I'm screaming, crying, bawling, fighting, throwing hands because I did not expect this part to take this kind of shape and I'm thoroughly broken. I think you'll know what I mean soon enough.

Can any silent readers/readers who have things to say but don't usually share them – please make themselves known? Inline comments would also be love, your thoughts keep me going :")

⭒

Manik

The nightclub was busting out some of their bangers with a rhythmically pulsed bass that got everyone in the groove.

Everyone was in a massive party mood. I was initially not vibing with the scene at all and was reluctantly seated on a bar stool after being pestered to join them. Apparently, I was being a spoilsport, so I watched the others go nuts with their drinks.

Rose had gulped her tequila and placed her tongue on her wrist, catching some salt. "Hmm... One song done! If we keep this up, we'll have all our songs ready before we'd have to perform at SPACE Academy!"

Cabir bobbed, having gone hard at pres already and barely aware of his surroundings, "And then, nobody can stop our album deal from happening."

"Yeah! We gather some lyrics to fit into the vibe and spirit of Manik's piece he played us yesterday, and we would have a second song down!" said Alex, relaxing on another bar stool after slamming down his drink.

One of the bartenders serving the rest of us asked for my order and when I refused, he asked whether I usually drank – perhaps certain that he would be able to find the perfect drink for my needs. Though I was not the type to engage in chit-chat with strangers, I noticed his arm tattoo and countered with another question. While the others escaped onto the dance floor, the cool bartender seamlessly drifted into an uncanny yet pleasantly comfortable chat with me. It felt great to actually talk to someone I had unexpectedly met.

Soon, he was signing off for the night and offered to take one vodka shot himself if I was going to take one. That marked my first drink.

Five drinks since, I had loosened up and put down some hoot-worthy moves on the dance floor, completely surrendering to the surreal feeling of borderline tipsiness.

What a wonderful feeling it was to magically twirl like a fairy, without a permanent weight in the centre of my chest!

Cabir had been eyeing me at various points of the night. It was evident he wanted to speak to me yesterday after I had returned to the studio from my little getaway, but being tired from travelling yesterday, he fell asleep early while I had been reading Nandini's diary until the break of dawn. Today, my utterly carefree avatar in contrast to yesterday must have taken him by surprise.

My amazing dance routine was interrupted by a phone call. I blinked at the caller ID to get my vision to focus and then thumped my head to clear it. My moves became slower and as I registered the three-letter name, I contemplated on whether or not to receive the call. Heading back to the bar, I ordered two more shots and downed them one after another while letting the ringer go.

I saw a random dude who cluelessly gaped at a girl hoping to lay his chances on her. Blocking his gaze, I asked, "Any chance you've gotten a lighter?"

Twitching his lips, he looked at me and then passed me his. "Here... by the way, your phone's ringing."

"Thanks, and good luck scoring!" I thumped his back and hurried out, pulling a cigar and lighting the tube tucked in my mouth. Missing the call once more.

My phone rang the third time. Lethargically, I brought myself to a deck's railing, leaning my elbows on it. Dreamily exhaling a whiff of smoke, I said, "Hey Dad,"

"Manik, Khurana just updated me and, for fuck's sake, how reckless can you –?"

"That really was the first thing that crossed your mind. No hi, no hello..." I scoffed, rumbling my lips in a mocking tone. "We haven't spoken in how many weeks, and you called me today just to tell me off for this."

His breathing pattern intensified, as if he was pondering on it, "I... I heard about you and Diyah..."

"Just don't. Don't." I took another hearty puff, blowing. "You both have proven time and again that you have never cared one bit about me. Shayad galti meri hi hai for expecting it, for wishing for a normal life, jabki aapki beti ne umeed hi chodd di thi. Do you ever think about her?" My hand with the tube lazily hung over the rails as I turned around, leaning back and eyeing the stars behind me.

Hurriedly, he hushed, "Are you drunk? Is anyone... Cabir, is he with you?"

I glanced at Cabir in the bar, who had been studying me. Swirling in my spot, I arched over the balcony again.

"Khair, I'm disgressing. What were we talking about? Haan, we were discussing my recklessness... I suppose Khurana must have also told you about the deal he struck with your wife..." I waved at one of the women whose jaws grazed the floor as she gazed at me some feet down the same railing. Shifting my attention from her, I whiffed the burning embers, "How he conveniently extended me an offer with Q Label, how he disliked me from the start, how he undermined me and my talent time and again just to satisfy Nyonika's end of it, I'm sure you must be knowing."

The suggestive manner in which I was laying out the facts had been met with utter silence. Was it guilt, dissatisfaction, possessiveness or pure dejection, who could tell?

"Did you know he's sleeping with your wife?" I asked almost politely but received no reply. "Oooh... were you left out of the plan, Dad? Did they make you one of the pawns in their game? How does it feel... to be me, haan?" My hand flicked over my own frame, while my voice began to crack.

Blinking, I looked up in the sky at my surrounding company, to find one primary star glowing like nobody's business while another hung around its vicinity to the left, bright but nowhere close to the shine of the main one. It seemed somewhat swallowed by the void around it.

On the ledge of her terrace, upon my desire to, we were seated with our backs to one-another. She had trusted me to not let her fall and had propped herself on the platform, with one leg on either side, and I followed. We swayed forward and backward in sync like a pendulum, enjoying each other's silence.

"Manik, teach me a Hindi word."

"Okay..." I dragged and instantly thought of something. "...ah, I got one."

"No cuss words." She interrupted, ceasing my genius plan abruptly.

"Damn," I stopped moving, smirked, and twitched my lips. "Do you know usually the first words people learn in another language are cuss words?"

"I want to be different na, Manik." She said, resuming the sway. "Now will you tell me or should I go ask Abhi?"

"Okay, let me think." Arching my neck back onto her head, I peered at the sky. Seeing a dimly lit star.

I pointed at it, watching it disappear beneath my finger without a speck of light around it. Twice, I backed my finger off and replaced it, watching the phenomenon repeat itself. "Humesha," I muttered.

"Hmm?" She turned her head to one side, certain she had heard something.

"Humesha, it means always,"

"Like my fireflies?" Though I couldn't see her face, by her tone, I guessed she would have been beaming wide.

I intentionally growled, "I meant my stars," My smile took over my face.

I pointed once again, trying it out; only this time, the two stars had disappeared under my finger.

Gulping down the ugly sensation at the back of my throat, I croaked feebly, "Now ask me Dad, how am I doing?"

"Manik, pass the phone to Cabir," He said sternly, and on hearing my kada hit the railing, he probably thought the phone had swapped hands. Noticing a passageway along the deck that led to the other side, I headed in that direction, seeking more solitude. "Cabir, Cabir... did you not tell him I sent Diyah over to make amends with..."

"Amends? Wow Dad, how thoughtful of you to keep me in mind and do something for once that would benefit me instead of you!" I chuckled, indeed fascinated. "Congratulations on your first sacrifice ever as a parent! Chalo acchhi baat hai, jo baaki parents zindagi bharr apne bacchon ke liye karte aaye hai, aapne ek baar karliya. Just twenty-five years too late." The last sentence, I muttered in a biting tone.

I heard him suck in a breath. "I think I'll call later, I..."

"No, don't hang up now! We've only just started. Aapki achievement aapne share karli, maine kuch kaha? Ab meri bhi sunlo..." While I continued walking, the end of the cigarette was at half the tube's original length.

Her sweet voice had coaxed, "Stars are not hamesha, Manik, they disappear in sunlight."

"But they're there forever."

She sighed with a soft smile, "Let's agree to disagree."

"There was this girl, Dad, school mein – yeh saath saal pehle ki baat hai." I rooted myself to the deserted rail overlooking a bush: a bland view in comparison to the crowded spaces. Did the two stars appear different from here? How could they, they're forever the same.

Footsteps emerged in the vicinity but I was drawn to the gleaming objects instead. "She was one of those overly optimistic people, you know, with a very idealistic perspective to life, one who has her head in the skies and... oh, definitely far from your class... coming to think of it, you'd really really hate her, you know why?" I was intentionally slow with the pace of my words, unsure of how long I could hold composure and not surrender.

I didn't know why I started the topic, or why I had even gone that far in talking to him about Nandini – a girl whom I had not even spoken to my friends about in much detail. Perhaps it had been so long and torturous that I just wanted to speak to someone about it, or that he was the one person in my life whose validation was the most essential to me; it didn't matter what those reasons were.

My Dad was there, he was listening, and I wanted to tell him. "Because she genuinely made me happy." A lonely salted drop fell down my cheek and shutting my eyes tight, I bit my lip, the eternally aching feeling returning to my soul.

"So stubborn?" I asked, hoping for a negotiation on whose theory aligned more with the title of humesha. She hadn't responded but I could tell she was reconsidering her pick too. "I suppose, in that case, I could bend my theory a little bit. I mean... humesha isn't all that amazing." I drew my head to one side and placed it on the curve of her shoulder and neck. She turned, smiling at me.

Then she did the same, fitting into the gap along my neck and another shoulder.

"You're right. Hamesha isn't just amazing... it's the most beautiful word in the Hindi dictionary."

I clutched the bar hard, turning my knuckles white from the grip. Laughing at myself and the fool I had become, I sniffed back my pain, grinning while lacking any form of humour. "You must be incredibly blessed, you're the first person in the entire world to hear this."

The tears had not stopped, and neither had the burden lessened. So I continued speaking, hoping to prolong my chat for as long as he had the will to listen.

"What you ordered me to do with a belt in your hands, she patiently taught me while gently holding my hand. Your wife punished me by not sending me food for lunch, that girl spared her home-cooked lunch to feed some to me. You made me fear you, she taught me how to face you. Guess what I did to her, Dad?" I cried while talking like a little child wailing about their sorrows to their parent.

Slowly descending to my knees, I held the railing for support, bawling loudly in the comfort of the darkness and my stars and absolutely nothing and nobody else.

Time had seemed to stop amidst those wails for a while, not sure for how long as I completely lost all control over myself and my emotions. Those emotions had hardened under pressure for seven years, as it waited for an opportunity to release some of its steam.

Devastated beyond belief, I realised how I had naively surrendered so much of my power to those two loving beings everyone called 'parents', only to be time and again invalidated by them every walk of my life.

Never again, never again.

Once I had felt somewhat devoid of emotion, I swiped my tears quickly and hopped up to my feet, extinguishing the butt of my cigarette under my shoe. My nose had become runny, but I could blame that on the Mumbai chills. Bloodshot eyes, no problem, it must have been all the cigarettes and of course, alcohol.

"Aap mujhe congratulations nahi bologe? Aapse hi toh seekha, Monster banne ka!" I commented with renewed strength to progress with my accusations. It would be no surprise had he hung up on me, or kept the phone aside and carried on with some more important tasks – ones that would bring more value to him than hearing his son's... sorry, adopted son's... sob stories.

I chuckled at my own misery, a byproduct of my foolishness while my sister escaped when she still had the chance and had not been sucked into the darkness. "Mukti was right when she said once a Malhotra, always a Malhotra. Aakhirkar, bina soche bina samjhe I did end up following in your footsteps. Are you finally proud of me, Dad?" Filled with the hope of finally receiving what I had strived all my life to win, I beamed in mockery and felt my own agonised heart twist in denial.

The first of his sniffles echoed through the line, but I was too far drowned in my own pain to feel sympathy for his. "Jeet gaya main, taaliyaan bajao na aap, loud claps for me! Awaaz nahi aa rahi hai aapki, suna aapne? Manik Malhotra jeet gaya... and Manik..." Pressing my wobbly lips between my teeth, I drew a sharp breath and closed my eyes. "Woh Manik humesha humesha ke liye chala gaya."

Two masculine arms from behind me crossed over my chest in a tight brotherly embrace.

Unfazed, I whispered into the line, "Humesha," and the phone call was forced shut by Cabir whose tears soaked the back of my shoulders.

⭒⭒⭒

Nandini

The royal blue silk salwar kameez I was wearing had little baby-blue embroidered flowers along the neckline. Amma had gotten it stitched particularly for me from Mumbai and it fit me perfectly, what better occasion to wear it than today? For the first time in years, we finally had a family dinner together today.

With Mukti, who joined the Murthy family for the first time ever. While Appa had been very hesitant about her presence in something that was supposed to be a family reunion, over the course of dinner, Appa realised Mukti didn't have a conventional family and rejoiced in her decision to join us.

The turning moment of their bond had taken place in the car ride to the restaurant, which was filled with conversations about where in Bangalore Appa could find the best deals to things. He had quickly grown to like her middle-class mindset, and appreciated her sense of responsibility at such a young age; she had kindly credited most of that compliment to me!

When we returned, I ran up to my room quickly and unpinned the blue dupatta that matched the outfit, rapidly twirling in my room. I was going to miss it for one long week.

Abhimanyu held the edge of the main door. "Nandu, lock the house and freshen up if you have to. Mukti and I are going to go load your belongings in the car,"

Stepping out of my room while unscrolling my jhumkas, I saw them both perched at the entrance. Mukti was wearing the royal blue anarkali suit Amma had gotten her and was slightly bending, searching for a more comfortable sandal to wear from the shoe rack. Abhimanyu muttered something to her and Mukti drew her hair behind her ear with a small smile, attempting to sneak out another pair of footwear with her toes. She wobbled, and both Mukti and Abhi grabbed hold of each other's hands at the same time.

I pulled my lip between my teeth while smirking and waited to see if either of them would notice me obnoxiously staring and beaming. I wanted to tease them by commenting keeping one suitcase in the boot was indeed a two-person job, and they should waste no time in doing so, but as they appeared lost in a world of their own, my voice hitched in my throat.

All my life, I had been the only girl in Abhimanyu's life – his first and biggest priority amongst other girls. To my knowledge, I never had to share him with anyone, and I hadn't known of a life where I needed to. That was my comfort zone, the definition of family for me. Nevertheless, in that moment when their hands had been interlocked, something had snapped within me, and the utter loneliness of emotionally giving up that right on him seeped in. It was almost illogical that I was actually hurting at the thought of my brother being happy.

But I was no longer his first priority.

No longer anyone's first choice.

Blinking, I consciously jubilated at the kind of luck two people – not my brother and the girl he liked, but just two people – must be blessed with, to be each other's go-to person at the same time, regardless of any tags surrounding them or questioning their bond. They were not in a relationship, they were not obligated in any way to support each other but they chose to do so anyway. How enchantingly beautiful was that!

A pang of contrasting intense anguish swept over me as my hands dropped to my sides, jhumkas stuffed in my hands, and I rapidly held my tears at bay while smiling at those two.

My bangles must have distracted them because Mukti left the hand holding him. She shifted to the interior of the house putting some distance between them, anxious about how the gesture would be perceived. "Actually, I'll... I'll stay with Nandini,"

Abhimanyu looked in my direction, entirely avoiding Mukti. "Yeah, sounds good." He said to nowhere in particular as he went back out in his business casual attire – a white buttoned shirt and blue slacks – and galloped down the building without a second glance.

She cracked her knuckles and approached me, unsure of how to explain herself. "It's..."

"Can I ask you something? Will you be honest with me?"

She nervously smiled, putting an arm around me. "Of – of course, Nandini," Her fingers brushed the back of one of my palms, just like he used to, and my eyes felt sore at the sight.

"Am I the reason why you and Anna are not... together?"

"Why would you think that?" She asked softly, her smile drooping away.

Dabbing the corners of my eyes that got wet against my wish, I ironically mumbled while chuckling, "I won't feel lonely if you two get together if that's what you're worried about." It was hurting, it would internally be the most grievous experience I would be putting myself through in a long time, but I had navigated that feeling with a broken heart once before.

Several years ago, when I was not nearly as emotionally mature as I am today, I pulled through it.

I would be okay, I affirmed to myself, letting a tear escape my eyes.

But didn't you do the same thing to her, my mind's voice mocked. In my delusional feelings of a hamesha with her brother, I had made her choose between a friend and her own sibling... destroying one of the purest and most beautiful relationships in the world. Handicapping her in a way I could not even imagine happening to me.

Was that why she stopped playing music?

Was I the one who snatched her sole source of happiness and comfort?

Was I the one who scrapped her life to nothingness when she could have enjoyed the privileges of being a Malhotra?

Overwhelmed by that gut-wrenching possibility and burdened by my guilt, I added while joining my hands that hid my earrings and breaking down, "I am so sorry for everything I did, Mukti. That beautiful sibling bond... I was so foolish, and so drowned in my feelings that I didn't even see beyond it, beyond Ma –" I was too fragile to even completely utter the name that shook me to my core.

"Are you crazy? Stop saying things like that. You were a kid, what could you have known?" She anxiously put two thumbs on the base of my eye sockets and smeared the wetness away, careful not to prick me with her nails. "Where is all this coming from, is this because you're going back to Mumbai tonight? I told you not to meet Dhruv, we can find something better for Rishabh, don't go to –"

"I took your music away from you..." I confessed under my breath in a trance state, clutching my joined palms to my chest. "Your mother called me and I told her you won't play the guitar again... but I didn't tell her that... I was the one who did this to you."

A fearful Mukti shook my shoulders aggressively. "What are you saying, Nandini, look at me..."

"It was me. All along, it was me. I am the monster." I cried, holding my own arms for comfort as the room that had seemed so warm until then iced my body. 

⭒

I don't know how to feel about this much pain, I know it was much-needed for Manik to confront his past on some levels, but I'm honestly beyond devastated by how complex and hurt he truly is.

While Manik is learning about the power of love, Nandini is learning about the layers of strength and security other relationships bring to the table.

Love alone is not enough, but love is sometimes all we need to make things right. 

We've significantly progressed with the story, it's most likely only uphill from here :") (I'm honestly not prepared for the day I have to say goodbye to them and let them live their lives in peace, but they deserve it so much after all this ache) 

I don't know how many more chapters it will take, but it will have to be worth your time; a rushed reunion is not my cup of tea, and I'm guessing it's not yours as well <3

Drop in your votes, comments and feedback too! Thanks for making it this far. So much love to you all :")