You stood in the doorway, letting in the crisp night air inside your apartment. You could hear your heart beating in your ears. You had anticipated on seeing white hair, but all you saw was the dark night sky and the few post lamps that lit it.

You smiled bitterly. Reality swept over you when you couldn't help but think the worst- your feelings would never reach Kaneki Ken. You let out a short breath that turned into a quiet laugh. Life wasn't fair. What were you thinking when you opened the door? What were you imagining in your head while awaiting Kaneki's return? A perfect ending?

You balled your fist at your side, leaning against the door. This is how you learned that life isn't fair.

You slowly closed the door, your times with Kaneki Ken flashing in your mind. You remembered him and Hide dedicating a song to you at the karaoke station. You remembered when he first appeared at school with that ridiculous eyepatch. You remembered Rize, the woman who changed all your lives for the worst.

As you lay under your covers, your eyes landed on the book on your nightstand- the one that you had bought for Kaneki. Would he ever receive it?

-

"-and then she dumped her coffee on me! She called it an accident!" Hide laughed at his story and shook his head as he picked up a strawberry Pocky up from the shelf in front of the two of you.

You blankly stared at the chocolate banana Pocky, having not been absorbing the occurring events around you. The Pocky, Hide telling a story, and the crying baby who didn't get any chocolate.

Hide knew you weren't listening. He'd known since he called you earlier that morning saying the two of you should shop for candy. He made it his mission to make you listen to him. You only nodded in response to everything he said.

"I'm about to do something very mean." He warned.

You nodded.

"(Name)! It's Kaneki!"

You tore your focus away from the box and looked to Hide. "What? Where?"

Hide sighed. "Is that what I have to say to get you to talk to me?" He says it jokingly, but his eyes held defeated sadness.

You blinked. "Hide..."

He shook his head. "No, it's okay." He turned back to the shelf.

"I'm sorry." You mumbled and put the Pocky you had been holding back on the shelf. "Hide, what are we doing at 7/11?"

He shrugged.

"We should be at (favorite candy store)."

Hide looked at you and smiled. Although he was quiet, he was happy. Happy that you were empathetic, happy that you had paid attention to him. That was all he needed.

"You're right." He dumped the candy he held onto the shelf and took hold of your wrist, leading you to (favorite candy store).

-

"What are you planning to do with this candy?" You asked Hide as the two of you walked through the park.

He put his hands on the back of his head, relaxed. "I don't know. When I was done with mine..." He glanced at you. "I was planning to steal  yours."

As you walked, you noticed his glances, looking for your reaction. You submissively shrugged. "You said 'was.'"

He groaned. "This is what I get for being friends with literature freaks!"

The two of you didn't say anything after that, your minds drifting off to Kaneki.

Kaneki Ken. Reader. First friend. Best friend. Decided lover.

"Sorry." Hide apologized.

You didn't say anything for a while.

-

"The last time we went on a candy shopping spree was with Kaneki." You started. Hide looked at you, confusion written all over his face. Where were you going with this? "Whenever he wasn't looking, we'd steal candy from his bag." You laughed softly, and soon Hide did too.

At a first glance, someone might've thought that the two of you were reminiscing that moment. But you were really just reminding yourselves that Kaneki was gone.

"Last night I..." Hide started to say, but you finished his sentence.

"Saw Kaneki."

Maybe you didn't finish his sentence.

Hide's eyes widened. "W-What?"

It was your turn to be surprised. "You weren't going to say that?!"

He shook his head vigorously.

You closed your eyes and sighed. "I messed up." You muttered under your breath.

Hide scoffed. "No kidding."

You laughed. "Yeah."

Hide didn't respond.

You opened your eyes and looked at him to see that he was looking at the ground. "Hide...?"

"I... I don't... I'm hurt." He stuttered.

You stopped walking, seeing that he had done so before you. "I'm sorry." You reached out to him, but he avoided your touch.

"I'll see you later." He said and turned on his heels, walking away from you.

-

First, you were angry. You thought he was being naive.

Second, you slowly understood. What if Hide was you in this situation?

Third, guilt devoured you. How could you ever be mad at him?

Fourth, you reached out. You tried to contact him, you tried to talk to him when you saw him.

Slowly, slowly, and slowly the two of you fell apart. You waited for the perfect time to approach him. But your hesitations stopped you from reaching out.

-

For those of us who wait, you're already too late.

-

Fifth, not talking to Hide became something that you were used to. However you didn't accept it. You couldn't accept that both Hide and Kaneki weren't in your lives at the moment. Each day you longed for their presence. When you walked through the streets, you longed for them to be walking beside you. They didn't even have to talk to you, you would've been fine just knowing that they were there with you.

But life wasn't fair, and you knew that aleady.

You set your book down on your lap and looked up at the sky, taking a break from the words that you were seeing but not taking in. "Will I ever be able to accept this way of life?"