Chapter Fifty Two Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy

The day came when I had to do something I never thought I would have to do. While I was cooped up in my room, they were getting everything ready. Ready for this one specific moment. Saying goodbye was never easy.

I stood in front of the hole where the yellow flower would be planted. That hole would be filled but the one in my heart would never be.

Mom walked outside and she came beside me, holding the flower in her hands. Jayce was on the other side of me, holding my hand. Mom was waiting for me to take the flower from her but I couldn't. If I took the flower from her and placed it inside the ground, that would be it. That would be my goodbye.

"I'll take the flower." Jayce said, removing his hand from mine and stepping over to get the flower.

He walked over to the hole and got on his knees. He placed the flower inside, carefully, before covering it up with soil. He didn't move right away. He stayed there, saying his own goodbye. A moment later, he got up and came back to my side.

Cassidy and Nolan gave both of us a hug, followed by Hailey, Sabrina, Anthony, Levi, Hunter, Landon, Devon, Chance and Skylar.

Our parents were the last ones and they were something to us but I wasn't listen. Jayce nodded at whatever they said before we were left to ourselves.

I rested my head on Jayce's shoulder as I stared at the yellow flower. Jayce turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.

"Remember our promise."

I nodded my head.

We stayed there for a few minutes later before going inside where the rest were. I separated from Jayce, who was talking to the guys, and went over to Hailey and Cassidy.

"Thank you for coming." I told them.

"There's no need to thank us." Hailey said. "Of course we would be here."

"Really, Cole." Cassidy agreed. "We're family and we'll always be there for you."

They wrapped their arms around me, in a group hug with me standing in the middle.

"Y'all truly are the best. I don't know what I would do without y'all." I said.

"Good thing you'll never have to find out." Cass replied, smiling.

"She's right. There's nothing you can do or say to get rid of us." Hailey said.

I smiled. "I guess I'm stuck with y'all for life, huh?"

"Damn right you are." Cass told me while Hailey nodded in agreement.

Chance walked over to us, leaving Jayce's group.

"Can I speak with you, Cole?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, of course."

Hailey and Cass removed their arms from around me and I stepped out of the middle. I followed Chance to the staircase, out of earshot from everyone who was either in the kitchen or the living room.

"I just wanted to say sorry for your loss and I know that doesn't help anything but I feel like I have to say something, anything to you. You were there for me when I lost my mother. This was the least I could do to return the gesture."

"Chance, you don't need to return the gesture. Like I told you, I wanted to be there for you and your family."

He nodded his head. "I know you did. If you need anything, please tell me."

"I will." I assured him.

I was walking away when Chance stopped me.

"Cole one more thing. Jayce is hurting me than you think."

I frowned in confusion. "What? What do you mean?"

"Earlier, I spoke to him and I may not know him as well as you do but I could feel how hurt he was. He talked about the baby and he really wanted it. His voice held so much pain and it took everything he had not to cry."

I glanced at Jayce and he was talking to Nolan before looking back at Chance.

"Thanks for telling me." I said.

Jayce was known for being a party animal and a wide known player. No one would ever think twice about him wanting to be a father at such a young age. But if Chance was telling me the truth, it shows how different Jayce really was.

That day Jayce came to talk to me in my room, he just explained why he wasn't there at the hospital and then his feelings back in July. He never told me anything about how much he wanted this baby and I felt horrible. I didn't even ask him how he felt.

I was self-absorbed in my own pain and suffering, I couldn't see his. I didn't even try to see it. I hated myself even more than I already did. If I would've just listened, Jayce wouldn't be suffering silently.

He didn't want me to know how much he actually was hurting because he didn't want me to put the blame on myself again. He didn't want me to hate myself. But I still blame myself and I would never forgive myself. It didn't matter what he said or anyone else said.

As I watched Jayce, I didn't noticed it right away because he was good at hiding his feelings. But the more I watched, I eventually saw his pain and that hurt like hell to know I was the cause of it.

I took my eyes off of Jayce and saw Hunter standing off to the side, his phone pressed to his ear as he spoke, lowly. It reminded me of the time during Christmas break when he was in his room, taking in the same tone as now.

Whoever she was, she had to be important to Hunter if he was hiding her from his own family. It's been months and he still wouldn't tell us. Granted, I never asked him about this mysterious girl but still, I thought he would've at least told us by now.

He saw me looking at him and he quickly said his goodbye. He put his phone in his phone and walked over to me.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked.

"Oh just my sergeant. He wanted to know if everything was okay."

I knew he was lying but if still wasn't ready to tell us his secret then I would wait until he was finally ready to spill the beans.

"Oh, okay."

He threw his arm over my shoulders. "C'mon I think the food's ready."

"You did know Mom cooked, right?" I said, raising my eyebrow.

He shuddered. "Nothing I can't handle. I did basic training, I can handle her cooking."

I smiled. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

Hunter was right, the food was ready and our guest were ready to leave. Chance excused himself beforehand and Hailey was trying her hardest to escape.

"Why is everyone leaving?" Anthony asked as he sat down. "The food is the best part."

"Just wait til you eat the food." Landon muttered and Vonna elbowed him in his side.

"I try to talk her into letting me cook dinner tonight but she wouldn't bulge." Dad told us when Mom went into the kitchen.

"I really need to get Devon home." Hailey said as Mom walked into the dining room. "My mom just texted me."

"Oh, okay. You go right ahead. Do you want me to make you a plate to go?" Mom asked.

Hailey shook her head. "No. No need to do that."

"Are you sure?"

Hailey nodded her head. "Yes."

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow. Drive safe." Mom told her as she hugged them.

"You traitors" Levi mumbled, glaring at them.

Hailey and Devon exited the room and went out the door before anyone could stop them. Mom sat down and we looked at her.

"What? Dig in." She told us as she made her own plate.

No one moved except Anthony and Sabrina. Levi tried to warn them but they weren't paying attention. They made their plates and as soon as they took the first bit, they knew why no one else went for the food.

"How's the chicken?" Mom asked them.

"It's good." Anthony choked out.

Hunter leaned in. "We have to grab some food or Mom's gonna know something's wrong."

I nodded my head. "Okay."

I reached across from me and grabbed food, placing it on my plate. They followed behind me. I lifted the fork in front of my mouth and hesitated.

"Just do it." Hunter said. "Don't think about it. Chew fast and swallow."

I did as he said and that's how we got through most of our plate. I never drank so much water in my life. The worst dinner I ever had and I felt so bad for Dad. He was stuck with her for his entire life.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Cassidy said, holding her stomach.

"Right behind you." Sabrina agreed. "That was the driest chicken ever."

After that, everyone started to leave. They gave me one more hug before they walked out the door. Jayce's family was the last one to leave.

His parents were talking to my parents. Skylar walked over to me.

"Are you gonna be okay?" She asked me. "Mama said you were in pain and when I asked her about it, she didn't tell me. I tried to talk to Jayce but he said I wouldn't understand."

"I'm not okay right now but I will be someday." I told her. "The pain I'm feeling isn't gonna go away as if I stubbed my toe."

Skylar nodded her head. "I did that before and it hurt."

"This is a different pain. You know when you lost your hamster."

"Yeah." She said, sadly.

"That's my kind of pain but worse."

"I'm sorry, Cole." She hugged me.

Vonna and Michael hugged me before walking out the door with Skylar.

"I haven't really talked to you." Landon said. "It's not that I didn't want to. I just didn't know what to say."

"It's okay."

"I hear him cry and it hurts me because I don't know what to do or say."

"He cries?"

Landon nodded. "Yeah. It's not as bad as the first night. That's the first time I ever seen him cry. Lately, when he cries, there a bottle of liquor in his hand." He sighed. "You're the only one who can talk to him. You're the only one who understand his pain."

He looked at his brother. "I don't want him to cry tonight or drink."

He walked out the door and I watched Jayce. He felt my stare and he looked at me. He motioned for me to sit beside him.

"Will you stay tonight?" I asked him.

He nodded. "Yeah. What were you and Landon talking about?"

I could either lie or tell him the truth. Chance and Landon both said the same thing. Jayce was in so much pain and he was trying so hard to mask it. I wanted him to talk to me.

I could hear Mom and Dad in the kitchen washing the dishes. I was going to tell him what I found out but I wanted to be alone.

I stood up. "Mom, Dad. We'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay, sweetie." Mom replied. "Be careful."

"Follow me." I told Jayce.

He was confused but he stood up and followed me out the door anyway. We walked to his truck and when we got inside, he asked his question.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere private."

"Okay." He started the truck and drove us away from the city.

He drove to an empty parking lot and turned the trunk off. He turned his body so he was facing me.

"What's wrong?"

"I should be asking you that."

"Why?"

"Landon told me about your breakdowns."

"I'm gonna kill him." He said.

"No. Don't be mad at him. He only wants to help you. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want you to be upset with yourself. I thought hiding it from you would make it better."

"Nothing is gonna make this situation better. Chance told me how much you wanted to be a father and I'm-"

"Don't say it." He interrupted me. "Stop apologizing. This is why I didn't tell you. You have nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your fault. Yeah I did tell Chance about how I wanted to be a father. I told him about my dreams about the life with the baby. Things would've been different but like I said, we're gonna get through this together."

He grabbed my hand.

"This isn't the end. We still have plenty of time left to have a family."

"You really want to start a family with me?"

"Of course. You're the only girl I would want to start a family with. Do you not believe me when I say I love you and I will always love you?"

I wasn't thinking that far ahead in the future. I never imagine my life with kids. Especially not with Jayce. Sure I thought we might last until college ended but after that, I stopped thinking. But now, hearing him say he wanted a family with me, changed everything.

"Stop hating yourself, okay?"

I nodded my head. "Okay."

He leaned over the console and kissed me. It was a slow kiss but it was everything. We stayed in the parking lot for another ten minutes before we went back to my house.

Mom and Dad went sleep and Jayce was heading up the stairs. He stopped when he noticed I was behind him.

"Are you coming?"

"I'll be up there in a minute." I said and he nodded his head.

I went outside and walked over to the flower. It looked beautiful with the moonlight hitting it. I didn't say my goodbye earlier and I needed to in ordered to move on.

I would've forget him but I couldn't keep holding on to him either. He was up in the sky, waiting for us.

Tears filled my eyes as I looked at the yellow flower. Saying goodbye was never easy.