperature with the back of his hand. "It's definitely not a fever," he had declared, as if that settled everything.

"What?"

"You're not sick, just mentally unstable... just as I always suspected." He had grinned, and then laughed when a couch cushion had come flying at his head but he had dodged it.

"Hey, so you got your own phone?" Aryamann peered, snapping me out of my trance. In my deep contemplation, I had forgotten to place the notebook flap back on the screen and hence exposed the gadget before him.

"No, it's –" I began to explain, stating that it indeed wasn't my own. I mean, I hadn't paid for it myself, and I had made up my mind when Manik gave it to me that I was only borrowing his spare device. It was never going to be mine.

Before I could say anything, Navya eagerly quipped, "Oh yeah, she got it as a gift!"

She was met with a sharp glower that had several unspoken meanings behind it as Aryamann looked at me to tell him more. She flashed her teeth at me nervously, and touched her ears apologetically.

"It's – um – not mine." I flipped the screen over, careful to not showcase the lockscreen which had Manik and me on it. "I have borrowed it from my family to keep track of study times and stuff like that."

"Oh, I see." He said dejectedly, as if he had hoped otherwise so that he could spark a conversation with me as and when he wished. The thought brought a nervous jitter along with it.

Navya had briefed me last week on what happened at the Diwali party in my absence. Aryamann had apparently been asking about me a lot while I was with Manik. She also mentioned Aryamann's ways of remaining close to me throughout the night prior to my disappearance.

Worried about what those actions meant, I had been actively dodging several of Aryamann's attempts to meet 'just the two of us', but somewhere in the last couple of days I thought about the note I was sent some days ago, and could no longer find it where I had last stashed it in my bag. What if... what if Aryamann was the one who sent me the note?

"Why do you look so dull?" He asked, as if reading my mind.

"No, it's nothing. I can't wait to be done with studying."

Navya frowned, "It's barely been 30 minutes since we started, Nandini."

"This preboard stress... it's just too much."

"True, but hey, cheer up!" Aryamann put his elbows on the table and reclined on them to peer at me. "Once these exams are done, we'll have a proper break for a long while. Do you think you'll go anywhere?" How did he always manage to wear a beam of a smile?

Even a break would not help me, given the lovestruck situation I was in. I just needed to see or hear him once.

"My family was talking about going to Bangalore for a few days, being with my Ammamma for some time."

"That's a wonderful plan! I too am planning to do a North India trip with my cousins,"

Navya alternated looks between him and I and slammed a fist on the table. "Class, silence! I'm trying to show something important here and you guys are talking all sorts of nonsense, what is this, a fish market or what? You can chat endlessly about all your holiday plans once you pass your papers, pay attention now!" She mimicked our Physics Ma'am perfectly, and for a second, we all looked at each other before giggling our bellies out.

Then, she turned and resumed her problem on the board.

Taking the cap off his pen, Aryamann muttered to Navya's back, "Well, if you are grading us, then toh I am surely failing this paper."

"What did you just say?"

I pressed my smile in my palm supporting my chin, and scribbled away 

⭒⭒⭒

Manik

That same evening, I stormed into my bedroom, kicking the door shut with a force that rattled the frame. My hands and feet were throbbing, unable to steady themselves from my white rage.

A cool breeze fluttered the loose-fitting fabric of my T-shirt against my back, where sore, inflamed skin burned from the inside, reminding me of the several whips I was subjected to by my father's leather belt downstairs until Nyonika came in and disbanded the two Malhotras. I was sharply commanded to go upstairs.

"What the hell were you trying to do?" Her shrill voice floated through the stairs and the doors, meeting my ears behind my bedroom door.

His boots knocked below.

"Damage control to situations you are incapable of handling. He wants to distract himself with sports now, first music and now sports, and I'm sure things would have not gotten this far if you weren't supporting this."

My raspy breaths drowned their full-blown argument in the drawing room downstairs.

"Of course I have to," Nyonika stated in her ever-composed tone, as if the scene she had witnessed – of her husband slaughtering her son before her eyes – had nothing to do with her at all. "If I stop him from it, there's no controlling his disobedience."

My chest burned as I gasped for air, and seizing control over a source of light from my bedside stand, I hurled it across the room. Even as it shattered against the wall, the sparkling splinters barely satisfied the fury boiling in my veins. I howled, liberating the pent up helplessness before falling to my knees with a thud, the excruciating pain of those blows finally consuming me.

Through my mute sobs, I heard him growl back at his wife, "There's other ways, you know?"

"Like what you did just now? Manish, he's grown past your shoulder. He's not a fucking child anymore." My blurred eyes lifted up quickly, and blinking back the tears, I swiped the streams running down my face. Instead, I was scanning my room haphazardly for a certain item that brought me strength. And spotted it at the other end of the foot of my bed. "How long do you think these conventional ways will work on him?"

I moved a muscle to stand up, but a sharp pull on an emerging blister brought me back to my knees. Waves of pain from that area rippled away as goosebumps along the rest of my torso. I ignored it and tried once more, only to fail. Browbeaten by my inability to hold myself up even if I wished to, a fresh batch of cries left my lips.

"You are the last person, Nyonika, to be advising me of how I should raise my children. Holding onto some petty argument with them from years ago, you still refuse to make them lunches for school. Hell, you don't even care if they starve, don't act like you have their best interests at heart."

A feminine shriek confirmed that Dad yanked Nyonika forcefully to him. I registered the alarming sound, their usually explosive fights, and wishing to drown it down, I used all my might to crawl. Gritting my teeth against the blinding pain, I clawed my way to the side of the bed, each movement tearing at the shredded muscles in my torso that I was certain I was going to die from it.

"Besides, I very well know what your professional agendas are behind Manik's coaching."

My trembling fingers closed around the neck of my guitar. I tuned the instrument and stroked the strings once, before commanding to my voice assistant to blast some metal tunes into the speakers.

"What – what do you mean?"

"I should have known when that new teacher, that son of a bitch, skinned you down with his eyes at Ashish's 50th party."

The rest of their conversation disappeared to blaring drums and electric bass as I mindlessly played a bizarre melody just for the heck of it – anything to keep my mind off the sheer vulnerability I was experiencing. 

⭒⭒⭒

*Hey*

I was sitting by my desk, my math textbook spread out in front of me. The quadratic formulas for areas of different shapes danced across the pages, and even as I swayed back and forth, testing my memory with closed eyes, I kept getting them wrong.

Until my eyes opened to the flash.

Excited beyond measure, I grabbed it quickly and unlocked it, a bright smile already forming.

Fingers trembled as they fleshed out a reply back.

*Hi Manik, thank God you're here! Can I call?*

I hit Send and sat back, hugging the phone to my chest. Amidst it all, it had not crossed my mind that my whole day had been so dull until that very moment... because his presence seemed to light everything to a blinding degree. A warm feeling spread through my chest in anticipation.

Invariably, I had missed him more than I liked to admit.

But the minutes passed, and there was no reply.

I stared at the screen as if blinking my eyes would shut down the system and snap all communication between us. Swiping it to keep the dimmed display active, I set it to the side and went back to memorising... each time, being interrupted by the hope that he would have messaged.

Then that hope began to wane, replaced by an uneasy knot in my stomach. Maybe he was just busy... whenever he came back, we could talk, that was beyond okay with me.

In saying that, I tried to focus on my book. To no avail.

It took twenty two minutes for the 'read receipts' to arrive, and I had known because throughout that time, I had done everything in my ability to keep my phone active.

*Sorry, I'm just seeing your message now*

Ignoring the tightening in my chest, the phone went back in my hands, and rushing, I was typing back: *That's not a problem, I was just...*

*Just brushed and was about to hit the bed*

I stopped myself mid-sentence. Bed? I had been waiting all day, pulling through and holding up just for this one conversation with him. Suddenly, it all became too much, and I cast the device aside... calming the turbulence in me. Why... why was I feeling so gut-wrenched by it all?

The palpitating heat surging through my frame was compounded when I picked back the device. A droplet dripped onto the screen, but I smeared it away and continued typing.

*Oh... I was waiting to talk to you.*

I wanted to know about his day, whether he had eaten his lunch, how he had passed his day, and tell him all about mine too. The screen blinked back.

*I know. I wanted to as well. I'm just too tired today :(*

The emoji added at the end somehow made me feel a lot less distressed. He must have been genuinely swamped by the day's activities, otherwise even on days he had exerted much, he had managed to remain upbeat when school was over while I was on the verge of a nap. I didn't want to be one of those people who burdened him when he was already tired.

Besides, I had all those long long paragraphs he had sent me only a few days ago, while he had come over, when I had mercilessly punished him for not engaging with me.

That whole incident seeemed so silly now that I thought about it.

I could re-read those messages, they were enough to keep me occupied for a long long time.

Wiping my stupid tears that seemed to erupt at the most useless reasons, I sniffed. Filled with a certain understanding that was a result of the faith I had in him, in us, I wrote back a sweet response and wished him 'Good night'.

*Good night, Nandini* 

⭒

I am utterly shattered for this soul who deserved better. I am so sorry, Manik. You will forever be one of my favourite fictional babies and I promise to protect you and give you all the happiness you could not get from this world one day.

The whole message segment hit FAR TOO CLOSE to home than I want to admit. At least Nandini is eventually going to have the life I couldn't. 

How are you all doing?