tw: religious trauma, mental and physical abuse, graphic depictions of death

"Where were you after the pep rally?" Chrissy asked Lily, the blonde getting her tray from the lunch lady. Chrissy waited beside her, holding her lunchbox with both hands in front of her, "I looked for you, but you were gone."

Lily shrugged as she handed the cafeteria worker her lunch money, stuffing the change in her pocket with one hand as she balanced her tray in the other, "I had to use the bathroom."

In response, Chrissy furrowed her eyebrows but dropped the subject, which Lily appreciated. They walked towards the center of the cafeteria, Lily keeping her head down to avoid making eye contact with those looking their way, while Chrissy was smiling at everyone that passed.

"Are you sure you don't want to sit with us today?" Chrissy always offered Lily a spot at the cheerleader's table, but Lily refused, as Chrissy was the only one that wanted her there.

"I'm sure," Lily nodded, she didn't know if she could handle more catty comments, "I'm excited for tonight," she smiled as the two walked slower, making the most of their lunch time together.

"I am too!" Chrissy grinned with excitement, "Oh, what are you going to wear? It is the big game after all, there'll be plenty of people there..." Chrissy hinted, but continued when Lily looked confused, "Plenty of boys there."

A blush bloomed across Lily's cheeks as she shrugged, "Oh, I don't know. Probably what I usually wear," the blonde said shyly, "Boys don't look at me like they look at you Chrissy."

"Oh, please," Chrissy stopped, her grin getting bigger as she poked the girl in the side, "I saw you with Eddie Munson this morning, he's into you for sure."

"No way," Lily shook her head, "Besides you know what my grandma-"

"Your grandma, I know," Chrissy rolled her eyes and began to walk again, "when will that woman ever lighten up and let you have some fun?"

Lily shrugged, looking back toward her tray. Their was an awkward moment of silence before Chrissy spoke again, "Well, why don't you, y'know, accessorize a little. Oh, did you get a class necklace? We can match!" Chrissy offered, holding up her necklace slightly so Lily could see it.

"No," Lily frowned, "my grandma didn't give me any money to get one. She says that they're practically useless."

"That woman is holding you back," Chrissy sighed, reaching behind her neck to unclasp her necklace. She stopped Lily and stood behind her, fixing the delicate gold chain with an '86 pendant around her neck. Lily brought a hand up to touch the charm, giving Chrissy a small smile as the redhead returned to her side, "There," Chrissy glanced from the necklace to Lily's face, "It looks good on you."

Lily felt the blush return to her cheeks as she looked down at the pendant, "Thank you," she told Chrissy earnestly, "I'll give it back to you after the game."

Chrissy shook her head, "No, you keep it, I can always get another one," she told her and Lily nodded, tucking the chain underneath her windbreaker with one hand.

Suddenly, Chrissy's boyfriend, Jason Carver, came up behind the two of them and grabbed his girlfriend by the waist. Chrissy let out a small shriek before laughing to hide her shock. Lily almost dumped her tray on herself as she flinched. She had noticed that Chrissy seemed more on edge than usual. In their math class, she seemed to be off in her head, jumping in her seat when the bell rang. Putting the fallen, apple sauce-covered carton of milk back on her tray, Lily frowned.

"You did great at the pep rally today, babe," Jason said, not noticing Chrissy's nervous behavior, "I swear all eyes were on you."

Jason then turned to see Lily standing beside them, wiping the applesauce from a strand of her hair, "You did a good job too, Lily. Our girls always look their best, thanks to you."

Jason and Lily went to church together. Lily didn't consider him a friend, more like acquaintances who understood they would never be friends, but they were polite nonetheless, "Thanks, Jason," Lily told him flatly, parting ways with the two, "I'll see you guys at the game tonight."

"See you later, Lily!" Chrissy shouted after her before turning to join her boyfriend at the lunch table.

Lily sat down at one end of a sparsely populated table, which had a group of freshmen seated at the far end with a few stragglers between them. She stared at her tray, seeing the food had all run together. She frowned, green beans and applesauce were not a good combination. She salvaged what she could of her pulled pork sandwich, and stuck a straw into the small, soggy milk carton.

Sipping her drink, the girl glanced around the cafeteria, people watching. She found her eyes drawn to Max Mayfield, who was also sitting alone, listening to music as she ate her lunch. Max was a freshman, so Lily had little opportunity to speak with her. So she didn't know her very well. Lily did know her step-brother Billy, who passed in the fire at Starcourt Mall. Billy was on the basketball team, and though he wasn't that nice, Lily was always kind to him. She sensed that there was more to Billy than met the eye, and when she learned that he died saving his sister in the mall fire, she knew she was right.

The redhead's eyes met hers, and they widened when she realized Lily was staring at her. Max gave the blonde a look, and Lily quickly looked back down at her food. She wanted to tell her that she knew how it felt, to have someone you love taken so suddenly from you. To have their life vanish in an instant. Yet, she didn't want to make Max uncomfortable. Lily wouldn't want to dive into such a deep conversation with a stranger either.

She continued to pick at her food, twisting her fork into the pulled pork, eating bits that were untouched by the other food. A clamoring was heard from behind her, Eddie's table, but she didn't dare turn around. She was still too embarrassed to even look at the metalhead. Her bloody nose fiasco furthered her belief that God just didn't want them to interact. She tuned out Eddie's rambling, though he was causing a stir as she heard Jason shout back at him.

Ever since Steve Harrington graduated, Jason has tried to establish himself as the school's "alpha male". He always butts in on things that don't involve him or acts as if he speaks for the entire student body. Lily found his self-righteousness kind of irritating. She prayed that the lord or someone would knock him down a few pegs so that he could learn some humility.

She didn't turn around until she felt as if she was being watched. Turning to look, she saw Eddie grabbing Nancy's little brother Mike and a kid she thought was named Dustin by the scruffs of their necks. He looked around the cafeteria while talking to them, and his eyes settled on her, followed by the other two pairs of eyes. Eddie pushed the two underclassmen towards her, the two Freshmen approaching her nervously.

"Hey," Mike spoke first as they stopped by the table, "Lily, right?"

Lily nodded, swallowing her food before speaking, "Yeah, and you're Nancy's little brother, right?"

"That's right," He chuckled nervously, "So, we were wondering if you wanted to join us for a game of Dungeons and Dragons tonight?"

"My grandma says Dungeons and Dragons is of the devil," Lily told them earnestly, picking up her tray and standing up to dump her trash, "Did Eddie put you up to this?"

The two trailed behind her like ducklings following their mother, "It's not, I promise! And no, we needed a replacement for tonight, and so Eddie said to ask around," Mike told her.

"And you're the first person we thought of!" Dustin grinned and Lily shook her head, letting out a small chuckle.

"What even is Dungeons and Dragons, and why would it make you think of me," Lily asked, weaving through the crowded cafeteria, the two young boys struggling to keep up.

As they walked, Dustin then explained, "It's a fantasy game- you get to make your character and fight monsters. You can play as a cleric or a paladin while spreading the lord's message, that sounds like a you thing, huh?" The curly-haired boy offered.

Lily stopped and turned back toward them, giving them a small smile, "While that does sound fun, I have to be at the game tonight. I hope you find someone though," She handed in her tray and walked out of the cafeteria.

They watched her blonde curls bounce away from the two of them, leaving them behind. After Mike let out a sigh, Dustin frowned at the realization this might be harder than they thought, "Well, shit."

_

Lily decided to head home and get something to eat before the game, she also didn't want to hang around the school until it started later that evening. She entered her Grandmother's trailer, the screen door letting out a loud screech as she pulled it open, "I'm home," she called out. The T.V. was turned off, and the blanket her grandma was using this morning was now folded over the headrest of the recliner. Lily could feel the air in the house was off, like she walked into something she wasn't supposed to. The sinking feeling washed over her and began to bubble up in her throat. She turned her head toward the kitchen, where her grandma stood beside the sink, her arms crossed.

She was in trouble. Big trouble.

"I have a game tonight," Lily told her, her voice coming out quiet and meek. She tried to ignore the feeling as she stepped into the living room, "I was just stopping by to get something to eat before I have to go back."

Her grandma didn't move, but the frown on her face deepened. Lily felt like she did this morning, as if she was a deer in headlights, unable to move. She was frozen with dread as she just stared at her grandma, waiting for her to do something, anything. It felt like forever until her grandmother finally spoke, "You want to tell me why Patsy May Baker saw you getting in a car with that Munson boy this morning?" She asked, an eyebrow raised.

She knew the answer, she just wanted Lily to admit to it.

"He asked me if I wanted a ride to school, that's all," Lily told her honestly, "He just took me to school, grandma," She repeated, assuring herself too that that was all it was.

"You know better than to even look at that boy, Lillian," Her grandma's voice raised in volume as she spoke, she moved away from the counter to shake her finger in front of Lily's face, "You know he is up to no good, you know that! He's a devil worshipper, Lily. "

"I thought just one ride would be fine, he's asked me multiple times and I always say no!" Lily told her, trying to hold back her tears and defend herself, "This is the first time I've even talked to him grandma, I promise."

"Don't you lie to me Lily Ruth," Her grandma shouted, grabbing her arm, "You tell them you're not going tonight, you have to stay home and think about what you've done," She demanded.

Lily's eyes widened, "I have obligations, there's a whole group of girls counting on me!" She begged, "It's the championships!"

"The lord was counting on you too, and look what you did!" Her grandmother's grasp on her arm tightened, for an older woman she sure had a grip, "Now, don't you dare backtalk me, young lady. I swear to the lord above, you'll get the paddle if you keep it up."

"But-" Lily began, but a stinging slap to her cheek stopped her words. She fell to the ground as her grandmother released her arm. The tears were falling now as she looked back up at her grandmother in shock.

The woman didn't even seem phased, "Go to your room, I don't want to hear your blubbering for the rest of the night. Keep this up and you can say goodbye to your spring break, you hear me, Lillian?" Her grandmother turned back toward the kitchen, muttering on the way, "Bringing the devil into my house..."

Lily nodded, letting out a whimper as her legs carried her towards her room before she could even register what had just happened. She'd been reprimanded before, had gotten a few good cracks on her knuckles with a ruler, but she'd never been outright hit in the face before. The paddle or the belt had always been a thinly veiled threat, but now she knew that her grandma didn't need those to hurt her.

She shut the door lightly, not wanting to get yelled at for anything else, and tossed her backpack on the floor before she threw herself onto her bed. A pile of Care Bears surrounded her as she sobbed quietly into the mattress. After a few moments, she turned her head to take off her glasses. She grabbed her Grumpy Bear plush and held it to her chest, turning over to stare at the ceiling.

She stared for a moment, studying the patterns she could make on the blurry, sand-swirled ceiling. She felt the tears streak down the sides of her face, and with a sniffle, she wiped them away with her sleeve. She felt numb, the stinging in her cheek the only thing she could feel. She had always been told that the Lord gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, but she didn't feel very strong right now.

As she turned, curling up her legs under her, she glanced at the photos on the corkboard beside her bed. She smiled at the Polaroid of her and Chrissy, one that the ginger had begged her boyfriend to take. It was their last game of Junior year, and Chrissy had wanted to take a couple pictures to remember it. The two had exaggerated smiles, their mouths slightly open as one of their arms were gripped tight around the others waist, and the other arm was up in the air with open palms. In ink pin at the bottom was written "Go Tigers!" in Chrissy's hand writing with a small heart beside it.

There were photos of her and her old friends posing together for the camera, her metal-filled smile beaming as they held each other close. They'd stopped writing her a few months into her sophomore year. She still sent them letters every once in a while, always hoping to hear back, but the letters never came.  There was one picture that she loved more than any of the others, a picture of her and her parents smiling over her 10th birthday cake. They had gone to the roller rink that day, her parents used to take her all the time. It filled her with a yearning for her old life, she wanted her parents back.

She let out a deep sigh, "Why me?"

A migraine suddenly swept over her, the pressure felt as if someone were squeezing her brain from the inside. She brought her palms to either side of her head, applying pressure to her temples. She reached for the aspirin she kept at her bedside, with the headaches and the nosebleeds she figured that her allergies were just acting up. Although, she couldn't help but wonder if a higher power was at work- if God was punishing her for her wrongdoings.

She sat up and bent over to reach for her backpack, fishing around inside for her Walkman. She pulled the tape player and headphones out of her bag and then reached under the bed for a shoebox, hanging partially upside down in the process. She brought the shoebox up unto the bed with her, opening it and picking a tape out. Songs From the Big Chair, the Tears for Fears album she'd sneakily bought from the mall that previous summer. She put the tape in the player, replacing the Stevie Nicks album, and slid the shoebox back under her bed.

Putting her headphones on, she kicked off her shoes and laid back in bed. She closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the music, imagining herself far away from Hawkins, Indiana.

_

Lily didn't even realize she fell asleep until she woke up to a loud rumbling outside her window. The tape had stopped itself, and the headphones that once covered her ears were scattered across the mattress as she had apparently flung them off in her sleep. She looked at the clock at her bedside table, it was late, the game was probably well over by now. She'd wondered if they'd won or not.

With a groan, Lily streatched her arms and sat up to look out the window above her bed. She reached for her glasses, seeing the blurry outline of a familiar van. Putting the thick spectacles on, her jaw dropped in shock as she finally could see who was getting out of it.

"Chrissy?" Lily questioned herself in a whisper. She didn't even know that Chrissy and Eddie knew each other. Eddie opened the door to his trailer for the redhead and she skittishly made her way inside.

Lily blinked a moment, making sure what she just saw was real and not some sort of dream. She shrugged off her windbreaker, leaving the jacket on the floor, and grabbed her shoes from the floor. She held the white sneakers in her hand as she stood up on her matress, carefully slinking her way towards the window. She wasn't going to eavesdrop, she was merely checking to see if Chrissy was alright.

Chrissy normally went to parties at Benny's after games, an old, run-down burger joint on the edge of town. What was she doing at Eddie's trailer? Using one of their lawn chairs to maintain her balance while she had one leg outside, she slowly squeezed herself out of the window. When she got herself down, she sat on the chair, slipping her shoes on.

Standing up, she bit her lip in apprehension. What if they caught her?  What if her grandma caught her? Her eyes widened as she turned to go back into the window, but she stopped when she saw her light in her room flicker. She furrowed her brows, tilting her head in question like a confused dog would. Lily paused a moment, concerned, before being turned around by shouts from Eddie's trailer. She could see the lights flickering from inside between the shutters. She made her way towards one of his windows, looking through a broken shudder.

Her face filled with horror as she watched Chrissy Cunningham slowly rise up into the air. Eddie fell back onto the ground of his trailer, watching with wide eyes as a slow cracking sound was heard. It all happened way to fast, as Chrissy's bones began to snap, one after the other in quick succession. Lily gaped in horror, though she tried her best, she couldn't tear her eyes away from the terrifying spectacle in front of her. She tried to scream, to make any sound at all, but her breath was caught in her throat.

Eddie screamed as her body fell to the ground. Lily watched as he quickly scrambled up from the floor, grabbing his keys from the counter and sprinting towards the door. She couldn't move as she watched him get into his van, though he was too preoccupied to see her anyway. He peeled out of the trailer court and sped down the road. Lily watched on, her eyes as big as saucers as she finally gathered her wits.

She glanced from trailer to trailer, wondering if she and Eddie were the sole witnesses of this... murder? She didn't even know what to call it. She saw something out of the corner of her eye, curtains moving in a trailer across the way. Max Mayfield's trailer.

Lily looked from the window, to Chrissy's mangled body, to her trailer, and to Max's window again. She bounced on her heels a moment before booking it back towards her room, scrambling up the chair and back through the window. She bounced off of her bed and thudded onto the floor, not caring about the noise she made as she quickly crawled towards her trash can.

Lily retched up what was left of her lunch into her pink plastic garbage bin. She sputtered and grabbed the edge of her desk for support as she wobbly stood, like Bambi learning to walk. The room felt as if it was spinning, and she couldn't get the image of Chrissy's dead body out of her head. She was crying, she didn't even realize it, but the collar of her shirt was soaked from the tears running down her face and neck.

She let out a choked sob, falling back to her knees in the middle of her room. Chrissy couldn't be dead. It wasn't possible.

"Why?" She choked out, "Why Chrissy, lord?" She looked up toward the cross on her wall, gripping the fibers of her shag rug with all of her might. She felt if she let go, she'd be tossed around the spinning room as if she was on some wretched carnival ride.

"Bring her back!" She pled to the cross, her strangled cries ceased as her breath quickened.

She started to hyperventilate, looking around the room for anything to help her calm down. She tried to stand again but her knees felt weak and her vision was beginning to get cloudy.

"Bring her back," she pled in a whisper, before she let her head fall back and her eyes close as she passed out, gripping the necklace that Chrissy gave her.