Jordan

Up even earlier than usual, I wandered around the yard and through the woods, nearly stumbling over the massive poison oak bush that was always out to get me. In addition to the bush, vines of it twirled around this great big pine tree. About eight years ago, after all of Tim's warnings, I wasn't paying attention and tripped, landing right into the bush. As a result of my clumsiness and carelessness, I developed a nasty rash that spread quickly, turning into these disgusting blisters. It was so bad I ended up in the hospital. The school nurse called 911, afraid it was some kind of deadly reaction. Mom was gone and Dad was away (as usual), so Tim was the one who got the phone call.

"Where's his mother?" I clearly remember one of the nurses ask Tim as he arrived in the emergency room in a frenzied panic.

"Away," he  said dismissively. "I'm his guardian."  When Mom went away for the last time, a judge granted Tim temporary guardianship of me (until I was eighteen) because Dad was always traveling somewhere or other. It was Dad's idea in the first place for Tim to become my guardian. I didn't want to stay in the hospital overnight, but they made me. Tim stayed with me the whole time as if he were afraid I'd die or something. Maybe it was because I cried and begged for him to take me home. I even threatened to pull out the IV if he left me there. Tim didn't have to stay with me overnight, but he did. "Someone has to keep an eye on you," he said at the time.

Recalling that night in the hospital, my body itched as if that rash still covered my body.  I carefully walked around the bush, making sure my bare feet didn't come in contact with any of it.

Last night I was up half the night, thinking about Tim and that woman, wondering what it all meant. Was he in love with her? Did he want to marry her? If he married her, then what would happen to me? Would he kick me out? Maybe this was my chance to live on campus or...or...no...my mind was running wild again. Too many thoughts...too many...

Tim was always there for me, whenever I needed him he was there, the only one I could really ever count on. With this woman, he'd no longer be there. He'd abandon me just like Mom and Dad. I knew I needed to grow up. I knew I needed to tell him about Jamie. I knew I needed to tell him the truth. Yeah, I had to grow up. My mind wouldn't stop.

Last night, after that woman left, Tim came to my room and wanted to "talk," but I wasn't in the mood to "talk." I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, not even Jamie. Despite the knocks and text messages, I locked everyone out all night.

Everyone was annoyed at me: Tim because of everything I did or didn't do last night and Jamie because I made him fall into the pond. He hated that pond. I was supposed to visit Mom today, but I wasn't sure I was in the mood for that either. Just the other day Jamie said he'd take me so we could go to the beach again after the visit, but I wasn't sure he'd be willing to take me now.

I went for a long walk, losing track of time, which I had a tendency to do, especially in the summer. Instead of waking Jamie up like I usually did, I decided to hang out in the meadow, lying flat on my back, staring up into the summer blue sky. I wasn't sure how long I had been lying there before a shadow loomed over me blocking the sun. Despite the presence of another human being, I continued to stare into the sky.

"Jordan," the shadow said.

"Jamie," I said.

"Are you okay?" he asked, plopping down on the grass beside me.

"I guess," I said.  "Are you?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he said. "I'm not angry, if that's what you think." He ran the back of his hand up my arm, sending chills down my spine, but the good kind of chills that made me warm all over. Glancing at him, my heart stopped a second seeing him bare-chested and in a pair of khaki shorts. "Do you want Tim to be happy?" I wasn't sure why he asked me such s question, so I wasn't sure how to respond. "Do you want Tim to be happy?" he asked again.  Annoyed, hurt, and even confused by his question, I sat up, pulling away from him. "Do you?"

"Shut up," I said. "Leave me alone."

"Tim wouldn't have introduced her to you if he wasn't serious about her. You can't be the center of his world all the time."

Becoming increasingly annoyed with him, I got up and walked away, my walk quickly turning into a run. As my run slowed near the raspberry bushes, I knew Jamie wasn't far behind.

Center of his world? What did Jamie mean by that? I didn't think I was the center of anybody's world. What did he know, anyway?

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to upset you." I picked a few raspberries, popped one in my mouth, then squished a few between my palms. "That's disgusting," Jamie said.

"Do you think you'll ever get married?" I asked, staring at my purple-stained palms.

"Truthfully? No," he said. "You?"

"I'm only nineteen. I don't think about that," I said. "I never thought about anything like that until you came around and then...and then...I don't know." I wasn't sure how to say it. Was Tim contemplating marrying that woman? Standing directly in front of me, he squeezed my shoulders. "If I ever get married, I don't think it will be to a girl." After a pause, I couldn't help but laugh a little. Jamie laughed, too. "I have to tell Tim."

"Yeah," he said. Playfully, I smeared my sticky hand over Jamie's face. Stifling a laugh, he gripped my wrist tightly, pretending to be annoyed.

"You're such a dirty little boy," he said, gripping my other wrist.

"Are you still taking me to the beach today?" I asked.

"Why should I?"

"Because you like the beach."

"After you visit your mother, right?" he said, pulling me closer to him. "I suppose I'll still take you, but only because I have nothing better to do."

"Okay, good," I said as he brought his lips to the area he bit last night. I was glad we stopped talking about Tim, but knowing Jamie he'd probably bring it up later. He planted kisses all along my collar bone, making his way to the other side of my neck. "I want to go to bed with you now and try again."

"I want you to try again, too," he said in my ear while my hands crept down his backside. "But not right now."

"Why? No one's out here." Breaking away from me, Jamie smiled, taking my hand in his. Holding my hand, he led me through the woods, heading back to the house. As we walked, I pointed to the dangerous poison oak bushes and vines that sent me to the hospital when I was twelve.

"I guess I should stay away from that," he said.

"It was really bad," I said. "I had to go to the hospital and everything. They made me stay over night. Tim stayed with me. I guess he didn't have to, but he did because I was scared or something."

"That was nice of Tim," he said.

"Yeah..." I said with a sigh, making me think I should probably apologize for being such a "brat" as Jamie called me.

Catching us by surprise, we found Tim sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee. Since his nose was always in a book, whether it was paperback, laptop, phone, or tablet, this morning was no different; he didn't notice us. Fortunately we pulled our hands away in plenty of time. Without saying anything, Jamie went directly inside, leaving me outside with Tim. I wondered if Tim even realized Jamie was with me, too enthralled with whatever he was reading.

"Jamie said he'll take me to see Mom," I said. Tim finally looked up.

"I can take you," he said.

"Don't you have plans with that girl?"

"Kelly? Yes, but not until later."

"Well..." I stammered. I didn't want Tim taking me. I wanted to spend the day with Jamie and go to the beach. "Jamie's going to take me to the beach again. Is that okay? Jamie likes the beach, too."

"Uh...yeah...it's okay," he said. "If Jamie doesn't mind."

"I don't think he minds," I said. "He has nothing better to do. The beach is near Mom's house so he said he'll take me." I didn't want to talk about Jamie anymore; not with Tim, anyway. I decided to change the subject. "Is Kelly a scientist, too?"

"No," he said. "She's a school counselor. I think you'd really like her." How would he know?

"Mom never liked any of your girlfriends," I said.

"She wanted me to stay a little boy forever."

Yeah, I understood what that was like.

"I'm meeting her parents tonight," he said. "That's always a big deal, right?"

I really wouldn't know, except that I met Jamie's parents even before we were officially together. Wait, were we officially together? No one knew but me and Jamie.

"What do you guys do all day together?" he asked, which was something he had asked before. For half a second I thought about telling him, but then chickened out. I wasn't ready and I'd come to realize I wasn't sure if I'd ever be ready.

"Swim," I said.

"Swim?" he said as if he didn't entirely believe me.

"Yeah, swim," I insisted and turned to go inside. "Like I always do." Unexpectedly, Tim got up and followed me inside.

"Do you still want to live on campus?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said, having some doubts after my mini freak out yesterday. "I'd like to give it a try I guess."

"I just don't want you to fail," he said. "But I guess you'll never know how you'd do unless you try, right? I mean, you're not a little kid."   

"Yeah, right," I said, making my way to the stairs.

"Hey, I just remembered I have to pick up some things at the store. Do you need anything?"

"You mean food shopping?" I said. Sunday morning was usually food shopping day, not Saturday.

"I don't plan on doing an entire shop," he said. "We just need a few things, like milk and Cocoa Puffs. Do you need anything else?"

"Chips and Coke," I said. "For the beach."

"Sure," he said. "The important things. I'll be back in a few minutes." I was sure he'd be gone for more than a few minutes because the nearest grocery store was at least a twenty minute ride away.

As soon as Tim left, I ran up the stairs, going directly to Jamie's room. His door was open and I found him him sitting on his bed, doodling in his sketchbook. Sensing my presence, he looked up. Closing his door, I walked into his room.

"What's your favorite Joy Division song?" I asked, walking toward him.

"Who says I like Joy Division?" he said, watching me as I stepped out of my boxers. His eyes followed me until I stood directly in front of him. He held my waist, looking up at me.

"We have to tell him," he said. "I'm having a harder and harder time pretending like you're just Tim's little brother."

"I know," I said. "What's your favorite Joy Division song?" I found it hard to believe he didn't like them.

"Love Will Tear Us Apart Again," he said.

"Yeah, it's a great song," I said. That song instantly played in my head.

"We can't do this," he said with his chin against my stomach. "Tim's..."

"He went to the store," I said. "We can do this."

Looking up at me with his stunning blue eyes, he kissed my stomach again, holding the back of my thighs. His lips crept lower and lower. There. I nearly toppled over.

A/N
Thanks for reading and voting! I'm going away this weekend (6/8-6/10) so my next update will most likely be next week.