"Stop gripping the wheel like if you let go you'll die. The car does the work. Relax!"

I relaxed my hands rubbing them together to start the blood flow. It was already warm, the smell of leather and warm plastic hung in the air.   The car was smaller than Kyle's truck, and it was so much easier to imagine myself swooping into parking spaces with it. My moms was closer to this one, and I was glad.

"Just go a few laps and we can work up the streets. The best way to learn is getting out there and just doing it. Trial by fire. In my day, you just grabbed the keys and hoped to hell you didn't get caught by the coppers."

She giggled at her own wit, or at a memory she didn't share and I kept the motion slow and steady.

"Yes, but your horse and carriage was probably way less complicated."

After a look of utter horror her face lit and she pulled down her visor and started patting down her hair.

"Never call your lifeline old. Didn't those parents of yours teach you anything?"

It was an easy comment to blurt, but right after she said it we both stiffened. Yes, they'd taught me everything.  Her hand patted my shoulder and her head turned toward the street.

"Your mom used to dream of having a houseful of kids. She didn't understand me not having any. Always told me I'd regret the decision when I got old. I always told her she could have enough to satisfy both of us. Our deal was I'd tell her all about my adventures, and she'd make sure I was her kids favorite relative."

Her voice was tender, unlike her usually scratchy crackle.  I wanted to ask if she did regret it. Now that she was older. Now having a husband and kids fit her, she wasn't one to fit in any mold--always living spur of the moment and diving into whatever felt right. Eccentric, quirky, Agnes was always the life of the room and I couldn't imagine her domestic, even now.

"They didn't though. They just had me. I used to think it was because I was sick, but I wasn't in the beginning. So why didn't they have a houseful?"

Agnes cracked her window and rummaged through her purse to find her fire engine red lipstick which she expertly applied with the use of a mirror.

"She said from the moment she had you --that you were enough. Her destiny. Your father wanted more. He wanted you to have a bother or sister to fight with but your mom wouldn't hear of it. I think she just felt so much when you were born, it scared her.  She was afraid.  Growing up how she did made her think a houseful of kids was normal- but she didn't expect to feel so much for a single soul.  That's just one crazy old lady's theory though."

I kept my hands on the wheel and the car cruising around the lot and Agnes motioned for me to go around faster. My back was moist from sweat and I scooted back in the seat to blot it on my shirt.

I thought about my moms childhood. So unlike my own. She was born to a teen, taken away by family services and bounced from foster home to foster home until she tuned 15 and was adopted by an elderly woman and her life partner who wanted to help a girl make a place in the world. Unfortunately they didn't believe in giving up anything to raise a family when mom made that choice she became a failed feminist in their eyes causing a riff that didn't heal.

"You've got this Cass, now take a left out of the lot, we've got someone to see. And tomorrow, we go get your license. Unless you want to do that with Kyle."

I felt a surge of confidence. I had driven 40 minutes without a single correction and wasn't overthinking. Agnes was a born teacher.

Following her directions we ended up in front of a yellow square house with grass that looked like it had been half mowed and had toys strewn about the porch. The screen door was half hanging and a woman stood in the picture window with a toddler clinging to her legs and a baby in her arms.

"Where are we? Who is that? What's going on? I pelted Agnes with questions and in response she grabbed her purse and opened the door.

"Driving isn't the only skill you need. Let's go!"

I followed her up to the door where the woman smiled and passed me the baby in her arms.

"She needs to eat, bottles are in the kitchen and I'm sure she's due for a diaper change. Can't thank you enough Cassie. And Agnes, you're a lifesaver. See you in a couple of hours."

With that she peeled off the clinging toddler and literally sprinted to the driveway leaving me standing in the middle of the room having no idea what was happening. Agnes grabbed the hand of the toddler and headed toward the messy dish filled kitchen.

"That baby is ten weeks old. Her name is Taylor. She's not as cranky as most, but the best I could find on such short notice. Get busy Cassie. Like I said, trial by fire."

Almost instantly as if sensing my fear the baby in my arms started making jerking movements and screaming at an unbelievable pitch. Instinctively my body began to rock a little as I headed toward the kitchen.

"She's crying!" I shouted to Agnes.

"Yep. Better get on that diaper change and feeding. I told Sara not to do them. Or clean the house. You don't have time to get used to things slowly."

I walked down the hallway into a room with a twin bed, crib, and a changing table. I'd seen this on television. It couldn't be that hard. Plus it wasn't like I'd never seen a baby. I'd just been to weak to do much with them. I laid her down on the changing table and unzipped her little pink pajama suit trying to figure out how to get her legs out without dislocating her knee when I heard Agnes behind me.

"Never trust a baby. Always keep a hand on it because they move when you least expect it. Just put a little pressure behind her knee and it will bend, now take off that wet diaper and clean her up. New one goes tape side to the back."

It took three tries and two diapers but finally it was on and snug. The baby continued to cry and I did baby origami and tried to fold her back into the clothes.

When I was finished I was sweating like I'd been through a workout, but she was crying less. I picked her up and made my way to the kitchen where Agnes taught me to make a bottle of formula.

"Now test it on your wrist. If it feels warm it's ready. She'll know what to do with it."

My hands shook a little as I popped the bottle into the little open mouth. When her eyes caught mine I couldn't help but feel amazed. An entire human in tiny form. Everything at that moment made sense. Agnes was teaching me life skills but in this instant I knew how my mom could change her entire life plan with me.

With the tiny body in my arms and her big brown eyes looking into mine I felt like I could change the world. Suddenly I was homesick for a sister I'd never even seen.

By the time their mother returned Agnes was asleep in a chair and I was exhausted but utterly happy. Today was a gift I needed. A full dose of confidence and assurance.

As we got into the car all I could think about was getting home to read my dad's letter to my mom. I glanced at my phone before starting the car. Six messages from Kyle. That guy really knows how to make a girl feel thought about!

As I pulled up to my house Agnes jumped out to get into the drivers seat and wrapped me in an embrace.

"I'm so proud of who you are Cassie. You call me if you need me. I may be old, but I'm useful."

I nodded and hugged her back.

"Agnes. Thank you. For everything today. Would you like to come in? I could make you something to eat."

Even as I said it I was hoping she would decline. I wanted to read the letter before Kyle got off and showed up. Now that I wasn't distracted it seemed all I wanted in life was to take the time to read it.

"Nope. I'm eating with Val and the kiddo. She's a nice gal. Called out of the blue."

She winked at me, which spoke volumes. Agnes and I were made from the same stock. I bounded up the steps and put Buster's food in the bowl. It was time to hear from my dad.

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I just added this chapter. Which meant deleting Cassie struggling with baby things later. I think it works way better considering Cassie's frame of mind when she.... well, you'll see. All thoughts appreciated.