☕︎☕︎☕︎

When I thought about what hell would be like, I didn't think it'd be utter darkness and silence. It stays like that for a while. It's quiet. I think I'm moving, but I don't know since it's so dark. I even call out, but no one replies, not even an echo.

I don't remember much. I have distant memories or maybe they're just dreams that felt real. I can't really tell. Sometimes I wonder if Reese is even my name or if Reese was someone I knew, but don't quite recognize like a stranger I once walked by.

But I guess time keeps passing while I'm stuck in here because, after a while, I hear a distant rhythmic beeping. It's quite calming, something different. There are also voices in the distance of men and women using jargon I don't understand.

Then, I see it, a light.

Maybe I'm getting called to heaven.

I never thought I'd get to go there.

As the light gets brighter, my eyes open. My eyelids feel heavy closing on me against my will, but as I pull them open, I can put together the thick blue lines that divide each tile.

My body feels like it's the heaviest it's ever been as my lips part to take a deep breath against the strong enclosing of my ribs.

The beeping plays in the background and I turn my head looking at the contraption. The monitor shows a line graph which I'm assuming mimics the beat of my heart.

I feel a hand in mine and look down finding a familiar brunette lying asleep and my heart jumps in excitement altering the beeping.

Then I feel it, a sharp pain starting in my abdomen and travelling down to the ends of every nerve in my body; the air is blown out of my lungs.

My head falls back, chin up high as I try to bear the pain. With every breath I take, the suffering becomes intolerable and my body starts spasming. I hold onto King's hand like it is the only thing harbouring the pain away.

"Reese?" King's face comes into view. Our eyes bore into each other's and for just a second I'm numb to everything. The citrus scent emanating from his collar meets my nostrils and his warm breath fans my face as my breath hitches.

Through the same eyes that give me comfort, flash the last couple events of my life and those same eyes, rip the cure away.

My lips part as air rips a path through to my lungs just before a painstaking shriek echoes out.

It feels like my insides are burning, turning to ash the longer I breathe; the longer I stay alive. My eyes blur with tears and my grip tightens on his hand trying to anchor my pain as I thrash on the bed.

The contraption connected to me beeps rapidly and I hear his voice in the distance calling my name again. His hand on my head, I cry even more as it compels me to remember what happened.

I know I'm right here.

I know he's right here.

But everything feels so far away.

I find solace in his presence and bliss in his touch; a feeling I've never felt with anyone else, but his betrayal is irremissible.

Strangers appear in front of me. Their mouths move inaudibly as everything becomes a blur and my mind tries to override the pain trying to focus on the feeling of his hand in mine.

Everything works against us because the tighter we make our hold, the more he slips away. Our hands sweaty, the friction between our skin weakens allowing his fingers to slip out. My fingers curl up and our fingertips brush before he abandons me viscously ripping my breath away with him.

My eyes close as tears run down my face and I feel hands holding me flat to the bed. A woman strokes my head as she hums into my ear trying to alleviate my pain.

I turn around and watch her through my teary eyes as her lips move. A small pinch on my arm makes me hiss but as the effects barricade against the pain, my body falls into a state of tranquillity.

The woman's lips move and I imagine she's trying to comfort me with her words, but I can't hear her as the world fades around me. Nothing feels as heavy as it did and I let sleep take over bringing the pain to a halt.

☕︎☕︎☕︎

What do you do when you wake up three and a half months after one of the most life-altering events in your life?

How do you sit there and listen to what happened while you were gone?

Time forgives no one.

It surely didn't forgive me.

What the past is to those around me, feels like my present as I devour the new information.

I saw faces around me that didn't look the same as I remembered. They were older, aged more than what I would have imagined in three months. It clearly has to do with everything that happened, but how do you come to a new world and pretend everything is okay?

I can't do that.

So when I woke up a couple of days after the first time, I stayed quiet. Talking hadn't done much for me before so I listened to what I needed to know.

My family and friends tried talking to me, but I didn't have the courage to talk back or even look at them.

I wanted formalities to be over with before I could go back to being what people would consider normal. At the time, I didn't know if that was even a possibility.

I knew something happened while I was gone; something that would affect me more than what had already happened.

When the cops came to talk to me, they told me about everything that they had discovered and the charges they were planning to lay.

I gave them my statement which took forever because I kept tearing up and stuttering. They were quite patient with me so that made things easier.

After waking up from a coma, the cops and doctors aren't the first ones you wanna talk to, but to me, strangers felt safer than the people I knew.

So I listened because it hurt to look, to see the people I cared for hurting because I was. I trusted Kairo with my whole life and discovering that our whole relationship was a setup and a means for him to exploit my family, has left me questioning every single relationship in my life.

My mind was my home for the last three months and it was the one thing familiar to me.

Even though I was awake, I wanted to be back in my mind where there was nothing: no thought, no worry and no need to get better. I was better inside my head. I was me without an apology and no task I had to complete. It was safe there, no people around that could hurt me. It's not easy coming back to life, especially this one.

Imagine waking up and being told that you're living with only one kidney now and oh yeah, we can't give you any morphine because you're an ex-junkie who relapsed before she went into a coma.

It's that pain again, the mental pain that leaves you bedridden, but just make the physical pain real, excruciatingly five-d as it can be.

It was hard to stay awake the first couple of weeks, so I kept drifting in and out of sleep. Whenever I was awake, I was quiet but my body and mind were loud.

My body begged for relief while my mind begged for a break from the endless tornado of thoughts. I couldn't eat because my body wasn't used to it anymore. Being in a coma does that I guess. It throws all your baby years away and tells you to relearn everything again.

It was hard to do that. To not be able to shower or go to the bathroom by myself, to always having to have a nurse help me. What came naturally to me, wasn't natural anymore.

No one made things any easier.

My brothers would come into my room and talk endlessly about random things. I could never really pay attention and this triggered them.

Jaxson lost it and yelled at me, begged me, even, to say something, but I never did.

Landon visited a few times, but he wouldn't say much. He would sit on the chair next to my bed and tell me about his day sometimes. Most of the time, he just sat quietly as he stared at random spots in the room, much like I did.

Roman cried a lot. To the point where he had to be stopped from seeing me as much. I felt bad for him. I've managed to ruin his birthday again when we both wanted things to be so different. I can't help but feel responsible for his and everyone else's pain.

Astrid would come to see me and would tell me about the app and how its launch was a success. Other times, she'd tell me about her and Grayson or things that happened in the office.

Those were the only moments I heard about Grayson. He never really came to see me ever since I woke up and neither did Aaron so Astrid slipped in a few things about him too.

I understood why they didn't come to see me.

I hated Grayson. I blamed him for not allowing me the luxury of modern medicine. He didn't wanna see the hate I had for him. I was also informed that the paparazzi was not paid off from this news. Mom and dad would have done it, but I guess circumstances made it easier to do that in Singapore. The media in LA is just too invasive, but Grayson could have at least tried.

It doesn't really matter right now because I haven't had to see or interact with anyone. I did: however, have to get a new number to make sure no one ever leaks my number to the media.

Either way, I hated Grayson and maybe my face reflects his failure to take care of our family, I'm not sure, but he didn't come to see me.

Aaron, on the other hand, I didn't hate. He was probably just too embarrassed and felt guilty because he probably blames himself for what happened. It makes sense because everything stems from the time Aaron shot Kairo's older brother.

I didn't hate him though and I would tell him if I could, but he never came to see me.

Raven would cry a lot when she came to visit. She really did try everything to get a reaction out of me. Once she started going into details about Jaxson and her's sex life. When I knew where she was headed, it wasn't hard to zone myself out.

I did that often, especially when people were around because I always wanted to be alone.

Cindy would come as much as she could having to take care of Dion, working and home school kept her quite busy. Maverick and Ridge would come at times as well. They would crack some jokes and tell me about how King was behaving like a dumbass without me.

I was selective about what I wanted to listen to while in the hospital. Mostly because my body was hurting too much to focus on anything else and other times it was because reality threw harsh truths in my face that I wasn't ready to face.

I watched my brothers cry and beg me, but that didn't break me. I watched people who aren't even family, who cared for me, unknowingly shed tears sitting next to me as they witnessed my silence.

Nothing broke me, but maybe it was because there were no pieces left to break anymore.

King was the most consistent. He was with me every single day for as long as he could be. Even though I knew it was hard for him, he hardly ever showed it. He talked on end about the most random shit and at times would bring board games to play with me. I never played with him, so he ended up always playing against himself.

His hope stayed intact, but that was until that one night in the hospital, something snapped inside us both.

"Reese, you can't live like this. If you're angry, then yell. If you're sad, then cry, but don't sit there like there's nothing left inside of you. Don't sit there like we saved a dying corpse with no soul inside. Reese," he begged me. I never looked back at him. He grabbed my hands in his and I felt warmth run through my body as he drew circles on the back of it.

He landed soft kisses on it and I knew for the first time since I woke up that I felt something other than empty. I could feel his wet tears on my hand as I sunk further into my head trying to push the feeling away.

I didn't wanna come back.

Then his mom walked in and I was thankful that he'd have to leave now. I thought that I had successfully pushed whatever I felt away and that I was okay again.

But her hand landed on my head like my mother's used to and she lands a soft kiss on my forehead. And as she did, I closed my eyes to imagine it my was my own mother, still with me, helping me through this.

When I opened my eyes, it wasn't my mom.

It was someone else, yet she gave me the same feeling I felt when my mom was here.

I pushed it away again. I knew I was being dumb, thinking of things that could never happen.

My mom is dead.

"Is she still in pain?" King asks, his words fragile as if he spoke them any louder, they'd cut.

Her silver, piercing eyes, similar to his, bore into mine forcing me to look at myself through them, forcing me to let it all in. I could see the empathy she held in her eyes for me as her eyes turn red. It was like she could see right through me and it terrified me.

Her hand on my cheek, feels familiar and I close my eyes trying to cherish the affection. The stinging sensation in my eyes burns as a single tear escapes.

She scolds King one last time before I hear some shuffling behind me and he leaves.

Paislee, his mom, helps me onto a wheelchair and into the bathroom. The other nurse used to shower me, but I guess she wasn't available that night.

Having King's mom see me like that was embarrassing. Have her helping me shower, even though it was her job, felt degrading almost.

I tried really hard to shut it all out and keep it there. I tried to forget that I was naked as she washed my hair. I had been successful all these days not allowing myself to feel anything. I made it through the shower and was even dressed and I hadn't let the emotions drive me over the edge. Even though it was short-lived, I felt victorious.

Paislee went to grab something and I noticed that I was only a few steps from the bed. I could try to wheel myself, but I needed my legs to work more than my arm and I knew that was impossible. The more I stared at the bed, the more it taunted me, reminding me of what a failure I am.

So I got up from the wheelchair.

I hadn't had a proper meal since I woke up. My stomach couldn't digest it, so I wasn't surprised that my head started spinning when I stood. It subsided after a minute and I gradually put my weight down on my legs.

It started in my hips, the pain, then it shot through me like the glass bottle was still inside of me.

I needed support, but the only thing near me was the wheelchair. The second I tried putting my weight on it, it slipped backwards out of my grip.

"Ah-ugh!" I yell.

I would have fell, but Paislee caught me in her arms as I landed like dead weight. The wheelchair bumps the table and the glass vase shatters on the ground.

Fuck you, Kairo! You fucking sick fuck!

Fuck you, Sebastian!

Fuck you, Everleigh!

Fuck everyone!

Her arms around me felt provoking as they reminded me of the one thing I yearn most for: my mother's touch, her voice, her presence, something all too much to ask for in this world.

Paislee keeps her hold tight as emotions finally breaking through the barrier I held up in defence.

How cruel is he, God, to make me suffer through this?

Does God really think I deserve this?

My whole world fell apart in one night and I didn't think it could be worse than death, but then I came back, three months later, bombarded with new truths.

Their tears, their pain, their ache wasn't real, I told myself. It was all in my head, my mind was playing tricks on me.

You don't survive a stabbing like that.

A person doesn't fail to murder you for the second time, but I was wrong.

Paislee's eyes made it all too real and for the first time since I woke up, I was forced to face reality head-on.

Kairo tried to murder me twice.

I lived in a lie and convinced myself and everyone around me that I tried to commit suicide.

My parents are dead.

Sebastian and Everleigh were a part of Kairo's plan to ruin my life.

King didn't betray me.

My family is broken.

And it's all my fault.

"God," I cry into her chest sobbing. "I... I can't do this."

"Oh darling, I know it hurts," Paislee coos into my ear as she rubs my back. "You'll get through this."

"I-I don't... wa-nt t-to."

"Don't say that," she sniffs. "Even though you can't feel it yet, there's so much to live for. You just have to let it through and let it pass."

"B-but it hu-rts so much," I cry shaking. My muscles beg for rest, but I'm able to support some of my weight.

"I know, but as long as you let it through, it'll fade away. You know with my first husband, it took me a while to leave him because I stood in my own way. I told myself he'd change one day and that it'd be okay. I shut reality out and avoided the truth because it was easier than to feel what I knew I felt deep inside.

I realized slowly, especially after having King, that I couldn't keep living like this; in fear of something I knew I could conquer. I started feeling everything and as the emotions passed, I got strong; strong enough to pursue a better life for both my son and I," she shares her story.

"Your family has been by your side since the day you arrived. There isn't a single day you've been alone and my son, my son has been with you like he can't breathe when he's not near you. He loves you so much and I know that you do too, but it's too hard for you to forget everything. My heart aches for my son, but it aches for you more. I don't know if you want to, but there's a lot of people counting on you, praying that you'll come back.

I didn't know your parents, but I promise you if they were here, they'd want you to come back too. I know I want you to come back, Reese," she speaks through her tears over my sobs.

She was right, do I even wanna come back?

☕︎☕︎☕︎

I'm back home now.

Charges were officially laid in my case against Kairo, his dad, Sebastian and Everleigh.

I don't know whether Sebastian and Everleigh will be tried as adults, but apparently, our lawyers are doing everything they can to make sure that happens.

After sobbing into Paislee's arms, she helped me back into bed and I fell asleep with her words in mind.

There was a reason I told Kairo I didn't wanna die. I just have to find that reason again because it got lost and I can't seem to find it.

I've taken Paislee's advice and I'm allowing myself to feel some moments.

I'm able to listen to the girls talking to me more and even smile at them in response. It brings hope back into their eyes and makes my insides feel weird, but it only lasts a few seconds before I end up getting lost in my thoughts again.

Since I'm letting myself feel fragments of the emotions, the news about my case has
subconsciously set off a new fear.

When I sleep, it comes to mind, the moment when it all happened, when Kairo mercilessly drove the glass bottle inside of me.

My subconscious has become unbearable too, but the first time it happened, King was right next to me. I woke up to his beautiful eyes and they anchored me back to reality.

At that moment, he seemed to be contemplating something but didn't say anything. When he came to a decision, he went to walk away, but my hand clung to him as if he was the only thing holding me from sinking back down.

He didn't say anything, his eyes just met mine and he understood. As much as it hurt to move, I shifted to make room for him.

He got in, letting his weight down as slow as possible. He was being so cautious like I was glass in his arms so he was a little stiff, but none the less wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close like he knew I needed. Our hands intertwined and for the first time in a long time, I felt at home again in this world.

I felt a purpose.

A feeling other than pain, guilt and fear.

I felt hope.

He continued to sleep with me at the hospital until I was discharged. The other nurse hated us for it, but everyone secretly enjoyed the progress I was making.

Now that I've been home for a week, nothing much has changed. I'm always in bed and literally just watching Netflix or YouTube.

Raven has been living at the house so she keeps me company during the day. The boys come in for a quick second but don't stay as long as they used to.

Sometimes a bunch of them come at once, even King, and they all seem to be putting up a good front of acting like everything is okay. They laugh, crack jokes and talk to each other like not much has changed, but I know it's just an act and they're just doing it for my sake.

It makes it harder for me to open up to that.

If everyone wants to hide in fear of reality, then why can't I? I suffered the most, no?

I hear a knock at the door breaking my train of thought. I pause the video on my laptop as I watch King enter.

He looks a bit nervous with his hands in his pockets. He just got a fresh hair cut and I'm thankful since it had been growing a bit too long. I watch him as his baggy sweats rustle with every step he takes. He comes to a stop at the end of my bed.

His eyes look at me and I notice they stop at my chest turning his cheeks a little rosy. They don't linger for long because he immediately moves his head up to look at my face. I blush as his eyes devour every detail.

I look down, away from his eyes and blush even further when I notice the print underneath his grey sweats.

Oh my God, I groan in my head before looking back up at him and throw any dirty thoughts out the window. A bitch can hardly move, but that clearly isn't stopping me from imagining what I could be doing instead.

"I have to go out for a few hours, but I'll be back a little later in the night," he tells me. It takes me a minute to process his words, but when they do, I almost lose myself in questions I didn't have the answer to.

I wondered where is he going? Why is he going? Does he have to go? Why is it gonna take so long?

But I knew that I didn't have it in me to ask, I wasn't ready for the necessary exchange of words.

So instead of displaying my worry, I stretch my lips into a small smile and nod hoping that he returns safely from whatever he's going out to do. I drop my eyes and start the video again wanting to distract myself.

I hear the door close as he leaves and keep my eyes on the screen refusing to give way to the ridiculous scenarios trying to make their way to my mind. 

Time goes by slowly, but I try to fill it up with as many movies and shows again. I opted to skip dinner because I didn't have much of an appetite. By the time I hear a knock on my door again, it's eleven.

Instead of looking at who enters, I clear my throat and act as if I wasn't waiting in anticipation for him to return.

I hear the door open, but I only hear about two footsteps before it's silent again. A few seconds later, the lights in the room dim and I look up as King closes the door in the shadows.

"Why are you still awake?" he scolds keeping his eyes down. I watch as he walks over hurriedly and takes the laptop to put away. "Come on," he says adjusting my pillows. I stare at him, the lighting is dim but I can see that the space around his left eye is much darker than the rest of his face.

Why is he avoiding my eyes?

A chill runs down my spine as his hands land on my shoulder and gently pushes me down. I stare at his bruised knuckles, more busted than they usually are.

I know he spends a lot of time at the gym and punching boxing bags with his bare hands as a way of coping through this, but his knuckles look as if the bag fought back today. I know I was gone for three months, but I swear I was not gone long enough for people to invent boxing bags that fight back.

Objects don't fight back, humans do.

I try to get a better view of his face, but he hovers over me with his neck in my sight instead as I lay my head down on the pillow.

"Mmh, I'm gonna go brush my teeth and change," he says clearing his throat as he turns to walk away. He goes to the dresser and starts picking out new clothes.

I don't know what I'm doing, but there's a feeling in my gut that I can't get rid of so I get up from the bed. My muscles ache and even though physiotherapy has been helping, I still have trouble moving around.

I'm able to get up and limp towards him. It's taking him longer to pick clothes out since he can hardly see through the dim lighting, but he did this to himself and it's lucky for me as it gives me more to reach him.

"Shit," he gasps turning around.

I look at his face and notice the bruises immediately. His left eye is sunken behind the shadows of the bruise and his lips are swollen, cut at one end.

Is he fighting again?

My eyes gloss with tears as I feel my heart sinking. He drops his hands to the side and his lips part to say something. My hand has a mind of its own as it reaches up curiously.

My hand cups the left side of his face and his lips close along with his eyes as he feels my touch. My thumb caresses over to his lip, carefully tracing the border of the cut.

I wonder how much it's hurting him? I think as I feel his soft skin.

When his eyes open, I drop my hand. For a second, we stare at each other and the longer it lasts, the harder it gets to conceal my guilt.

I know he knows, I know he can see it in my eyes so subconsciously, I bite my lips afraid that he might expose me.

But when time passes and he doesn't, I turn around to go to bed. I can feel his eyes on me so I try not to show the ache in my body as I walk. Once I'm in bed, I take a huge breath and lie down.

I finally let the tears out knowing that he can't see me, but I don't let myself get carried away. It might just be a one-time thing and I might just be overreacting, but it's hard to see him willingly hurting himself.

I know my emotional absence is hurting everyone, but I just need time and space.

I need to find what they're looking for too. It's taking some time, but I do hope I can find it soon. I don't wanna be the reason for their hurt.

I don't.

☕︎☕︎☕︎

I haven't seen King properly in a while. It feels like he's avoiding me because he gets home late every day around. Since it started after I saw him with the bruises, I think I know why he might be avoiding me too.

I've been talking to the girls more, hold up small meaningless conversations with them. It still feels weird to talk, but I know I need to.

I also need answers and if King was going to tell me, he would have already. Since he hasn't yet, I'm going to confront him because I refuse to stay in the dark.

I asked Raven about where he goes but she says she doesn't know. I can tell she's lying because she starts speaking much lower than she normally does and her hands start fidgeting, grabbing at anything they can.

Since she was no help, I knew I had to talk to King so I've been forcing myself to stay up tonight.

I think Raven probably told King I was asking about him because it's midnight and he still hasn't returned. Usually, he comes no later than midnight.

To pass the time, I'm reading a book. It's a new hobby I've picked up because of Astrid. She said reading is her escape from both her mind and reality. She sounded really convincing so I decided to test that theory out.

Because of my dyslexia, it takes longer for me to actually read the pages, but the more I read, the easier it gets. Astrid was right, books do help you escape both your mind and your reality because it's like I'm living in a whole new world that belongs just in the book.

I continue reading until I hear a soft knock on the door. I know it's him immediately and I feel my heart jump in excitement but also a little nervous. To show him I mean business, I keep my eyes on my book. I hear him shuffle in closing the door behind him.

"Hi," he speaks sounding a little scared. He comes to a stop a few feet away from me.

My eyes drift up from the book onto King. I'm not surprised to see him in sweats and hoodie again because ever since I've been up, it has become his aesthetic. I guess he's just not motivated to dress up and I feel him.

Then I notice there are new bruises and cuts on his face reminding me about my mission for tonight.

"Did you start fighting again?" the words leave my mouth smoothly. I had been practicing the lines in my head all evening and I'm happy I didn't disappoint.

I watch as his eyes widen and he freezes. His neck turning to look around for someone else to witness what he just heard.

"King," I call him trying to prove it's real, that I'm actually saying something. "Did you start fighting again?"

When his attention returns to me and he comprehends my words, his face falls.

"Reese, I–" he starts, but I cut him off.

"Please don't lie to me. What happened?" I warn, but end up feeble. I sit up on the couch and put the book to my side as my legs hang down.

He clears his throat showing me that he's nervous. I watch as his tall figure takes a seat next to me. It takes him a minute to articulate the right words.

"I called Naz to help find you because I knew he has a lot of people in the area and they know the area well," he starts and my head turns to the ground not being able to look at King anymore. I knew what was coming, but I needed him to confirm it so I keep listening.

The police never found the shooters and I always found it weird how they just dropped me off at the hospital. Normal people would just call the ambulance or not even have guns. I always assumed Grayson probably hired some of his business friends, but I was never certain.

Naz's named being brought up is allowing the story to connect and I'm hoping that I'm just thinking wrong and that King might say something different. Either way, I brace myself with my hand resting on either side and gripping the edge of the sofa with all my strength.

"He said he'd help if I agreed to fight for him again and I took the offer. Some of his men found you and brought you to the hospital. They were also the ones who shot Kairo. Since he held up his end of the deal, I have to keep up my end," he explains.

"How long?" I question as my heart sinks.

"As long as he wants," he sounds absentminded and I can feel his gaze on me, but I don't have it in me to look at him.

Did he sign his life away for me? Please tell me that I didn't just fucking hear what he said.

Why would he do that?

And for me?

"We should go to sleep," I sniff. I didn't know I started crying so I wipe my tears using the back of my arm.

I stand and he immediately stands with me framing my body from behind for support with his hand on my waist simultaneously holding his other arm out for me to lean my weight on.

I look up at him from the corner of my eyes, silently wondering why this man is still here after so long?

What is keeping him from giving up?

"I wanna ask you something," he speaks after a few seconds of silence. I look at him curiously shifting out of his hold to face him without having to strain my neck. "Will you dance with me?"

My eyes widen ever so slightly before my eyebrows shift a little closer creating a crease when I think.

A dance? I haven't danced in so long, but I remember the last time I did. It's a moment I'll never forget.

So, to feel what I felt then, I nod with a small smile as he waits for an answer. As soon as my response registers in his mind, he smiles back at me like a kid who has just gotten the greatest gift in the world.

I watch him as he connects his phone to the speaker and plays Stay by Rihanna featuring Mikky Ekko.

He sets my phone down on the table and wipes his hands on his sweats before turning to face me.

"Are you tired?" he asks with concern.

I shake my head not being able to speak. He takes a step closer and holds his large hands out for me to take.

Time seems to slow as I lift my hands. Even though I knew his hands, his touch was coming, it feels like I'm blown into another universe when I feel him.

His fingers softly wrap around my small hands and I watch as he brings my hand to his shoulder while the other remains cupping my hand. Once my hand is on his shoulder, his arm then wraps around and his hand rests on the small of my back. My baggy t-shirt blows air down and goosebumps cover my legs and press my thighs together.

I watch him, no particular emotion on his face,  as he pulls me in pressing our fronts together. My lips part slightly as a gush of air leaves my lungs.

I see it then, as our eyes connect, a shift as he lets himself feel the moment.

Our stare is intense, I can feel the heat spewing between us, the untold tension rising as we start moving, swaying to every beat of the music.

Our past and present flash around us as the future lingers above.

I know he wants me to stay.

But why?

Why is he staying?

Why is he choosing me?

I hurt him.

I bring chaos with me wherever I go.

My family's past is destructive, tearing us apart as it unravels bit by bit. The decisions our parents made are bringing forth a new truth, a truth we were all unaware of and this is just the beginning.

The secrets aren't out yet and I feel there's more to come.

Why would he wanna stay for that?

I don't have much to offer him besides a shit ton of baggage, so why would he give up his life for someone who doesn't even want it?

I've been deceived by every man who ever claimed to love me. For a bit, I was made to believe that he did too.

I remember I wanted to feel what it felt to be betrayed by him, but I also remember, I drank  enough to blackout because I couldn't survive with an emotional scar like that.

I didn't wanna come to terms with that and I'm glad I didn't, because if I had, then maybe I wouldn't be able to be as close as we are right now.

Sure, it's not where we were before but it's still something.

He's been with me every step of the way keeping his word to me, but I don't think I have it in me to stay, not after what he just told me.

I can't look at him and know that the only reason I'm alive and free is because he gave up his life to a cause he wanted nothing to do with.

Unless I can change that, I can't stay.

He stares down at me as I breathe a little heavier through my mouth, lungs yearning for more air. We've been dancing slow, but it's still too exhausting for me. Noticing my discomfort, he slows, coming to a stop.

This is it.

This is the last time I'll be close to him.

Unless I can fix my wrongs, he deserves someone better. Even with him so close to me, I'm slowly drifting away from him. My eyes sting before tearing up as I mentally come to terms with what needs to be done.

I stand on my tippy toes and lean forward hoping that he'll naturally follow along and he does.

I feel his soft lips on mine sending a wave of shock throughout my body. My legs ache, but his kiss makes everything else seem like nothing. It's a long kiss, for as long as we can hold our breaths because, for me, this might be goodbye.

I love you, King. I think as our tears mingle.

God, I wish this was easier, but I know this is my only choice.

I part first taking a step back and letting my hands down as my eyes open. His eyes remain closed, stubbornly holding onto the last few seconds and refusing to let go.

His lips form a thin line as his forehead creases before I watch his eyes open seconds later with his hands still in the air begging for me to come near.

He knows this might be goodbye too.

Unable to see the pain I've caused, I avert my eyes to the ground before I'm forced to look into his eyes. Tears running down my face, I sniff my nose clear and try to wipe the tears away before looking up again. I flash him a small apologetic smile before turning and walking to bed.

Once I climb in, I lie down on my side.

I hear the bathroom door close a minute later and sigh heavily allowing myself to breathe.

He asked me for that dance knowing that after what he just told me that it's going to take even longer for me to come back.

The thing is, I might not come back at all if I don't find a solution to this.

I won't let him sacrifice his life for me.

I don't want this – us to end, so I'm hoping I can find a solution as soon as possible.

He's cruel: though, for this last moment, he asked for. Kissing him was my choice, yes, but he knew that dancing was going to bring back memories of the last time we danced together. 

He knew it'd force me to remember.

He knew what he was doing.

He was giving me reasons to stay.

I fall asleep thinking about what I can do to get him out of this as soon as possible.

I wake up the next morning to my find myself alone. I'm not surprised because King has been sneaking out early every morning since he started fighting again. My hand caresses his side of the bed as I sigh in longing for him. I thought that maybe he'd stop because I know the truth now, but I guess not.

I should be a little less selfish though. He's here all the time and I'm sure his family misses him too.

Raven brought up lunch earlier and told me that she and Jaxson are gonna go out for a bit. Landon and Roman went out to play some basketball while Aaron's at the office, so the only person home is Grayson.

Luckily, that's the exact person I wanted to see.
Since everyone is still out, I decide to take the opportunity and head out towards Grayson's office.

It doesn't hurt to walk as much as it did before. It just feels like I worked my muscles too much at the gym and my bones are just a little rusty. I feel like a few more physiotherapy sessions and I'll be good as new.

I make it to the stairs and gulp feeling like the floor is lying as far as hell would be. I look around trying to find another way down but feel like crying when I don't.

Really? I don't mean to sound like a brat, but all this money and no elevator in the house?

What. A. Fucking. Waste.

"Ugh!" I groan as I take a deep breath and lean on the railing to help myself down one step at a time. What usually takes me about ten seconds to do, now took me at least two minutes.

I have to stop at the bottom to regain my breath. After about two more minutes, I head to Grayson's office.

I haven't seen Grayson in a while so I'm nervous to see him and how he's doing. He probably knows I haven't talked to anyone so he'll be surprised to see me.

When I reach his office, I knock on the door.

"Come in," he orders from the other side.

Clearing my throat, I push the door open. He watches me as I walk in and his expression softens.

He's supporting quite a thick beard now and it ages him a few years, but it suits him. Unlike most days, he's wearing simple black jeans and a burgundy t-shirt that fits him tightly.

His eyes widen slightly wrinkling his forehead and showing more prominent dark circles. He quickly puts the papers in his hands down.

"Did you need something?" he stands and rushes over. He frames me from behind, much like King does, as he helps me to one of the chairs. "You should have called me."

"I-I," I croak, "– wanted to talk to you."

He looks down at me as he leans on his desk. His arms cross over his chest and his leg in front of the other as his face falls into a look of confusion.

"You could have called," he says.

"You could have come to see me," I retort without thinking and regret it as soon as I notice the change in his face. "Sorry, I–"

"No, you're right," he clears his throat. His arms fall as he walks over to take the seat next to me. I shift to face him as he scoots a little closer and looks at me, trying hard not to let his emotions through. "I should have come seen you, I'm sorry," he apologizes.

"Why didn't you?" I ask even though he might not be ready to answer it.

"I... I was... um," he struggles to come up with the right words. Words come naturally to us, it's almost genetic. I might struggle more than my brothers, but since I've overcome it so well, I'm able to make my responses seem as clear cut as my brothers'.

Grayson and Aaron have the method down the best and it has much to do with them running the business so to watch Grayson struggle, is something that doesn't sit well with me.

"Whenever you're ready," I tell him resting a hand on his knee. He looks down at it before meeting eyes with him. I nod assuringly and he smiles back. "I want you to talk to Naz and convince him to let King go."

Grayson's blue eyes scan my face carefully before he leans in holding taking my hand from his knee and holds it. I look at him waiting that he'll support me.

"Reese, he doesn't want money," Grayson says calmly as if his words might cut. He looks up at me after he's done speaking and is ready to witness the consequences.

"How do you know?" I shift back a little.

"When King told me about the deal, I told him to ask Naz to add a cash incentive to it. Like an amount he could earn to give to Naz to stop fighting, but King said that Naz refused," Grayson explains. "I know his boss, we're well associated, so I told him to get in touch with Naz and tell him to give me a call. When I talked to Naz, he said he told King his freedom was worth a hundred million."

"Okay... so what does that mean?" I question confused. If he knew all this why didn't he pay Naz already?

"King doesn't want our help," Grayson sighs heavily licking his bottom lip.

"Or do you not want to help him?" I accuse.

"Reese, come on," he throws in disbelief. I angrily pull my hand out of his hold and stare at him as suppressed feelings rise to the surface.

"What? You did refuse to give me meds," I scoff ruthlessly.

"Really, Reese? You know–"

"I know nothing!" I boom standing up over him. The adrenaline suppresses the pain allowing me to continue on without hesitation. "I fucking know nothing or care about anything but him! He was there while you weren't! Every fucking night he was fucking there and I didn't even know that the reason... the reason I'm still here is because he... he gave up his life for me!"

"Reese–" he looks up at me pleading me with his blue iris'. His eyes have an opposite effect on me, driving my rage further as they remind me of dad and how he isn't here.

"What could you probably defend yourself with, huh? That I was a fucking addict! It was because of you and this family's need to fucking be perfect!"

"You don't mean that," he breathes as his eyes become glossy begging for remorse. But I can't find it in myself to give him any. All I feel is the tormenting vibration every atom in my body is making me suffer through in an effort to fix itself. It reminds me of how the pain could easily be gone if he had decided otherwise.

If Grayson can choose not to show me empathy, then so can I.

"No, I do mean it, but you fucking wish I didn't," I throw as tears drip from my eyes. "Pay Naz."

"I can't," Grayson states testing my patience.

"Why!" I yell smacking my hand down on the table. Everything on the table jumps and I feel a shock run down my arm as I shake uncontrollably. The beat of my heart drums in my ears and I find it hard to keep it together.

"Reese," Grayson commands.

"What?" I grit as I try not to sob from the physical pain weighing me further down.

"Reese," he says softer this time. My heart splits open at his tone and he stands immediately engulfing me in a hug. I sob into his chest as he rubs my back. "He's not with you for our money, Reese. It's not something he'll just take and he chose to lie to me because he knew I wouldn't have taken a no from him especially when all this affects you so much. I'm sure he didn't make that decision lightly because he knows I'd feel disrespected if I ever found out that he lied to me, but I do understand why he did it. For his sake, you're gonna have to understand too."

"B-but, I don't wa-nna leave him."

"Then don't. He could have left you at any given point and I don't think anyone would have blamed him for it, but he didn't. He chose to stay and so can you," he says. I can always count on Grayson to tell me the harsh truth.

"What if he- he h-hates m-me?"

"Are you kidding me? I have never seen a man more in love, other than our dad was with mom and how Jaxson is with Raven–"

"And you are with Astrid," I sniff.

"Mm... yeah. Reese, I understand you blame yourself for him making the choice he made, but it wasn't your fault."

"It hurts to s-see him like that."

"Everyone's hurting, Reese but no one is gonna be able to heal until you do. Don't stay with him because you think you owe him, stay because you know you owe it yourself," he advises.

He's right and I know that it's time now to take bigger steps forward. I can't blame King for making the decisions he made when I wasn't there. All we can control is the present and hope that somehow we can get through whatever our past selves set us up for then.

Last night hurt me a lot, but it also hurt King. I don't want him to lose hope and I really hope last night he didn't because I'm coming back.

And to fix my mistake, I have to come back as soon as possible so I come up with an idea.

"I'm sorry," I sniff parting from Grayson.

"No, I'm sorry for making you feel that way," he says. "I promise to work on it."

"Thank you."

"Is your hand okay little miss Hulk?" he shakes his head disapprovingly.

"Yeah," I laugh at the nickname. "A little sore now."

"Well, what else do you think is gonna happen when you slam my desk like that? It bites back," he jokes.

"Should've told me earlier," I retort playfully. He lets out a small laugh staring at me. "What?"

"Nothing," he says not sounding so convincing. "Since you're already downstairs, why don't you join us for dinner, it'll be a nice surprise for everyone?"

"I would love to, but how about I surprise everyone tomorrow?"

"Is there something you're doing tonight?"

"Um... yeah, I have something in mind that I'd like to do instead."

"Does it have anything to do with King?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Maybe," I tease.

"Okay, but whatever it is, be nice."

"Can't promise you anything, but I'll try," I tease. He looks at me trying to keep from laughing but fails.

☕︎☕︎☕︎

Grayson piggybacked me up the stairs after we talked for a bit longer. I feel bad for raging out the way I did, but I couldn't control it at the moment. Everything was so overwhelming and since nothing has been in my control, it feels like life is just throwing me around. When Grayson denied to help me, he ripped what felt like the little bit of power that I had, it felt like a slap to the face.

I know the majority of the thoughts in my head are unreasonable. They're childish and leading me down a path of ignorance. I didn't want to be any of those things and that's maybe another reason why I was so quiet.

In my head, I could easily be as childish and angry towards anyone as I wanted to be. I didn't need a reason to be thinking or believing what I wanted to, but even then, I knew it wasn't right to live in my own demise.

So I thought a lot and rationalized facts from feelings. I have been successful so far and that's why I'm able to talk more. I was quiet because I didn't want to behave wrongfully, but I failed with Grayson.

I know he had valid reasons to stay away from me. Every time I missed him and craved his company, I reminded myself of the facts. It made me less anxious.

But it still broke my heart and there was nothing I could do to fix it myself. My words hurt him, but the truth hurts and whatever I said was a subconscious truth I ignored up until now.

I hope being honest comes with better outcomes because I don't want the pain to be for nothing. Grayson's a strong man but everything combined would take a toll on any sane man.

I don't wanna lose him or this family. As much as we need to reevaluate some aspects of it, we're better off together than apart. Another reason why I knew I wanted to come back. I love my family too much to be selfishly living in a world of my own in my head. In all honesty, my world is incomplete without them in it.

I called Raven when I got into my room and asked her if she could pick me up a few things and she said she could. I decide to take a shower and straighten my hair right away and part it from the middle.

Once I'm done with my hair, I head out to my room as Raven walks in.

"The boys are setting it up downstairs," she informs as she closes the door behind her.

"Thank you," I smile heading into my closet and make sure to close the doors. I quickly take off my robe and wear a thong before slipping on the small black dress I decided to wear which happens to be the only one that still fits because most of my dresses are no loose on me.

I walk outside and ask Raven to zip the dress up for me and she does.

"It's really sweet what you're doing," Raven starts as I go back into my bathroom to start applying makeup.

When I'm in front of the mirror, I send myself a small smile. Looking in the mirror hasn't been easy since I don't look as radiant as I used to. My face is bonier than it used to be since I haven't had an appetite and eating too little.

I have dark circles under my eyes and my skin has undertones of grey, reflecting my anemia. It's been getting easier to look at myself as time has passed. The first time I saw the scar on my stomach, I broke down in the shower.

The scar is circular covering a nice chunk of my left stomach. It's still pink and the top layer is filmy. Every time I see it, the last few moments of that day flash in my mind so I don't tend to look at more than I need to.

"Here," I look at Raven standing behind me with a stool. Her face displaying a small smile.

"Thank you," I smile taking a seat to relieve the pressure from my legs. I'm not trying to wear too much makeup for tonight, so I grab some concealer and blend it out. When I put my arm down, I take a deep breath.

Wearing makeup and keeping my hand steady feels like a task and my muscles are working against me. I've been running around all morning, the most movement I've gotten since I've been awake, and I'm getting really tired.

I look at the mascara lying in front of my eyes and clench my jaw knowing that this is gonna be difficult.

This is so fucking hard for me; to not be able to do things as easily as I was able to do them before. I was no athlete and hated any sort of physical activity, but I did run around doing my own things and I didn't have to ask for help to do mundane tasks.

"Here," Raven says as she grabs the mascara off the counter. I turn my neck and watch as she opens it up. "I can help you," she says and waits for me to get in position. I nod and smile at her as I fight the tears back.

"Don't hurt him," Raven swallows and my eyebrows furrowed in question. "I know you said you wanted to talk to King and since I don't know the details, I just hope that if you're planning to leave him, that you make it easy. He's been through a lot the last few months and doesn't talk to anyone. While you hide behind your silence, he hides behind a wall of false assurances."

I watch as she closes the mascara, trying not to meet my gaze and turns around.

Everyone here is working to ease someone else's pain without even acknowledging the one brewing inside. The last few months weren't easy for anyone, not Raven either. It's not easy helping your boyfriend and his family deal with shit like this.

She practically moved into the house and acted like their mother making sure each one of them was alive. Raven didn't owe Jaxson that or even us, but it reflects her love for him and the loyalty she has towards my family. She truly is like a sister to me and I'm glad Jaxson and her have each other.

I hope that she will be able to move on from this and that she's able to acknowledge her own struggles. I don't know if she blames me for anything, but if she does, I hope she can talk to me and give me the chance to apologize.

I want her to heal too.

Deciding to preserve my energy, I smile at her through the mirror. She flashes one back as her lips stretch into a thin line.

Raven's phone starts ringing and she answers it as I stand from the stool. She walks out into the room and I quickly adjust my hair, add some blush and apply lip gloss before walking out. The mess in the bathroom could be cleaned later. The amount of talking I'm planning on doing is going to require a lot of strength so I'm trying to preserve as much as I can.

"The boys are done downstairs, they said they'll light up the candles when they know he's home so they're still lit when you guys go down," Raven explains.

"Okay, thank you," I smile excitedly.

"You look gorgeous by the way," Raven smiles and I blush. "I'm gonna go shower and then probably go eat or something. If you need anything else just call."

I nod in response before she heads out. It's only seven and King usually doesn't come home until midnight. I might have gotten ahead of myself and gotten ready too early, but I grab a book and start reading to pass time.

Reading reminds me of school and even though I hate school, I am upset about the fact that I might graduate late unless I'm able to miss the work I've missed and catch up to everyone else.

I mean I'm sure Roman and my brothers will help me cheat my way through, but what about Landon and King's graduation ceremonies and prom? King and I talked about prom once when he brought it up and we discussed what we'd wear so I expected that I was going to go as his date. But now I'll have to wait until I graduate.

When I hear a knock at my door, I nervously jump. I check the clock on the wall displaying eleven-thirty. I'm a little surprised because I didn't know so much time had passed. Before King walks in, I get up and pat the dress down fixing any creases and stand nervously.

King opened the door, his head popping in first to check the scene out. A few strands of hair fall over his eyes and he strokes them back with his hand as the door widens. When his eyes set on me, my breath hitches and I swallow as my throat becomes dry.

He's wearing blacks jeans and a white fitted t-shirt under a black leather jacket all paired with silver rings and a cross necklace. My eyes fall on his pink lips and my own part as I breathe again. Continuing up, my eyes land on his and I watch the whirl of emotions intricately entangled in his iris' shrink to the sides as his eyes dilate.

"Whoa," he breathes taken off guard.

I blush feeling my heartbeat rising as he blatantly stares. My hands find each other in front of me hooking together as I stand there hoping I'm not too red.

"Sorry, mmh," he clears his throat. "Is there a party I didn't know about?"

I shake my head no keeping my away eyes from him. The butterflies in my stomach are hard to ignore making me nervous. But I'm also excited and pray that this goes smoothly.

I just want to make him happy.

"Then why... are you... I mean I'm not saying you don't look good, you look fucking gorgeous, but–" he rambles on. I walk towards him, dragging my legs on command, and stop him by putting my finger to his lips.

His eyes cross and I smile amused by the look on his face. When they uncross, his cheeks turn red at the look on my face and he sheepishly smiles scratching his head.

I take my finger off his lips and I tell him to wait by putting my hand up like a stop sign. He looks confused but nods anyway. On cue, I go into my closet and grab a black bandanna before walking out. He looks down at my hands as I fold it into a thinner line. I come to a stop a foot away from him and once I'm done folding the cloth, I look up as he skeptically looks at me.

"That's for me?" he questions and I bite my lip nodding. His forehead wrinkles and his nose scrunches as he thinks, but a smile stretches on his lips. "Okay, as long as I don't get murdered," he warns and I shrug. There's a horrified expression on his face and I have to bite down on my lip so I don't laugh. He turns around and I quickly tie it around his eyes and pat it down to make sure he isn't peeking. I tap his elbow and he sticks it out so I can hook my arm in his.

"Wait, are you at least gonna tell me where we're going?" he sounds a little stressed. I remain silent. "Um, okay, I guess it's a total surprise then," he swallows. "Lead the way," he extends his arm and it hits the open door. He curses loudly and kicks his legs in a move for vengeance, but misses making me giggle. I try to stifle it with my hand.

I clear my throat and tap him to get it together. He sighs fixing his jacket and nods telling me he's ready to walk. I don't waste any time and start towards the backyard.

"Stairs," I warn as he holds onto the railing. His hand unhooks from my arm and he wraps his arm around my waist supporting me down.

"Made it," he smiles at the bottom and I can't help but smile back even though he can't see me. Once we get to the backyard, I open the door and we head out to the pool.

My mouth opens at the beautiful decorations my brothers managed to set up for us and hold back an urge to cry. Even though I haven't talked to them in so long, they did this for me without question or hesitation. I can't wait for us all to be better again. I really did miss them.

When we come to the perfect spot, I quickly untie his blindfold and stand to the side as he opens his eyes.

"Surprise," I breathe softly. He looks around in awe as the hue of the pool reflects over his eyes making them seem darker.

"Did you do all this?" he breathes as he turns around to face me. I look around at the candles lining the pool. The flames dance to the low-pressure wind and red rose petals float on the surface of the water. He waits for an answer with a look I've seen far too often from him, but when he comes to terms with the fact that he won't be getting a response back, he looks away a little defeated.

"I had some help," I squeak looking down. "Let's get in," I tell him before he says anything else. There's a large floaty near us with pillows, blankets, snacks and a laptop.

I set the blindfold on the ground and move towards King since he hasn't moved. His head down, eyes focused on me in disbelief, he easily moves to my command. I turn him around and we walk closer to the edge of the pool.

"Are we spending the night here?" he questions as I look at the large step I need to take to get inside the floaty.

"If you want to," I bite my bottom lip. I finally look at him through my peripheral vision. He is deep in thought as I see a new light appear in his eyes when he slightly nods.

"You know it's not fair," he starts as he helps me onto the floaty.

"What?" My brows furrow as I land on my hands and knees. The shock travels through my body and I take a deep breath unable to move. The floaty is really wobbly so it's hard to stay balanced especially when I don't have much strength either. But after a few seconds, I decide to work through the pain and crawl to the side so King is able to get in.

I don't wanna stress King out and I really want him to enjoy this night so even if I'm physically not having the best time, it's okay as long as I'm with him.

"You could have given me a warning and I could have dressed up too, maybe brought you something," he says climbing in. He drops on his hands and knees looking around thankfully since he almost fell out. He dusts his hands and sits down scooting to crisscross in front of me as the floaty starts drifting to the middle of the pool. It's tied to the hook in the ground so we can pull ourselves out whenever we want to leave.

"Thank you," he says grabbing my hand in his. When he notices the confusion on my face, he goes ahead to explain. "For this, it means a lot to me and it's okay if you don't wanna talk. I'll put something on Netflix," he says letting my hand go. He reaches over and grabs the laptop turning it on. "What did you have in mind today: a rom-com, action, scary maybe? You know what, why don't we just shuffle and let it decide for us? I think..." he continues ranting.

His voice zones out of my mind as I stare at him in awe at the level of patience. I know the last few months haven't been easy for him either, but he has kept it together the best. He's so young and I'm so lucky to have found him.

Any other guy would have left by now.

I smile as his lips continue moving giving no indication of his plans to stop soon. It's amusing to me, how much he has started talking because he is used to be so quiet and reserved. I don't think it has anything to with him being shy because he's far from it, but I think it's just his personality to say a few words and get his point across quickly.

His chattiness only started after I woke up and it's understandable because now he has to talk for the both of us and let me tell you, when I talk, I talk a lot. The silence is heavy between the two of us, so he tries his hardest to keep it at bay even if that doesn't come naturally to him.

"Do you want chips or candy? I'm happy I didn't brush my teeth yet because it would have made the candy taste weird at first. Wait, how did you even set this up? Did your brothers help you? No, probably Raven. Or did you do this yourself? You know what? I'll ask Raven tomorrow and if I find out you did this alone, I'm gonna be pissed because you're still–"

"King."

"– not strong enough to be moving around so much. I get that sitting all day probably gets boring, but you need to rest–"

"King."

"– so you can recover quicker and better – wait... did you just?" He finally realizes that I've been calling his name and he's having trouble processing it. His neck snaps facing me with his long lashes curled up touching the hood of his eyes when his eyes widen at the realization.

"I-I w-anted t-to thank you, mmh," I clear my throat and look down as my heart beats against my chest. I'm so nervous I'm going to mess this up. I haven't spoken in front of him in so long that his surprise is a little daunting. I take a deep breath trying to rehearse what I want to say. When I look up a few seconds later, King is still staring at me with wonder, paralyzed with shock.

"You know I had a whole speech in my head, but it just flew right out," I joke as I tear up. I reach over to his hand and bring it close to me hoping it'll allow him to believe that all this is true and not just a mirage. I take a deep breath deciding to keep my head down as I talk. His eyes are so intense, they wipe any thought in my mind away and all I can think about is him.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for putting you in the position to have to make the decisions you made. I see it in your face every time, that um- you could have been doing something better, but I'm the reason you're being held back.

Whether you'll acknowledge that or feel the same way, I don't know, but that's just how I feel. I think it hurts you to see me, to remember that the only reason I'm here is because you literally had to give up your own life.

Causing you pain and fucking your life up is the last thing I wanted, but I guess God had some other plans for us," I sniff as tears run down my face. The silent night feeling denser. "You still choose me every day. You choose me and I don't know why. Why do you choose me?"

"Reese," he breathes a few seconds later when he's ready to speak. "I choose you because it's you and there is no other way I can put it. I want perfect and you are perfect."

"I'm not perfect. I was in a coma for three months and I might have never woken up," I look up feeling a little agitated by his words. I'm not perfect and at this point, I don't want to be. Perfection is unattainable when those genes are only embedded in the male side of the family.

"You might not be your definition of perfect, but you are mine and if that had happened, where you never woke up, then I would have made sure to sit there until I took my very last breath," he states without hesitation. His eyes bore into mine and I feel his hand tighten assuringly.

"What if the doctors said to pull the plug?" I throw my head down not being able to look him in the eyes and feeling the pressure of the words.

I almost died.

I was practically dead.

But it didn't feel real up until I just said it.

And it doesn't feel good saying it.

"Let them, doesn't mean we would have. Reese, you were gonna wake up and we all knew it," he says trying to keep his annoyance at bay.

"You didn't for once, even for a split second, think that I might never wake up?" I accuse looking back into his eyes, but he averts them. I watch as his jaw clenches, his temple popping in and out as his teeth grind against each other.

"Reese," he sighs heavily. "Don't make me–"

"I'm not making you do anything, King. I'm asking you a relative question about something that you literally had to go through. It was real, King," I tell him and somewhat myself too. I guess at this point I'm forcing both of us to come to terms with that.

"I know it was real, Reese I don't need you to tell me," he says coldly as he clenches his jaw staring at me with dark eyes before ripping his hand out from my hold. "Are you trying to tell me that I should have left you?"

"No, but I am saying it would have been okay if you did and I wanna make that clear," I sniff feeling my chest ache with every word. It's true. I would have been okay if he had moved on. I would have been hurt at first, but I would have understood. He deserves better and I can't blame him for going out to get it.

"Okay, but I don't plan on leaving anytime soon so thanks for the clarification?" he throws aggressively with attitude as he crosses his arms over his chest. I swear if he picked up this behaviour from me, I'm gonna slap him. Why couldn't he pick something better to mimic?

"King, you're being passive-aggressive," I accuse crossing my own arms.

"Well I'm sorry that I'm pissed that after five months, my girlfriend has finally decided to talk to me and the first thing she says is that I should have left her!" he raises his voice slightly as he faces me.

"That's not what I meant, King it's just there's a limit to everything–" I defend.

"Not for my love for you," he cuts in. "Would you have left me if the roles were reserved?"

"No, of course not," the words come out easily.

"Then? Are you choosing me now or are you choosing to leave because no matter how you put it, Reese I'm never gonna apologize for making the deal I made with Naz. It was my decision and I did what needed to be done. Even if you choose to leave me today, I'll find peace in the fact that you were alive to make that decision," he states determined to stand behind his decision.

I hate that he won't understand my side, but I can't hate him for it. His actions can be justified in a way and I just have to accept that because what's done is done. I can't change the past.

"King..."

"Are you leaving me? Is this your sick and twisted way of a final goodbye? Was that kiss not enough for you?" he accuses as his eyes turn red and his eyes well up with tears as his arms flail emphasizing his furiousness. The gentle wind makes his hair sway and I notice the vein on his forehead becoming more prominent.

"King," I beg softly as my heartaches.

"Tell me," he demands and I take a deep breath.

"I'm not leaving you and I'm not staying because I owe you something. It's because you're right, if the tables were reversed I would have done anything necessary to get you back. I would have chosen you and I do choose you. All this," I cry with arms extending. "It was so I could thank you for everything you'd done for me thus far and apologize to you for any hurt I've caused.

I-it's not easy for me, but I also know that it's not easy for anyone. For it to be over, for us to move on, I can't stay quiet anymore," I cry. I tilt my head and wipe the tears as they slip down. I kind of knew that I'd start crying tonight, I mean I do it often now, but I didn't think we'd get this far this fast. At least the waterproof mascara is coming in handy.

"What are you saying?" his expression falls.

"King!" I exasperate and smile psychotically through the tears thinking how stupid this man can be sometimes. How does he not understand what I'm saying? "I love you! I wanna be next to you and I want you to be next to me as we work through everything together. I fucking love you! Do you hear me?"

He shakes his head slowly like his mind is far away and the message is getting delayed.

"King Baxston, I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!" I yell standing on my knees and my arms snap open jerking my whole body. "Shit, fuck!" I curse. Since the floaty isn't that sturdy, it starts wobbling and I fall backwards into the piercing cold water. Quickly, I swim to the top and breathe frantically once I break through the surface.

"Reese! Are you okay?" King leans over the edge as he extends his arm out to me. I brush the hair out of my face and kick treading the water to stay afloat. Feeling a rose petal in my mouth and spit it back out into the water.

"It's so cold," I shiver. My dress floats up and I push it down trying to keep myself covered. Even though I'm freezing, I feel my face heating up embarrassed. I'm only wearing a thong underneath and I wasn't planning on flashing King tonight.

I'm not ready to go that far again as much as I miss it. If we try to, I'm scared I'll probably pass out and I will be on the cover of the news again. I will somehow get through the nude video scandal, but I won't with the new headline added on top of that.

"Here, get back in," King shakes his hand to catch my attention.

I look around at how pretty everything is and how my body is already adjusting to the water temperature. For the first time since I've been awake, my body isn't aching. It feels weightless under the water and I smile feeling free as I bite my bottom lip.

Instead of grabbing King's hand, I fit a chunk of my dress underneath the band of my thong before swimming away from him.

"Reese! What are you doing?" King scolds.

"Come in!" I yell as I swim around giggling in the water. My body twists making me feel like I'm a mermaid and I sink my head into the water holding my breath for as long as I can. 

I haven't had the happiest life, but it has been pretty eventful and events aren't all meant to be great. I've had many low lows and high highs, but I know that life can be steady too. It can be just small highs and small lows, but that's not what I was made for.

I was made for the larger discrepancies of life. An ability to both endure and respect
each event and become a better version of myself each time. 

That's what my family is made of and so I know that there are more high highs and low lows to face, but I was made for this. My family was made for this and it seems like a few other people were made for this as well.

As long as we all choose each other, there is nothing that will break us.   

That is why I choose them.

I choose him.

And I hope that whenever someone else is in a similar position as I was in, that they'll make the same decision because choosing otherwise is only going to lead to lifelong misery for everyone.

So with that last thought, head underwater, I let all the tension drift away before I swim back to the top.

Don't tell anyone else, but this is the moment.

This is where I've decided to let it go.

I'm choosing to move on.

"It's so fun! Come!" I giggle as I wipe my face dry. I turn around and look at King staring at me with worry.

"What the fuck? You were down there for so long, Reese! You're gonna catch a cold!" he sighs running a hand through his hair.

"Please," I look at him with puppy dog eyes. I sniff and the smell of the chlorine hits my nostrils making it itch. He tries his hardest not to fold but fails as he starts smiling and drops his head.

"Fine," he says right before jumping in. I didn't think he'd make it so quick so I don't have time to run as water splashes on me. The water moves in waves as his head bobs to the surface.

He moves his wet hair out of his eyes and blinks a few times as he blows the water out of his nose. His body trembles as the cold water sucks the heat out of his body.

"It's... so... cold," his teeth chatter as he breathes heavily. While I'm in the deep end, he's in an area where his feet touch the ground so he's able to wrap his arms around himself and try to maintain his heat.

He looks like a child who just got out of the shower and his mom left him out in the cold air with just a towel making me laugh. He looks quite funny with a rose petal stuck to his forehead, but I don't think he can feel it.

I never thought that my laugh would become genuine so soon. I thought I would have to fake it until I made it. I failed to acknowledge that this time King is with me and with him, even when nothing else makes sense, we always will. That's how it is with us everything is authentic; a natural sense of being and peace within our presence. We are one thing we're both sure of and so when we're together, there feels no need to be fake.

"I-it's not funny," he scolds scowling like a child further entertaining me.

"It's funny," I smile biting my bottom lip to prevent myself from laugh as the petal refuses to let go of his skin.

"Come, keep me warm," he instructs as he continues shivering. I laugh rolling my eyes but comply swimming closer to him. When I'm close enough to him, he grabs my arms pulling me close.

I shriek at the sudden movement but start laughing when I hook onto him like a monkey. His chest on mine, I know my hard nipples must be poking him and blush. His larges hands rub my back as he squeezes me gently taking it all in.

"Are you warm enough?" I ask looking up at him as his skin glistens with water droplets and petals no longer stuck to his forehead. He's grinning at me with his gaze enthralled by what's in front of him.

"What?" I blush smiling with my teeth showing. It hurts my cheeks at this point, but I can't seem to stop and neither can he.

In his eyes, there's peace that had once been lost. The wave of emotions has disappeared, replaced with something more calming again.

"I love you," he breathes a cloud of smoke releasing from his mouth as the temperature in the air drops.

"I love you," I reply before he leans down and our lips lock. Even though it's not the last time we're kissing and this isn't gonna be goodbye, I absorb every feeling from the inside out.

With him so close, I feel safe.

This might not be the last time we'll kiss, but life is unpredictable so every time we do kiss, every moment we spend together, I'll cherish it like it might just be.

When we part, we're left breathless.

God, his eyes, I think internally moaning at how beautiful they are and the power they hold.

"We can't stay in here all night," he breathes. A water droplet drips down from the tip of his nose.

"Why?"

"Because you'll get sick."

"You're no fun," I pout.

"That's okay because it's for your own benefit," he says walking backwards to the lower end of the pool. Even though I wanna stay out here all night, my body is begging for rest and the comfort of my bed. I've had a long day and as long as he was gonna be next to me, sleeping doesn't sound like the worst idea.

"Are you gonna carry me inside?"

"Yes, I am," he smiles proudly. I giggle as he gets to the latter and climbs out. My hold around him becomes stronger as gravity takes over again. Once we're out, his hands curl under my thighs pushing me up so I can have a better hold around him before he curls his arm around my lower back to hold me up.

We stare at each other as he walks towards the door. My clothes feel heavy, but it compares nothing to the distraction I have of staring into his eyes.

If it was anyone else, I'd be scared that we might fall.

I mean he's not superman and I'm sure our chances of falling are very likely, but if it's him who I'm falling with, then it doesn't seem so scary.

His eyes bore into mine and our breaths mingle into a larger cloud of smoke before it disperses into nothingness upwards.

I fell for him all alone and he caught me with ease, so now falling would mean falling together and that to me doesn't sound too bad. I'd love to see how far in love we can fall together.

I hear him kick the door open and we get inside bringing the trail of water dripping from our clothes with us.

"You guys are back already?" I hear Raven behind me. Our gaze breaks and King abruptly lets me down. I wince feeling the weight on my legs and he apologizes as I hold onto his shoulder for support.

We both look up and find Raven is looking at me with guilt and concern. I smile at her with assurance to lighten the guilt for her and she sends me a compliant smile back.

"We fell into the pool and I didn't want her getting sick," King explains.

"Okay, are you just gonna stay inside?"

"Probably, why?" I question a little confused. I watch as her expression changes and she tries to conceal off her nervousness by looking away.

"Yo-your brothers are in the living room. Something happened and we were gonna tell you guys in the morning, but if you guys are done?..."

King and I look at each other, both of us sharing a similar look of concern, and we agree almost instantly.

"We wanna know," I tell her as I feel my heart starting to pace faster.

What could have happened now? She seems to be stressed and nothing really stresses her out or she usually has an easier time concealing it.

"Okay," she says opening up a closet. "Dry off quickly and we'll head down," she says handing us each a towel. We step outside and wrench the excess water out of our clothes. I use the towel to dry my skin and hair before I throw it in the basket we keep outside for used towels.

Raven then hands us extra robes from the closet and I smile. King and I look at each other and then we look at Raven. Understanding, she turns around and King and I quickly go to change. He helps me unzip the dress and even though we've seen each other naked, we face away from one another as we strip and tie on the robes.

"Done," King and I both say as we face Raven. We leave our clothes outside and I make a mental note to come back for them.

"Okay," she turns around. "Let's go."

When we reach the living room, I find the boys sitting on the sofas, all of them with hard looks on their faces. What has gotten everyone so worried?

"Baby," Raven says laying a hand on Jaxson's shoulder. Her touch snaps Jaxson out of his thoughts as he looks up behind him, turning his spine and pulling his elbows down to rest on his knees.

The rest of the boys seem to notice Raven too and they look at her. She then looks at King and I standing a couple of feet behind the sofa and the boys follow her gaze.

Their expressions display their surprise, but they shake it away and become concerned.

"Are you guys done?" Grayson questions standing up to face us since he had to look back at a hundred and eighty degree angle. When I notice the look on his face, I gulp. It's the look he has when he's talking to business associates, hiding any vulnerability.

"Yeah, we fell into the pool," King sniffs wiping off the droplets of water falling from his hair.

"Mm," Grayson says as his eyes scan our appearance further proving King's statement.

"What happened?" I ask gaining Grayson's attention. I can feel the rest of the boys staring, but I don't pay them attention. It's still new to them to hear my voice, but they'll get used it soon.

"Kairo and his dad were found dead in their cells," Grayson states.

And with those words, as sadistic as it sounds, came a sense of freedom and righteousness that I didn't know I needed.

A/N:

The end... of this chapter of Reese's life.

Until the next... 😉

Hope this book brought a sense of happiness and comfortability through the bits and pieces of love/humour embedded inside. Even though there are harsh scenes, I think the fun/quirky moments out weight it all.

Reese's story isn't over. There's still more to tell. Details to come in the following part.

If you decide this is all that you want to witness, then I hope the ending brings you peace, knowing that Reese has chosen to heal. Laughter is the best medicine. Even when things are down, Reese manages to come out strong on the other side and she never loses her true morals and values. She stays authentic and true to herself and her laugh remains as lively as ever exposed to the ears of those who need it the most.

Thank you for your guys' love and support. I will meet some of you in the next story and goodbye to those who won't be joining us!

All love and cheers to happy endings
and new beginnings 🥂❤️
– Amora Next