A/N: Heh, a bit late lol. As always enjoy, and I'd love to hear your thoughts (and your frustrations). Thank you all to those who have followed along thus far, love you all <3

Sidenote: we are reaching the end of this book soooon. Four more chapters and an epilogue :)

Warning: Slight triggering content (for safe measures).

Chapter 61

Song: Love Don't Hate It by Duncan Laurence

Simon's POV

"Mark me," I repeated. "So no one would dare doubt us or hurt us again."

"Simon-"

"Vince," I whispered back, squeezing his hand in mine. I stared deeper into his jaded and conflicted eyes. He was walking a tightrope in his mind, balancing between his fears and desires, and I was just in arm's reach away.

If he could just put those thoughts behind him, keep his eyes forward, he would see my outreached hand waiting for him.

Instead of looking at me or taking my hand, he took a step back from his tightrope. As he clenched his eyes and pulled away, I wondered if this was really happening. Yet, I had expected this much from him, the apprehensive look in his eyes as his mind went on overdrive, a million thoughts running through that head of his.

Still, I had hoped, nearly expected him to give in, especially with the way my wolf and I could feel his wolf's presence desperately trying to squeeze past Vince's restraints. He wanted this, but he was still resisting. Punishing himself by holding back on something I thought we had made clear in wanting.

But if it was just a push he needed, maybe that was all it'd take to let go. I leaned forward, gripping the front of his shirt in hopes we could lose ourselves in another kiss. Before I could marry our lips together, he placed a hand on my chest firmly.

I waded through his blue eyes, wondering if his wolf was just as desperate for this as I was. If maybe they'd turn that fierce hue and guide Vince to exactly where he belonged. That maybe he'd stop this back and forth nonsense and finally give in.

But like time and time again, his fears overrode his desires.

"Don't," he mumbled, his eyes fixated on my lips. "Wait."

"Vince?"

"If you're forcing yourself to do this, I won't allow it, Simon." He whispered, slowly peeling his gaze away from my lips and reached my gaze. "If this is about what Michael planned, it doesn't matter. His arrangement is null, you don't need to go through with this because I'm alpha now. We don't need to go further."

"What are you-"

He placed a hand along the side of my face, the warmth only a minor distraction from. "We don't need to do this."

I chuffed before grabbing his wrist in my hand. "I want this, Vince. I want you. I want to be your mate, to be marked by you. How many times must I say it for you to believe it?"

He let out a breath he was holding before looking up at me, the conflict raging in those eyes of his. He couldn't speak, merely resigning to shake his head. It was just enough for me to understand. "I-"

"Forget it," I spat before biting my bottom lip, releasing my grip on him, and retracting my hand from his face. "Pretend I never said anything."

I pushed away from the table, taking maybe three strides away before I heard the screeching of his chair and a low growl emanating from his throat. In a flurry, his hand had gripped my upper arm tightly, whirling me around with such force that I stumbled backward until my back hit the bookshelf. My body tensed from his grip, and as my eyes trailed up to meet his face, I gasped.

His eyes were gold, narrowing in on me like prey.

Had this been a few months ago, I would've been terrified. I would've been shaking like a leaf, attempting to find an escape route out of this situation, but this was different. Those eyes didn't scare me. His wolf, nor Vince scared me. I wasn't afraid of him, no, quite the opposite. I wanted this, more than Vince could possibly wrap his mind around.

"Please," I begged him, the words making the hairs on his neck stand up. A guttereal snarl escaped him as he leaned forward, his forehead against mine as his eyes bored into mine. They seemed to glow in the dim light, my stomach fluttered at the closeness.

His wolf propelled them forwards, bruising my lips with his in excitement. His wolf hadn't had the chance to do this, and I wondered if he had waited as long as I have for this very moment.

I have, his wolf mind-linked me, my heart skipping a beat from the sincerity in his tone, the pleading and desperation eliciting a whine from my wolf. For far too long, love.

Before I could even muster a response, he took my lips in his, Vince's hands roaming every inch of my skin. It was rough, messy, almost so brutish that I would've preferred the gentle and skittish kisses Vince had given me the other day.

I pulled his hands into mine, kissing his knuckles before returning my lips to his. I bit them playfully, eliciting a mewl from his wolf before kissing down his neck. Like a starved man, I savored the sensitive skin, occasionally dragging my teeth against the crook of his neck. Goosebumps formed as I continued to ravish his neck, allowing my wolf to take the lead in divulging our mate.

When he pulled away, I noticed the shaking. They were slight tremors, and as my hands explored his back, teasing him forward, they intensified.

In what felt like a last-ditch effort, I let my wolf present himself. Our wolf's eyes met for the first time, and I only hoped Vince was feeling the same heated sparks.

"Vince," I breathed against his lips before guiding his mouth towards my bare neck. "Please."

He let out a possessive growl as his lips canvassed my neck, before hovering above the spot where the mate's mark goes. My wolf relished in his wolf's attention, mewling as his breath danced on my skin. I returned the favor, latching onto his neck as our scents intermingled, invigorating our senses until we yearned for more.

With a renewed eagerness, I knitted my hands into his hair, my wolf releasing a growl of his own as I nipped at the skin, smirking as I felt it get a rise out of his wolf. His grip on my arm tightened as I could feel his teeth graze that rapturous spot. Had it not been for the bookshelf, I was sure my legs would have given out from the intimacy. My mind was quickly becoming a jumbled mess as his hands explored my back, and I wasn't sure I could take any more of his teasing.

Now, I wasn't sure if it had been me or my wolf, but his wolf growled at that, nipping the tender spot again, but that still wasn't what I had wanted. No, I needed more.

His hand snaked up my arm, leaving a burning trail until settling against that spot on my neck. His wolf seemed to growl at the hand, and I found it odd until I looked up at Vince's eyes.

They flashed blue for a second, then flickered between gold and blue twice more. Watching them fight for control felt like a douse of cold water down my back.

"Vince?" I pulled his face to mine, staring at his now blue eyes. He was shaking violently now, falling apart in my hands. His lips trembled, the faintest of gasps and mewls escaping him as he looked at me with fear in his eyes.

"No," he whined and shook his head, his eyes crazed as they looked around the room erratically. "Simon...please. Don't..."

My wolf whined and had immediately retreated, allowing me to take charge at the sight of our mate falling apart.

"I'm right here," I ushered, collecting him in my arms, not missing the way he jerked away at first, peering up at me as if he hurt me, when in fact it was the very opposite. "I'm okay. I'm fine, nothing happened. Vince, see, look here."

I bared my neck, showing him that his wolf hadn't done it. He reached a shaky hand towards the spot, releasing a relieved wail at the sight. He inhaled sharply as a few stray tears escaped him. He leaned his head on my chest, the quiet tears spiraled into sobs.

What had I done?

Here he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to control his wolf, that he'd be like those people I met up with. But what made me any better than them? Pushing him, practically forcing his wolf to do something that Vince didn't want.

It was like a sucker punch, the shame, guilt, and regret of it all hitting me from all sides.

The tears were slow at first, then it felt like hot streams of it running down my cheeks as Vince seemed to fold in on himself, his hands shaking as he drew them towards his chest. He was breathing heavily, and it was breaking me. I had been in those very shoes: the fear and sheer panic of doing something I knew I'd regret. What kind of person would let their mate feel like that?

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to quell my own anxieties to focus on Vince. He was so wracked with fear that he could hardly look at me, but I didn't blame him.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled to him, then over and over again as I pulled him into my chest, hoping that it wouldn't fall on deaf ears. That he wouldn't fear me too much to deny this.

To my surprise and relief, he didn't pull away, instead clutched at my shirt as we both sobbed into each other's arms into the wee hours of the morning. As Vince dozed off, I whispered into his hair again, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

---

The council had shrunk considerably since the attack. According to some files Vince had found, Michael had been targeting them for months, determining who had played a role in ramping up restrictions for rogues, and others who had goaded and antagonized Vince and Michael in the past.

Despite seeing visions of him sitting in the same chair before, this felt different. The times before had been full of confidence, domineering, and an intimidating aura behind it. Now it seemed like he was drowning in it, a seat that seemed too frightening to sit in. Despite the tension between us from yesterday, we had organized some of the files to be brought up during the meeting, along with evidence that could aid Vince if they sought to reprimand him for the death of Michael.

Vince had found other documents, old case files that had pertained to their father's death, as well as information from Michael's phone and rogues that were willing to confess. And as we dug deeper, Xavier had also been a tremendous help. He had received statements from other betas, even some council members of the suspicious activity Michael had done leading up to the attack.

To our surprise, the council had been rather nonchalant about Michael's death, and Vince's involvement in it. Whether it had been the evidence or the fact that most of the combatant and non-compliant members had perished, they had very little qualms about Vince's return as alpha. Rather, their concerns were more about moving forward, on how to rebuild, and assure the pack members that nothing like this was to occur again.

The first half of the meeting had been better than expected, but I could sense Vince's nervous energy still clinging to him, following him around like a cloud. Whether from the high of being newly coronated, or from the mess of last night, all I wanted to do was swat the nerves away, even if it would've been a bad idea.

Even during the meeting's recess, I was walking on eggshells. I wanted to rejoice, to be happy that we didn't need to prove and justify Vince's actions. But knowing what I had done, how badly it affected him made me fear even placing my hand in his. Would he fall apart again? Let out a heart-wrenching sob in fear?

Had I fucked it up that bad?

"I take full responsibility for the casualties we faced, both rogues and civilians." He addressed them after our recess ended. "As for the damages caused to the rogue center, orphanage, and packhouse, I'll handle the repair costs and necessary funds needed to repair and improve them."

"Through taxes?"

Vince looked at April, a female beta seated in the middle of the room. "I will exhaust personal funds before adjusting taxes if it is needed."

"And the border?" One of the members chimed in. "Won't we be seen as weak now?"

Vince gulped before addressing the older male. "The pack is secure, and will be further secured with adjustments to schedules and potential reassignments. As for this pack's reputation, I will reach out to our neighbors to clarify misconceptions and establish better relations with them."

"As for the rogue control center," Vince continued. "I will be looking into ways in expanding the program and loosening up protocols. Given the high population of them here, it may be wise to help more of them as opposed to turning them away."

One of the members beside Xavier scoffed. "And if they want to pull another stunt like this?"

"There will still be protocols," Vince explained. "But it would be in our best interest, in the long run, to provide aid to these wolves, rather than cut them off from necessary resources. It's what provoked the attack in the first place."

The council member pursed his lips in annoyance but accepted the answer.

"If there are no more questions," Vince said. "Then this meeting is-"

"Will you be declaring your Luna?" A council member spoke from the back of the room. It was an older gentleman, a delta, I believe. Silence had filled the air as the council looked between us. After last night I wasn't sure if he'd ever willingly call me or address me with that role. I don't think he ever would.

"Uh," Vince stammered, his leg bouncing as he looked at the council's prying eyes. I reached over, taking his hand in mine under the table, rubbing circles in hopes it would soothe him. Time ticked on as Vince was at a loss with words.

I cleared my throat before speaking up. "It's only been three days. I'm sure there are far more concerning matters at this time. That's...that's something that can be addressed at a later time."

The delta hummed along with a few of the other council members, before looking over the briefings. Beside me, I could feel Vince drilling holes into my head, but I refused to look at him, feared my resolve would crumble if I saw that look on his face.

You-

"Of, course, we shouldn't rush things," another wolf responded. 

Another chimed in, "yeah, things escalated fairly quickly, take your time."

Simon.

What? I snapped back at him, turning my head away from him. They're right. We shouldn't rush this.

"Well if that's everything," Xavier announced, before turning to glance at us curiously. "This meeting is adjourned."

Simon. Vince squeezed my hand as the council members stood up, moving about the room. Please.

Vince, they were right. I shouldn't have pressured you, you weren't ready. I responded before pulling my hand out from his grip. It's only been three days.

But-

You weren't ready. Aren't ready, I told him. And I shouldn't have done that. It's fine, really. Just forget about it.

He didn't say anything, instead, biting his lip as I tried to remind myself that it had only been three days. That I had been too forward, too eager, and like before, too early to mention something as large as this. No, this hadn't been the only time my timing had been impeccably terrible. He hadn't been ready to accept me as a mate, and he hadn't been ready for this big step.

Maybe you'll never be, I thought to myself grimly.