Kyle made small talk with me on the way back. We drove through a drive thru and took a bag of greasy forbidden junk food back to my house. I'd never been allowed much grease or fat and wasn't about to make it a habit, but I did have a clean bill of health right now, and the bag, although looking disgustingly deadly, did smell heavenly.

It was weird trying to hold a conversation with Kyle and act normal when every moment we were both subconsciously  scanning the room for cameras and microphones. Whose life was this?  I left this world a bag of bones, recycled and ready for the curb, and came back trapped in a web of lies and spies. It was just too surreal.

We settled on the couch with Buster at our feet salivating at the strange greasy stench. Comfortable and full, the small talk began until I inadvertently asked what the plan was to get started on figuring things out. Kyle quickly shot me a laser look and put his finger on his lips. In a hushed tone he asked if I listened to music and I got the hint and played the top cd on the rack, which happened to be Jewel. My finger twisted the volume knob until he gave me a thumbs up. Smiling and acting giddy I floated back and flopped myself down next to him on the couch.

For a few minutes we just sat like that. Silent, listening to the calmness of soft music and Jewel's voice. My thigh resting against his and a warmth from the connection already making me feel awkward. He put his arm around me and leaned forward. For a moment I imagined him kissing me again. Not in the excitement of discovery and relief, but intimately, and because he wanted to without an impulse, and a chill went up my spine until he started talking softly into my ear instead.

"My dad leaves for a conference tomorrow. I'll see what I can dig up while he's out of  the picture, but he usually covers his tracks well. It may be that I find nothing. You look for something on your end, and I'll come back tomorrow night. If you need me before that text me."

He spoke quietly, his soft whisper tickling my ear as his fingers raked and twisted my hair. I forgot in that moment about possible cameras and listening bugs and felt ripples travel across my torso.  I'd never in my life dreamed of being whispered to or kissed by a boy but if I had, I would have dreamed it was just like this.

He got up and headed to the door reminding me to lock it when he left. With a smile and a wink he disappeared to the other side while he patiently waited for the sound of the deadbolt before walking off the porch. I stood there, leaning against the cool metal door feeling it lessen the sting in my cheeks.

It was still early in the evening despite the events of the day making it feel like midnight. Buster finished his meal and I put him out to patrol the backyard before I poured myself a glass of wine and we headed up the the stairs. Just a girl learning to live who was having some wine, and her emotional support dog. Nothing strange at all. The wine smelled fruity, and a little sour. It would be my first glass and I wasn't even sure I wanted it. I poured it because it was what my mom did at night, and because there was no one else around to tell me not to. My father always had a drink in the evenings and he had a very healthy lifestyle. Maybe his heart missed drinking. After that greasy food maybe a sip was needed to help keep it unclogged.

Forcing myself to go into my parents room I quickly clicked on the television and ignored it. I'd had enough tv in the past 22 years to last me forever but the voices and glow were a company of sorts. Buster walked in his circle and found a cozy place to lay down in the middle of the bed.

I eyed the closet and started taking down photo albums. Yesterday I would have been studying my face, trying to remember times I was well enough to be out in the world. But tonight I studied my father. Looking for any hint of the man he really was.

Someone who would create a life to save mine. I tried to imagine the man I knew being callous enough to kill a baby, and I just couldn't. He was the one who held up traffic for ducklings and brought home Buster as a stray despite fleas and worms, because he needed a home. I lay back letting the sadness swallow me.

Closing my eyes flashes of his calm nature my last night with him came bursting in. "It'll be ok."  He wasn't panicked, he was calm for me, and for mom, despite my lunging for death.

In that floaty place between sleep and wakefulness I heard his voice. "Marcie. Think of our daughter.  Try to think of our baby daughter. She's waiting to come home. She needs us. And one more day isn't fair to anyone. Be reasonable."

I bolted into an upright position smiling, I had heard the answer. I just didn't realize what I had heard. He wasn't planning on killing her. Not even a little! He was planning on letting me go and still having a piece of me to hold on to. It was weird and futuristic and all together mad science crazy, but it was undeniable, I knew the truth right down to my new beating heart.

My dad was doing what he could to make them survive. A powerful surge shot through my body. I would save this baby. Well, me. He had saved me, he had created this life from mine to give me what I'd asked for so often, release from the pain and sickness, a chance to finally die. And now, with his heart beating in my chest I would get this baby or die trying. And for the first time in my life, that wasn't the option I was hoping for.

In an adrenaline surged state I searched through boxes and files and old notebooks looking for anything that seemed related to secrets or babies. I took his cell phone out of the brown envelope the hospital placed it in and plugged it in to charge.

When Buster groaned for the hundredth time I collapsed in bed. My body, weak from being so out of shape, throbbed. My overworked muscles twitched and it felt spectacular. I could figure this out, I could get that baby and raise it as my own, and I could learn how to care for it. I mean, essentially it was me. And I found myself to be rather low maintenance.

Sleep was just out of reach. Something nagged at the back of my brain despite the pep talk I'd given myself. I rolled over and took a giant gulp of the wine. Warm from sitting on the nightstand it caused me to gag at first, but after it left my mouth it was strangely warm and tingly on its way down.

I took another gulp and closed my eyes promising to think of nothing but relaxing happy thoughts. Soon I was replaying Kyle opening doors for me. His smile, that somehow always found its way to my core and made me actually feel it, and the way he nuzzled me on the couch in the living room with the music playing.

As I felt myself falling asleep I couldn't help wonder if he was all he seemed, and what place he would have with someone learning how to live while raising herself as a baby. It was a labyrinth of what if's and could be's and somehow, it didn't scare me in the least.

************
Sorry this is late. But it is still Monday. 😊. What do you think of Cassie's revelation? And what about Kyle? Are you leaning toward trust or still in the fence? Thanks so much for being here with me.