Jordan

Jamie's lips brushed against the side of my face while he tugged at my knotted curls with his fingers. As I opened my eyes, I was confused, not sure why we were still in the car in the driveway. At the same time I really liked what Jamie was doing with my hair.

"Let's go inside," he said in my ear.

"Yeah," I said, bringing my lips to his.

"Inside," he said against my lips.

My ankle continued to throb, but I was able to walk on it. I was such a mess, band aids on my knees and elbows like I was still a little boy. I couldn't wait to get them off. Once inside, I tore them off, clenching my teeth so I wouldn't scream. They were stuck on pretty good.  "I'm such a mess," I said, examining my elbows. "Look at that. Disgusting." Jamie didn't seem to think it was too disgusting, though, kissing each elbow. He crouched down to do the same to my knees.

"Jamie..." I said, looking down at him. He stood back up, placing his hands on my shoulders. "I...uh..." I wasn't sure what I wanted to say, but I knew I wanted to say something. My phone interrupted my thoughts. The only person who would ever call me was Tim, maybe my dad, but usually always Tim.

"Hey," Tim said. "How's it going?"

"Okay," I said, wondering why he was calling and why he was asking me that. "I bought you cannolis."

"You did?" he said. "From where?"

"Mike's Pastry," I said.

"In the North End?"

"Yes," I said. "We went to this really cool store and I got a Misfits record...you know, vinyl...and a Patti Smith t-shirt and then we went out to eat and I had Cioppino."

"Wow," he said. "It sounds like you had a really good day. Jamie took you?" I hesitated before responding because I realized it sounded like a date.

"Yes," I said.

"Yeah, who else would have taken you, right?" he said. "Uh...um...I hope you don't mind, but I have to work late tonight and then I'm taking Kelly out. I'm thinking about staying overnight. Would that be okay?" I wasn't sure what to say, so I was silent. "Jordan? Are you there?"

"Uh...yeah," I said.

"Is Jamie there?"

Yes, he's here, I thought to myself. And he's playing with my hair and I love it.

"You're not coming home?" I asked, not answering his question about Jamie.

"Is that okay?" he asked. I didn't answer, not sure what kind of emotion I was feeling at the moment. "Hello? Jordan, are you still there?" I didn't say anything. "Jesus, Jordan, say something. I know you're there, I can hear you breathing. Is Jamie there? Let me talk to him."

"What's going on?" Jamie asked me as I stared at the floor. "Jordan?" Jamie yanked my phone out of my hand even though he knew I hated it when people touched my phone or took it without permission.

"Hi, Tim," Jamie said. Folding my arms over my chest, I leaned against the kitchen counter, continuing to stare at the floor, occasionally shifting my eyes up to Jamie while Jamie and Tim talked back and forth. "Yes...yeah...he's okay," Jamie said. With each pause, I knew Tim was speaking, but I had no idea what he was saying. "Yeah...yeah...it's cool," Jamie said. "He's fine...don't worry about it...He'll get over it...Yeah...okay, see you tomorrow."

As soon as Jamie ended the call, I snatched the phone back from him. I didn't want to talk to Tim anymore or anyone else for that matter. Tim was too busy for me. He had enough of me. He wished I'd just go away. I bought him cannolis and he didn't care.

"Hey," Jamie said to me as I wandered out of the kitchen. "Hey, Jordan, cut the shit. You're acting like a spoiled brat. Why do you care if he stays at his girlfriend's? We can sleep and fuck all night and make as much noise as we want. Hey, come on...," he said, but I didn't want to hear anymore. "You're a real pain in the ass, you know that?" He shouted to me as I headed up the stairs.

When we first got home, I had planned to go to my dad's office to play my new record, but decided I wasn't in the mood to listen to the Misfits. Instead, I went to my room and threw myself on my bed, headphones on, tuning in to Echo and the Bunnymen. I even ignored Jamie as he stood in my doorway. I knew he said something, but I couldn't hear him over the music. As he approached my bed, I turned my back to him. Couldn't he tell I wanted to be alone? He tapped my shoulder, but I ignored him. When I didn't respond, Jamie grabbed hold of my shoulder and rolled me over. He removed my headphones.

"You're such a brat," he said. "Look what you did to me last night." He lifted up his shirt to show off the bruises on his sides. The bruises were in the shape of fingerprints. "I guess you could say early this morning."

"I did this?" I said, tracing the bruises with my fingers.

"Yeah. You had a good time, though," he said. I shrugged. "What does that mean?" Mocking me, he shrugged his shoulders in return. "I don't know what that means. You did or didn't have a good time?"

Changing positions, I sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at him, my hands under his t-shirt and on his sides. He lifted his shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor. "I won't do it again," he said. "I won't wake you up in the middle of the night to fuck. Hey, maybe we won't do it again because you're such a brat."

"Little shit," I said. "That's what you used to call me."

"Yeah," he said. "Did you or didn't you have a good time early this morning?" Teasing him, I didn't speak, kissing his stomach instead. Inhaling deeply, he ran his fingers through my hair, pushing my head harder against him. With my lips against his stomach, I undid his jeans. "You're such a brat, you know that?" he said again. Grabbing a clump of my hair, he pulled my head back while I poked my hand through the hole of his boxers. "Why are you so annoyed Tim is sleeping over his girlfriend's?"

"I'm not annoyed," I said.

"Bull shit," he said. Removing my hand from his boxers, I slipped my hands inside the back of his jeans, squeezing his butt cheeks. Jamie loosened his grip in my hair, allowing me to kiss his stomach again. I pushed his jeans and shorts down below his hips, down to his thighs. I didn't do anything but look at his near naked body. I loved the fact I had this much power over him. With one simple touch, I rendered him completely and utterly mine, that I was the only living being in the universe that mattered to him. I loved the way he turned into jelly when I kissed and touched him. Standing up, I kissed his mouth while moving his erection back and forth with my hand.

"No," he moaned as I abruptly pulled away from him. "Don't stop." I didn't want to be in my room anymore. "Where are you going?"

"Come on," I said. "Your bed's bigger."

Waiting for him, I plopped down on his bed, propped on my elbows. Holding up his jeans, he entered his room. My heart pounded out of my chest as he approached me on the bed.

"Is this what you want?" he said, stepping out of his jeans and shorts. I was sure he knew what I wanted. "You're a little monster," he said, kneeling on the bed, hovering over my bed. He never called me that before. Maybe he was right, I thought, fingering the bruises on his sides.

"I loved it," I said. "Last night and...and...well, I did have a great time." Holding my face, he squeezed my cheeks, forcing me to look at him instead of below his waist.

"You're not really a little monster," he said. "Far from it." Bending down, he kissed my mouth.

"I love kissing you," I said.

"And I love it when you talk and tell me how you really feel."

"I love touching you," I said, reaching between his legs and playing with it, rubbing it against my stomach, making him harder and harder. Sounds escaped from his mouth as his tongue wrestled against mine. He lifted both my t-shirts over my head, my new Patti Smith shirt and my old Joy Division shirt. While scooting back on the bed, he tugged my shorts off. I loved his lips all over me. I really loved it. His eyes remained fixed on mine as his tongue glided down one side of my pelvis, then the other.

"Don't...don't..." I said as he teased and tantalized me with his tongue. Bringing my hand to the back of his head, I guided him down to where I wanted him.

Oh wow...

The feeling was almost too much for me. I could barely stand it so I turned my head away and to the side as he kissed and sucked me down there. Sometimes I just couldn't look at him while he did it. And then he did that thing with his finger, moving it around and inside me.

Oh no, I don't want to...I don't want to...

"Hey," Jamie said, withdrawing his finger. "Hey, Jordan, look at me...look at me. Hey..." With some hesitation, I slowly directed my gaze to his. Smiling with his eyes on mine, he kissed the tip.

"I don't want to come," I said. There, I said it. I wasn't ready. I didn't want to.

"Why not? I like it when you come. It's not like you won't do it again." I knee he was right, but I wanted to wait a little longer.

I looked at him hard, hoping he'd know what I wanted just by my stare. Yeah, he knew what I wanted, pushing my legs apart, getting me ready. Within a few minutes, he was on top of me and in me, our lips joined.

"Jamie," I muttered against his lips.

"Jordan," he whispered back.

I loved it so much.

"Jamie," I said again, this time holding his face, something I rarely ever did, staring hard into his eyes. "I love you, that's all."

"That's all?" he said with a smile. "I love you, too, you know that, right?" I nodded and kissed him again and again and there it was. My lips quivered against his smiling lips. I waited for him...yeah...yeah...okay...He groaned against my neck, thrusting hard and deep.

As soon as he pulled out, I wrestled him onto his back. "You're a lot stronger than you look," he said. "I love it when you do this," he said as I licked his stomach clean. I dragged my tongue up the middle of his chest, all the way up and back to his lips.

As we lay in bed, listening to Echo and the Bunnymen, the sky caught my eye as pink and purple shone through the blinds. The sky intrigued me so much that I just had to get up to get a closer look. I pushed the blinds open, forgetting about my aching ankle. Jamie and I had lost track of time and the sun was about to set.

"It's as beautiful as you," I said, quickly glancing at Jamie as he lay in bed on top of the covers.

"Jordan," Jamie said, my attention back at the spectacular sky. There was a different tone to his voice.

"Jamie," I said. He got out of bed and went to me. Standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder as he, too, looked out the window. "You're right. It's beautiful. You've never said anything like that to me before. No one has, actually."

"It's true," I said. "I mean it."

"I know you do," he said. "I know you'd never say anything you didn't mean. You're really incredible." He kissed the side of my neck. "I love this song," he said as Bring on the Dancing Horses played. I had nearly forgotten I brought my phone to Jamie's room, music continuing to play.

"Yeah, me too," I said, placing my hands on top of his against my stomach.

"Are you going to sing?" he asked. "I love the way you sing." I wasn't in the mood for singing.

"No," I said.

"Bring on the dancing horses...wherever they may roam..." he sang without me. "Hey, Jordan, are you alright?" I didn't respond because I didn't know how. "Hey." He shook my shoulders gently as if to force me to respond. When I didn't, he turned me around. He held my chin, lifting it up, forcing me to make eye contact with him. "What is it?" he said. I shrugged because I just couldn't explain how I felt. Instead, I hugged him tightly.

"I love you," I said against his shoulder. "I don't want you to go."

"It's not forever," he said. "Believe me. I'm coming back to my job, to my life...to you. I'm not leaving you."

All these uncomfortable, scary thoughts ran through my head and I didn't like it. Tim wasn't coming home because he was staying at his girlfriend's house all night and I feared he'd do this more and more, eventually abandoning me. Before Jamie, I spent most of my time alone. People had come to realize I was safest when alone. I had come to believe that, too. Now I could barely stand the idea of being alone all the time, not like before. I didn't want Jamie to go. I never wanted him to leave, not even for a minute. My heart hurt and I didn't know what to do.