Jamie

The side of my bed was still warm where Jordan slept all night, but when I opened my eyes, I discovered he was gone. He wasn't anywhere in my room. I wandered down the stairs, made myself a cup of coffee and went outside to the porch in the hopes of finding Jordan. He's the first thing I thought about in the morning. Instead, I found Tim who was reading. Nothing changed since we were kids, always a book worm.

"Hey," I said. "Have you seen Jordan anywhere?" I asked.

"Huh?" he said, not looking up from his book.

"Jordan," I said. "Have you seen him?"

"Why are you so interested in the whereabouts of my brother?" he asked, finally looking up from his book.

"Just wondering," I said, hoping Tim would forget about my curiosity and return to his book.

"He's out and about somewhere," he said. "I see you two helped yourself to the brownies already." I sat down, hoping Jordan would show up.

"It was just a taste test," I said.

"A quarter of the pan is gone," he said. Yeah, I guess we got carried away, I thought to myself, remembering last night. "He was up early today. He's always up early, but earlier than usual. I think he's excited about going with you today. I really don't know what's gotten into him lately."

"He's kind of fun," I said, spotting Jordan at the entrance of the woods in only his boxers and bare feet. A smile immediately came to my lips when I spotted him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey, where are you going?" he said as I got up to go to him.

"I'm going to play," I said.

"I think you've eaten way too many brownies and smoked way too much weed," he said.

"Maybe," I said, running down the porch stairs. "Morning," I said once I reached Jordan. "Did you sleep okay?" He didn't say anything, walking back into the woods, leading me to the raspberry bushes. He picked a handful, then stopped abruptly in front of me. "What are you going to do, feed me?" I teased. Opening my mouth, I accepted the raspberries.

"Do I snore?" he asked after he popped a few raspberries in my mouth.

"No," I said. "But I'm a sound sleeper, so I guess I really wouldn't know." I couldn't help but notice that Jordan's legs were covered in dirt up to his knees. "You know you really have to take a shower before we go."

"Yeah, I know," he said, feeding me another raspberry.

"And swimming in the pool doesn't count."

"Yeah, I know." Jordan started walking again and I followed, wondering where he was taking me this time. We walked further and further, landing on a mountain of rocks.

"I don't know how you walk out here in your bare feet," I said.

"I'm used to it," he shrugged. He walked over the rocks, back and forth, back and forth. I knew him well enough by now to know he was thinking about something. Maybe he'd say something, maybe he wouldn't. "I've never been on a plane," he said. "My dad's been everywhere and I've never left New England."

"Maybe you can come see me in London," I said. He stopped walking and looked at me, not sure if I was serious or not. I liked the idea of him visiting me in London. "But you'll need a passport."

"Tim would never let me go." I didn't think he needed permission from Tim. It seemed like he needed permission for everything.

"You're 19," I said. "You're not a kid, right?"

"Will you help me get one?" he asked, walking toward me. "A passport I mean?"

"Yeah, sure," I said. Maybe he could visit me over Christmas break.

"We could see the Tower of London," he said.

"Yeah, whatever you want," I said, combing my fingers through his hair. "We'd have a lot of fun." I loved looking into his deep brown eyes. And I loved it when he looked into mine. He took one step forward, then back again, spinning around.

"Come on," he shouted to me, running down the rocks. He ran all the way back to the house, going straight to the pool, jumping in. I followed closely behind him because, after all, he told me to "come on."

"I told you you had to take a shower," I said.

Tim climbed up the ladder as I stood on the edge of the pool while Jordan swam.

"Are you sure you want to take him?" Tim asked me. "I know you're living here rent-free, but I don't expect you to babysit him or...or take him to your parents.'"

"Who says he needs a babysitter?" I said. "He's a cool kid. We like the same music."

"You're not getting any ideas about him, are you?"

"What are you talking about? What kind of ideas?" I said, playing dumb.

"I'm just saying, Jamie. He's completely innocent and naive and...well...just don't get any ideas." Was he really that innocent? "He's my responsibility and he doesn't need sexual confusion on top of everything else."

"Give me a break, huh?" I said, doing my best to hide my nervousness. "Give me a little bit of credit. We swim and go for walks together. That's it. I'm taking him to my parents and then the fireworks. Let him live a little."

"You don't know him," he said. "Come on, Jordan," he directed his attention to him. "You have to take a shower." After another twenty minutes of swimming, he did as he said.

Jordan took a marathon shower, which I didn't quite understand since most of the dirt washed off in the pool. Ready to leave, I waited for Jordan at the front door with a mouthful of brownie. He looked so cute in his khaki shorts and plain black t-shirt. I instantly smiled, noticing his black Chucks without socks.

"Be good," Tim said as Jordan made his way to the door.

"He's not a little kid," I said. "He'll be fine." Tim rolled his eyes at me and wished me luck.

My parents lived about forty-five minutes away, over the New Hampshire border. Growing up, I only lived ten minutes away from Tim by bike. After my younger sister Liz moved out, my parents downsized to this one bedroom townhouse in a retirement community.

Sitting in the residential parking lot, Jordan hesitated before getting out, staring blankly ahead of him. Maybe Tim was right. Maybe I shouldn't have taken him to my parents' house, away from his routine.

"Are you alright?" I asked. "You want me to take you home?"

"Are your parents nice?" he asked.

"I think they are," I said. Why was it I just noticed the freckles on his nose? They matched the freckles on his shoulders that I'd seen so many times before. "Are you alright?" I asked. Just staring out the window, he didn't say anything. "Jordan?" Tim was right and now I was stuck. Or maybe not.

A few minutes later Jordan finally opened the door. Breathing a sigh of relief, I got out of the car. I really hoped my mother was having a good day because if she wasn't, then I feared Jordan wouldn't, either.

"It's going to be alright," I said, bringing an arm around his waist, leading him to the front door. "I'm touching you," I teased.

"Don't," he said.

"You didn't even notice until I said something," I said, approaching the front door.

My twenty-eight year old sister, Liz, opened the door. Since we hadn't seen each other since Christmas, we gave each other a big hug. "Oh my God," she gasped. "You cut your hair."

"Yeah, I didn't want to look like Thor," I said, looking at Jordan.

"Huh?" she said.

"Never mind," I said. "This is Jordan." Looking away, he merely nodded shyly although I knew he wasn't shy, not as shy as he seemed, anyway.

"This is Tim's brother, right?" she said. She went to shake his hand, but Jordan was having none of it, keeping his arms by his side. "It's nice to meet you," she said.

"He's kind of shy," I said. "How's Mom?"

"Okay," she said as my dad emerged with my mother not far behind. Her face brightened when she saw me. I'd say she was having a decent day. Recognizing me right away, she kissed my cheek and hugged me. My dad hugged me, too. And then I felt guilty and thought maybe I should visit more often, especially since I was going away for ten months. I introduced them both to Jordan who didn't say a word, not that I expected him to.

"What happened to Gina?" my dad asked, quickly coming to the conclusion that Jordan was perhaps a surprise replacement for Gina. I had forgotten I hadn't told them that she and I broke up and that she kicked me out. They didn't really need to know that she kicked me out.

"Uh...well, Gina and I broke up and I've been staying with my friend, Tim. You remember Tim, right?"

"Oh, you're Tim's younger brother!" my mother exclaimed. "I remember you." I guess she was having a really, really good day. "Wasn't it just yesterday you were four years old and mute?" Mute? He was far from mute.

"I think he's still mute," Liz said.

"No, he's not," I said.

We sat outside on the small back patio while my dad grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. Liz had prepared a fresh vegetable platter that immediately caught Jordan's eyes.

"You like vegetables, huh?" Liz said as he snatched more and more baby carrots. I guess he was hungry.

"Baby carrots," I said, but then he took a few yellow peppers from the platter, so perhaps he liked other vegetables besides baby carrots and green beans.

"Are you in college?" my mother asked. He only looked at her, not responding, not that I expected him, too. Not yet, anyway.

"Yes," I replied for him. Our knees touched as we sat close to each other. With his hand on top of my knee, he rubbed his thumb back and forth against it. I was almost certain he knew what he was doing.

"Can I talk to you a minute?" Liz said to me. Oh no, I thought, bracing myself for another lecture. She tugged at my shirt until I got up.

"I'll be right back," I said to him as he looked up at me with his big brown eyes. I followed Liz into my parents' small kitchen.

"What are you doing with a kid?" she demanded in a whisper. Her ash blond hair was tied back loosely in a pony-tail. Some wisps of hair had escaped, sticking to the sides of her face from the July heat and humidity.

"He's not a kid," I said. "He'll be 20 in October."

"20 in October? That makes him 19. He also happens to be Tim's little brother. I can't fucking believe you." Liz let me have it while I bit my bottom lip in-between biting my nails, which I rarely only ever did when I was confronted about something I didn't want to talk about.

"There's nothing going on," I said, but she gave me that "I know you" kind of look. She stared and stared at me until I caved. "Okay," I sighed. "I haven't felt anything like this since Gavin. I don't know what to do. I really like him."

"I knew it," she said. "I could just tell. Is he even gay?"

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe."

"He's cute. I have to give you that. You really know how to pick them," she said. "And he likes you that's for sure, but I really don't think it's a good idea for you to become involved with him. You're going away and he just looks so sweet...and so young. Jamie, you really have to be careful here."

"I know," I said, just as exasperated. "But it's not like I'm some molester. He is an adult, you know."

"I know," she said. "Just saying." Yeah, that's what Tim said.

By the time we returned to the patio, I found Jordan conversing with my mother. "Jordan's just telling me all about school," my mother said. "He says he's a senior in college and graduating in the spring."

"He's only nineteen," I said. "I doubt he's graduating."

"I graduated from high school when I was sixteen," Jordan said.

"Really?" I said, remembering that he told me people once thought he was "retarded." Apparently, he turned out to be some kind of genius. Intelligence seemed to run in his family.

"I skipped the fifth and seventh grades because I was bored," he said.

"Oh..." was all I could say. I wasn't sure what else to say. Tim never told me any of this.

"What's your favorite subject?" Liz asked.

"Chemistry," he said. "I'm supposed to take some classes on campus this year, but...but I don't know if that will happen."

"Your favorite subject is Chemistry?" I said. "That was Tim's favorite."

A/N

12/23/18

I finally found a pic that could work as Jamie!