I washed off the smell of spaghettios and baby formula and thought about changing into something clean. As high of a priority as it was, I didn't want to get caught by Kyle or anyone else and not get to read the letter.

It felt tingly and alive in my shaking hands and part of me wanted to rip into it while the other half wanted to never open it and always know there was a part of him I could still explore. I knew it wasn't for me, but it was still his words and thoughts. I sat down on what was always his side of the bed and grabbed his pillow for comfort. I hugged it close and sat it as a makeshift support on my lap.

Slowly and carefully I unfolded the paper. It wasn't old or frail but it was the most important paper I knew I'd ever touch. Before a single word reached my brain the tears started. His script was looping and fancy. Mom always joked that he shouldn't be a scientist with handwriting like that, maybe a ninety years old woman and head of a quilting circle.
He was always proud of it, and told her she was just jealous.

Marci,
I'm staring this letter with a sorry. No matter what the circumstances of you reading this are, I always hoped it had been a sort of good luck charm. That writing it would ward off the bad things because I had prepared. But here we are. It's in your hands which means I am not. And I'm sorry.

I hope you know how fiercely I loved you. Since the day we met I knew you were going to be the one for me. You've always said I was your booby prize, and that's probably true. But you were my jackpot win. You made me see the joy in the small things and feel like a man that had it all.

I've wanted to give you the whole world for as long as I can remember. You are worth that, and so much more. And I need you to know I didn't sacrifice that. Or us. But life is a risk, and love the biggest one of all. Despite your past you let me in and loved me with all that you are, and I have to do the same.

When Cassie got sick, I thought it would break us. So many couples can't survive the death of a child. But instead of us pulling apart you clung tighter. Fought harder. You never once believed she would die and leave us. I wish I could have had faith like that, but I couldn't, even for you. But I could do something about it.

What good is an ordinary life if you have a chance to do something extraordinary? And I did. It's important to know I love you. And despite what you feel initially, you will understand the moment you let yourself believe that we are all products of timing and genes and bit of old fashioned miracle.

I took Cassie's DNA to grow her a new heart. And I did. But despite its ability to  beat and its seemingly electronic mastery, it wasn't perfect. So many variables to consider and the testing was inconclusive for a lifespan. The data made me too afraid to go forward.

And so I went further. For you.  I made a clone. A normal healthy baby from Cassie's DNA. A genetic duplicate with one tiny tweak, a supercharged immune system. Cassie's flu response was a fluke, a lightening strike. It wasn't in the blueprint of her life but it happened and we all got hit.

This may cost me our marriage, but it will be worth it if you can just hold her, once, and it will all make sense. I didn't play Frankenstein, or God, or even mad scientist. I did what scientists do. I made something to help someone live.

I've watched and charted from
the day of conception. I've felt her kick, and she is perfect. I wish I could have included you, but it's such a risk, I couldn't put you in that position willingly. I know that it's illegal. Maybe looked at as immoral by most, but for you, I would do it all again. A thousand times over.

I wasn't replacing Cassie. You know how much I love her. She's the best of both of us. Your stunning looks and my annoying search for the meaning of everything. She's been the best thing that every happened to us and I'm so sorry I couldn't stop what happened to her.

If you're reading this I failed, at least a part of what I wanted. Maybe you left me, maybe Cayle found what I've hidden from him. He's become obsessed with it. When he called in the government genetic scientists to get a contract I snuck everything offsite and told him it failed, but he's smart and they've promised to keep him financially backed for life. I've been keeping him satisfied saying I'm trying again but that can't last forever. Don't trust him Marci. My boss, or my company. I never wanted to put you in a cloak and dagger situation, but I have.

So now I need something from you, despite how crazy all of this is. I need you to contact Vanessa. Get our baby and go to the one place you always said you were going to run away to. I've arranged your housing. I've set it up perfectly and it's waiting. You've always said if it weren't for the doctors and my work you'd take me and Cassie and leave, and now you can. Live again, love life. Be angry at me if you want, someday you'll understand that all I ever wanted was to be the man you thought I was.

When you get there, open Shakespear. Don't forget to read to her, and take the lightening bug jar. If there's ever a problem call Vanessa, she will know what to do.

Thank you for every single moment since the day I met you.
Joe

The letter was written months ago. Before the baby was born.  What was the plan if I hadn't been dying when it came?  Would he and the baby have went on the run and waited for mom to come later?  Would we all have went?  My timing always did suck. If I could have just held on a little longer, maybe we would have all been settled somewhere. Of course I'd be dead, and they'd be a happy family somewhere. But it would be worth it. I'd trade it all if I could.

"Go to the place you always said you were going to run away to."  My mind swirled as I tried to remember. She said she'd join the circus because we made her nuts. She said she'd join the monastery because it would be quiet.

I lay back and closed my eyes trying to remember every situation where my mom laughed about running away. And then it came. Twins!  We were watching an old movie where separated twins got together and looked for their mother. She was in a kind of hippie place where she painted and gardened and lived off grid. My mom said she'd been to Wyoming with a foster family. She'd stayed in a place with a mountain and water and every day she'd dreamed of running back.  As a teen she'd run away numerous times and told my dad only one place had made her actually feel like she belonged and truly happy. Drayden. She would have run to Drayden.

I had a place! And it was set up by my dad, so in a way part of me was already there. Home. I wasn't waiting. There was only one loose end to tie up here. It was time to say goodbye to Kyle. It was time to let him live his life and start my own.

With Mr. Cayle on the hunt and Vanessa getting closer to a baby sooner was better. Now that Agnes and Val had each other, it was perfect. Except for Kyle. Leaving him would be painful. But he was a great guy and he would find someone who could make him happy. If he was my one shot, at least I had it. I knew what it was like to feel loved and to love. That would have to have been enough.

################
I love how rational Cassie thinks. Everything seems so black and white when you plan it out in your head doesn't it. The letter was really difficult. And yes, I'm aware her mother knew about the baby already. But she didn't when he wrote the letter. It was the way it came, and I went with it. Thanks so much for being part of he ride. Sorry for the delay, I'm having a midlife crisis. It happens. Of only birthdays were optional 😂.