Queen Raeanne

"How would you describe grief to someone if they asked you?" I listen to her question.

Grief. What is grief? Grief is what keeps me up at night.

It is a pain that, although you can feel it physically, there is nothing physical to he fixed.

It is isolating.

It is transformative.

It is cruel.

"I'm not sure." I shrug.

"When I lost my first child, I was absolutely heart broken."

"You lost a child?" I ask. "Oh Lorena, I am so sorry." I touch my hand to hers.

"James and I lost a total of four children." She nods. "So I understand your grief in a way people who are not mothers can not understand."

I nod. "It is debilitating." I play with my fingernails, staring at the floor. "I am 24."

"Grief has to age." She adds.

"I am only 24. I went from one beautiful child to three and then suddenly down to two." I continue. "How do I even continue without the third?" I leave Lorena speechless. "I suppose I could try to continue the way I did after losing James. Although, I did not know much of James so that does not count. Perhaps I could try to continue the way I did after losing my father. Except with him, I did not have time to feel my pain because I was thrust into being Queen. I had no other focus. Maybe when my kid-brother Henry was murdered I could have chosen that way to grieve. Only I lost my mother so close to losing him that I didn't have time to be sad. Then my husband died and still I had no time to grieve because my position did not allow it. I am 24 and have already lost more people than most do in their entire lifetime. I became a widow and an orphan within one year. And now years have gone by and happiness has filled my life in the form of my three children and then I lose my child. Suddenly the grief of everyone I have ever lost is climbing back out of my soul and enveloping me so much I feel like I can not breathe. I do not know how to continue after grief because I have never been allowed to grieve before."

Lorena nods. "Saying it out loud probably made this all feel more real, didn't it?" She asks.

I nod, uncontrollable tears exiting my eyes at a rapid pace.

"You are not alone. I know you feel like you are alone. But you never are. James and I have experienced loss. Michael has experienced loss. You have experienced loss. I'm sure many people in this castle have experienced loss. The biggest thing to remember is that you are not alone. You never have been and you never will be."

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Did you like this chapter? I hope it gives you a little more insight to Rae's grief and also a little bit more about Lorena's character.

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