"I'm sorry you had to deal with that." Ian consoles me as he hands me a cup of tea. After Violet went back to the hospital, the girls and I departed and went different ways for the remainder of the evening.

I decided to spend the rest of the day with Ian.

"It just sucks you know? Everything seems to be falling apart." I admitand look down at my feet as I sank back into the couch. 

"You know a great woman once said, 'Sometimes bad things happen so good things can.'" Ian pauses and I smile.

"Becca Fitzpatrick said that." I whisper and he nods. "Which means in a way that sometimes you have to break, sometimes the things you see have to break and fall apart completely so they can come back together and be even more beautiful and succesful than before." He explains and I bite the inside of my cheek.

"But it doesnt take away the fact that good things happen to bad people." I add and wince to myself.

"In a sick way, sometimes good things happen to bad people to psych them out. It blows up their head and makes them cocky, then as soon as they get to the point where they think they have it all, their reality is pulled from under their feet and they fall flat on their ass. Good things happen to bad people to teach them a lesson- so they won't take the good things for granted. Bad things happen to good people for the same reason- to teach them a lesson. That Grace and Glory go hand and hand. But Expectations and Disappointment do as well." Ian replies, stroking my arm and I feel tears pierce my eyes.

"It's no fair." I complain, my bottom lip quivering.

"Life isn't fair. If it was, we wouldnt have anything to fight or strive for." Ian says with a shrug and I inhale sharply. 

"I was wrong about you Ian Valente. You do obtain depth." I tease and we both chuckle softly.

"You out of all people should know. That means more than one thing." He whispers and rises to his feet.

"I know it does, you little nasty." I say turning up my nose and Ian laughs and takes my hand, then kisses it softly.

"I also have something to tell you," I say hesitantly and stare up into his bright eyes. "Sure go ahead," He says, taking a seat next to me and smiling.

"You know how you said your snake is missing?" I remind and he nods. "Homecoming night, there was a snake thrown into my room. Dead of course, but its head and tail were tied together." I inform and his eyes widen.

I was waiting for him to explode or curse Sara's name.

He scratches his aftershaved chin and exhales sharply, "I know exactly who it would be." He mutters and I see his face scrunch up.

"I know too.." My voice trails off as I gain the strengh to say her name but Ian says a name at the same time.

"Ms. Evelyn."

"Zachary." 

I frown at Ian and shake my head. "What do you mean Zachary?" I ask and he raises an eyebrow. "Why would it be Ms. Evelyn?" He retorts back in the same tone.

"Why would it be Zachary?" I say, folding my arms across my chest. No sense was being made right now.

"Why would it be Ms. Evelyn?" Ian mumbles. "You're much smarter than that Ian. Dont answer a question with a question. Why would Zachary be after me or why would he throw that in my bedroom for that matter?" I ask and Ian shrugs.

"Don't feed me that bullshit Ian. You know damn well why Ms. Evelyn would, I heard you guys talking at homecoming, plus I've caught you two multiple times." I admit and Ian turns his back from me.

"She knows about us." He whispers and I roll my eyes. As if this were news to me- I already knew that Ms. Evelyn was plotting my death for stealing her man but I don't know why Zachary had anything to do with it.

"Does anyone else know?" Ian asks and I shake my head. "Zachary was there listening too." I add.

"That makes more sense for him to break into my home and throw the snake." Ian contemplates but I shake my head, that sounded idiotic.

"Ian you're not even thinking about the situation. She doesnt like me for one reason and one reason only. We fucked. She wants me gone." I admit and Ian stares at me intently. He knows I'm right.

"We have to be more discreet. No fooling around in the school anymore." He says in a montone. I completely agree with him, but he didn't say anything to why he suspected Zachary.

School was dull ever since Violet and Lila Williams left the school. Lila was the other girl who had cancer and was also our class president. Now everyone was just silent. The halls were once filled with music, laughter and even the occasional drama, and now it was filled with soft whispers and dampened hearts.

But it was more than just two girls who were diagnosied with a life threatening disease. Everyone was just going through it. All of the kids who had once made a comedic ruckus in the classroom were now irritable.

I had once told myself that I hated all people and perhaps for awhile I did. But it came to a point where I asked myself. "Do I really know the people around me like I think I do?" 

I barely knew the people in my close circle but now I realized that the book I was writing on Wattpad was no longer an erotic novel, but a novel about loss.

Sara's character had now morphed into myself and her need to be wanted by a man who could never love her reflected on myself.

Are we all just lost souls looking for not love- but acceptance?

I skipped lunch and snuck my way into the bathroom, needing some time to myself, I need solitary confinement for my mind because even though the halls and classrooms were silent, my thoughts were screaming.

My worries for Violet were eating me alive. I never realized how much I truly depended on my friends for happiness. I used school and books to cover up...the loneliness. And now I didn't even have that.

I know that it didn't seem like I was going through a lot, because I knew people were going through worse things; my friends for example.

Someone bursted through the door which distracted my train of thought and my heart skipped a beat when I noticed it was Aryiana.

Her eyes were puffy and snot dripped out of her nose and she was grabbing at her arm. "Ary..." I couldn't ask the question.

I've asked the question so many times the last few weeks and almost seemed insulting.

'What's wrong?'

'What isn't wrong' should be the new question I ask.

"Stop. No." She mumbled and holds her hand up. 

Someone talk to me. Please everyone stop blocking me out.

I want to help.

"You don't have to tell. Just let me sit with you. You don't have to be alone." I reach out for her and Aryiana throws her head back in laughter which turns into a soft whimper.

"I don't have to be alone to be lonely. You can help me all you want but you can't silence the demons in my head. No one can. I need refuge. I need Silence." She wails and grips the side of her head and I swallow a hard lump in my throat.

"What happened?" I then ask and she looks up at me. "Am I beautiful?" She asks and I frown.

"Of course you are. Why on Earth would you not be?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"They think gay people are a different breed of human. I'm just like anyone else, just because I prefer female doesn't mean I think differently. I'm normal. I'm normal!" She yells and I run to her to touch her and she flies back against the wall. 

"Don't touch me please. I can't be touched." She begs and I stand away from her.

God this was killing me. I felt myself breaking again.

As if I could break anymore.

"They said you cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped but what if you can't help somebody because they can't be helped. Or maybe you can't help the person because you're incapable of helping yourself." Aryiana is mumbling and I can tell she's talking to herself.

But she was asking a question- a valid question in which many people should listen to.

"Aryiana-"

"I'm nothing."

"No you're not!" I object.

"I'm just a storm with skin."

"Aryiana."

"He told me I was just going to Hell..." Her voice trails off and I frown. "Who?" I ask and she bites her lip to surpress her screams and I see that she has drawn blood.

"He told me this....as he...raped me." She breathes out in a whisper. 

The world zones out and Aryiana coughs as she cries harder than before. Her voice turns red and I can almost feel her pain- I feel the energy coming off of her body.

So this was why she has been acting odd lately.

"He thought he could change me. He thought it took a matter of trying it out. But I didn't want to Marley. Why would he do that to me? Why do people do that? I didn't want to. I said no. I screamed. I screamed so loud that my voice was sore. I screamed so loud that God should've heard it. I screamed for someone to save me. I asked for help. I searched for it." I sink down onto the bathroom floor and just listened to Aryiana.

I couldn't say the words she wanted to hear. I couldn't heal her wounds.

"He took what was left of me." She says, as her crying comes to a halt. She has gone into a dazed like expression and looks down at her arm, where she begins pulling on her rubber band.

"Sometimes when I lie awake in the dark, I can almost feel his rough calloused hands pressing my wrists down to the pavement in the allyway. I can feel his hot breath telling me that I liked it. I can hear his groans. And it made me wonder, how could I hear it all when I was screaming so loud? Maybe because....evil is always heard over the good. A thousand treasures can be ruined by one tragic moment. He stole my treasure Marley....and I can never get it back." She says, frowning and her chest raising rapidly.

She was trying not to cry.

"He didn't take your treasures Aryiana. He didn't take your purity." I try to convince and Aryiana scoffs and stands back on her feet and brushes herself off. Before she goes to leave out the door, she looks back with a frown. "Tell that to my positive pregnancy test."

~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Authors Note: I told you I'm updating frequently so I can get this book over with and leave!

I have an idea….maybe in a year or so I’ll return but for now. I will release new book covers with probably one chapter.

Those are the books I will write while I’m gone.

I’ll finish Poison and all of my other unfinished novels.

But I’ll leave you guys with something so just in case I do return, you’re left with something of me.

The Lost Boys is one of them and is already up with a preview.

As you can all see….Impulse is not JUST an erotic novel. It’s not just Ian and Marley and I’m praying you guys can see that and won’t be too upset with me.

It’s weird writing a story about a girl writing a story hah

I feel like I’m all the characters in some type of way and I just….I want Impulse to be different.

Please realize that you guys may not get the ending you want. But that’s life….

I’m taking new turns with this book. If you think it's too much, please don't comment. Just leave and stop reading.

Thank you.

The next chapters are going to be depression and sad…as a warning…but the more I write this book the more I feel like I’m unlocking something new. Something that I have not written about.

You guys will like the final Flower Authors Note.

 Each chapter will hold something heart wrenching….but hey…this is Flowers big finale right?

I want to go out with a bang.

I'll upload a few of those tonight and tomorrow.