"Where's my mother?" It comes out as a croak. Far less effective than the hiss I was going for, but when the heads snap away from the monitor to my face I know I've been heard.

Agnes rushes closer and starts smoothing my hair. She brushes her palms across my face and I can feel the scrape of salt crystals from the dried up tears.

"Shh. Don't talk now. You need to relax, and rest your voice. The doctor says you'll be okay. You've got a bit of a recovery but it's all going to be fine."

I slump back on my pillow exhausted and angry. What does she know about fine? We had a pact. I was supposed to be allowed to die, truly and for the last time! And now my parents weren't here and my chest was killing me and I just want to go home.

"She's going to be sleepy for a while Agnes. Why don't you take a break. The medication will be weaned down tomorrow and we can all talk about what's happened, and what's going to happen. I'm so sorry, I don't even know if that's the right thing to say at this point. I've never had this happen in my practice."

"It's what he would have wanted. Exactly, I think. And Cassie has always been the strongest one in the family. I have an idea on how to soften the blow, if you'll indulge me...."

I listen as I drift. Too late, Agnes. I already know I didn't die. Again. I already know.

When I wake up again I smell wet dog and sleep is chased away by someone slapping me in the leg. I groan as I feel my face being washed my a slimy wet cloth. When I open my eyes Buster is on my bed licking my cheek. His tail thumping on my legs so hard I'm afraid he'll snap it in half. I lift my hands to feel his soft comforting fur and inhale his tuna breath gladly. For the first time in a long time, I smile.

"That's what I want to see. That million dollar smile." Agnes sits on the side of my bed. She looks older than she did just a few days ago and although she is smiling, it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Truthfully, she looks like she's about to crack.

"Thank you Agnes. I can't believe you got him in here. Dad tried it once and for banned for the whole day."

She tries to smile wider and reaches for my hand which is currently being bombarded by Buster's nose demanding more touching. Instead she reaches for his ear and rubs it, sending him into happy puppy bliss that's so good he had to thump his back leg.

"She couldn't do it could she? Mom. She backed out. After everything was set. Next time I'm dying in Paris, or Vegas. Or anywhere I can sneak off to. Is she afraid I'm mad? Is that why they aren't here? She's right, I am mad. And she didn't even come face me herself. Which makes me more mad!"

Agnes turns her face away from me and gets up to fill the water pitcher. Her skin is red and blotchy and I realize she's holding herself together by a thread.

"There won't be a next time Cassie. Doctor Harlowe did the transplant. You have a new heart. It's healthy, and you don't have any signs of rejection. You're actually doing better than anyone expected considering how sick you were when you got here."

I sit in silent shock and peer down into my hospital gown to see a trail of staples running down my chest. My brain sends signals to my whole body and I try to comprehend what she is saying. If it was a joke, it was the worst joke ever played on anyone. And yet, the incision was real, I could see it metallic and bumpy like a foreign entity and definitely feel it tugging and burning.

"How? I mean, they said I was too sick for a heart. They said it would have to be a perfect match to even consider, and that even if those things lined up, I'd never be strong enough. I don't understand. I mean, that's incredible."

I cried then. The ugly snot filled blotchy face kind of cry you only understand if you've done it. Buster whimpered and licked the tears as they fell from my face. My mind just kept repeating the words over and over again "there won't be a next time.... You have a new heart."

"Where are they? They've got to be dying right now! I'm not mad! Call them Agnes. Or get them from the waiting room. I need to hear it from them!"

She blew her nose and grabbed my hand from Buster's fur clenching it tightly. Buster snorted in protest and began nudging my left hand instead.

"It's wonderful Cassie. It's a gift. A new chance at living; at doing all the things you've never been able to do. And nothing can ever take away how amazing it is. Or what a blessing."

For some reason I felt an instant cold all the way to my bones. And fear spreads like acid flowing through my heart, or someone else's heart that now was connected to me; and I hold tightly to Buster. Everything she is saying sounds good and exciting and amazing but it all felt instantly scary and wrong. So wrong I wanted her to leave. Something inside of me wanted to kick her out and tell her never to come back. But, I waited, silent and afraid and screaming on the inside.

"You were dying Cassie. But this time it was a sure thing. And yes, you had a pact with your parent's to let you die at home, but at the last minute your mom couldn't do it. She couldn't sit next to you and be strong and send you off with music and sweet words. She panicked. And they loaded you in the car. It was raining, and dark, and they were in a panic and your dad looked back, just to see if you were still breathing. Just for an instant."

I plugged my ears. I started to yell. "Stop it. Stop it. Where are they? Take me to them! Stop talking to me Agnes!!"

She fiddled with the blanket and Buster put his cold wet nose under my palm to force me to pet him and unblock my ears.

Agnes cried. And I knew it before she said it.

"There was an accident. The car, a truck, it was so fast. Your father was barely alive. They brought you and him together in the ambulance. Both of you barely clinging to life. His spleen was ruptured, and he had broken his neck. Your mom came second and told them you were a perfect match for his heart. It all happened so fast."

I sobbed and grabbed my chest. I wanted to pluck out the heart and throw it against the wall. I wanted to scream until I bled. I wanted to claw her lying face off. But I held Buster. And I cried. And I thought of how much it hurt. How much I wanted to be back in that helium state and have my dad be alive.

"My mom?"

Agnes smiled. A sweet smile that smoothed out the creases and wrinkles burrowed deep in her face. "Your mom lived for two days. She lived until she knew you had gotten the heart. She lived until you were past the twenty four hour mark. Despite every break, a brain injury, and the organ damage she sustained, she waited. She waited until she knew you were going to make it."

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That takes a little of the joy of a new chance of life out doesn't it? And yet, this story is just getting started, there's SO much more. Can you believe it?!?! That wasn't the big part!! I'm so excited to finally share this. Thank you all for reading. Hope to see you next Monday for the next big reveal (I hope I can wait!!)